The power of vulnerability | Brené Brown | TED

Prevodilac: Sandra Gojic Lektor: Ivana Korom

So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me

Počeću ovim:

pre par godina, pozvao me je organizator događaja

because I was going to do a speaking event.

jer je trebalo da govorim na nekoj tribini.

And she called, and she said,

Nazvala je i rekla:

"Strašno se patim sa tim

"I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flyer."

šta da napišem o Vama na flajeru."

And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?"

Pomislila sam: "Pa, šta Vas muči?"

Odgovorila je: "Pa, gledala sam Vaše govore,

And she said, "Well, I saw you speak,

i mislim da ću Vas imenovati istraživačem,

and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think,

but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come,

ali se bojim da u tom slučaju niko neće doći,

jer će misliti da ste dosadni i nebitni."

because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant."

(Smeh)

(Laughter)

And I was like, "Okay."

Okej.

And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk

I reče: "Ali ono što mi se u Vašem govoru dopada

is you're a storyteller.

je to što ste vi pripovedač.

So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller."

Pa mislim da ću vas tako i nazvati."

And of course, the academic, insecure part of me

I naravno da je akademski, nesigurni deo mene

was like, "You're going to call me a what?"

pomislio: "Kako ćeš me nazvati?"

And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller."

Na šta je ona rekla: "Zvaću Vas pripovedač."

And I was like, "Why not 'magic pixie'?"

Pomislila sam: "A što ne magična vila?"

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I was like, "Let me think about this for a second."

Rekla sam: "Hajde da razmislim malo o tome."

Pokušala sam da pozovem moju sakrivenu hrabrost.

I tried to call deep on my courage.

And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.

Pomislila sam, ja jesam pripovedač.

I'm a qualitative researcher.

I jesam kvalitativni istraživač.

I collect stories; that's what I do.

Sakupljam priče; to je ono što činim.

And maybe stories are just data with a soul.

I možda su priče podaci sa dušom.

And maybe I'm just a storyteller.

I možda sam ja samo pripovedač.

And so I said, "You know what?

Pa sam rekla: "Znate šta?

Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller."

Zašto ne kažete da sam ja istraživač - pripovedač."

And she went, "Ha ha. There's no such thing."

A ona je: "Haha, tako nešto ne postoji."

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today --

Dakle, ja sam istraživač - pripovedač,

i govoriću vam danas o -

we're talking about expanding perception --

govorili smo o proširenju percepcije -

and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories

pa želim da vam predstavim par priča

o delu mog istraživanja

about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception

koje je suštinski proširilo moju percepciju

and really actually changed the way that I live and love

i koje je zaista promenilo način na koji živim i volim

and work and parent.

radim, vaspitavam.

And this is where my story starts.

A moja priča počinje ovde.

When I was a young researcher, doctoral student,

Dok sam bila mladi istraživač, na doktroskim studijama,

my first year, I had a research professor who said to us,

na prvoj godini imala sam profesora

koji nam je rekao:

"Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist."

"Evo o čemu se radi,

ako nešto ne možete da izmerite, to ne postoji."

Pomislila sam kako mi ugađa slatkim rečima.

And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.

Rekla sam: "Stvarno?", a on: "Naravno."

I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely."

And so you have to understand

I morate razumeti da imam diplomu

that I have a bachelor's and a master's in social work,

iz socijalnog rada, titulu mastera iz socijalnog rada,

and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work, so my entire academic career

i radila sam na doktoratu iz oblasti socijalnog rada,

tako da je čitava moja akademska karijera

was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it."

bila okružena ljudima

koji su na neki način verovali

da je život neuredan, volite ga.

And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it

A ja sam više - život je neuredan,

očistite ga, organizujte,

and put it into a bento box."

i stavite ga u kutije sa pregradama.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me --

I pomisliti da sam pronašla svoj put,

karijeru koja me vodi -

really, one of the big sayings in social work is,

zaista, jedna od važnih odlika socijalnog rada

"Lean into the discomfort of the work."

jeste oslanjanje na neprijatnosti posla.

