Laura Trice: The power of saying thank you

249,305 views ・ 2008-10-07

TED


μ•„λž˜ μ˜λ¬Έμžλ§‰μ„ λ”λΈ”ν΄λ¦­ν•˜μ‹œλ©΄ μ˜μƒμ΄ μž¬μƒλ©λ‹ˆλ‹€.

λ²ˆμ—­: Jeong-Lan Kinser κ²€ν† : Mi Sun Cho
00:18
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of
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μ•ˆλ…•ν•˜μ„Έμš”, μ €λŠ” μ—¬κΈ°μ—μ„œ μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ—κ²Œ μ€‘μš”μ„±μ— κ΄€ν•˜μ—¬ λ§ν•˜λ € ν•΄μš”.
00:22
praise, admiration and thank you,
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μΉ­μ°¬, 감탄과 κ°μ‚¬ν•˜λ‹€λŠ”λ§κ³Ό,
00:25
and having it be specific and genuine.
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또 κ·Έ 말을 ꡬ체적이고 μ§„μ‹¬μœΌλ‘œ ν•˜λŠ” κ²ƒμ„μš”.
00:27
And the way I got interested in this was,
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ μ œκ°€ 이것에 관심을 κ°€μ§€κ²Œ 된 것은
00:29
I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,
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μ œκ°€ μžλΌλ‚  λ•Œ 제 μ•ˆμ—μ„œ μ•Œκ²Œλμ–΄μš”
00:32
and until about a few years ago,
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또 λͺ‡λ…„μ „ μ―€ κΉŒμ§€λ§Œ 해도
00:33
that I would want to say thank you to someone,
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즉 μ œκ°€ κ°μ‚¬ν•˜λ‹€λŠ” 말을 λˆ„κ΅°κ°€μ—κ²Œ ν•˜κ³  μ‹Άμ—ˆκ³ 
00:35
I would want to praise them,
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μ €λŠ” μ‚¬λžŒλ“€μ„ 칭찬을 ν•˜κ³  μ‹Άμ—ˆκ³ ,
00:36
I would want to take in their praise of me
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μ €λŠ” μ‚¬λžŒλ“€μ΄ μ €λ₯Ό μΉ­μ°¬ν•˜λŠ” 것을 λ°”λž¬μ–΄μš”.
00:38
and I'd just stop it.
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κ·ΈλŸ¬λ‹€κ°€λŠ” μ œκ°€ 그러기λ₯Ό κ·Έλƒ₯ λ©ˆμ·„μ–΄μš”.
00:40
And I asked myself, why?
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ μ œκ°€ μŠ€μŠ€λ‘œμ—κ²Œ λ¬Όμ—ˆμ£ , β€œμ™œ?”
00:43
I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.
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μ €λŠ” λΆ€λ„λŸ½λ‹€κ³  느꼈고, μ°½ν”Όν–ˆμ–΄μš”.
00:45
And then my question became,
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그리고 λ‚œ λ‹€μŒμ— 제 질문이 λœκ²ƒμ€
00:47
am I the only one who does this?
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단지 λ‚˜ ν˜Όμžμ„œλ§Œ μ΄λŸ¬λŠ”κ±΄κ°€? μ˜€μ–΄μš”.
00:49
So, I decided to investigate.
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ μ œκ°€ 쑰사λ₯Ό ν•˜κΈ°λ‘œ κ²°μ •ν–ˆμ–΄μš”.
00:50
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,
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μ €λŠ” μž¬ν™œμ‹œμ„€μ—μ„œ 일 ν• λ§ŒνΌ μΆ©λΆ„νžˆ 운이 μ’‹μ•„μš”
00:53
so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ μ€‘λ…μ¦μœΌλ‘œ 생λͺ…κ³Ό μ£½μŒμ— μ§λ©΄ν•œ μ‚¬λžŒλ“€μ„ 보게 λ©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:56
And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,
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또 μ–΄λ–€ λ•ŒλŠ” κ·Έ μ‘°μ‚¬λŠ” 곧 λ‹€μŒκ³Ό 같이 λ‹¨μˆœν•œ κ²ƒμœΌλ‘œ κ·€κ²°λ˜μ§€μš”
01:00
their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.
