My stroke of insight | Jill Bolte Taylor | TED

Translator: Triin Sinissaar Reviewer: Maria Liivak

I grew up to study the brain

Sattusin uurima aju juba lapsena,

because I have a brother who has been diagnosed

sest mu vennal diagnoositi ajutegevuse häire:

with a brain disorder, schizophrenia.

And as a sister and later, as a scientist,

skisofreenia. Tema õena

ja hiljem teadlasena tahtsin aru saada,

I wanted to understand, why is it that I can take my dreams,

miks mina võin võtta oma unistused,

I can connect them to my reality,

ühendada need oma reaalsusega ja viia oma unistused ellu.

and I can make my dreams come true?

Miks mu venna aju ja skisofreenia

What is it about my brother's brain and his schizophrenia

põhjustavad seda, et tema ei suuda ühendada

that he cannot connect his dreams to a common and shared reality,

oma unistusi tavapärase, kollektiivse reaalsusega,

so they instead become delusion?

nii et need muutuvad hoopis pettekujutlusteks?

So I dedicated my career to research into the severe mental illnesses.

Pühendusin oma töös

raskete vaimuhaiguste uurimisele. Kolisin koduosariigist

And I moved from my home state of Indiana to Boston,

Indianast Bostonisse, kus töötasin

where I was working in the lab of Dr. Francine Benes,

dr. Francine Benesi laboris,

in the Harvard Department of Psychiatry.

Harvardi Psühhiaatriateaduskonnas. Laboris esitasime endale küsimuse:

And in the lab, we were asking the question,

"What are the biological differences

"Millised on bioloogilised erinevused, kui võrrelda sellise inimese aju,

between the brains of individuals who would be diagnosed as normal control,

kes on diagnoosi järgi normaalne,

as compared with the brains of individuals

ja sellise inimese aju, kellel on diagnoositud

diagnosed with schizophrenia, schizoaffective or bipolar disorder?"

skisofreenia, skisoafektiivne häire või bipolaarne häire?"

So we were essentially mapping the microcircuitry of the brain:

Niisiis püüdsime sisuliselt kaardistada aju mikroskeemi:

saada teada, millised rakud suhtlevad millistega,

which cells are communicating with which cells,

milliste kemikaalide abil, ja seejärel, et

with which chemicals,

and then in what quantities of those chemicals?

millises koguses need kemikaalid on?

So there was a lot of meaning in my life

Minu elul oli mõte, sest päevasel ajal tegelesin

because I was performing this type of research during the day,

sellist tüüpi teadustööga.

but then in the evenings and on the weekends,

Aga õhtuti ja nädalavahetuseti

I traveled as an advocate for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

sõitsin ringi NAMI, Riikliku Vaimuhaiguste Liidu eestkõnelejana.

But on the morning of December 10, 1996,

Aga 10. detsembri hommikul 1996 ärkasin ma üles

I woke up to discover that I had a brain disorder of my own.

ja avastasin, et mul on endal ajutegevuse häire.

A blood vessel exploded in the left half of my brain.

Minu vasakus ajupoolkeras lõhkes veresoon.

Ja nelja tunni jooksul

And in the course of four hours,

jälgisin ma, kuidas mu aju võime infot töödelda

I watched my brain completely deteriorate

in its ability to process all information.

käis täielikult alla. Sel hommikul, kui veresoon lõhkes,

On the morning of the hemorrhage,

ei suutnud ma käia, rääkida, lugeda, kirjutada, ega meenutada midagi oma elust.

I could not walk, talk, read, write or recall any of my life.

I essentially became an infant in a woman's body.

Muutusin justkui imikuks naise kehas.

If you've ever seen a human brain,

Kui te olete kunagi inimaju näinud,

it's obvious that the two hemispheres are completely separate from one another.

on selge, et kaks poolkera on teineteisest täiesti lahutatud.

Olen teie jaoks tõelise inimaju kaasa võtnud.

And I have brought for you a real human brain.

(Groaning, laughter)

See on ehtne inimaju.

So this is a real human brain.

This is the front of the brain,

See on aju eesmine osa,

the back of brain with the spinal cord hanging down,

see on aju tagumine osa koos rippuva seljaajuga

and this is how it would be positioned inside of my head.

ja niimoodi asetseks see minu peas.