And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head

I ja sam za to da treba okrenuti neprijatnost nagalavačke,

and move it over and get all A's.

prevazići je i okrenuti na dobro.

That was my mantra.

To je bila moja mantra.

So I was very excited about this.

I bila sam vrlo uzbuđena zbog toga.

And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me,

I pomislila sam, znate šta, ovo jeste posao za mene,

because I am interested in some messy topics.

jer me zanimaju zbrkane teme.

But I want to be able to make them not messy.

Ali želim biti sposobna da ih učinim nezbrkanima.

I want to understand them.

Želim da ih razumem.

I want to hack into these things that I know are important

Želim da proniknem u te stvari

koje znam da su važne

and lay the code out for everyone to see.

i da njihovu tajnu prikažem svima.

So where I started was with connection.

Tako sam počela od veza.

Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years,

Jer posle 10 godina rada kao socijalni radnik,

what you realize is that connection is why we're here.

shvatite da su

veze ono zbog čega smo ovde.

It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.

To je ono što našim životima daje smisao i svrhu.

O tome se zapravo radi.

This is what it's all about.

It doesn't matter whether you talk to people

Nije bitno da li razgovarate sa ljudima

koji rade u odseku za pravdu i mentalno zdravlje,

who work in social justice, mental health and abuse and neglect,

zlostavljanje i zanemarivanje,

what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is --

ono što znamo je da veze,

sposobnost da se osećate povezanima je -

neurobiologically that's how we're wired --

neurobiološki smo tako povezani -

it's why we're here.

zbog toga smo ovde.

So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.

Pa sam pomislila, znate šta, počeću od veza.

Well, you know that situation

Znate onu situaciju

where you get an evaluation from your boss,

kada dobijete evaluaciju od svog šefa,

and she tells you 37 things that you do really awesome,

i ona vam kaže 37 stvari koje radite zaista dobro,

and one "opportunity for growth?"

i jednu stvar - priliku za razvijanje?

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right?

I jedina stvar o kojoj razmišljate jeste ta prilika za rast, zar ne?

Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well,

Izgleda da je i moj rad krenuo tim putem,

because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.

jer kada pitate ljude o ljubavi,

oni vam pričaju o slomljenom srcu.

When you ask people about belonging,

Kada pitate ljude o pripadanju,

ispričaće vam najmučnije iskustvo

they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded.

kada su bili isključeni.

And when you ask people about connection,

A kada pitate ljude o vezama,

the stories they told me were about disconnection.

priče koje su mi govorili bile su o nepovezanosti.

So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research --

Dakle vrlo brzo - oko šeste nedelje mog istraživanja -

naletela sam na tu neimenovanu stvar

I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection

koja je potpuno razotkrila vezu

in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.

na način koji nisam razumela niti ikada videla.

Povukla sam se iz istraživanja

And so I pulled back out of the research

i pomislila kako moram da shvatim o čemu se radi.

and thought, I need to figure out what this is.

And it turned out to be shame.

Ispostavilo se da je to sramota.

And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection:

A sramotu je zaista lako razumeti

kao strah od nepovezanosti.

Da li postoji nešto o meni,

Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it,

što drugi mogu videti ili saznati,

that I won't be worthy of connection?

a što me neće činiti dostojnom veze?

The things I can tell you about it:

Par činjenica o tome:

to je univerzalno, svi to imamo.

It's universal; we all have it.

The only people who don't experience shame

Jedini ljudi koji ne osećaju sramotu

nemaju kapacitet za ljudsku saosećajnost ili povezanost.

have no capacity for human empathy or connection.

No one wants to talk about it,

Niko ne želi da govori o tome,

and the less you talk about it, the more you have it.

a što manje o tome govorimo, to je ono sve prisutnije.

What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," --

Ono što potvrđuje sramotu,

taj "nisam dovoljno dobar" -

svima poznat osećaj:

which, we all know that feeling:

"I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough,

"Nisam dovoljno ispunjen. Nisam dovoljno mršav,

rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough."

dovoljno bogat, lep, pametan,

unapređen."

