Laura Trice: The power of saying thank you

譯者: Cathleen Audrey Tseng 審譯者: Joyce Lynn

Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of

大家好。今天我在這裡要和各位聊聊

praise, admiration and thank you,

讚美、欽佩和感謝的重要性

and having it be specific and genuine.

以及明確且真誠地把它們表達出來的重要

And the way I got interested in this was,

我會對這個主題感興趣是因為

I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,

我發現在我成長過程中

and until about a few years ago,

一直到近幾年為止

that I would want to say thank you to someone,

我會想對別人說聲謝謝

I would want to praise them,

我會想要讚美他們

I would want to take in their praise of me

我也會想要接受他們對我的讚美

and I'd just stop it.

可是我就是不曾付諸行動

And I asked myself, why?

我問自己：為什麼會這樣呢？

I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.

以前我會害羞，會覺得很不好意思

And then my question became,

然後我的問題延伸為

am I the only one who does this?

是不是只有我這樣呢？

So, I decided to investigate.

於是我開始研究

I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,

我有幸在一家勒戒中心工作

so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.

所以有機會接觸一些因為毒癮而在生死邊緣遊走掙扎的人

And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,

其實有時候他們的問題很簡單

their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.

他們傷痛的癥結是父親生前從沒當面表示以他們為傲

But then, they hear from all the family and friends

可是父親卻跟所有的親朋好友都說

that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,

自己以兒子為榮

but he never told the son.

但是父親從來沒有對兒子說過

It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.

因為父親不知道兒子需要親耳聽到父親的讚美

So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?

所以我的問題是：為什麼我們不告訴別人我們需要什麼呢？

I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,

我認識一個結婚25年的人

who's longing to hear his wife say,

他很渴望聽到他的老婆說

"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"

「謝謝你扛起了養家的責任，讓我可以好好在家照顧孩子。」

but won't ask.

可是他從不曾跟他老婆說

I know a woman who's good at this.

我認識一個女生，在這方面就很厲害

She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,

每個星期，她會跟她老公說：

"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."

「我真的很希望你感謝我為這個家和孩子所做的事。」

And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."

然後她先生就會說：「喔，這個好棒，這個好棒。」

And praise really does have to be genuine,

當然，這種讚美一定要是發自內心的

but she takes responsibility for that.

但這個女生得為她想得到的讚美而負起責任

And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,

我還有一個從幼稚園就認識的朋友，叫做 April

she thanks her children for doing their chores.

她會謝謝她的小孩幫忙做家事

And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"

她告訴我：「雖然他們應該做家事，可是我為什麼因此就不感謝他們呢？」

So, the question is, why was I blocking it?

所以，為什麼我之前抗拒讚美別人呢？

Why were other people blocking it?

為什麼很多其他的人也抗拒呢？

Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,

為什麼我可以說：「我的牛排要三，四分熟」

I need size six shoes," but I won't say,

「我要六號鞋」，但是我卻不能說：

"Would you praise me this way?"

「請你這樣讚美我」？

And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.

因為這樣我就得把我的重要資料告訴別人

I'm telling you where I'm insecure.

那等於是告訴別人我那裡缺乏安全感

I'm telling you where I need your help.

等於是告訴別人我那裡需要幫助

And I'm treating you, my inner circle,

而我卻把你這個死黨朋友

like you're the enemy.

看作敵人一樣

Because what can you do with that data?

因為我不知道你會怎麼處理與我相關的那些資料

You could neglect me.

你可能會忽視我

You could abuse it.

你可能會濫用它來傷害我

Or you could actually meet my need.

或許你也可能真正滿足我的需求

And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --

我曾經把我的自行車送到自行車店裡 -- 我很喜歡這個故事 --

same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.

同一輛腳踏車，他們說他們會幫它「矯正車輪」

The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,

維修人員說：「你知道嗎？做了矯正車輪之後

it's going to make the bike so much better."

你的腳踏車就會更好騎。」

I get the same bike back,

維修完，我把我的腳踏車拿回來

and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels

他們把輪胎彎曲變形的地方都矯正了

I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.

這輛車已經買了兩年半，但現在它像新的一樣

So, I'm going to challenge all of you.

所以我要你們每個人都接受一個挑戰

I want you to true your wheels:

我要你們矯正自己的生命之輪：

be honest about the praise that you need to hear.

誠實面對自己，你們想要聽到什麼讚美

What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --

你想要聽到什麼讚美？回去找你的太太

go ask her, what does she need?

問她，她需要聽什麼讚美？

Go home to your husband -- what does he need?

回家問你的先生，他需要什麼讚美？

Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.

回家釐清這些問題，然後幫助你身邊所有的人

And it's simple.

這很簡單，一點也不複雜

And why should we care about this?

我們為何要在乎這件事呢？

We talk about world peace.

我們常說世界和平

How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?

但要怎麼樣才能得到世界和平？有這麼多不同的文化和語言

I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.

我認為那要從同一個家庭，同一個屋簷下做起

So, let's make it right in our own backyard.

所以讓我們從自家開始

And I want to thank all of you in the audience

我要謝謝在座的每一位

for being great husbands, great mothers,

你們是好先生，好母親

friends, daughters, sons.

好朋友，好女兒，好兒子

And maybe somebody's never said that to you,

也許從來沒有人為此向你們道過謝

but you've done a really, really good job.

但是你們真的做得很好

And thank you for being here, just showing up

還有謝謝你們來聽演講

and changing the world with your ideas.

也謝謝你們用想法改變這個世界

Thank you.

謝謝

(Applause)

（掌聲）