How some friendships last — and others don’t - Iseult Gillespie

934,988 views ・ 2024-12-19

TED-Ed


Please double-click on the English subtitles below to play the video.

Prevodilac: aleksandra ristic Lektor: Milenka Okuka
00:06
In a 2008 study,
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U jednoj studiji iz 2008. godine,
00:08
psychologists asked participants to rate the steepness of a hill.
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psiholozi su zamolili učesnike da ocene koliko je strmo brdo.
00:12
Those who were accompanied by a good friend
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Oni koji su bili u društvu dobrog prijatelja
00:15
judged the hill to be less steep than people who were alone.
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procenjivali su da je brdo manje strmo od ljudi koji su bili sami.
Ovo je samo jedan od načina
00:20
This is just one of many ways friendships can change how we see and move
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kako prijateljstva mogu promeniti način kako vidimo i krećemo se kroz svet.
00:24
through the world.
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00:25
Friendships can boost our academic performance,
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Prijateljstva mogu poboljšati naše akademske uspehe,
00:28
help us deal with setbacks, and even improve our health.
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pomoći nam da se nosimo sa preprekama pa čak i poboljšati naše zdravlje.
00:32
And the relationships we form in our childhood and teenage years
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Veze koje stvaramo u detinjstvu i tinejdžerskim godinama
00:36
can shape our beliefs, values, and emotional growth.
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mogu oblikovati naša uverenja, vrednosti i emocionalni razvoj.
00:40
It's clear that friendships are important,
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Jasno je da su prijateljstva važna,
00:43
but making and maintaining friends isn't always easy.
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ali sklapanje i održavanje prijateljstava nije uvek lako.
00:47
Let's start at the beginning.
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Hajde da počnemo od početka.
00:48
If you struggle with approaching new people, you are far from alone.
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Ako imate poteškoća s prilaskom novim ljudima, niste sami.
00:52
In a series of studies, participants had conversations of varying lengths
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U nizu studija, učesnici su vodili razgovore različite dužine
00:56
with strangers.
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s nepoznatim osobama.
00:58
Afterward, they were asked to estimate how much they thought
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Nakon toga, zamoljeni su da procene koliko misle da su se dopali
01:01
each stranger liked them.
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svakoj od osoba iz razgovora.
01:03
Across the board, participants rated their own likability
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U svim slučajevima, učesnici su svoju privlačnost procenjivali
01:07
much lower than others had actually rated them.
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znatno nižom nego što su ih drugi zaista ocenili.
01:10
Scientists dubbed this tendency to underestimate how much others
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Naučnici su ovu sklonost da potcenjujemo koliko drugi uživaju u našem društvu
01:14
enjoy our company as the “liking gap.”
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nazvali „jazom u dopadljivosti“.
01:17
So, before meeting new people,
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Dakle, pre nego što upoznate nove ljude,
01:19
it may be helpful to psych yourself up
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može biti korisno da se ohrabrite,
01:22
and remember that others like you more than you think.
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i setite se da vas drugi vole više nego što mislite.
01:26
You may even want to enter these conversations assuming
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Možda čak želite da započnete te razgovore sa pretpostavkom
01:29
that the other person will like you.
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da ćete se drugoj osobi dopasti.
01:31
Known as the “acceptance prophecy,”
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Poznato kao „proročanstvo prihvatanja“,
01:34
psychologists find that when people expect to be well-liked,
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psiholozi su otkrili da ljudi koji očekuju da će biti dobro prihvaćeni
01:37
they often unknowingly come across as warmer and friendlier.
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često nesvesno ostavljaju utisak toplijih i prijateljskijih osoba.
01:42
And the more new people you meet, the more confident you’ll likely feel.
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Što više novih ljudi upoznate, verovatno ćete se osećati samopouzdanije.
01:47
In one study, people who talked to just one new person each day for a week
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U jednoj studiji, ljudi koji su svakog dana u toku jedne nedelje
razgovarali sa novom osobom, izjavili su da se manje plaše odbijanja,
01:52
reported feeling less afraid of rejection,
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01:55
more secure in their conversational skills,
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da su sigurniji u svoje veštine komunikacije,
01:57
and more excited to meet new people overall.
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i uzbuđenijii zbog upoznavanja novih ljudi uopšteno.
02:01
Next, what’s happening when relationships grow from casual acquaintances
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Šta se dešava kada se odnosi razvijaju od običnih poznanstava
02:05
to confidants?
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do dubljih prijateljstava?
02:07
Psychologists have identified two key features of more intimate friendships:
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Psiholozi su našli dva ključna elementa prisutna u dubljim prijateljstvima:
02:12
companionship and closeness.
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druženje i bliskost.
02:14
Companionship is defined as the rapport or understanding
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Druženje se definiše kao odnos poverenja ili razumevanja
02:18