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κ·Έλ“€μ˜ μƒμ²˜λŠ” κ·Έλ“€μ˜ λΆ€μΉœμ΄ κ·Έλ“€μ—κ²Œ 그듀을 μžλž‘μŠ€λŸ¬μ›Œ ν•œλ‹€λŠ” 말을 ν•œλ²ˆλ„ μ•ˆν•˜κ³  μ£½μ—ˆλ‹€λŠ” κ±°μ£ .Β½
01:05
But then, they hear from all the family and friends
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κ·Έλ‹€μŒμ— 그듀은 κ°€μ‘±λ“€ 전뢀와 μΉœκ΅¬λ“€μ—κ²Œμ„œ λ“£κΈ΄ ν•˜μ§€λ§Œμš”
01:07
that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,
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즉 λΆ€μΉœμ΄ λ‹€λ₯Έ κ°€μ‘± μ „λΆ€μ—κ²ŒλŠ” κ·Έλ₯Ό μžλž‘μŠ€λŸ¬μ›Œ ν–ˆλ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμ„μš”
01:10
but he never told the son.
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ κ·Έκ°€ μ•„λ“€μ—κ²ŒλŠ” κ²°μ½” λ§ν•˜μ§€ μ•Šμ•˜λ‹€κ³ μš”.
01:11
It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
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그건 λΆ€μΉœμ΄ 아듀이 κ·Έ 말을 λ“£κΈ°λ₯Ό ν•„μš”ν–ˆλ‹€λŠ” κ±Έ λͺ°λžκΈ° λ•Œλ¬Έμ΄μ£ .
01:14
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ 제 μ§ˆλ¬Έμ€, μ™œ μš°λ¦¬λŠ” μš°λ¦¬μ—κ²Œ ν•„μš”ν•œ 것듀을 μš”μ²­ν•˜μ§€ μ•Šμ§€? μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:18
I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,
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μ €λŠ” 25λ…„ λ™μ•ˆ κ²°ν˜Όμƒν™œμ„ ν•œ 신사뢄을 μ••λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:20
who's longing to hear his wife say,
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그뢄은 그의 뢀인이 말해주기λ₯Ό μ—΄λ§ν•˜μ§€μš”,
01:22
"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"
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β€œλ‚˜μ™€ 아이듀이 μ§‘μ—μ„œ 잘 μƒν™œν•  수 있게 생계λ₯Ό κΎΈλ €μ€˜μ„œ κ°μ‚¬ν•΄μš”.β€λΌκ³ μš”.
01:25
but won't ask.
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ μš”μ²­ν•˜μ§€λŠ” μ•Šμ•„μš”.
01:26
I know a woman who's good at this.
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μ €λŠ” 이 μš”μ²­μ— λŠ₯μˆ™ν•œ ν•œ 여인을 μ•Œμ•„μš”.β„’
01:28
She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,
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κ·Έλ…€λŠ”, 일주일에 ν•œλ²ˆμ”©, κ·Έλ…€μ˜ λ‚¨νŽΈμ„ λ§Œλ‚˜μ„œ λ§ν•˜κΈ°λ₯Ό,
01:30
"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."
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β€œλ‚΄κ°€ μ§‘μ•ˆμ—μ„œ ν•œ λͺ¨λ“  일듀에 λŒ€ν•΄ 당신이 μ• λ“€κ³Ό λ”λΆˆμ–΄μ„œ 제게 μ •λ§λ‘œ 감사해 μ£ΌκΈ°λ₯Ό λ°”λž˜μš”.”
01:34
And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ κ·Έ λ‚¨νŽΈμ€, β€œμ˜€, 이건 정말 λŒ€λ‹¨ν•΄, 이건 정말 λŒ€λ‹¨ν•΄.”라고 ν•˜μ§€μš”.
01:37
And praise really does have to be genuine,
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ 칭찬은 μ •λ§λ‘œ 진심이어야 ν•΄μš”.