The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability.

Činjenica koja to potvrđuje

jeste jaka ranjivost,

This idea of, in order for connection to happen,

ta ideja da,

da bi se stvorila veza,

we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.

moramo dozvoliti sebi da nas vide,

zaista vide.

I znate šta mislim o ranjivosti. Ja mrzim ranjivost.

And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability.

I pomislila sam kako je ovo moja šansa

And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick.

da uzvratim udarac svojim štapom za merenje.

I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,

Ulazim u to, provaliću tu stvar,

I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame,

provešću godinu dana, potpuno ću dekonstruisati sramotu,

I'm going to understand how vulnerability works,

razumeću kako ranjivost radi,

i nadmudriću je.

and I'm going to outsmart it.

So I was ready, and I was really excited.

Bila sam spremna i vrlo uzbuđena.

As you know, it's not going to turn out well.

Kao što znate, neće se dobro završiti.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

You know this.

Znate to.

So, I could tell you a lot about shame,

Mogla bih da vam kažem toliko toga o sramoti,

but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.

ali morala bih uzeti vreme drugih govornika.

But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to --

Ali evo na šta se sve svodi -

and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned

i to može biti jedna od najvažnijih stvari koje sam naučila

in the decade of doing this research.

u deceniji ovog istraživanja.

Moja godina

My one year turned into six years:

je prešla u šest godina,

Thousands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.

hiljade priča,

stotine dugih intervjua, fokus grupa.

At one point, people were sending me journal pages

U jednom trenutku, ljudi su mi slali novinske stranice

and sending me their stories --

i svoje priče -

thousands of pieces of data in six years.

na hiljade informacija za šest godina.

And I kind of got a handle on it.

I nekako sam počela da se navikavam na to.

I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works.

Nekako sam razumela, ovo je sramota,

ovako radi.

I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay --

Napisala sam knjigu,

objavila teoriju,

ali nešto nije bilo ok -

and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed

ako grubo podelim ljude

koje sam intervjuisala na grupu

and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness --

koja zaista razume osećaj vrednosti -

that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness --

na to se na kraju svodi, osećaj vrednosti -

they have a strong sense of love and belonging --

imaju jak osećaj

ljubavi i pripadnosti -

and folks who struggle for it,

i na grupu ljudi koji se sa tim bore,

and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.

koji se uvek pitaju da li su dovoljno dobri.

There was only one variable that separated

Postojala je samo jedna promenljiva

the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging

koja je razdvajala ljude koji imaju

jak osećaj ljubavi i pripadnosti

and the people who really struggle for it.

i ljude koji se zaista bore za to.

And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging

I ljudi koji imaju jak osećaj

ljubavi i pripadnosti veruju

believe they're worthy of love and belonging.

da zaslužuju ljubav i pripadanje.

That's it.

To je to.

They believe they're worthy.

Veruju da su vredni.

And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection

I za mene, ono što nas

drži izvan veze, jedna stvar, jeste

is our fear that we're not worthy of connection,

upravo naš strah da nismo dostojni veze.

was something that, personally and professionally,

A to je nešto što sam i lično i profesionalno

osećala da moram bolje razumeti.

I felt like I needed to understand better.

So what I did is I took all of the interviews

Uradila sam sledeće:

uzela sam sve intervjue

where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way,

u kojima sam videla dostojnost, gde sam videla da ljudi žive tako,

and just looked at those.

i pregledala samo njih.

What do these people have in common?

Šta ti ljudi imaju zajedničko?

I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk.

Ja imam blagu zavisnost od kancelarijskog materijala,

ali to je druga priča.

So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie,

Dakle, imala sam kartonske fascikle i marker.

and I was like, what am I going to call this research?

i razmišljala sam kako da nazovem ovo istraživanje?

I prva reč koja mi se javila,

And the first words that came to my mind were "whole-hearted."

bila je "svesrdno".

These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.

