请双击下面的英文字幕来播放视频。
00:18
I grew up to study the brain
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我之所以选择学习脑科
00:20
because I have a brother
who has been diagnosed
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是因为我的一个弟弟被诊断大脑功能紊乱,
00:22
with a brain disorder, schizophrenia.
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00:25
And as a sister and later, as a scientist,
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用专业点的说法就是精神分裂症。作为姐姐,
到后来是作为科学家,我十分想了解为什么我们会做梦,
00:29
I wanted to understand,
why is it that I can take my dreams,
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而且能够将做的梦和现实联系起来,
00:34
I can connect them to my reality,
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更有可能会梦想成真。
00:36
and I can make my dreams come true?
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我弟弟的大脑到底是怎么了?
00:39
What is it about my brother's brain
and his schizophrenia
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他得的精神分裂症就是他不能将他做的梦
00:42
that he cannot connect his dreams
to a common and shared reality,
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和普通的现实结合起来,所以相反的,
00:48
so they instead become delusion?
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就形成了幻觉。
00:50
So I dedicated my career to research
into the severe mental illnesses.
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因此我致力于研究这些严重的精神疾病。
而且我也从印第安纳州搬到波士顿,
00:55
And I moved from my home state
of Indiana to Boston,
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在那里,我可以在哈佛精神病学,
00:59
where I was working in the lab
of Dr. Francine Benes,
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在实验过程中,我们会一直询问:
01:01
in the Harvard Department of Psychiatry.
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“从生物学的角度来说,个体与个体的究竟在哪里?
01:05
And in the lab,
we were asking the question,
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01:08
"What are the biological differences
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那些被诊断为精神分裂症,精神压抑的混乱症状或者
01:11
between the brains of individuals
who would be diagnosed as normal control,
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大脑功能极端紊乱的病人相比,
01:15
as compared with the brains of individuals
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他们和那些大脑控制功能正常的人有什么区别?”
01:18
diagnosed with schizophrenia,
schizoaffective or bipolar disorder?"
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所以我们首先画出了大脑的微线性图:
01:22
So we were essentially
mapping the microcircuitry of the brain:
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哪些细胞是和哪些细胞是有联系的?
通过何种化学物质联系?
01:27
which cells are communicating
with which cells,
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这些化学物质有多少?
01:30
with which chemicals,
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01:32
and then in what quantities
of those chemicals?
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因此我的生活充满意义,因为在白天,
01:35
So there was a lot of meaning in my life
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我一直在从事这种研究。
01:37
because I was performing
this type of research during the day,
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但是晚上和周末,
01:41
but then in the evenings
and on the weekends,
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我则作为精神疾病联盟一员从事一些宣传工作。
01:44
I traveled as an advocate for NAMI,
the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
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但是1996年12月10号的早上,
01:50
But on the morning of December 10, 1996,
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当我起来时却发现自己大脑有点紊乱。
01:53
I woke up to discover that I had
a brain disorder of my own.
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我的大脑左半球的血管充血爆裂。
01:57
A blood vessel exploded
in the left half of my brain.
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在4个小时的时间里,
我的大脑完全失去了它传达信息的功能。
02:02
And in the course of four hours,
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早上的脑充血,
02:04
I watched my brain completely deteriorate
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02:07
in its ability to process all information.
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使我不能走路、交谈、读、写和唤醒其他身体机能。
02:11
On the morning of the hemorrhage,
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尽管我是个成年的女性,但身体行动却完全如同婴儿一般。
02:13
I could not walk, talk, read,
write or recall any of my life.
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02:18
I essentially became
an infant in a woman's body.
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不知道各位是否见过人类的大脑,
02:23
If you've ever seen a human brain,
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很明显,它是由两个独立的半球组成。
02:26
it's obvious that the two hemispheres
are completely separate from one another.
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今天我给大家带来了一个真实的人脑。
看,这就是一个真实的人脑,
02:30
And I have brought for you
a real human brain.
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02:35
(Groaning, laughter)
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这是大脑的前面,
02:43
So this is a real human brain.