01:39
but she takes responsibility for that.
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ κ·Έλ…€λŠ” κ·Έ 것에 λŒ€ν•΄ μ±…μž„μ„ μ§„λ‹΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:41
And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,
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또 제 친ꡬ인, 에이프릴은, 저와 μœ μΉ˜μ›μ„œλΆ€ν„° μΉœκ΅¬μ˜€λŠ”λ°,
01:44
she thanks her children for doing their chores.
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κ·Έλ…€λŠ” μžλ…€λ“€μ΄ μžμ‹ λ“€μ˜ μ§‘μ•ˆμΌ ν•˜λŠ” κ±Έ 감사해 ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:47
And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
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κ·Έλ¦¬κ³ λŠ” κ·Έλ…€κ°€ λ§ν–ˆμ–΄μš”, β€œμ• λ“€μ΄ λ‹Ήμ—°νžˆ ν•΄μ•Ό ν•˜λŠ” κ²ƒμ΄μ§€λ§Œ, 고맙닀고 ν•˜μ§€ 말아야 ν•  μ΄μœ κ°€ μ—†μ–΄.”
01:49
So, the question is, why was I blocking it?
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ μ™œ λ‚˜λŠ” κ°μ‚¬ν•˜λŠ” κ±Έ μ°¨λ‹¨ν•˜κ³  μžˆμ—ˆμ§€? ν•˜κ³  μ§ˆλ¬Έν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:51
Why were other people blocking it?
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μ™œ λ‹€λ₯Έ μ‚¬λžŒλ“€λ„ μ°¨λ‹¨ν•˜κ³  μžˆμ—ˆμ„κΉŒμš”?
01:52
Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,
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β€œλ‚΄ μŠ€ν…Œμ΄ν¬λ₯Ό 절반만 μ΅νžˆλ„λ‘ ν•˜κ² μ–΄μš”."라든가,
01:55
I need size six shoes," but I won't say,
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"μ‹ λ°œ 치수 6 이 ν•„μš”ν•΄μš”." 라고 μ‰½κ²Œ ν•˜λ©΄μ„œλ„,
01:58
"Would you praise me this way?"
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"μ΄λŸ¬ν•œ μ‹μœΌλ‘œ 절 μΉ­μ°¬ν•΄ μ£Όμ‹€λž˜μš”?" 라고 말할 수 μ—†μ„κΉŒμš”?
02:00
And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.
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이건 μ™œλƒλ©΄ μ œκ°€ λ‹Ήμ‹ μ—κ²Œ 제게 κ΄€ν•œ λΉ„νŒμ μΈ 자료λ₯Ό μ£Όκ³  있기 λ•Œλ¬Έμ΄μ˜ˆμš”.
02:04
I'm telling you where I'm insecure.
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μ €λŠ” λ‹Ήμ‹ μ—κ²Œ μ €μ˜ λΆˆμ•ˆν•œ 점에 λŒ€ν•΄μ„œ λ§ν•˜κ³  μžˆμ–΄μš”.
02:06
I'm telling you where I need your help.
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μ €λŠ” λ‹Ήμ‹ μ—κ²Œ μ œκ°€ λ‹Ήμ‹ μ˜ 도움이 ν•„μš”ν•œ 점에 λŒ€ν•΄ λ§ν•˜κ³  μžˆμ–΄μš”.
02:08
And I'm treating you, my inner circle,
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또 μ €λŠ” 당신을 제 λ‚΄λ©΄μ˜ μ§‘λ‹¨μœΌλ‘œ κ°„μ£Όν•˜κ³  μžˆμ–΄μš”.
02:11
like you're the enemy.
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마치 당신이 적인 κ²ƒμ²˜λŸΌμš”.
02:13
Because what can you do with that data?
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μ™œλƒν•˜λ©΄ κ·Έ 자료둜 당신이 뭘 ν•  수 μžˆλ‚˜μš”?
02:15
You could neglect me.
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당신은 μ €λ₯Ό λ¬΄μ‹œν•  수 μžˆμ–΄μš”.
02:17
You could abuse it.
