Laura Trice: The power of saying thank you

Translator: David J. Kreps Finnemann Reviewer: Andreas Strøjer Tynan Schmidt

Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of

Hej. Jeg er her for at tale om vigtigheden af

praise, admiration and thank you,

ros, beundring og at sige tak,

and having it be specific and genuine.

og at det er specifikt og oprigtigt.

And the way I got interested in this was,

Og måden jeg blev interesseret i dette på var,

I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,

at jeg lagde mærke til mig selv, da jeg voksede op,

and until about a few years ago,

og indtil for et par år siden,

that I would want to say thank you to someone,

at jeg gerne ville sige tak til nogen,

I would want to praise them,

jeg ville gerne rose dem,

I would want to take in their praise of me

jeg ville gerne høre deres ros om mig

and I'd just stop it.

og jeg stoppede det bare.

And I asked myself, why?

Og jeg spurgte mig selv, hvorfor?

I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.

Jeg følte mig genert, jeg følte mig flov.

And then my question became,

Og så blev mit spørgsmål,

am I the only one who does this?

er jeg den eneste der gør det her?

So, I decided to investigate.

Så, jeg besluttede mig for at undersøge det.

I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,

Jeg er så heldig at jeg arbejder i et afvænnings center,

so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.

så jeg får mulighed for at se mennesker der står ansigt til ansigt med afhængighed.

And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,

Og nogle gange handler det om noget så simpelt som,

their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.

at deres inderste sår er, at deres far døde uden nogensinde at sige at han var stolt af dem.

But then, they hear from all the family and friends

Men så hører de fra hele deres familie og venner,

that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,

at deres far fortalte alle andre at han var stolt af dem,

but he never told the son.

men han sagde det aldrig til sønnen.

It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.

Det er fordi han ikke vidste, at hans søn havde brug for at høre det.

So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?

Så mit spørgsmål er, hvorfor beder vi ikke om tingene vi har brug for?

I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,

Jeg kender en herre, gift i 25 år,

who's longing to hear his wife say,

der længes efter at høre sin kone sige,

"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"

"Tak for at være forsøgeren, så jeg kan blive hjemme hos børnene,"

but won't ask.

men beder ikke om det.

I know a woman who's good at this.

Jeg kender en kvinde der er god til dette.

She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,

Hun, en gang om ugen, mødes med hendes mand og siger,

"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."

"Jeg kunne virkelig godt tænke mig, at du takkede mig for alle de ting jeg gjorde i huset og med børnene."

And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."

Og han siger, "Åh, dette er skønt, dette er skønt."

And praise really does have to be genuine,

Og ros skal virkelig være oprigtig,

but she takes responsibility for that.

men hun tager ansvar for det.

And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,

Og en af mine venner, April, som jeg har kendt siden børnehaven,

she thanks her children for doing their chores.

hun takker sine børn for at de gøre deres pligter.

And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"

Og hun sagde, "Hvorfor skulle jeg ikke takke dem for det, selvom de gør det de bør?"

So, the question is, why was I blocking it?

Så, spørgsmålet er, hvorfor blokerede jeg for det?

Why were other people blocking it?

Hvorfor blokerede andre folk for det?

Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,

Hvorfor kan jeg sige, "Jeg vil have min bøf medium stegt,

I need size six shoes," but I won't say,

jeg har brug for sko i størrelse 36," men jeg vil ikke sige,

"Would you praise me this way?"

"Vil du give mig ros på denne måde?"

And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.

Og det er fordi jeg giver jer kritisk data om mig.

I'm telling you where I'm insecure.

Jeg fortæller jer om min usikkerhed.

I'm telling you where I need your help.

Jeg fortæller jer hvor jeg har brug for hjælp.

And I'm treating you, my inner circle,

Og jeg behandler jer, min indercirkel,

like you're the enemy.

som om I er fjenden.

Because what can you do with that data?

Fordi hvad kan I gøre med de informationer?

You could neglect me.

I kunne forsømme mig.

You could abuse it.

I kunne misbruge det.

Or you could actually meet my need.

Eller I kunne faktisk give mig det jeg har brug for.

And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --

Og jeg tog cyklen ind i cykelforretningen -- jeg elsker det her --

same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.

samme cykel, og det gjorde noget der hedder at "afrette" hjulene.

The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,

Fyren sagde, "Du ved, når man afretter hjulene,

it's going to make the bike so much better."

gør det cyklen så meget bedre."

I get the same bike back,

Jeg får den samme cykel tilbage,

and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels

og de har taget alle ekser ud af de samme hjul

I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.

som jeg har haft i to og et halvt år, og min cykel er som ny.

So, I'm going to challenge all of you.

Så, jeg vil udfordre jer alle sammen.

I want you to true your wheels:

Jeg vil have jer til at afrette jeres hjul:

be honest about the praise that you need to hear.

vær ærlig om den ros I har brug for at høre.

What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --

Hvad har I brug for at høre? Tag hjem til konen --

go ask her, what does she need?

spørg hende, hvad har hun brug for?

Go home to your husband -- what does he need?

Gå hjem til jeres mand -- hvad har han brug for?

Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.

Gå hjem og stil de spørgsmål, og hjælp så menneskene rundt om jer.

And it's simple.

Og det er simpelt.

And why should we care about this?

Og hvorfor skulle vi bekymre os om dette?

We talk about world peace.

Vi taler om fred i verden.

How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?

Hvordan kan vi have fred i verden med forskellige kulturer, forskellige sprog?

I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.

Jeg tror det starter husstand for husstand, under det samme tag.

So, let's make it right in our own backyard.

Så, lad os rette op på det i vores egen baghave.

And I want to thank all of you in the audience

Og jeg vil gerne takke jer alle i publikummet

for being great husbands, great mothers,

for at være fantastiske ægtemænd, fantastiske mødre,

friends, daughters, sons.

venner, døtre, sønner.

And maybe somebody's never said that to you,

Og måske er der aldrig nogen der har sagt det til jer,

but you've done a really, really good job.

men i har gjort et virkelig, virkelig godt stykke arbejde.

And thank you for being here, just showing up

Og tak fordi I kom her, bare mødte op,

and changing the world with your ideas.

og ændre verden med jeres ideer.

Thank you.

Tak.

(Applause)

(Bifald)