Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness | TED

Translator: Nejc Jelen Reviewer: Nika Kotnik

What keeps us healthy and happy

Kaj nas ohranja zdrave in srečne

as we go through life?

ko gremo skozi življenje?

If you were going to invest now

Če bi ta trenutek investirali

in your future best self,

v najboljšega sebe v prihodnosti,

where would you put your time and your energy?

kam bi vložili svoj čas in energijo?

There was a recent survey of millennials

Nedavno so anketirali generacijo Y

asking them what their most important life goals were,

z vprašanjem, kaj so njihovi najbolj pomembni cilji v življenju,

and over 80 percent said

in več kot 80-odstotkov jih je reklo,

that a major life goal for them was to get rich.

da je njihov glavni življenjski cilj to, da postanejo bogati.

And another 50 percent of those same young adults

Prav tako je 50-odstotkov teh mladih odraslih

said that another major life goal

reklo, da je drug pomemben življenjski cilj to,

was to become famous.

da postanejo slavni.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder

Nenehno nam govorijo, da moramo še bolj delati, se še bolj gnati

and achieve more.

in še več doseči.

We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after

Dobivamo vtis, da so to tiste stvari, za katerimi moramo iti,

in order to have a good life.

da bomo imeli dobro življenje.

Pictures of entire lives,

Slike celotnih življenj,

of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them,

odločitev, ki jih ljudje sprejemajo in kako se jim te odločitve obrestujejo,

those pictures are almost impossible to get.

te slike je skoraj nemogoče dobiti.

Most of what we know about human life

Večino, kar vemo o človeškem življenju,

we know from asking people to remember the past,

vemo iz tega, ko prosimo ljudi, da se spomnijo preteklosti.

and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20.

in, kot vemo, pogled nazaj še zdaleč ni 20/20.

We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life,

Pozabimo ogromno, kar se nam je zgodilo v življenju,

and sometimes memory is downright creative.

včasih pa je spomin tudi naravnost kreativen.

But what if we could watch entire lives

Ampak, kaj če bi lahko gledali celotna življenja,

as they unfold through time?

medtem, ko se odvijajo skozi čas?

What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers

Kaj če bi lahko preučevali ljudi od časa, ko so bili najstniki,

all the way into old age

vse do starih let,

to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?

da bi lahko videli, kaj v resnici dela ljudi srečne in zdrave?

We did that.

To smo naredili.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development

Harvardska raziskava odraslega razvoja

may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done.

je morda najdaljša študija odraslega življenja, ki je bila kdajkoli narejena.

For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men,

Že 75 let sledimo življenju 724 moških

year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health,

in jih leto za letom sprašujemo o njihovem delu, življenju doma in zdravju.

and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories

Seveda v vsem tem času nismo vedeli, kako se bodo njihove življenjske zgodbe

were going to turn out.

obrnile.

Studies like this are exceedingly rare.

Raziskave, kot je ta, so izjemno redke.

Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade

Skoraj vsi projekti te vrste propadejo v enem desetletju,

because too many people drop out of the study,

ker preveč ljudi izstopi iz raziskave,

or funding for the research dries up,

ali se preneha financiranje raziskave,

or the researchers get distracted,

ali raziskovalci študijo opustijo,

or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field.

ali umrejo in raziskave nihče ne nadaljuje.

But through a combination of luck

Vendar je s kombinacijo sreče

and the persistence of several generations of researchers,

in vztrajnosti več generacij raziskovalcev

this study has survived.

ta raziskava preživela.

About 60 of our original 724 men

Okrog 60 od prvotnih 724 moških

are still alive,

je še vedno živih

still participating in the study,

in še vedno sodelujejo v raziskavi,

most of them in their 90s.

in večina jih je v 90. letu starosti.

And we are now beginning to study

Sedaj začenjamo raziskovati

the more than 2,000 children of these men.

več kot 2000 otrok teh moških.

And I'm the fourth director of the study.

Jaz sem četrti direktor te raziskave.

Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men.

Od leta 1938 smo sledili življenju dveh skupin moških.