And when you look at the brain,

Kui te aju vaatate, on ilmselge, et

it's obvious that the two cerebral cortices

kaks ajupoolkera on teineteisest täiesti lahutatud.

are completely separate from one another.

For those of you who understand computers,

Kui tunnete arvuteid, siis

our right hemisphere functions like a parallel processor,

meie parem ajupoolkera toimib nagu rööpprotsessor,

samas kui vasak ajupoolkera toimib kui jadaprotsessor.

while our left hemisphere functions like a serial processor.

Kaks ajupoolkera suhtlevad omavahel

The two hemispheres do communicate with one another

mõhnkeha abil,

through the corpus callosum,

which is made up of some 300 million axonal fibers.

mis koosneb umbes 300 miljonist närvikiust.

Aga kui see välja arvata,

But other than that,

the two hemispheres are completely separate.

on kaks ajupoolkera teineteisest täiesti eraldatud.

Because they process information differently,

Kuna nad töötlevad infot erinevalt,

each of our hemispheres think about different things,

mõtleb kumbki meie ajupoolkera erinevatele asjadele,

they care about different things, and, dare I say,

nad hoolivad erinevatest asjadest ja ma julgen öelda,

they have very different personalities.

et neil on väga erinev iseloom.

Excuse me. Thank you. It's been a joy.

Vabandage. Tänan teid. Oli väga meeldiv.

Assistant: It has been.

(Laughter)

Our right human hemisphere is all about this present moment.

Meie parem ajupoolkera tegeleb käesoleva hetkega.

Teda huvitab see, mis on "siin ja praegu".

It's all about "right here, right now."

Our right hemisphere, it thinks in pictures

Parem ajupoolkera mõtleb pildiliselt

and it learns kinesthetically through the movement of our bodies.

ja õpib kinesteetiliselt läbi meie keha liikumise.

Information, in the form of energy, streams in simultaneously

Informatsioon voolab energia kujul sisse

through all of our sensory systems

üheaegselt läbi kõigi meie meeleelundite

and then it explodes into this enormous collage

ja siis plahvatab üheks suureks kollaažiks

of what this present moment looks like,

sellest, kuidas praegune hetk välja näeb,

what this present moment smells like and tastes like,

kuidas praegune hetk lõhnab ja maitseb,

what it feels like and what it sounds like.

kuidas katsudes tundub ja millisena kõlab.

I am an energy-being connected to the energy all around me

Ma olen energeetiline olend, ühenduses kogu ümbritseva energiaga

through the consciousness of my right hemisphere.

parema ajupoolkera teadvuse kaudu.

Me kõik oleme energeetilised olendid, üksteisega ühenduses

We are energy-beings connected to one another

parema ajupoolkera teadvuse kaudu, nagu üks inimpere.

through the consciousness of our right hemispheres

as one human family.

And right here, right now, we are brothers and sisters on this planet,

Siin ja praegu

oleme sellel planeedil õed ja vennad,

here to make the world a better place.

et muuta maailma paremaks.

And in this moment we are perfect, we are whole and we are beautiful.

Just praegu oleme täiuslikud, terviklikud ja kaunid.

My left hemisphere, our left hemisphere, is a very different place.

Minu - meie - vasak ajupoolkera on väga erinev paik.

Our left hemisphere thinks linearly and methodically.

Vasak ajupoolkera mõtleb lineaarselt ja metoodiliselt.

Meie vasak ajupoolkera

Our left hemisphere is all about the past and it's all about the future.

tegeleb mineviku ja tulevikuga.

Our left hemisphere is designed to take

Vasak ajupoolkera on kavandatud nii, et ta suudab võtta

that enormous collage of the present moment

selle hiiglasliku kollaaži käesolevast hetkest ja hakata

and start picking out details, and more details about those details.

eristama sealt detaile ja omakorda nende detailide detaile.

Seejärel ta kategoriseerib ja

It then categorizes and organizes all that information,

korrastab kogu info, seostab selle kõigega,

associates it with everything in the past we've ever learned,

mida oleme minevikus õppinud ja

and projects into the future all of our possibilities.

kaalub kõiki meie tulevikuvõimalusi.

And our left hemisphere thinks in language.

Meie vasak ajupoolkera mõtleb keeleliselt.