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02:46
This is the front of the brain,
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这是后面,大家还可以看到延伸的脊髓,
02:48
the back of brain
with the spinal cord hanging down,
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它就是这样存在于我们的脑袋里的。
02:51
and this is how it would be
positioned inside of my head.
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当我们再看这个大脑的时候,
02:56
And when you look at the brain,
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我们可以轻易的发现这两个半球的大脑皮质是完全分开的。
02:57
it's obvious that
the two cerebral cortices
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各位都知道电脑的工作原理,
03:00
are completely separate from one another.
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03:04
For those of you who understand computers,
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我们的右半脑的功能就像一个并行处理机,
03:06
our right hemisphere functions
like a parallel processor,
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我们的左脑半球就像一个串行处理机。
这两个半球,由胼胝体连接在一起,
03:10
while our left hemisphere functions
like a serial processor.
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使两个半球的神经传导得以互通。
03:14
The two hemispheres
do communicate with one another
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胼胝体是由三亿轴体光纤组成的。
03:17
through the corpus callosum,
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03:18
which is made up of some
300 million axonal fibers.
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但是除了那些联系,
这两个半球则是完全独立的。
03:23
But other than that,
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03:24
the two hemispheres
are completely separate.
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因为它们传达的信息不同,
03:27
Because they process
information differently,
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我们每个脑半球的思考的东西也不一样,
03:31
each of our hemispheres
think about different things,
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它们掌管的区域不一样,我敢说,
03:34
they care about different things,
and, dare I say,
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它们有不同的特性。
03:37
they have very different personalities.
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打扰以下,谢谢你。很有意思吧。
03:43
Excuse me. Thank you. It's been a joy.
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我们的右脑半球负责我们现在的事情。
03:47
Assistant: It has been.
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03:48
(Laughter)
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03:51
Our right human hemisphere
is all about this present moment.
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它的内容就是:“此时,此刻。”
而且我们的右脑半球,它是形象思维,
03:56
It's all about "right here, right now."
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04:00
Our right hemisphere,
it thinks in pictures
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它通过我们身体的运动来感知。
04:03
and it learns kinesthetically
through the movement of our bodies.
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信息,以能量的形式,
04:07
Information, in the form of energy,
streams in simultaneously
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通过我们的感官系统同时注入大脑,
04:12
through all of our sensory systems
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然后再分解成无数的抽象的拼图
04:14
and then it explodes
into this enormous collage
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继而呈现我们现在看起来是什么样,
04:17
of what this present moment looks like,
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此刻有什么气味和味道,
04:21
what this present moment
smells like and tastes like,
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此刻的感觉是什么?听到了什么声音?
04:24
what it feels like
and what it sounds like.
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通过大脑右半球的感觉,
04:29
I am an energy-being connected
to the energy all around me
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使得自身的能量和周围的能量相结合。
04:34
through the consciousness
of my right hemisphere.
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通过我们右半脑的感觉,
我们都是一个个互相联系的能量体,如同一个家庭。
04:38
We are energy-beings
connected to one another
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此时,
04:42
through the consciousness
of our right hemispheres
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04:45
as one human family.
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04:47
And right here, right now, we are brothers
and sisters on this planet,
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此刻,我们都是同一个星球上的兄弟姐妹,
我们的目标是让这个世界更加的美好。
04:51
here to make the world a better place.
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而且此时此刻,我们和谐的生活在一起,我们是一个和谐的整体。
04:55
And in this moment we are perfect,
we are whole and we are beautiful.
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我的左脑半球,我们的左脑半球,则是一个完全不同的地方。
05:02
My left hemisphere, our left hemisphere,
is a very different place.
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我们左脑半球的思考是线性的,系统的。
05:07
Our left hemisphere
thinks linearly and methodically.
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我们的左脑半球的内容
是关于过去和将来。
05:12
Our left hemisphere is all about the past
and it's all about the future.
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我们左脑半球的形成,
05:17
Our left hemisphere is designed to take
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是为了将此刻的大量抽象拼图,
05:20
that enormous collage
of the present moment
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提取,然后分解成细节,很多的不同的细节。
05:22
and start picking out details,
and more details about those details.