The first group started in the study

Prva skupina je začela z raziskavo

when they were sophomores at Harvard College.

ko so bili študenti na Univerzi Harvard.

They all finished college during World War II,

Med 2. svetovno vojno so vsi dokočali študij

and then most went off to serve in the war.

in večina jih je šla v vojno.

And the second group that we've followed

Druga skupina, ki smo ji sledili,

was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,

je bila skupina fantov iz najrevnejših predelov Bostona,

boys who were chosen for the study

fantov, ki so bili za raziskavo izbrani

specifically because they were from some of the most troubled

posebej zato, ker so bili iz nekaterih najbolj težavnih

and disadvantaged families

in zapostavljenih družin

in the Boston of the 1930s.

v Bostonu v 1930-tih.

Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.

Večina jih je živela v najemu, mnogi brez tekoče tople in hladne vode.

When they entered the study,

Ko so vstopili v raziskavo,

all of these teenagers were interviewed.

si bili vsi ti najstniki intervjuvani.

They were given medical exams.

Opravili so zdravniške preglede.

We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents.

Šli smo k njim domov in intervjuvali njihove starše.

And then these teenagers grew up into adults

Potem so ti najstniki zrasli v odrasle ljudi,

who entered all walks of life.

ki so vstopi v vse družbene sloje.

They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors,

Postali so tovarniški delavci, odvetniki, zidarji, zdravniki

one President of the United States.

in eden predsednik Združenih držav.

Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia.

Nekateri so postali alkoholiki. Nekaj jih je razvilo shizofrenijo.

Some climbed the social ladder

Nekateri so se povzpeli na socialni lestvi

from the bottom all the way to the very top,

od dna, vse do samega vrha

and some made that journey in the opposite direction.

in nekateri so to pot opravili v nasprotni smeri.

The founders of this study

Ustanovitelji te raziskave

would never in their wildest dreams

si niti v najbolj divjih sanjah

have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later,

niso predstavljali, da bom jaz danes stal tu, 75 let pozneje,

telling you that the study still continues.

in vam pripovedoval, da raziskava še vedno poteka.

Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff

Vsaki dve leti naši potrpežljivi in predani raziskovalci

calls up our men and asks them if we can send them

pokličejo te moške in jih vprašajo, če jim lahko pošljemo

yet one more set of questions about their lives.

še eno polo vprašanj o njihovih življenjih.

Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,

Veliko moških iz Bostona nas vpraša:

"Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn't that interesting."

"Zakaj me še vedno preučujete? Moje življenje sploh ni tako zanimivo."

The Harvard men never ask that question.

Moški iz Harvarda tega nikoli ne vprašajo.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

To get the clearest picture of these lives,

Da bi lahko dobili najbolj jasno sliko njihovih življenj,

we don't just send them questionnaires.

jim ne pošljemo samo vprašalnikov.

We interview them in their living rooms.

Intervjujamo jih v njihovih dnevnih sobah.

We get their medical records from their doctors.

Pridobimo njihove zdravniške kartoteke.

We draw their blood, we scan their brains,

Vzamemo jim kri, skeniramo jim možgane

we talk to their children.

in govorimo z njihovimi otroci.

We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns.

Snemamo jih, ko se s soprogami pogovarjajo o svojih najglobljih skrbeh.

And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives

Ko smo pred desetletjem končno vprašali njihove žene,

if they would join us as members of the study,

če bi se nam pridružile v raziskavi,

many of the women said, "You know, it's about time."

jih je veliko reklo: "Veste, bi bil že skrajni čas."

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

So what have we learned?

Kaj smo se torej naučili?

What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages

Kaj so lekcije, ki izhajajo iz več deset tisoč strani

of information that we've generated

informacij, ki smo jih zbrali

on these lives?

o teh življenjih?

Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder.

Torej, lekcije niso o bogastvu ali slavi ali garanju več in bolj.

The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this:

Najbolj jasno sporočilo, ki ga dobimo iz te 75 letne raziskave je to:

Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.

Dobri odnosi nas ohranjajo srečne in zdrave. Pika.

We've learned three big lessons about relationships.

Naučili smo se tri velike lekcije o odnosih.