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당신은 κ·Έκ±Έ λ‚¨μš©ν•  수 도 μžˆμ–΄μš”.
02:18
Or you could actually meet my need.
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λ˜λŠ” 당신이 μ‹€μ œλ‘œ 제게 ν•„μš”ν•œ 것을 μ±„μšΈμˆ˜λ„ 있죠.
02:20
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ μ œκ°€ 제 μžμ „κ±°λ₯Ό μžμ „κ±° κ°€κ²Œλ‘œ κ°€μ Έκ°”μ–΄μš”-μ € 이걸 μ•„μ£Ό μ’‹μ•„ν•΄μš”-
02:22
same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.
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같은 μžμ „κ±°μ£ . 그듀은 바퀴λ₯Ό β€œμ°Έλ˜κ²Œν•˜κΈ°β€ 라고 ν•˜λŠ” κ±Έ ν•΄μš”.
02:25
The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,
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맀μž₯ λ‚¨μžκ°€ λ§ν•˜κΈΈ, β€œμžˆμž–μ•„μš”, 바퀴λ₯Ό 참되게 ν•˜λ©΄μš”,
02:27
it's going to make the bike so much better."
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μžμ „κ±°κ°€ 훨씬 더 μ’‹κ²Œ 될 κ²λ‹ˆλ‹€.”
02:28
I get the same bike back,
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μ œκ°€ λ˜‘κ°™μ€ μžμ „κ±°λ₯Ό μ°Ύμ•„ μ™”μ£ 
02:30
and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels
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그곳에선 νœ˜μ–΄μ§„ μž‘μ€ 뢀뢄듀을 λ°”ν€΄μ—μ„œ μ „λΆ€ 제거 ν–ˆμ–΄μš”.
02:33
I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.
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μ €λŠ” 이 μžμ „κ±°λ₯Ό 2λ…„ 반 λ™μ•ˆ κ°–κ³  μžˆμ—ˆλŠ”λ°, 제 μžμ „κ±°λŠ” 이제 μƒˆ 것 κ°™μ•„μš”.
02:36
So, I'm going to challenge all of you.
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ μ €λŠ” μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„ λͺ¨λ‘μ—κ²Œ λ„μ „ν•˜λ € ν•΄μš”.
02:38
I want you to true your wheels:
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μ €λŠ” μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„λ“€μ˜ 바퀴듀을 참되게 ν–ˆμœΌλ©΄ ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:40
be honest about the praise that you need to hear.
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ—κ²Œ ν•„μš”ν•œ 칭찬에 κ΄€ν•΄ 정직해 μ§€μ„Έμš”.
02:43
What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --
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어떀말을 λ“£λŠ”κ²Œ ν•„μš”ν•˜μ„Έμš”? 집에 κ°€μ…”μ„œ λΆ€μΈμ—κ²Œ λ¬ΌμœΌμ„Έμš”.
02:45
go ask her, what does she need?
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κ·Έλ…€μ—κ²Œ ν•„μš”ν•œκ²Œ 무엇인지?
02:47
Go home to your husband -- what does he need?
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μ§‘μ—κ°€μ…”μ„œ λ‹Ήμ‹ μ˜ λ‚¨νŽΈμ—κ²ŒλŠ” κ·Έκ°€ ν•„μš”ν•œ 게 무엇인지?
02:49
Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
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집에 κ°€μ…”μ„œ κ·Έ μ§ˆλ¬Έλ“€μ„ ν•΄ λ³΄μ‹œκ³  λ‚œ λ‹€μŒ μ£Όλ³€ μ‚¬λžŒλ“€μ„ λ„μš°μ„Έμš”.
02:52
And it's simple.
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또 그건 κ°„λ‹¨ν•΄μš”.
02:53
And why should we care about this?
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또 μ™œ μ΄λŸ°κ²ƒμ— λ§ˆμŒμ„ 써야 ν• κΉŒμš”?
02:55
We talk about world peace.
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μš°λ¦¬λŠ” 세계 평화에 κ΄€ν•΄ μ• κΈ°ν•˜μ£ .