It's that ongoing brain chatter that connects me and my internal world

See pidev sisemonoloog ühendab mind ja

minu sisemaailma ümbritseva maailmaga.

to my external world.

It's that little voice that says to me,

See hääleke ütleb mulle: "Kuule, ära unusta

"Hey, you've got to remember to pick up bananas on your way home.

koduteel banaane osta.

I need them in the morning."

Mul on neid hommikul vaja."

It's that calculating intelligence

See kalkuleeriv aru tuletab mulle meelde,

that reminds me when I have to do my laundry.

millal pean pesu pesema. Aga ehk kõige olulisem on,

But perhaps most important, it's that little voice that says to me,

et see hääleke ütleb mulle:

"I am. I am."

"Ma olen olemas." Ja niipea, kui mu vasak poolkera ütleb: "Ma olen olemas",

And as soon as my left hemisphere says to me "I am,"

ma eristun.

I become separate.

Muutun konkreetseks üksikisikuks, kes on eraldatud

I become a single solid individual,

separate from the energy flow around me

ümbritsevast energiavoost ja kes on eraldatud teist.

and separate from you.

And this was the portion of my brain that I lost on the morning of my stroke.

Ja selle osa oma ajust kaotasin ma

sel hommikul, kui sain insuldi.

On the morning of the stroke,

Insuldi-hommikul ärkasin üles

I woke up to a pounding pain behind my left eye.

ja tundsin piinavat valu vasaku silma taga. See oli selline valu -

And it was the kind of caustic pain that you get when you bite into ice cream.

salvav valu - mida sa tunned, kui sa

hammustad jäätist. See haaras mind -

And it just gripped me --

and then it released me.

ja siis laskis lahti. Ja haaras mind -

And then it just gripped me --

and then it released me.

ja laskis lahti. Minu jaoks oli väga harjumatu

And it was very unusual for me to ever experience any kind of pain,

üldse mingit valu tunda, niisiis mõtlesin,

so I thought, "OK, I'll just start my normal routine."

et tühja kah, alustan oma hommikuste toimetustega.

So I got up and I jumped onto my cardio glider,

Tõusin üles ja hüppasin oma trenažöörile,

which is a full-body, full-exercise machine.

mis on treeningmasin kogu kehale.

Teen hooga trenni ja äkki taipan,

And I'm jamming away on this thing,

and I'm realizing that my hands look like primitive claws

et mu käed näevad välja nagu primitiivsed küünised,

grasping onto the bar.

mis hoiavad käepidemest. Mõtlesin: "Kummaline."

And I thought, "That's very peculiar."

Vaatasin alla oma kehale ja mõtlesin: "Ohoo,

And I looked down at my body

and I thought, "Whoa, I'm a weird-looking thing."

olen vast veider olend." Tunne oli selline,

And it was as though my consciousness had shifted away

nagu mu teadvus oleks nihkunud eemale tavapärasest

from my normal perception of reality,

reaalsusest, kus mina olen inimene trenažööril,

where I'm the person on the machine having the experience,

kes kogeb midagi, ja liikunud mingisse esoteerilisse ruumi,

to some esoteric space

kus ma näen, kuidas ma midagi kogen.

where I'm witnessing myself having this experience.

And it was all very peculiar, and my headache was just getting worse.

See oli väga kummaline ja peavalu

läks üha hullemaks. Tulin trenažöörilt maha

So I get off the machine,

and I'm walking across my living room floor,

ja elutoast läbi minnes

and I realize that everything inside of my body has slowed way down.

taipasin, et mu kehas on kõik aeglustunud.

Et iga samm on väga jäik ja

And every step is very rigid and very deliberate.

väga kaalutletud. Mu astumises pole sujuvust

There's no fluidity to my pace,

ja mu tajud on kuidagi kitsenenud,

and there's this constriction in my area of perception,

nii et ma keskendun vaid oma sisemusele.

so I'm just focused on internal systems.

And I'm standing in my bathroom

Seisin vannitoas ja valmistusin

getting ready to step into the shower,

duši alla minema, kuuldes samal ajal

and I could actually hear the dialogue inside of my body.

dialoogi enda sees. Kuulsin vaikset häält,

I heard a little voice saying, "OK. You muscles, you've got to contract.

mis ütles: "Nii. Teie, lihased, peate kokku tõmbuma.