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然后再综合,
组织这些信息,
05:28
It then categorizes and organizes
all that information,
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和我们过去所学的一切联系起来,
05:32
associates it with everything
in the past we've ever learned,
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映射到我们的将来。
05:35
and projects into the future
all of our possibilities.
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我们的左脑半球是逻辑思维模式。
05:40
And our left hemisphere
thinks in language.
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大脑不断运动联系了我,
05:44
It's that ongoing brain chatter
that connects me and my internal world
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我内在的世界,以及我的外在的世界。
就是那些轻微的声音提醒我说,,
05:49
to my external world.
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05:51
It's that little voice that says to me,
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“嘿,记得在回家的路上带点香蕉回来。
05:54
"Hey, you've got to remember
to pick up bananas on your way home.
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我早上想吃香蕉。”
05:57
I need them in the morning."
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是那些智能程序提醒我,
05:59
It's that calculating intelligence
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我得洗衣服了。但最重要的可能是,
06:01
that reminds me
when I have to do my laundry.
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那些细小的声音在提醒我,
06:05
But perhaps most important,
it's that little voice that says to me,
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“我就是我,我就是我。”然后我得左脑半球会提醒说“我就是我,”
06:09
"I am. I am."
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因此我成为了一个独立的个体。
06:13
And as soon as my left hemisphere
says to me "I am,"
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我是一个独立的立体的个人,
06:17
I become separate.
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和周围其它的能量分离,也和你分离。
06:19
I become a single solid individual,
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06:21
separate from the energy flow around me
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这就是早上中风的时候,
06:24
and separate from you.
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06:25
And this was the portion of my brain
that I lost on the morning of my stroke.
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我的大脑所丢失的部分。
早上中风后,
06:30
On the morning of the stroke,
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醒来时,感觉我得左眼很疼。
06:33
I woke up to a pounding
pain behind my left eye.
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是一种钻心的疼。如同你咬了一口冰淇淋。
06:38
And it was the kind of caustic pain
that you get when you bite into ice cream.
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先是紧紧地揪住我,
然后再释放。然后再揪住我,
06:42
And it just gripped me --
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06:44
and then it released me.
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再释放。它不同于我以往
06:47
And then it just gripped me --
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06:49
and then it released me.
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所经历的任何形式的疼痛。
06:50
And it was very unusual for me
to ever experience any kind of pain,
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因此,我想着,我应该开始我的常规生活了。
06:55
so I thought, "OK, I'll just start
my normal routine."
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我起床,然后跳到我的健身器材上,
06:57
So I got up and I jumped
onto my cardio glider,
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它是一个活动全身部位的机器。
07:00
which is a full-body,
full-exercise machine.
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正当我在运动的时候。
突然意识到我的手就像原始的爪子一样
07:04
And I'm jamming away on this thing,
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07:06
and I'm realizing that my hands
look like primitive claws
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抓着扶手。我想,“这真的很奇特。”
07:11
grasping onto the bar.
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我观察了身体的状况,联想到,“哇,
07:14
And I thought, "That's very peculiar."
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“我看起来真是个奇怪的东西。”好像
07:16
And I looked down at my body
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07:17
and I thought,
"Whoa, I'm a weird-looking thing."
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我的意识已经被搬离了我正常的
07:21
And it was as though my consciousness
had shifted away
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对于真实世界的感觉,就是我,是那个在器械上
07:24
from my normal perception of reality,
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保持运动的人,更深奥的说
07:26
where I'm the person on the machine
having the experience,
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就是我亲眼目睹我自己经历这一切。
07:29
to some esoteric space
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这非常特别,我头更疼了。
07:31
where I'm witnessing myself
having this experience.
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07:35
And it was all very peculiar,
and my headache was just getting worse.
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我走下了器械,
走过起居室的时候,
07:38
So I get off the machine,
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07:39
and I'm walking
across my living room floor,
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我意识到我体内的所有东西
07:42
and I realize that everything
inside of my body has slowed way down.