Ovo su svesrdni ljudi, koji žive iz tog dubokog osećanja dostojnosti.

So I wrote at the top of the manila folder,

Napisala sam na vrhu fascikle,

and I started looking at the data.

i počela sam da gledam podatke.

In fact, I did it first in a four-day, very intensive data analysis,

Zapravo, prvo sam provela četiri dana

intenzivno analizirajući podatke,

where I went back, pulled the interviews, the stories, pulled the incidents.

kada sam se vratila, izvukla intervjue, priče, slučajnosti.

What's the theme? What's the pattern?

Šta je tema? Ima li pravilnosti?

My husband left town with the kids

Moj muž je otišao iz grada sa decom,

because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing,

jer uvek upadnem u tu ludu fazu,

where I'm just writing and in my researcher mode.

gde samo pišem i u svom

istraživačkom sam modu.

And so here's what I found.

I evo šta sam otkrila.

Ono što je zajedničko

What they had in common was a sense of courage.

jeste osećaj hrabrosti.

And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.

I želim da vam razdvojim hrabrost i smelost na trenutak.

Courage, the original definition of courage,

Hrabrost, izvorna definicija hrabrosti

kada je prvi put upotrebljena u engleskom jeziku -

when it first came into the English language --

it's from the Latin word "cor," meaning "heart" --

dolazi iz latinske reči cor, što znači srce -

and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are

a izvorna definicija

bila je ispričati priču o tome ko ste vi u srcu.

with your whole heart.

Tako da su ovi ljudi

And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect.

imali, vrlo jednostavno, hrabrosti

da ne budu savršeni.

They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others,

Imali su dovoljno saosećanja

da prvo budu dobri prema sebi, a onda i prema drugima,

because, as it turns out,

jer, kako se ispostavilo, ne možemo biti saosećajni prema drugima

we can't practice compassion with other people

ako nismo ljubazni prema sebi.

if we can't treat ourselves kindly.

And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part --

I na kraju, imalu su vezu,

i - ovo je bio težak deo -

as a result of authenticity,

kao rezultat autentičnosti,

they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be

bili su voljni da puste ono što su mislili da treba da budu,

in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that

da bi bili ono što jesu,

što je apsolutno neophodno

for connection.

za povezanost.

The other thing that they had in common was this:

Još jedna zajednička stvar je

sledeće.

They fully embraced vulnerability.

U potpunosti su prihvatili ranjivost.

They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.

Verovali su

da ih je lepim učinilo ono

što ih je učinilo ranjivim.

Nisu govorili o ranjivosti

They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable,

kao o nečem prijatnom,

nor did they really talk about it being excruciating --

ili kao nečem vrlo bolnom -

as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.

što se moglo čuti u intervjuima o sramoti.

Spominjali su to kao nešto što je neophodno.

They just talked about it being necessary.

They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first ...

Govorili su o spremnosti da prvi

kažu "volim te",

the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees ...

spremnosti

da urade nešto

gde nema garancija,

the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call

spremnosti

da dišu dok čekaju rezultate

after your mammogram.

mamografije.

They're willing to invest in a relationship

Spremni su da ulože u odnos

that may or may not work out.

koji će možda opstati, a možda neće.

They thought this was fundamental.

Mislili su da je to ključno.

I personally thought it was betrayal.

Ja sam lično mislila da je to izdaja.

I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job --

Nisam verovala da sam se zaklela istraživanju -

you know, the definition of research is to control and predict,

definicija istraživanja

jete kontrola i predviđanje, izučavanje fenomena,

to study phenomena for the explicit reason to control and predict.

iz jasnog razloga

da se kontroliše i predvidi.

And now my mission to control and predict

I sada se moja misija

da kontrolišem i predvidim

had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability

okrenula ka odgovoru da treba živeti sa ranjivošću

i prestati kontrolisati i predviđati.

and to stop controlling and predicting.

This led to a little breakdown --

Ovo je vodilo ka malom slomu -

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

-- which actually looked more like this.

koji je izgledao više ovako.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And it did.