You muscles, you relax."

Teie, lihased, lõdvestuge."

And then I lost my balance, and I'm propped up against the wall.

Kaotasin tasakaalu ja vajusin vastu seina.

Vaatasin oma kätt ja sain aru,

And I look down at my arm

and I realize that I can no longer define the boundaries of my body.

et ma ei suuda enam määratleda oma keha piire.

Ma ei suuda määratleda, kus ma algan ja lõpen,

I can't define where I begin and where I end,

sest mu käe aatomid ja molekulid

because the atoms and the molecules of my arm

blended with the atoms and molecules of the wall.

on sulanud ühte seina aatomite ja molekulidega.

And all I could detect was this energy -- energy.

Ainus, mida suutsin tajuda, oli energia.

And I'm asking myself, "What is wrong with me?

Küsisin endalt: "Mis mul viga on?

What is going on?"

Mis toimub?" Ja samal hetkel mu sisemonoloog -

And in that moment, my left hemisphere brain chatter went totally silent.

mu vasaku ajupoolkera monoloog - lakkas täielikult.

Justkui keegi oleks võtnud kaugjuhtimispuldi

Just like someone took a remote control and pushed the mute button.

ja heli kinni vajutanud. Täielik vaikus.

Total silence.

And at first I was shocked to find myself inside of a silent mind.

Alguses olin jahmunud, kui avastasin,

et mu meeles valitseb vaikus. Aga kohe pärast seda

But then I was immediately captivated

olin võlutud mind ümbritseva energia hunnitusest.

by the magnificence of the energy around me.

Kuna ma ei suutnud enam tuvastada

And because I could no longer identify the boundaries of my body,

oma keha piire, tundsin end hiigelsuure ja laialivalguvana.

I felt enormous and expansive.

Tundsin, et olen üks kogu olemasoleva energiaga

I felt at one with all the energy that was,

ja see oli ilus.

and it was beautiful there.

Then all of a sudden my left hemisphere comes back online

Siis äkki tundsin, kuidas mu vasak ajupoolkera

logib uuesti sisse ja ütleb: "Kuule! Meil on probleem!

and it says to me, "Hey! We've got a problem!

We've got to get some help."

Meil on probleem! Peame abi hankima."

And I'm going, "Ahh! I've got a problem!"

Ma mõtlen: "Aa! Mul on probleem.

(Laughter)

Mul on probleem." Kordan endale: "Olgu-olgu. Mul on probleem."

So it's like, "OK, I've got a problem."

But then I immediately drifted right back out into the consciousness --

Aga seejärel triivisin kohe jälle

eneseteadvuse juurest minema - paika,

and I affectionately refer to this space as La La Land.

mida ma kutsun hellitavalt Ulmademaaks.

But it was beautiful there.

Aga seal oli ilus. Kujutage ette, mis tunne oleks

Imagine what it would be like to be totally disconnected

olla täiesti lahutatud sisemonoloogist,

from your brain chatter that connects you to the external world.

mis ühendab teid välise maailmaga.

So here I am in this space,

Ma viibisin selles paigas ja muu töö -

and my job, and any stress related to my job -- it was gone.

ja kogu tööga seotud stress - oli kadunud.

And I felt lighter in my body.

Tundsin end oma kehas nii kergelt. Kujutlege:

kõik välismaailma suhted ja kõik

And imagine all of the relationships in the external world

and any stressors related to any of those -- they were gone.

nendega seotud stressiallikad olid läinud.

And I felt this sense of peacefulness.

Tundsin erakordset rahu.

And imagine what it would feel like to lose

Kujutlege vabanemist 37 aasta jooksul kogunenud emotsionaalsest taagast!

37 years of emotional baggage!

(Laughter) Oh! I felt euphoria --

Oh! Ma tundsin eufooriat.

euphoria.

Eufooriat. See oli imekaunis.

It was beautiful.

And again, my left hemisphere comes online and it says,

Aga siis logis mu vasak ajupoolkera jälle sisse ja ütles:

"Hey! You've got to pay attention.

"Kuule! Ole nüüd tähelepanelik.

We've got to get help."

Me peame abi hankima." Ma mõtlen: "Pean abi hankima.

And I'm thinking, "I've got to get help. I've got to focus."

Pean keskenduma."