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都缓慢了下来。每一步都非常的僵硬而且非常谨慎。
我的步伐没有灵活性,
07:46
And every step is very rigid
and very deliberate.
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在我的感觉范围内,有了这种约束,
07:50
There's no fluidity to my pace,
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于是我注意到了我体内的系统。
07:53
and there's this constriction
in my area of perception,
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我站在淋浴间准备冲个澡
07:56
so I'm just focused on internal systems.
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07:59
And I'm standing in my bathroom
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我能十分确定的听到
08:00
getting ready to step into the shower,
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我体内的对话。我听见一个小声音说到
08:02
and I could actually hear
the dialogue inside of my body.
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“好了,肌肉,现在你们必须运动。
08:05
I heard a little voice saying, "OK.
You muscles, you've got to contract.
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肌肉,你休息!”
08:09
You muscles, you relax."
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接着我失去了平衡,我倚靠着墙站立着。
08:10
And then I lost my balance,
and I'm propped up against the wall.
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我低头看看我的胳膊,
发现我已经无法感觉我身体的界限了。
08:14
And I look down at my arm
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08:16
and I realize that I can no longer define
the boundaries of my body.
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我也不知道我从哪里开始的将从哪里结束,
因为我胳膊上所有的原子和分子
08:22
I can't define where I begin
and where I end,
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都与墙上的原子分子融合在一起了。
08:26
because the atoms
and the molecules of my arm
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08:28
blended with the atoms
and molecules of the wall.
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我能分辨出来的只有这种能量——这种能量。
08:32
And all I could detect
was this energy -- energy.
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我对自己说,“我究竟是怎么了?
08:36
And I'm asking myself,
"What is wrong with me?
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“发生了什么事?”而就在那个时候,我的脑子开始咔哒作响了——
08:38
What is going on?"
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我的左脑嗡嗡的响——突然一片寂静。
08:40
And in that moment, my left hemisphere
brain chatter went totally silent.
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就像有人拿起了一个远程遥控器
按下了静音键。彻底的寂静。
08:46
Just like someone took a remote control
and pushed the mute button.
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起初我发现身处寂静之中,
08:50
Total silence.
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08:51
And at first I was shocked to find myself
inside of a silent mind.
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非常吃惊,但马上我就
被周围那种宏大的能量所迷惑了。
08:56
But then I was immediately captivated
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因为我已经不能感觉到
08:59
by the magnificence
of the energy around me.
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身体的界限。我觉得自己非常巨大而且非常膨胀。
09:03
And because I could no longer
identify the boundaries of my body,
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通过这些能量我马上感觉到
09:07
I felt enormous and expansive.
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--很美妙。
09:11
I felt at one with
all the energy that was,
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接着突然我左脑回来了,
09:14
and it was beautiful there.
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09:16
Then all of a sudden
my left hemisphere comes back online
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它对我说:“嘿,我们遇到麻烦了!
我们遇到麻烦了!我们需要帮助!”
09:19
and it says to me,
"Hey! We've got a problem!
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09:21
We've got to get some help."
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接着我反应过来,“阿,我遇到麻烦了!
09:23
And I'm going, "Ahh! I've got a problem!"
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我遇到麻烦了,”于是就像,“好吧,好吧,我遇到麻烦了!”
09:25
(Laughter)
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但然后我突然漂了回来
09:26
So it's like, "OK, I've got a problem."
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09:28
But then I immediately drifted
right back out into the consciousness --
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恢复了意识——我亲切的称
这种空间叫做“拉拉大地”。
09:33
and I affectionately
refer to this space as La La Land.
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那儿非常美。
09:38
But it was beautiful there.
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想象你和你的大脑完全失去了联系
09:39
Imagine what it would be like to be
totally disconnected
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而大脑本应该把你与外部世界联系起来的。
09:42
from your brain chatter that connects you
to the external world.
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因而我就在这种空间,而我的工作——
09:46
So here I am in this space,
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以及所有与我工作相关的压力——都没了。
09:48
and my job, and any stress
related to my job -- it was gone.