that blooms between people with similar hobbies, interests, or values.
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između ljudi sa sličnim hobijima, interesovanjima ili vrednostima.
02:22
Sometimes, just being in the same class or team is enough
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Ponekad je dovoljno biti u istom razredu ili timu
02:26
to build this connection.
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da bi se izgradila ova veza.
02:27
And companionship has many benefits—
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Druženje ima mnogo prednosti—
02:30
it’s been shown to improve self-esteem and increase our resilience to stress.
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pokazalo se da poboljšava samopouzdanje i povećava našu otpornost na stres.
02:36
Closeness, on the other hand, looks different for every relationship.
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Bliskost, s druge strane, izgleda drugačije u svakom odnosu.
02:40
It might mean supporting each other through difficult times
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Ona može označavati pružanje podrške kroz teške trenutke
02:44
or feeling comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings.
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ili osećanje komfora u deljenju svojih misli i osećanja.
02:47
But not every friendship has to get deeply personal, especially at first.
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Međutim, ne mora svako prijateljstvo da postane duboko, posebno na početku.
02:52
Simply telling a friend about your day or sharing your interests
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Jednostavan razgovor o svom danu ili zajednički interesi
02:55
can help build closeness.
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mogu pomoći u izgradnji bliskosti.
02:57
While every friendship develops on its own timeline,
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Iako svako prijateljstvo ima svoj vlastiti tempo,
03:00
consistency can help,
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doslednost može biti od pomoći,
03:02
which can include sticking to plans, chatting regularly,
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što znači držati se planova, redovno ćaskati
03:06
and remembering the things that are important to each other.
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i pamtiti stvari koje su važne onom drugom.
03:09
This holds true even for long-distance friendships.
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Ovo važi čak i za prijateljstva na daljinu.
03:12
Chatting and texting can keep these relationships strong—
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Ćaskanje i slanje poruka mogu održati ta prijateljstva snažnim—
03:16
as long as they remain intimate, trusting, and consistent.
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dok god ostanu intimna, poverljiva i dosledna.
03:21
Yet even the closest friendships hit rough patches.
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Međutim, čak i najbliža prijateljstva prolaze kroz teške periode.
03:24
This is especially true for teenage friendships,
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Ovo je posebno tačno za tinejdžerska prijateljstva,
03:27
when people often navigate different types of challenges for the first time.
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kada se ljudi često po prvi put suočavaju s različitim vrstama izazova.
03:31
For example, there might be a situation that puts two friends in competition—
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Na primer, može doći
do takmičarske situacije izmedju dva prijatelja,
03:36
like applying to the same college.
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kao što je prijavljivanje na isti fakultet.
03:38
One might betray the other's confidence or make a hurtful comment.
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Jedan od njih može izneveriti poverenje ili dati uvredljiv komentar.
03:43
And these relationships can also falter when one person feels unable or unwilling
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Ova prijateljstva takođe mogu stradati kada jedna osoba oseti da ne može
03:48
to support the other through challenging situations—
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ili nije voljna da podrži drugu kroz teške situacije—
03:51
like breakups, illnesses, or personal tragedies.
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kao što su raskidi, bolesti ili lične tragedije.
03:55
The most surefire way to deal with rifts is to talk about them.
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Najsigurniji način da se reše nesuglasice je putem razgovora.
04:00
These conversations can be tough and awkward.
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Ovi razgovori mogu biti teški i neprijatni.
04:03
But if they’re approached in the right way,
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Ali, ako im se pristupi na pravi način,
04:05
they can strengthen friendships in the long run.
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mogu ojačati prijateljstva na duge staze.
04:09
Before these difficult conversations,
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Pre nego što započnete ove teške razgovore,
04:11
try to remind yourselves to show up without judgment.
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zapamtite da u njima nema mesta osudi.
04:15
Avoid getting too defensive or making accusations—
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Pokušajte da ne budete previše odbrambeni ili da upućujete optužbe—
04:18
instead, share how the situation is making you feel and invite them to do the same.
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umesto toga, podelite kako se osećate i pitajte drugu osobu da uradi isto.
04:25
Some friendships naturally come to an end.
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Neka prijateljstva prirodno imaju svoj kraj.
04:28
Others change.
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Druga se menjaju.
04:30
Whether new buddies or lifelong pals,
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Bilo da su to novi prijatelji ili prijatelji za ceo život,
04:33
all friendships can benefit from building healthy habits.
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sva prijateljstva mogu imati koristi od izgradnje dobrih navika.
04:36
And it’s never too late to make a new friend.
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I nikada nije kasno da steknete novog prijatelja.
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