Laura Trice: The power of saying thank you

Translator: Amantia Gjikondi Reviewer: Liridon Shala

Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of

Pershendetje. Une jam ketu sot per te folur rreth rendesise se

praise, admiration and thank you,

lavderimit, admirimit dhe falenderimit,

and having it be specific and genuine.

dhe qe te jete e vecante dhe e mirefillte.

And the way I got interested in this was,

Dhe menyra si une u apasionova pas kesaj,

I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,

eshte qe e konstatova tek vetja ime, nderkohe qe rritesha,

and until about a few years ago,

dhe deri para disa viteve me pare,

that I would want to say thank you to someone,

qe do te kisha dashur per ti thene faleminderit dikujt,

I would want to praise them,

do te kisha dashur ti lavderoja ata,

I would want to take in their praise of me

do te kisha dashur te merrja lavderimet e tyre per veten time

and I'd just stop it.

dhe une e ndalova ate.

And I asked myself, why?

Pyeta veten time, perse?

I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.

U ndjeva e turpshme, e ndrojtur.

And then my question became,

Dhe me pas pyetja ime u kthye ne,

am I the only one who does this?

a jam une i vetmi person qe e ben kete?

So, I decided to investigate.

Keshtu qe, vendosa te hetoj.

I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,

Une jam mjaftueshem me fat qe punoj ne nje qender rehabilitimi,

so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.

keshtu qe shoh njerez qe perballen me jeten dhe vdekjen me pasion.

And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,

Dhe ndonjehere zbret ne dicka aq te thjeshte sa,

their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.

plaga e tyre kryesore eshte qe i ati i tyre vdiq pa i thene ndonjehere qe ishte krenar per ta.

But then, they hear from all the family and friends

Por me pas, e degjojne nga te gjithe familjaret dhe miqte e tyre

that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,

qe i ati i ka thene te gjitheve qe ai ishte krenar per te,

but he never told the son.

por pa ja thene te birit.

It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.

Kjo ndodh sepse ai nuk e dinte qe i biri kishte nevoje ta degjonte.

So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?

Keshtu qe pyetja ime eshte, pse nuk pyesim per gjerat qe kemi nevoje?

I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,

Une njoh nje zoteri, i martuar prej 25 vitesh,

who's longing to hear his wife say,

qe ka deshire te madhe per te degjuar gruan e tij te thote,

"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"

"Faleminderit qe je shtylla e familjes, keshtu qe une mund te rri ne shtepi me femijet,"

but won't ask.

por nuk do ta kerkoj.

I know a woman who's good at this.

Une njoh nje grua qe eshte e mire per kete.

She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,

Ajo, njehere ne jave, takohet me burrin e saj dhe i thote,

"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."

"Une me te vertete dua qe te me falenderosh per te gjitha gjerat qe bera per shtepine dhe per femijet."

And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."

Dhe ai vazhdon, "Oh, kjo eshte e shkelqyer, kjo eshte e shkelqyer."

And praise really does have to be genuine,

Dhe lavderimi duhet qe te jete i vertete,

but she takes responsibility for that.

pasi ajo merr pergjegjesi per kete.

And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,

Dhe nje mikeshe e imja, April, te cilen e kam patur qe ne kopesht,

she thanks her children for doing their chores.

i falenderon femijet e saj qe bejne punet e tyre.

And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"

Dhe ajo thote, "Pse nuk duhet t'i falenderoj ata, edhe pse ata duhet ti bejne keto?"

So, the question is, why was I blocking it?

Keshtu qe pyetja eshte, pse isha duke e bllokuar kete gje?

Why were other people blocking it?

Pse njerezit e tjere e bllokojne kete gje?

Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,

Pse une mund te them, "Une do ta marr biftekun te pjekur mesatar,

I need size six shoes," but I won't say,

mua me duhet numri gjashte per kepucet, "por nderkohe une nuk mund te them,

"Would you praise me this way?"

"A mund te me lavderosh ne kete menyre?"

And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.

Dhe kjo ndodh sepse jam duke te te dhene te dhena kritike rreth vetes sime.

I'm telling you where I'm insecure.

Jam duke te te treguar se ku jam e pasigurte.

I'm telling you where I need your help.

Jam duke te te treguar se ku me nevojitet ndihma jote.

And I'm treating you, my inner circle,

Dhe jam duke te trajtuar, rrethin tim te brendshem,

like you're the enemy.

sikur te jesh nje armik.

Because what can you do with that data?

Sepse ne fund te fundit, cfare mund te besh me ato te dhena?

You could neglect me.

Ju mund te me lini pas dore.

You could abuse it.

Ju mund te abuzoni.

Or you could actually meet my need.

Ose ju mund te takoheni me nevojat e mia.

And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --

Dhe une marre bicikleten ne dyqanin e bicikletave -- e dashuroj kete --

same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.

te njejten biciklete, dhe ato bejne dicka qe quhet "te vertetosh" rrotat.

The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,

Djali tha, " Po vertetove gomat,

it's going to make the bike so much better."

do ta besh bicikleten shume me te mire."

I get the same bike back,

Une mora te njejten biciklete prapsht,

and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels

dhe ata kane marre te gjitha prishjet e vogla nga te gjitha rrotat e njejta

I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.

une e kam patur per dy vjet e gjysem, dhe bicikleta ime eshte si e re.

So, I'm going to challenge all of you.

Pra, une do tju sfidoj te gjitheve ju.

I want you to true your wheels:

Une dua qe ju te gjithe te vertetoni rrotat tuaj:

be honest about the praise that you need to hear.

te jini te ndershem ne lidhje me lavderimet qe doni te degjoni.

What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --

Cfare deshironi te degjoni? Shkoni ne shtepi tek gruaja juaj --

go ask her, what does she need?

shkoni dhe pyeteni ate, se per cfare ka ajo nevoje?

Go home to your husband -- what does he need?

Shkoni ne shtepi tek burri juaj, -- per cfare ka ai nevoje?

Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.

Shkoni ne shtepi dhe bejini keto pyetje, dhe me pas ndihmoni njerezit perreth jush.

And it's simple.

Dhe eshte e thjeshte.

And why should we care about this?

Dhe pse duhet te kujdesemi per kete?

We talk about world peace.

Ne flasim rreth paqes ne bote.

How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?

Si mund te kemi paqe ne bote me kultura te ndryshme, me gjuhe te ndryshme?

I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.

Une mendoj qe fillon familje per familje, nen te njejten cati.

So, let's make it right in our own backyard.

Pra, le ta fillojme kete ndryshim ne oborrin e shtepise tone.

And I want to thank all of you in the audience

Dhe une dua te falenderoj te gjitheve ju ne publik

for being great husbands, great mothers,

per te qene bashkeshorte te mire, mama te mira,

friends, daughters, sons.

miq, bije, djale.

And maybe somebody's never said that to you,

Ndoshta asnje nuk ja u ka thene kete gje me pare,

but you've done a really, really good job.

por keni bere nje pune te mire, nje pune vertete te mire.

And thank you for being here, just showing up

Dhe faleminderit qe ishit ketu, edhe thjesht qe u shfaqet

and changing the world with your ideas.

dhe qe ndryshoni boten me idete tuaj.

Thank you.

Ju faleminderit.

(Applause)

(Duartrokitje)