So I get out of the shower and I mechanically dress

Tulen duši alt ära ja riietun mehaaniliselt,

kõnnin korteris ringi

and I'm walking around my apartment,

ja mõtlen: "Pean tööle minema. Pean tööle minema.

and I'm thinking, "I've got to get to work. Can I drive?"

Kas ma autot suudan juhtida?"

And in that moment,

Sel hetkel muutus mu parem käsi

my right arm went totally paralyzed by my side.

täiesti halvatuks. Siis taipasin:

Then I realized, "Oh my gosh! I'm having a stroke!"

"Issand! Mul on insult! Mul on insult!"

And the next thing my brain says to me is,

Järgmisena ütles aju mulle: "Ohoo!

Wow! This is so cool!

Äge värk. Äge värk!"

(Laughter)

This is so cool!

How many brain scientists have the opportunity

Kui paljudel neuroteadlastel on võimalik

to study their own brain from the inside out?"

uurida omaenda aju seestpoolt?"

(Laughter)

(Naer)

And then it crosses my mind, "But I'm a very busy woman!"

Siis tuli mulle pähe: "Aga mul on väga palju tegemist!"

(Laughter)

"Mul ei ole insuldi jaoks aega!"

"I don't have time for a stroke!"

So I'm like, "OK, I can't stop the stroke from happening,

Mõtlen: "Olgu, ma ei saa insulti peatada,

niisiis tegelen sellega nädala või paar

so I'll do this for a week or two, and then I'll get back to my routine. OK.

ja siis pöördun oma igapäevatöö juurde tagasi. Olgu.

So I've got to call help. I've got to call work."

Ma pean abi kutsuma. Pean tööle helistama."

I couldn't remember the number at work,

Ma ei suutnud oma töökoha numbrit meenutada,

so I remembered, in my office I had a business card with my number.

aga mul oli meeles, et mul on visiitkaart

koos kontori numbriga. Läksin oma kabinetti,

So I go into my business room, I pull out a three-inch stack of business cards.

võtan sealt kolmetollise pataka visiitkaarte.

And I'm looking at the card on top

Vaatasin ülemist kaarti ja kuigi

and even though I could see clearly in my mind's eye

nägin oma vaimusilmas selgelt, milline mu visiitkaart on,

what my business card looked like,

I couldn't tell if this was my card or not,

ei suutnud ma eristada,

kas see on minu oma, sest nägin ainult piksleid.

because all I could see were pixels.

And the pixels of the words blended with the pixels of the background

Sõnade pikslid sulasid ühte

tausta pikslite ja tähtede-numbrite pikslitega

and the pixels of the symbols, and I just couldn't tell.

ja ma ei saanud midagi aru.

And then I would wait for what I call a wave of clarity.

Ootasin seda, mida ma nimetan selgushetkeks.

And in that moment, I would be able to reattach to normal reality

Sellisel hetkel olin võimeline

olema ühenduses tavareaalsusega ja mõistma,

and I could tell that's not the card... that's not the card.

et see on vale kaart ... vale kaart ... vale kaart.

45 minuti jooksul suutsin vaadata läbi

It took me 45 minutes to get one inch down inside of that stack of cards.

ühe tolli kogu kaardipatakast.

In the meantime, for 45 minutes,

Selle 45 minuti jooksul muutus

the hemorrhage is getting bigger in my left hemisphere.

verevalum mu vasakus ajupoolkeras üha suuremaks.

I do not understand numbers, I do not understand the telephone,

Ma ei saa numbritest aru. Ma ei saa telefonist aru,

but it's the only plan I have.

aga see on mu ainus tegevusplaan.

So I take the phone pad and I put it right here.

Võtan telefoni ja panen enda ette. Võtan visiitkaardi,

I take the business card, I put it right here,

panen samuti enda ette ja

and I'm matching the shape of the squiggles on the card

püüan leida kaardil asuvate kriipselduste järgi

to the shape of the squiggles on the phone pad.

samasuguse kujuga kriipseldusi telefonil.

But then I would drift back out into La La Land,

Aga vahepeal triivin tagasi Ulmademaale,

and not remember when I came back if I'd already dialed those numbers.

ega mäleta tagasi tulles, kas ma juba

valisin need numbrid või mitte.