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我觉得身体很轻,想象:
09:52
And I felt lighter in my body.
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外部世界的所有关系和
所有与那些关系相关的刺激——一切都没了。
09:56
And imagine all of the relationships
in the external world
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09:59
and any stressors related
to any of those -- they were gone.
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我感觉很平静。
10:02
And I felt this sense of peacefulness.
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想象一下,一下子丢掉了37年情感重担,是什么样的感觉!
10:06
And imagine
what it would feel like to lose
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噢,我觉得非常快乐。
10:08
37 years of emotional baggage!
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10:12
(Laughter) Oh! I felt euphoria --
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非常快乐。非常美丽。
10:18
euphoria.
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接着,我的左脑又恢复了,它说
10:20
It was beautiful.
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10:21
And again, my left hemisphere
comes online and it says,
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“嘿,你得注意
10:23
"Hey! You've got to pay attention.
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我们需要帮助!”接着我就想,“我需要帮助!”
10:25
We've got to get help."
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我需要集中精神。
10:27
And I'm thinking, "I've got to get help.
I've got to focus."
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于是我走出淋浴间,
10:29
So I get out of the shower
and I mechanically dress
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机械的穿上衣服,然后在我的屋子里走来走去。
我在想,“我必须去工作,我必须去工作
10:32
and I'm walking around my apartment,
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“我能开车吗?我能开车吗?”
10:34
and I'm thinking,
"I've got to get to work. Can I drive?"
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那一刻,我的右手完全瘫痪了,
10:38
And in that moment,
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我意识到
10:39
my right arm went totally
paralyzed by my side.
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“噢天哪!我中风了!我中风了!”
10:41
Then I realized, "Oh my gosh!
I'm having a stroke!"
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接着我的脑子对我说:“哇噢!
10:46
And the next thing my brain says to me is,
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“很酷嘛!这简直太酷了!”
10:48
Wow! This is so cool!
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“有多少脑科专家能有机会
10:51
(Laughter)
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10:53
This is so cool!
194
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1563
10:54
How many brain scientists
have the opportunity
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在他们自己的脑子上进行学术研究啊!”
10:57
to study their own brain
from the inside out?"
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(笑声)
11:00
(Laughter)
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接着我的脑子里回响,“但我是个非常忙的人!”
11:02
And then it crosses my mind,
"But I'm a very busy woman!"
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“我可没时间中风!
11:06
(Laughter)
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接着我就像是,“那好吧,我没有办法阻止中风的发生,
11:07
"I don't have time for a stroke!"
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11:09
So I'm like, "OK, I can't stop
the stroke from happening,
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那么我就这样过一两个礼拜,
然后就回到自己本来的生活,嗯!
11:12
so I'll do this for a week or two,
and then I'll get back to my routine. OK.
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我需要帮助,我得给单位打个电话!”
11:16
So I've got to call help.
I've got to call work."
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2452
但我记不起单位的电话号码了,
11:18
I couldn't remember the number at work,
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接着我想起在我的办公室我有一张名片
11:20
so I remembered, in my office
I had a business card with my number.
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上面有我的号码,于是我回到了我的屋里,
我找出了一叠儿三英寸大小的名片。
11:24
So I go into my business room, I pull
out a three-inch stack of business cards.
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4309
我盯着名片的正面,
11:28
And I'm looking at the card on top
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1657
虽然我能看得很清楚我的名片长什么样儿,
11:30
and even though I could see clearly
in my mind's eye
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3334
但是我却没有办法分辨出这张卡是不是我的,
11:33
what my business card looked like,
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1711
11:35
I couldn't tell if this
was my card or not,
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2588
或许是因为我能看到的只是像素一样的东西。
而且是名片的上的单词混合起来的像素。
11:38
because all I could see were pixels.
211
698242
1866
11:40
And the pixels of the words
blended with the pixels of the background
212
700132
4080
就像是与背景和那些标点符号混合起来的,
而我就是无法辨认。
11:44
and the pixels of the symbols,
and I just couldn't tell.