02:56
How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?
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μš°λ¦¬κ°€ μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ λ‹€λ₯Έ λ¬Έν™”λ“€κ³Ό, 언어듀을 가지고 μžˆμœΌλ©΄μ„œ 세계 평화λ₯Ό κ³΅μœ ν•  수 μžˆκ² μ–΄μš”?
02:59
I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.
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μ €λŠ” 그게 같은 ν•œ 지뢕 μ•„λž˜μ˜ 각 μ‹μ†”λ“€μ˜ κ³μ—μ„œ μ‹œμž‘ν•œλ‹€κ³  μƒκ°ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:03
So, let's make it right in our own backyard.
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κ·ΈλŸ¬λ‹ˆ κ·Έ 평화λ₯Ό λ°”λ‘œ 우리 집 λ§ˆλ‹Ήμ—μ„œ λ§Œλ“­μ‹œλ‹€.
03:05
And I want to thank all of you in the audience
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그리고 μ €λŠ” κ΄€μ€‘μ„μ˜ μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„ λͺ¨λ‘μ—κ²Œ κ°μ‚¬ν•˜κ³  μ‹Άμ–΄μš”
03:07
for being great husbands, great mothers,
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ꡉμž₯ν•œ λ‚¨νŽΈλ“€, ꡉμž₯ν•œ μ–΄λ¨Έλ‹˜λ“€λ‘œ μ‘΄μž¬ν•˜κ³  κ³„μ‹œλ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμ„μš”
03:09
friends, daughters, sons.
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친ꡬ, λ”Έ, μ•„λ“€.
03:11
And maybe somebody's never said that to you,
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또 μ•„λ§ˆ λˆ„κ΅°κ°€ ν•œλ²ˆλ„ 그런 말을 μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„κ»˜ μ•ˆν–ˆμ—ˆμ„ μˆ˜λ„ 있겠죠,
03:12
but you've done a really, really good job.
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„λ“€κ»˜μ„œλŠ” 일을 μ •λ§λ‘œ, μ •λ§λ‘œ 잘 ν•΄μ˜€μ…¨μ–΄μš”.
03:14
And thank you for being here, just showing up
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또 μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„λ“€μ΄ 여기에 와 주신것도, 참석해 주신것 λ§ŒμœΌλ‘œλ„ κ°μ‚¬ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:17
and changing the world with your ideas.
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그리고 이 세상을 μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„λ“€μ˜ μ•„μ΄λ””μ–΄λ‘œ λ³€ν™”μ‹œν‚€κ³  κ³„μ‹œλŠ” κ²ƒλ„μš”.
03:20
Thank you.
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κ°μ‚¬ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:22
(Applause)
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λ°•μˆ˜
이 μ›Ήμ‚¬μ΄νŠΈ 정보

이 μ‚¬μ΄νŠΈλŠ” μ˜μ–΄ ν•™μŠ΅μ— μœ μš©ν•œ YouTube λ™μ˜μƒμ„ μ†Œκ°œν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€. μ „ 세계 졜고의 μ„ μƒλ‹˜λ“€μ΄ κ°€λ₯΄μΉ˜λŠ” μ˜μ–΄ μˆ˜μ—…μ„ 보게 될 κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€. 각 λ™μ˜μƒ νŽ˜μ΄μ§€μ— ν‘œμ‹œλ˜λŠ” μ˜μ–΄ μžλ§‰μ„ 더블 ν΄λ¦­ν•˜λ©΄ κ·Έκ³³μ—μ„œ λ™μ˜μƒμ΄ μž¬μƒλ©λ‹ˆλ‹€. λΉ„λ””μ˜€ μž¬μƒμ— 맞좰 μžλ§‰μ΄ μŠ€ν¬λ‘€λ©λ‹ˆλ‹€. μ˜κ²¬μ΄λ‚˜ μš”μ²­μ΄ μžˆλŠ” 경우 이 문의 양식을 μ‚¬μš©ν•˜μ—¬ λ¬Έμ˜ν•˜μ‹­μ‹œμ˜€.

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