So I had to wield my paralyzed arm like a stump

Pidin kasutama oma halvatud kätt nagu könti,

and cover the numbers as I went along and pushed them,

et katta kinni numbid, mida ma olin juba vajutanud,

nii et kui ma jõudsin jälle tagasi reaalsusesse,

so that as I would come back to normal reality,

suudaksin ma mõista: "Jah, selle numbri ma juba valisin."

I'd be able to tell, "Yes, I've already dialed that number."

Eventually, the whole number gets dialed and I'm listening to the phone,

Lõpuks saan numbri valitud

ja mul on telefonitoru kõrva ääres

and my colleague picks up the phone and he says to me,

ja kolleeg võtab vastu ja ütleb mulle:

"Woo woo woo woo." (Laughter)

"Auu auu auu auu." Mõtlen endamisi:

(Laughter)

And I think to myself,

"Issand, ta teeb sellist häält, nagu ta oleks kuldne retriiver!"

"Oh my gosh, he sounds like a Golden Retriever!"

(Laughter)

And so I say to him -- clear in my mind, I say to him:

Ütlen talle - kusjuures mu peas valitseb täielik selgus:

"This is Jill! I need help!"

"Jill siin! Mul on abi vaja!"

And what comes out of my voice is, "Woo woo woo woo woo."

Aga mu suust kostab: "Auu auu auu auu auu."

I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh, I sound like a Golden Retriever."

Mõtlen: "Issand, ma teen sellist häält, nagu ma oleksin kuldne retriiver."

Mul ei olnud aimugi, et ma ei suuda

So I couldn't know -- I didn't know

that I couldn't speak or understand language until I tried.

rääkida ega keelest aru saada, enne kui proovisin.

So he recognizes that I need help and he gets me help.

Ta saab aru, et mul on abi vaja, ja kutsub mulle abi.

Veidi aja pärast sõidan kiirabis ühest haiglast

And a little while later, I am riding in an ambulance

läbi Bostoni linna Massachusettsi Keskhaiglasse.

from one hospital across Boston to [Massachusetts] General Hospital.

Tõmbun kägarasse nagu loode.

And I curl up into a little fetal ball.

Nagu oleksin õhupall, millesse on jäänud viimane pahvakas õhku,

And just like a balloon with the last bit of air,

täpselt nagu õhk väljuks õhupallist,

just right out of the balloon,

tundsin, kuidas mu energia lahkus - ja kuidas mu vaim andis alla.

I just felt my energy lift and just I felt my spirit surrender.

Samal hetkel teadsin, et

And in that moment, I knew that I was no longer the choreographer of my life.

ma ei ole enam oma elu näitejuht.

And either the doctors rescue my body and give me a second chance at life,

Arstid kas päästavad mu keha ja annavad mulle

veel ühe võimaluse elada, või siis on hoopis aeg

or this was perhaps my moment of transition.

sellest ilmast lahkuda.

When I woke later that afternoon,

Kui ma samal pärastlõunal ärkasin, olin jahmunud,

I was shocked to discover that I was still alive.

et olen ikka veel elus. Kui ma tundsin, et mu vaim andis alla,

When I felt my spirit surrender, I said goodbye to my life.

olin elule hüvasti öelnud.

And my mind was now suspended

Nüüd hõljus mu meel kuskil

between two very opposite planes of reality.

kahe vastandliku reaalsuse vahel. Kõik, mida ma

Stimulation coming in through my sensory systems

läbi meeleelundite tajusin, mõjus puhta valuna.

felt like pure pain.

Light burned my brain like wildfire,

Valgus kõrvetas mu aju nagu metsatulekahju ja

and sounds were so loud and chaotic

helid olid nii valjud ja kaootilised, et ma ei suutnud

that I could not pick a voice out from the background noise,

eristada ühtegi häält taustamürast

and I just wanted to escape.

ning tahtsin ainult põgeneda. Kuna ma ei suutnud tuvastada

Because I could not identify the position of my body in space,

oma keha asetust ruumis, tundsin end hiigelsuure ja laialivalguvana,

I felt enormous and expansive,

nagu džinn, kes on pudelist välja lastud.

like a genie just liberated from her bottle.

Aga mu vaim hõljus vabalt, nagu suur vaal,

And my spirit soared free,

like a great whale gliding through the sea of silent euphoria.

kes liugleb läbi vaikse eufooria mere.