213
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3308
之后我就等着,等着我希望的那种清楚地感觉出现。
11:47
And then I would wait
for what I call a wave of clarity.
214
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3140
那个时候,我就能够
11:50
And in that moment, I would be able
to reattach to normal reality
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重新与现实结合起来,
然后我也发现那不是我要的名片……那不是我要的名片……那不是我要的名片
11:55
and I could tell that's not the card...
that's not the card.
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我整整花了45分钟从那一叠儿名片中
一张一张的找我的名片。
11:59
It took me 45 minutes to get one inch
down inside of that stack of cards.
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同时经过这45分钟,
12:05
In the meantime, for 45 minutes,
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1874
我左脑里的积血越来越多了。
12:07
the hemorrhage is getting bigger
in my left hemisphere.
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2658
我看不懂数字,我没办法打电话
12:09
I do not understand numbers,
I do not understand the telephone,
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但是我也只能这样做了。
12:12
but it's the only plan I have.
221
732854
1552
于是我把电话簿拿起来放在那儿,我拿起了名片
12:14
So I take the phone pad
and I put it right here.
222
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2685
也把它放在那儿,
12:17
I take the business card,
I put it right here,
223
737139
2382
我把名片上那些乱七八糟的文字,
12:19
and I'm matching the shape
of the squiggles on the card
224
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3761
和电话簿上那些乱七八糟的文字一一对比。
12:23
to the shape of the squiggles
on the phone pad.
225
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3317
接着我又飘到了我的“拉拉大地”去了,
12:26
But then I would drift back out
into La La Land,
226
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2635
也不记得当我回到现实的时候,
12:29
and not remember when I came back
if I'd already dialed those numbers.
227
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3976
我到底有没有拨通了那些号码。
我不得不把我那瘫掉的胳膊像举树桩一样举起
12:33
So I had to wield
my paralyzed arm like a stump
228
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3976
移到那些号码上然后摁下
12:37
and cover the numbers
as I went along and pushed them,
229
757330
3976
那样我就能够回到正常的现实里面
告诉自己 ,“对,我已经拨通了那个号码!”
12:41
so that as I would come back
to normal reality,
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2690
最终,整个号码被拨通了
12:44
I'd be able to tell, "Yes,
I've already dialed that number."
231
764044
4008
12:48
Eventually, the whole number gets dialed
and I'm listening to the phone,
232
768076
4340
我拿着听筒,
我的同事接听了电话,并对我说
12:52
and my colleague picks up the phone
and he says to me,
233
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2637
“汪汪汪汪,”(笑声)我不禁想
12:56
"Woo woo woo woo." (Laughter)
234
776027
1643
“天哪,他听起来就像一只金毛猎狗!”
12:57
(Laughter)
235
777694
3435
13:01
And I think to myself,
236
781153
1850
我就对他说,我记得很清楚,我对他说:
13:03
"Oh my gosh, he sounds
like a Golden Retriever!"
237
783027
3039
13:06
(Laughter)
238
786090
1627
13:07
And so I say to him --
clear in my mind, I say to him:
239
787741
3161
“我是吉尔,我需要帮助!”
13:10
"This is Jill! I need help!"
240
790926
1642
但是我发出的声音却是,“汪汪汪汪汪!”
13:12
And what comes out of my voice is,
"Woo woo woo woo woo."
241
792592
3714
我想,“天哪,我听起来也像一只金毛猎狗。”
13:16
I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh,
I sound like a Golden Retriever."
242
796330
2810
但我没法知道,我也不知道
直到我尝试了半天才明白我已经不能说或者听懂语言了。
13:19
So I couldn't know -- I didn't know
243
799164
1921
13:21
that I couldn't speak or understand
language until I tried.
244
801109
3626
但他马上意识到我需要帮助,接着他帮助了我。
13:24
So he recognizes that I need help
and he gets me help.
