Laura Trice: The power of saying thank you

Translator: Gulnoza Yakubova Reviewer: Farrukh Yakubov

Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of

Salom. Men sizlarga maqtov, fahrlanish

praise, admiration and thank you,

va rahmat aytishning muhimligi haqida gapirmoqchiman.

and having it be specific and genuine.

Shu jumladan, buni mahsus va samimiy ayting.

And the way I got interested in this was,

Bunga qiziqishim uyg'onganligining sababi

I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,

yillar o'tib, ulg'ayganim sari yaqin yaqin yillarda

and until about a few years ago,

men o'zimda shu narsani sezdim:

that I would want to say thank you to someone,

kimgadir rahmat aytgim kelardi,

I would want to praise them,

kimlarnidir maqtagim kelardi,

I would want to take in their praise of me

ularning menga bo'lgan maqtovini chuqur anglagim kelardi

and I'd just stop it.

va bu fikrimdan to'xtab qolar edim.

And I asked myself, why?

Nima uchun?, deb o'zimdan so'radim.

I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.

Men uyalardim, o'zimni hijolatda his qilardim.

And then my question became,

So'ngra, menda shunday savol paydo bo'ldi:

am I the only one who does this?

Shunday holatda bo'ladigan faqatgina menmi?

So, I decided to investigate.

Shu boisdan, men bu borada izlanishga qaror qildim.

I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,

Men profilaktika klinikasida ishlaganimdan juda omadliman,

so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.

chunki betinim hayot va o'lim bilan yuzlashayotgan insonlarni ko'ra oldim.

And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,

Ba'zan, shunday sodda narsalar bo'ladi, ya'ni kimningdir asosiy jarohati shundaki

their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.

otasi o'g'li bilan faxrlanishini hech ham aytmasdan vafot etgan.

But then, they hear from all the family and friends

Lekin, keyinchalik o'g'li oila a'zolari va do'stlaridan shuni eshitadiki,

that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,

otasi boshqalarga u bilan qanday faxrlanishini aytgan,

but he never told the son.

ammo o'g'liga hech ham unday demagan.

It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.

Buning sababi, u kishi o'g'lining bu gapni eshitishi muhimligini anglamagandi.

So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?

Mening savolim: Nima uchun biz o'zimizga kerak narsalarni so'ramaymiz?

I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,

Uylanganiga 25 yil bo'lgan bir kishini bilaman,

who's longing to hear his wife say,

u ayolidan shunday gapni eshitishni orzu qilib yuradi:

"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"

"Uyga non olib keluvchi bo'lganingiz uchun rahmat, shu sababli men farzandlarim bilan uyda bo'la olaman,"

but won't ask.

lekin u kishi bu gapni so'ramasdi.

I know a woman who's good at this.

Bu borada mohir bir ayolni bilan.

She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,

Haftasiga bir marta turmush o'rtogi bilan uchrashib, unga aytadi,

"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."

"Mening uyda bajargan va farzandlarim uchun bajargan hamma narsalar uchun menga rahmat aytishingizni xohlayman."

And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."

U esa aytadi, "Bu juda ham zo'r, juda zo'r."

And praise really does have to be genuine,

Maqtov rostdan ham samimiy bo'lishi kerak,

but she takes responsibility for that.

ammo u ayol o'sha ish uchun mas'uliyatni o'ziga oladi.

And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,

Mening bog'cha paytimdan beri bo'lgan do'stim, April

she thanks her children for doing their chores.

farzandlari o'z vazifalarini bajarganligi uchun ularga rahmat aytadi.

And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"

U shunday dedi, "Shu ishlarni bajarish farzandlarimning vazifalari bo'lishidan qat'iy nazar, nima uchun ularga rahmat demaslgim kerak?"

So, the question is, why was I blocking it?

Hullas, savol shu: Nimaga men bunga to'sqinlik qilayotgan edim?

Why were other people blocking it?

Nimaga boshqa odamlar bunga to'sqinlik qilayotgan edi?

Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,

Nimaga men shunday deb ayta olaman, " men bifshteksning o'rtachasini olaman,

I need size six shoes," but I won't say,

oltinchi o'lchamdagi oyoq kiyim kerak," lekin bunday deb aytmayman.

"Would you praise me this way?"

"Shunday desam, siz meni maqtaysizmi?"

And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.

Chunki men sizga o'zim haqimda muhim ma'lumot beryapman.

I'm telling you where I'm insecure.

Sizga qaysi jihatdan ojizligimni aytyapman.

I'm telling you where I need your help.

Menga yordamingiz kerak bo'lganida sizga aytyapman.

And I'm treating you, my inner circle,

Shu bilan birga men sizga, ichki mulkimga,

like you're the enemy.

dushmanimday munosabatda bo'lyapman.

Because what can you do with that data?

Chunki ana o'sha ma'lumot bilan nima qila olasiz?

You could neglect me.

Menga befarq bo'lishingiz mumkin.

You could abuse it.

U ma'lumotni noto'g'ri maqsadda ishlatishingiz mumkin.

Or you could actually meet my need.

Yoki mening hojatimni bajarishingiz mumkin.

And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --

Va men velosipedimni velosiped do'koniga olib bordim-- buni men yaxshi ko'raman -

same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.

huddi shu velosipedim, ular esa "g'ildiraklarini sozlash" degan narsalarni bajarar edi.

The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,

Shu bir yigit aytdi, "Bilasizmi, g'ildiraklarni sozlasangiz,

it's going to make the bike so much better."

velosiped ancha yaxshi bo'ladi."

I get the same bike back,

Men ayni o'sha velosipedimni qaytib oldim

and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels

va men ikki yarim yildan beri ishlatayotgan velosiped g'ildiraklaridan

I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.

hamma mayda o'ralashgan arqonu iplarni olib tashladi va velosipedim yangidek bo'ldib qoldi.

So, I'm going to challenge all of you.

Endi, men hammanglarga murakkab vazifa bermoqchiman.

I want you to true your wheels:

"G'ildiraginlarni sozlashingizni" xohlayman:

be honest about the praise that you need to hear.

eshitishingizni istagan maqtovda samimiy bo'lib.

What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --

Nimani eshitishni xohlaysiz? Uyga borib, ayolingizga ayting,

go ask her, what does she need?

undan so'rang, unga nima kerak?

Go home to your husband -- what does he need?

Uyingizga borib, turmush o'rtog'ingizga ayting -- unga nima kerak?

Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.

Uyga borib, shu kabi savollarni so'rang va atrofingizdagilarga yordam bering.

And it's simple.

Bu juda sodda.

And why should we care about this?

Nima uchun biz bu haqida o'ylashimiz kerak?

We talk about world peace.

Biz dunyo tinchligi haqida gapiramiz.

How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?

Turli madaniyatlar va turli tillar bilan biz qanday qilib dunyo tinchligiga erisha olamiz?

I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.

O'ylashimcha, bu har bir uydan, umumiy boshpanadan boshlanadi.

So, let's make it right in our own backyard.

Ho'sh, bu narsani o'zimizning orqa hovlimizdan boshlaylik.

And I want to thank all of you in the audience

Siz tomoshabinlar ajoyib turmush o'rtoq, ajoyib ona,

for being great husbands, great mothers,

do'st, qiz va o'g'il bo'lganinglar uchun

friends, daughters, sons.

hammangizga rahmat aytaman.

And maybe somebody's never said that to you,

Ehtimol, kimdir sizga bu gapni hech qachon aytmagandir,

but you've done a really, really good job.

lekin sizlar juda ajoyib ishlarni bajardinglar.

And thank you for being here, just showing up

Mana shu yerda bo'lganinglar uchun va g'oyalaringiz bilan

and changing the world with your ideas.

dunyoni o'zgartirganinglar uchun sizlarga rahmat.

Thank you.

Rahmat.

(Applause)

(Qarsaklar)