Nirvana.

Nirvaana. Leidsin nirvaana. Mäletan, et mõtlesin,

I found Nirvana.

And I remember thinking,

there's no way I would ever be able to squeeze the enormousness of myself

et ma ei suuda mitte mingil juhul pressida

oma hiigelsuurt mina tagasi sellesse väikesesse kehasse.

back inside this tiny little body.

But then I realized, "But I'm still alive!

Aga siis taipasin: "Ma olen ikka veel elus! Olen elus

I'm still alive, and I have found Nirvana.

ja leidsin nirvaana. Kui mina leidsin nirvaana

And if I have found Nirvana and I'm still alive,

ja olen ikka veel elus, võib igaüks,

then everyone who is alive can find Nirvana."

kes on elus, leida nirvaana." Kujutlesin maailma,

And I pictured a world

filled with beautiful, peaceful, compassionate, loving people

mis on täis ilusaid, rahumeelseid, kaastundlikke,

armastavaid inimesi, kes teavad, et nad võivad

who knew that they could come to this space at any time.

igal hetkel sellesse paika minna. Et nad võivad teadlikult

And that they could purposely choose

astuda oma vasakust ajupoolkerast sammu paremale

to step to the right of their left hemispheres --

ja leida selle rahu. Seejärel mõistsin,

and find this peace.

And then I realized

et see kogemus võiks olla suurepärane kingitus

what a tremendous gift this experience could be,

ja tuua kaasa rabava mõistmise seoses sellega,

what a stroke of insight this could be to how we live our lives.

kuidas me oma elu elame. See innustas mind tervenema.

And it motivated me to recover.

Two and a half weeks after the hemorrhage, the surgeons went in,

Kaks ja pool nädalat pärast insulti

eemaldasid kirurgid vereklombi, mis oli

and they removed a blood clot the size of a golf ball

golfipalli suurune ja vajutas mu keelekeskustele.

that was pushing on my language centers.

Siin olen koos emaga,

Here I am with my mama,

who is a true angel in my life.

kes on tõeline ingel mu elus. Läks kaheksa aastat, enne kui täielikult paranesin.

It took me eight years to completely recover.

So who are we?

Niisiis, kes me oleme? Me oleme universumi elujõud,

We are the life-force power of the universe,

kellel on käteosavus ja kaks kognitiivset meelt.

with manual dexterity and two cognitive minds.

Meil on võimalus igal hetkel valida,

And we have the power to choose, moment by moment,

kes ja kuidas me maailmas olla tahame.

who and how we want to be in the world.

Right here, right now,

Siin ja praegu võin ma astuda

I can step into the consciousness of my right hemisphere, where we are.

oma parema ajupoolkera teadvusesse.

I am the life-force power of the universe.

Ma olen universumi elujõud.

I am the life-force power

Ma olen 50 miljardi imekauni, mulle kuju andva

of the 50 trillion beautiful molecular geniuses that make up my form,

molekulaarse geeniuse elujõud, olen kõige olevaga üks.

at one with all that is.

Or, I can choose to step into the consciousness of my left hemisphere,

Või kui soovin, võin astuda oma vasaku ajupoolkera teadvusesse,

kus minust saab üksikisik,

where I become a single individual, a solid.

olen konkreetne objekt. Olen eraldatud energiavoost

Separate from the flow, separate from you.

ja olen eraldatud teist. Olen dr. Jill Bolte Taylor:

I am Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor:

intellectual, neuroanatomist.

intellektuaal, neuroteadlane. Need on "meie", kes minus asuvad.

These are the "we" inside of me.

Which would you choose?

Kumma te valiksite? Kumma te valite? Ja millal?

Which do you choose?

And when?

Ma usun, et mida sagedamini me otsustame

I believe that the more time we spend

choosing to run the deep inner-peace circuitry

rakendada sügava sisemise rahu mikroskeemi,

of our right hemispheres,

mis asub paremas ajupoolkeras, seda rohkem rahu

the more peace we will project into the world,

kiirgame me maailma, ja seda rahumeelsem on meie planeet.

and the more peaceful our planet will be.

Minu arvates oli see idee, mida tasub levitada.

And I thought that was an idea worth spreading.

Thank you.

(Applause)