245
804759
3380
一会儿,
我就已经躺在从波士顿开往麻省综合医院的救护车里了。
13:28
And a little while later,
I am riding in an ambulance
246
808441
3610
我蜷缩起来,把自己像婴儿那样卷成一个球。
13:32
from one hospital across Boston
to [Massachusetts] General Hospital.
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3555
就像只剩最后一点点空气的气球,
13:36
And I curl up into a little fetal ball.
248
816487
2333
就在那个气球外面,
13:39
And just like a balloon
with the last bit of air,
249
819661
6548
我觉得我的能量流失了——我觉得我的精神投降了。
13:46
just right out of the balloon,
250
826233
2150
那个时候,我明白我已经
13:48
I just felt my energy lift
and just I felt my spirit surrender.
251
828407
5238
不再是主宰自己生命的指导了。
13:54
And in that moment, I knew that I was
no longer the choreographer of my life.
252
834295
6011
医生拯救了我的身体,
14:00
And either the doctors rescue my body
and give me a second chance at life,
253
840330
4393
给了我第二次生存的机会,
这也许是我转折的那一刻。
14:04
or this was perhaps
my moment of transition.
254
844747
3662
那天下午我醒来的时候,我非常惊讶地
14:13
When I woke later that afternoon,
255
853049
2207
发现我仍然活着。当我发现我精神投降的时候,
14:15
I was shocked to discover
that I was still alive.
256
855280
3650
我已经对我的生命说了再见。
14:20
When I felt my spirit surrender,
I said goodbye to my life.
257
860375
4931
我的精神在两个完全相反的
14:25
And my mind was now suspended
258
865330
2325
真实星球漂浮着。我感官系统带来的
14:27
between two very opposite
planes of reality.
259
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4198
刺激就像纯粹的痛。
14:31
Stimulation coming in
through my sensory systems
260
871901
3287
我的脑子就像野火一样燃烧,
14:35
felt like pure pain.
261
875212
1713
14:37
Light burned my brain like wildfire,
262
877488
3214
声音非常吵杂和混乱,以至于我没有办法
14:40
and sounds were so loud and chaotic
263
880726
3595
从那些噪音中区别出任何一种声音,
14:44
that I could not pick a voice out
from the background noise,
264
884345
4182
我只是想逃离。因为我无法辨别
14:48
and I just wanted to escape.
265
888551
1968
我身体所处的位置,我还是感觉巨大而且膨胀,
14:51
Because I could not identify the position
of my body in space,
266
891148
5144
就像是从瓶中获得解放的小鬼。
14:56
I felt enormous and expansive,
267
896316
3817
我的灵魂自由的翱翔,就像一条大鲸鱼
15:00
like a genie just liberated
from her bottle.
268
900157
3571
在安静而快乐的海洋里面翻腾。
15:04
And my spirit soared free,
269
904982
2674
15:07
like a great whale gliding
through the sea of silent euphoria.
270
907680
5650
天堂,我看到了天堂,我记得我想
15:14
Nirvana.
271
914885
1684
我可能没有办法把我自己
15:16
I found Nirvana.
272
916593
2420
15:21
And I remember thinking,
273
921291
1420
15:22
there's no way I would ever be able
to squeeze the enormousness of myself
274
922735
4430
重新积压到这个小小的躯体里。
但我意识到,“我还活着,我还活着!
15:27
back inside this tiny little body.
275
927189
2514
15:32
But then I realized, "But I'm still alive!
276
932147
3508
而且我找到了天堂,如果我
15:35
I'm still alive, and I have found Nirvana.
277
935679
3103
找到了天堂而且我还活着,那么活着的每一个人
15:38
And if I have found Nirvana
and I'm still alive,
278
938806
3706
都能找到天堂。”我描绘了一个世界
15:42
then everyone who is alive
can find Nirvana."
279
942536
3952
充满了美丽、宁逸、怜悯
15:48
And I pictured a world
280
948758
1271
15:50
filled with beautiful, peaceful,
compassionate, loving people
281
950053
5960
友爱的人们,他们知道
他们随时能够到这个空间。他们能够
15:56
who knew that they could come
to this space at any time.
