Laura Trice: The power of saying thank you

Translator: Janja Sterle Reviewer: Tina Posavec

Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of

Živjo. Govorila bom o pomembnosti

praise, admiration and thank you,

pohvale, občudovanja in zahvale,

and having it be specific and genuine.

ki morajo biti svojevrstni in iskreni.

And the way I got interested in this was,

Zakaj sem se začela zanimati za to?

I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,

Opazila sem, da sem se med odraščanjem

and until about a few years ago,

in še do pred nekaj leti

that I would want to say thank you to someone,

hotela zahvaliti nekomu.

I would want to praise them,

Nekoga sem hotela pohvaliti.

I would want to take in their praise of me

Hotela sem, da me drugi pohvalijo.

and I'd just stop it.

A tega nisem delala.

And I asked myself, why?

Vprašala sem se, zakaj.

I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.

Ker sem sramežljiva in plašna.

And then my question became,

Potem sem se vprašala,

am I the only one who does this?

če to delam samo jaz.

So, I decided to investigate.

Začela sem raziskovati.

I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,

Zaposlena sem v zavodu za zdravljenje odvisnosti.

so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.

Vsak dan srečujem ljudi, ki se soočajo z odvisnostjo.

And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,

Včasih odkrijemo, da so bolniki postali zasvojeni,

their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.

ker jim oče ni nikoli povedal, da je ponosen nanje.

But then, they hear from all the family and friends

Potem pa izvejo od družine in prijateljev,

that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,

da je oče vsem drugim povedal, da je ponosen nanje.

but he never told the son.

Sinu pa ni nikoli povedal.

It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.

Ker ni vedel, da hoče sin to slišati.

So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?

Sprašujem se, zakaj ne prosimo za tisto, kar potrebujemo.

I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,

Poznam gospoda, ki je poročen že 25 let.

who's longing to hear his wife say,

Želi si, da bi se mu žena zahvalila,

"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"

ker služi denar in je ona lahko doma z otroki.

but won't ask.

A za zahvalo ne bo prosil.

I know a woman who's good at this.

Poznam žensko, ki to zna.

She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,

Enkrat na teden prosi moža,

"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."

da se ji zahvali, ker skrbi za dom in vzgaja otroke.

And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."

In mož reče, krasno ti gre.

And praise really does have to be genuine,

Pohvala mora biti iskrena,

but she takes responsibility for that.

a zanjo prosi sama.

And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,

Prijateljica April, ki jo poznam še iz vrtca,

she thanks her children for doing their chores.

se otrokom zahvali za mala hišna opravila.

And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"

Reče si, zakaj se jim ne bi zahvalila, čeprav morajo to vseeno narediti.

So, the question is, why was I blocking it?

Vprašanje je, zakaj sem se nehala zahvaljevati.

Why were other people blocking it?

Zakaj se drugi ne zahvaljujejo?

Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,

Zakaj lahko rečem, da hočem srednje zapečen zrezek,

I need size six shoes," but I won't say,

da potrebujem čevlje št. 38? Nikoli pa ne rečem,

"Would you praise me this way?"

če bi me pohvalili za to.

And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.

Zdaj vam govorim le negativne podatke o sebi.

I'm telling you where I'm insecure.

Zdaj vam govorim, kje sem negotova.

I'm telling you where I need your help.

Govorim vam, kje potrebujem vašo pomoč.

And I'm treating you, my inner circle,

Do vas se obnašam,

like you're the enemy.

kot da ste sovražniki.

Because what can you do with that data?

Kaj lahko naredite s temi podatki?

You could neglect me.

Lahko me ignorirate.

You could abuse it.

Podatke lahko zlorabite.

Or you could actually meet my need.

Ali pa naredite to, kar potrebujem.

And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --

Svoje kolo sem odpeljala v trgovino s kolesi,

same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.

kjer so naravnali kolesa.

The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,

Moški je rekel: Ko naravnate kolesa,

it's going to make the bike so much better."

boste kolo veliko lažje peljali.

I get the same bike back,

Kolo so mi vrnili,

and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels

kolesa so naravnali.

I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.

Po dveh letih in pol je kolo še vedno kot novo.

So, I'm going to challenge all of you.

Za vse vas imam izziv.

I want you to true your wheels:

Hočem, da naravnate svoja kolesa.

be honest about the praise that you need to hear.

Bodite iskreni in povejte, kakšno pohvalo potrebujete.

What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --

Kaj hočete slišati? Pojdite domov k ženi

go ask her, what does she need?

in jo vprašajte, kaj potrebuje.

Go home to your husband -- what does he need?

Pojdite domov k možu - kaj potrebuje on?

Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.

Pojdite domov, vprašajte najbližje, kaj potrebujejo in jim pomagajte.

And it's simple.

Preprosto je.

And why should we care about this?

Zakaj bi se sploh zanimali za to?

We talk about world peace.

Govorimo o miru na svetu.

How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?

Kako imamo lahko mir na svetu z različnimi kulturami in jeziki?

I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.

Začeti moramo doma, pod svojo streho.

So, let's make it right in our own backyard.

Najprej poskrbite za svoj dom.

And I want to thank all of you in the audience

Rada bi se vsem vam zahvalila,

for being great husbands, great mothers,

ker ste odlični možje, krasne matere,

friends, daughters, sons.

prijatelji, hčere, sinovi.

And maybe somebody's never said that to you,

Morda vam tega ni povedal še nihče,

but you've done a really, really good job.

a vsi odlično opravljate svoje delo.

And thank you for being here, just showing up

Hvala, ker ste prišli

and changing the world with your ideas.

in spreminjate svet s svojimi idejami.

Thank you.

Hvala.

(Applause)

(aplavz)