The first is that social connections are really good for us,

Prva je, da so družbene vezi za nas resnično dobre

and that loneliness kills.

in da osamljenost ubija.

It turns out that people who are more socially connected

Izkazalo se je, da so ljudje, ki so bolj povezani

to family, to friends, to community,

z družino, prijatelji in skupnostjo,

are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer

bolj srečni, bolj fizično zdravi in živijo dlje,

than people who are less well connected.

kot ljudje, ki niso tako povezani.

And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic.

Doživljanje samote se je izkazalo za strupeno.

People who are more isolated than they want to be from others

Ljudje, ki so od drugih bolj izolirani, kot si želijo,

find that they are less happy,

so manj srečni,

their health declines earlier in midlife,

njihovo zdravje upade prej,

their brain functioning declines sooner

prej upade delovanje možganov

and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.

in živijo krajša življenja kot ljudje, ki niso osamljeni.

And the sad fact is that at any given time,

Žalostno dejstvo je, da se v vsakem trenutku

more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.

več kot eden izmed petih Američanov počuti osamljenega.

And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd

In vemo, da si lahko osamljen tudi v množici

and you can be lonely in a marriage,

in da si lahko osamljen v zakonu,

so the second big lesson that we learned

zato je druga velika naučena lekcija ta,

is that it's not just the number of friends you have,

da ni pomembno samo to, koliko prijateljev imamo

and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship,

in to ali smo ali nismo v partnerskem odnosu,

but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters.

ampak je kvaliteta naših bližnjih odnosov tista, ki šteje.

It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health.

Izkaže se, da je živeti v konfliktu resnično slabo za naše zdravje.

High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection,

Zelo konfliktne zakonske zveze, ki so brez naklonjenosti,

turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced.

so zelo slabe za naše zdravje, mogoče še slabše, kot ločitev.

And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.

Živeti v dobrem, toplem partnerskem odnosu je varovalno.

Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s,

Ko smo sledili našim moškim vse v njihova 80-ta

we wanted to look back at them at midlife

smo pogledali nazaj v njihova srednja leta,

and to see if we could predict

da bi videli, če lahko napovemo,

who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian

kdo bo odrasel v srečnega in zdravega osemdesetletnika

and who wasn't.

in kdo ne bo.

And when we gathered together everything we knew about them

Ko smo zbrali skupaj vse, kar smo vedeli o njih

at age 50,

pri njihovih 50-tih,

it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels

ni bila raven holesterola tista,

that predicted how they were going to grow old.

ki je predvidela, kako bodo ostareli.

It was how satisfied they were in their relationships.

Bilo je to, kako zadovoljni so v svojih odnosih.

The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50

Ljudje, ki so bili najbolj zadovoljni v svojih odnosih pri 50-tih,

were the healthiest at age 80.

so bili najbolj zdravi pri 80-tih.

And good, close relationships seem to buffer us

Kaže, da nas dobri in tesni odnosi varujejo

from some of the slings and arrows of getting old.

pred nekaterimi tegobami staranja.

Our most happily partnered men and women

Moški in ženske v najbolj srečnih partnerskih odnosih

reported, in their 80s,

so v svojih 80-tih poročali,

that on the days when they had more physical pain,

da je bilo v dnevih, ko so imeli več fizičnih bolečin,

their mood stayed just as happy.

njihovo razpoloženje enako srečno.

But the people who were in unhappy relationships,

Ljudje, ki pa so bili v nesrečnih odnosih,

on the days when they reported more physical pain,

so v dnevih, ko so poročali o večji fizični bolečini,

it was magnified by more emotional pain.

je bila ta še povečana z večjo čustveno bolečino.

And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health

Tretja velika lekcija, ki smo se jo naučili o naših odnosih in zdravju,

is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies,

je ta, da dobri odnosi ne ščitijo samo naših teles,

they protect our brains.

ščitijo tudi naše možgane.

It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship

Izkaže se, da varen povezan partnerski odnos

to another person in your 80s is protective,

deluje zaščitno

that the people who are in relationships

za osebi, ki sta v tem odnosu,

where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need,

kjer resnično čutita, da se v stiski lahko zaneseta drug na drugega.

those people's memories stay sharper longer.