282
956037
3746
有目的的选择控制他们的左脑
16:00
And that they could purposely choose
283
960497
3483
让他们找到和平。接着,
16:04
to step to the right
of their left hemispheres --
284
964004
2793
我意识到这是多么重大的一份礼物和经历阿!
16:08
and find this peace.
285
968401
1905
16:10
And then I realized
286
970330
1223
对于我们如何生活,这是多么富有远见的一次中风阿!
16:11
what a tremendous gift
this experience could be,
287
971577
3557
这成为了我恢复的动力。
16:15
what a stroke of insight this could be
to how we live our lives.
288
975158
5895
出血两个半星期之后,
16:22
And it motivated me to recover.
289
982434
2523
16:28
Two and a half weeks after the hemorrhage,
the surgeons went in,
290
988259
4150
外科医生帮我取出了一个高尔夫球般大小的血块
它一直挤压着我的语言中枢。
16:32
and they removed a blood clot
the size of a golf ball
291
992433
2548
现在我和我妈妈在一起,
16:35
that was pushing on my language centers.
292
995005
1991
她真的是我生命中的一位天使。我完全恢复整整用了八年。
16:37
Here I am with my mama,
293
997020
1626
16:38
who is a true angel in my life.
294
998670
1905
我们是谁?我们是宇宙中生命的驱动力,
16:42
It took me eight years
to completely recover.
295
1002146
3603
16:46
So who are we?
296
1006996
2037
拥有灵巧的手工技艺以及两页富有认知的头脑。
16:49
We are the life-force power
of the universe,
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5002
我们有选择的力量,时时刻刻,
16:54
with manual dexterity
and two cognitive minds.
298
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4297
成为这个世界上我们希望成为的人。
16:58
And we have the power
to choose, moment by moment,
299
1018956
3301
此时此刻,我能够迈入
17:02
who and how we want to be in the world.
300
1022281
2988
17:05
Right here, right now,
301
1025983
1555
我右脑所反应的意识领域,也就是我们所在的地方。
17:07
I can step into the consciousness
of my right hemisphere, where we are.
302
1027562
5226
我是宇宙的生命原动力。
17:12
I am the life-force power of the universe.
303
1032812
3057
我是组成我整体的五百亿
17:15
I am the life-force power
304
1035893
1540
美丽的、由分子组成的天才的原动力。
17:17
of the 50 trillion beautiful
molecular geniuses that make up my form,
305
1037457
4834
或者,我能够迈入我左脑
17:22
at one with all that is.
306
1042315
2276
17:25
Or, I can choose to step into
the consciousness of my left hemisphere,
307
1045330
5344
所反应的意识领域,我成为了一个个体,
一个纯粹的个体。从流动中分离出来,
17:30
where I become
a single individual, a solid.
308
1050698
3281
从你们中分离出来,我是吉尔波尔特泰勒博士,
17:34
Separate from the flow, separate from you.
309
1054003
3559
一位有知识的神经解剖学家。这就是我体内的那个“我们”。
17:37
I am Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor:
310
1057586
2110
17:39
intellectual, neuroanatomist.
311
1059720
2829
你愿意选择什么?你选择什么?什么时候?
17:44
These are the "we" inside of me.
312
1064439
3780
17:49
Which would you choose?
313
1069814
1500
我相信,我们花费更多的时间
17:53
Which do you choose?
314
1073853
1686
17:57
And when?
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1077167
1300
来选择运行我们右脑中埋藏深深的和平系统,
18:01
I believe that the more time we spend
316
1081107
2199
18:03
choosing to run the deep
inner-peace circuitry
317
1083330
2977
我们就会对这个世界产生更多的和谐,
18:06
of our right hemispheres,
318
1086331
2220
我们的星球也会变得更加安宁。
18:08
the more peace we will project
into the world,
319
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3306
我认为这是一个值得去推广的主意。
18:11
and the more peaceful our planet will be.
320
1091905
2532
18:15
And I thought that was an idea
worth spreading.
321
1095528
3067
18:19
Thank you.
322
1099330
1076
18:20
(Applause)
323
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3000
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