I jeste.

I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.

Nazvala sam to slomom, moj terapeut to zove duhovnim buđenjem.

(Laughter)

A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown,

Duhovno buđenje zvuči bolje od nervnog sloma,

but I assure you, it was a breakdown.

ali uveravam vas da je bio upravo to.

And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.

I morala sam da sklonim svoje istraživanje i nađem terapeuta.

Let me tell you something: you know who you are

Da vam kažem nešto: znate ko ste

kada nazovete svoje prijatelje i kažete: "Mislim da treba da vidim nekoga.

when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to see somebody.

Do you have any recommendations?"

Imaš li neku preporuku?'"

Because about five of my friends were like,

Jer je pet mojih prijatelja reklo:

"Wooo, I wouldn't want to be your therapist."

"Uuh. Ne bih voleo da budem tvoj terapeut."

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I was like, "What does that mean?"

Pitala sam ih šta to znači.

And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know.

A oni su rekli: "Samo kažem, znaš.

Don't bring your measuring stick."

Nemoj poneti svoj merni instrument."

(Laughter)

Rekla sam: "Okej."

I was like, "Okay."

So I found a therapist.

I našla sam terapeuta.

My first meeting with her, Diana --

Moj prvi susret sa njom, Dijanom -

I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.

ponela sam listu

načina svesrdnog življenja i sela.

And she said, "How are you?"

Pitala me kako sam.

And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay."

Rekla sam: "Odlično. Ja sam okej."

She said, "What's going on?"

Pitala me: "Šta se događa?"

And this is a therapist who sees therapists,

Ja sam terapeut koji je došao kod terapeuta,

because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good.

jer moramo da idemo kod njih,

njihovi merači gluposti su dobri.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling."

I rekla sam:

"Evo o čemu se radi, borim se."

And she said, "What's the struggle?"

Pitala me: "Sa čim?"

Rekla sam: "Pa, imam problem sa ranjivošću.

And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue.

And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear

I znam da je ranjivost suština

srama i straha

i naše borbe za vrednost,

and our struggle for worthiness,

but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity,

ali čini mi se da je takođe mesto rođenja

radosti, kreativnosti,

of belonging, of love.

pripadnosti, ljubavi.

And I think I have a problem, and I need some help."

I mislim da imam problem,

i potrebna mi je pomoć."

And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit."

Dodala sam: "Ali hajde

da ne pričamo o porodičnim problemima,

ili sranjima iz detinjstva."

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

"I just need some strategies."

"Samo su mi potrebne strategije."

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

So she goes like this.

Uradila je ovo.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And then I said, "It's bad, right?"

I onda sam rekla: "Loše je, zar ne?"

And she said, "It's neither good nor bad."

Rekla je: "Nije ni dobro ni loše."

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

"It just is what it is."

"Takvo je kakvo je."

And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."

Rekla sam: "O moj bože, ovo je propast."

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And it did, and it didn't.

I jeste bila i nije.

And it took about a year.

I trajalo je to godinu dana.

And you know how there are people

I znate kako postoje ljudi koji se,

that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important,

kada shvate da su ranjivost i brižnost važni,

tome predaju i prepuste.

that they surrender and walk into it.

A: that's not me,

A: to nisam ja,

i B: čak se ni ne družim sa takvim ljudima.

and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

For me, it was a yearlong street fight.

Za mene je to bila jednogodišnja ulična borba.

It was a slugfest.

Borba golih ruku.

Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.

Ranjivost je gurala, ja sam uzvraćala.

I lost the fight,

Izgubila sam bitku,

but probably won my life back.

ali verovatno osvojila svoj život.

And so then I went back into the research

I onda sam se vratila svom istraživanju

and spent the next couple of years

i provela narednih par godina

really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted,

zaista se trudeći da razumem koje izbore

what choices they were making, and what we are doing with vulnerability.

su svesrdni ljudi pravili,

a šta mi činimo sa ranjivošću.

Why do we struggle with it so much?