Spomini teh ljudi ostanejo ostri dlje časa.

And the people in relationships

Ljudje v partnerskih odnosih,

where they feel they really can't count on the other one,

ki čutijo, da se ne morejo zanesti na drugega,

those are the people who experience earlier memory decline.

izkusijo zgodnejši upad spomina.

And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time.

Ni potrebno, da so dobri partnerski odnosi ves čas gladki.

Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other

Nekateri naši 80-letni pari so se lahko pričkali

day in and day out,

dan za dnem,

but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other

vendar, če so čutili, da se lahko res zanesejo na drugega,

when the going got tough,

ko pridejo težki časi,

those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.

ta prerekanja niso terjala davka na njihove spomine.

So this message,

Torej je to sporočilo,

that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being,

da so dobri in tesni odnosi dobri za naše zdravje in dobro počutje,

this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.

modrost, ki je tako stara, kot svet.

Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore?

Zakaj je to tako težko dojeti in tako zlahka spregledati?

Well, we're human.

No, smo pač ljudje.

What we'd really like is a quick fix,

Hočemo hitre rešitve,

something we can get

nekaj, kar lahko dobimo,

that'll make our lives good and keep them that way.

kar bo naredilo naša življenja dobra in jih taka ohranila.

Relationships are messy and they're complicated

Odnosi so neurejeni in komplicirani

and the hard work of tending to family and friends,

in težko delo negovanja družinskih in prijateljskih vezi,

it's not sexy or glamorous.

ni seksi ali glamurozno.

It's also lifelong. It never ends.

Je tudi vseživljenjsko. Nikoli se ne konča.

The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement

Ljudje v naši 75-letni študiji, ki so bili v upokojitvi najsrečnejši,

were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates.

so bili ljudje, ki so si poiskali zamenjavo za sodelavce.

Just like the millennials in that recent survey,

Kot generacija Y v tisti nedavni raziskavi,

so številni naši moški v začetku odraslega življenja

many of our men when they were starting out as young adults

really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement

resnično verjeli, da so slava, bogastvo in visoki dosežki,

were what they needed to go after to have a good life.

tisto, za čimer morajo iti, da bodo imeli dobro življenje.

But over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown

Vendar je znova in znova v teh 75-letih naša raziskava pokazala,

that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships,

da so ljudje, ki so se odrezali najbolje tisti, ki so se nagibali k odnosom

z družino, prijatelji in skupnostjo.

with family, with friends, with community.

So what about you?

Torej, kaj pa vi?

Let's say you're 25, or you're 40, or you're 60.

Recimo, da ste stari 25, 40 ali 60 let.

What might leaning in to relationships even look like?

Kako naj bi nagibanje k odnosom sploh izgledalo?

Well, the possibilities are practically endless.

Možnost so skoraj neskončne.

It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time

Lahko je tako preprosto kot zamenjati čas pred TV-jem z druženjem

or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together,

ali poživitev zastalega odnosa, s tem, da skupaj naredite nekaj novega,

long walks or date nights,

dolgi sprehodi ali večerni zmenki,

or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years,

ali kontaktirati družinskega člana, s katerim niste spregovorili že leta,

because those all-too-common family feuds

zaradi teh vse preveč običajnih družinskih razprtij,

take a terrible toll

ki terjajo strašen davek

on the people who hold the grudges.

od ljudi, ki se oklepajo zamer.

I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain.

Rad bi zaključil s citatom Marka Twaina.

More than a century ago,

Pred več kot stoletjem

he was looking back on his life,

je gledal nazaj na svoje življenje

and he wrote this:

in zapisal naslednje:

"There isn't time, so brief is life,

"Ni časa, tako kratko je življenje,

for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account.

za prerekanja, opravičevanja, zgago, zagovarjanja.

There is only time for loving,

Je samo čas za ljubezen,

and but an instant, so to speak, for that."

in samo trenutek, takorekoč, za to."

The good life is built with good relationships.

Dobro življenje je zgrajeno z dobrimi odnosi.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Aplavz)