Zašto se toliko mučimo sa tim?

Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability?

Da li sam ja jedina koja se bori sa ranjivošću?

Ne.

No.

So this is what I learned.

Naučila sam sledeće.

We numb vulnerability --

Mi otupljujemo ranjivost -

when we're waiting for the call.

kada čekamo na poziv.

It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook

Poslala sam nešto na Twitter i Facebook:

"Kako biste vi definisali ranivost?

that says, "How would you define vulnerability?

Šta vas čini ranjivima?"

What makes you feel vulnerable?"

I za sat i po, imala sam oko 150 odgovora.

And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.

Because I wanted to know what's out there.

Htela sam da znam

šta se dešava.

Pitati svog muža za pomoć,

Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married;

jer sam bolesna, a tek smo se uzeli;

initiating sex with my husband;

iniciranje seksa sa mužem;

initiating sex with my wife;

iniciranje seksa sa ženom;

being turned down; asking someone out;

odbijanje; pozivanje nekoga na sastanak;

čekanje lekarovog poziva;

waiting for the doctor to call back;

biti otpušten; otpuštati ljude -

getting laid off; laying off people.

This is the world we live in.

ovo je svet u kojem živimo.

We live in a vulnerable world.

Živimo u ranjivom svetu.

And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.

I jedan od načina da se sa tim izborimo

jeste otupljenje ranjivosti.

And I think there's evidence --

I mislim da postoji dokaz -

and it's not the only reason this evidence exists,

i to nije jedini razlog da ovaj dokaz postoji,

but I think it's a huge cause --

ali mislim da je ogroman -

We are the most in-debt ...

mi smo odrasla kohorta,

obese ...

addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history.

koja je u američkoj istoriji najdeblja,

najviše duguje i zavisna je od lekova.

The problem is -- and I learned this from the research --

Problem je u tome - a to sam naučila u istražvanju -

that you cannot selectively numb emotion.

što ne možete selektivno da otupite emociju.

You can't say, here's the bad stuff.

Ne možete reći, ovo je loše.

Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame,

Ovde je ranjivost, zavist, sramota,

here's fear, here's disappointment.

strah, razočarenje,

I don't want to feel these.

ne želim to da osećam.

I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.

Popiću par piva i pojesti mafin sa bananom i lešnicima.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Ne želim to da osećam.

I don't want to feel these.

And I know that's knowing laughter.

Znam da je to smeh prepoznavanja.

I hack into your lives for a living.

Posao mi je da upadam u vaše živote,

to je ono: "Haha. O, bože!"

God.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

You can't numb those hard feelings

Ne možete otupeti ta strašna osećanja

without numbing the other affects, our emotions.

bez da otupite ostale afekte, emocije.

You cannot selectively numb.

Ne možete selektivno da otupite.

So when we numb those,

Pa tako, kada otupimo ovo,

we numb joy,

otupimo i radost,

zahvalnost,

we numb gratitude,

we numb happiness.

sreću.

And then, we are miserable,

I onda smo jadni

i tražimo smisao i svrhu,

and we are looking for purpose and meaning,

and then we feel vulnerable,

pa se osećamo ranjivima,

so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.

pa popijemo par piva i pojedemo mafin.

And it becomes this dangerous cycle.

I to prelazi u taj opasan krug.

One of the things that I think we need to think about

Jedna od stvari o kojima treba da mislimo

is why and how we numb.

jeste zašto smo i kako otupeli.

And it doesn't just have to be addiction.

I ne mora biti samo zavisnost.

The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain.

Druga stvar koju radimo,

je da sve što je nesigurno, činimo sigurnim.

Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty.

Religija je iz vere u sudbinu i misteriju prešla

u sigurnost.

"I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up."

Ja sam u pravu, ti nisi. Začepi.

To je to.

That's it.

To je sigurno.

Just certain.

The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are,

Što se više bojimo, to smo ranjiviji,

the more afraid we are.

i sve se više bojimo.

This is what politics looks like today.

Tako izgleda današnja politika.

Nema više rasprave.

There's no discourse anymore.

There's no conversation.

Nema razgovora.

There's just blame.

Samo krivica.

You know how blame is described in the research?

Znate kako se krivica opisuje u istraživanjima?

A way to discharge pain and discomfort.

Način da se isprazne bol i neprijatnost.

We perfect.

Mi usavršavamo.

If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me,

Ako neko želi da njegov život izgleda ovako, to sam ja,

but it doesn't work.

ali ne vredi.

Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks.

Zato što mi uzimamo salo sa naših guza

i stavljamo ga u naše jagodice.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, "Wow."

Za šta se nadam da će ljudi

za sto godina reći: "Opa."

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And we perfect, most dangerously, our children.

MI činimo našu decu savršenom,

što je opasno.

Let me tell you what we think about children.

Da vam kažem šta mi mislimo o deci.

They're hardwired for struggle when they get here.

Oni su potpuno obučeni za borbu kada stignu ovde.

And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand,

I kada u rukama držite te savršene male bebe,

our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect.

naš posao nije da kažemo: "Vidi je, savršena je.

My job is just to keep her perfect --

Moj posao je da to i ostane -

pobrinem se da uđe u teniski tim pre petog razreda i u "Jejl" pre sedmog."

make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh."

That's not our job.

To nije naš posao.

Our job is to look and say,

Naš posao je da pogledamo i kažemo:

"You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle,

"Znaš šta? Nisi savršena, spremna si za borbu,

but you are worthy of love and belonging."

ali si vredna ljubavi i pripadnosti."

That's our job.

To je naš posao.

Pokažite mi generaciju dece odgajane tako,

Show me a generation of kids raised like that,

and we'll end the problems, I think, that we see today.

i nestaće problem koji mislim da danas viđamo.

We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people.

Pretvaramo se da ono što činimo

nema uticaja na ljude.

We do that in our personal lives.

Radimo to u privatnim životima.

We do that corporate --

Radimo to na poslu -

whether it's a bailout, an oil spill ...

da li je to plan spasavanja, izliv nafte,

opoziv -

a recall.

We pretend like what we're doing

pravimo se da ono što radimo

doesn't have a huge impact on other people.

nema velikog uticaja na druge.

I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.

Rekla bih tim kompanijama da ovo nije prvi put.

We just need you to be authentic and real and say ...

Treba nam da budete autentični i realni

i kažete: "Žao nam je.

"We're sorry. We'll fix it."

Popravićemo."

But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.

Ali postoji i drugi način, ostaviću vas sa tim.

This is what I have found:

Ovo sam otkrila:

To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen ...

dozvoliti sebi da nas vide,

našu unutrašnjost,

ranjivost;

to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee --

da volimo celim srcem,

čak i kada nema sigurnosti -

and that's really hard,

a to je jako teško,

and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult --

i mogu vam kao roditelj reći, to je neverovatno teško -

to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror,

vežbati zahvalnost i radost

u bolnim trenucima,

when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much?

kada se pitamo: "Mogu li te voleti ovoliko?

Can I believe in this this passionately?

Mogu li strastveno verovati u ovo?

Can I be this fierce about this?"

Mogu li biti ovako hrabra?"

just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen,

biti sposoban stati i umesto katastrofiranja budućnosti,

to say, "I'm just so grateful,

reći: "Ja sam toliko zahvalna,

because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive."

jer osećati ovu ranjivost, znači da sam živa."

And the last, which I think is probably the most important,

I na kraju, a to smatram najvažnijim,

is to believe that we're enough.

je verovanje da smo dovoljni.

Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough" ...

Jer kada delamo iz pozicije

u kojoj verujemo da smo dovoljni,

then we stop screaming and start listening,

onda prestajemo da vičemo i počinjemo da slušamo,

we're kinder and gentler to the people around us,

bolji smo i nežniji prema ljudima oko nas,

i bolji smo i nežniji prema nama samima.

and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.

To je sve. Hvala vam.

That's all I have. Thank you.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)