Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness | TED

Translator: Simon Djernæs Reviewer: Jette Derriche

What keeps us healthy and happy

Hvad gør os sunde og glade

as we go through life?

gennem hele livet?

If you were going to invest now

Hvis du lige nu skulle investere

in your future best self,

i den bedste fremtidige udgave af dig selv

where would you put your time and your energy?

hvad ville du så bruge din tid og energi på?

There was a recent survey of millennials

Der var fornyligt en undersøgelse af årgang 00'er

asking them what their most important life goals were,

som blev spurgt, hvad deres vigtigste mål i livet var,

and over 80 percent said

og over 80 procent svarede

that a major life goal for them was to get rich.

at et vigtigt mål for dem var at blive rige.

And another 50 percent of those same young adults

Og 50% af disse unge voksne

said that another major life goal

svarede at et andet vigtigt mål

was to become famous.

var at blive berømt.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder

Og vi bliver konstant fortalt at vi skal arbejde hårdt, være ambitiøse

and achieve more.

og opnå mere.

We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after

Vi har fået det indtryk, at det er hvad vi skal opnå

in order to have a good life.

for at få et godt liv.

Pictures of entire lives,

Billeder af et helt liv,

of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them,

af de valg folk tager og hvordan disse valg udarter sig for dem,

those pictures are almost impossible to get.

de billeder er næsten umulige af få.

Most of what we know about human life

Det meste vi ved om menneskers liv

we know from asking people to remember the past,

ved vi, fordi vi har spurgt til folks erindringer,

and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20.

og som vi ved: bagklogskab er sjældent nøjagtig.

We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life,

Vi glemmer en stor del af hvad der er sket

and sometimes memory is downright creative.

og nogle gange er hukommelsen ligefrem kreativ.

But what if we could watch entire lives

Men tænk hvis vi kunne iagttage komplette liv

as they unfold through time?

mens de udfolder sig?

What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers

Hvis vi kunne studere folk fra tiden hvor de var teenagere

all the way into old age

hele vejen til alderdom

to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?

for at se hvad der virkelig holder folk glade og raske?

We did that.

Det gjorde vi.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development

Harvard Undersøgelse af Voksen Udvikling

may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done.

er måske den længste undersøgelse af voksenlivet, som nogensinde er lavet.

For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men,

I 75 år fulgte vi 724 mænd,

year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health,

år efter år, spurgte vi ind til job, hjemmeliv og deres helbred

and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories

og spurgte naturligvis dem alle løbende uden at vide hvordan deres livshistorie

were going to turn out.

ville udarte sig.

Studies like this are exceedingly rare.

Undersøgelser som denne er overordentligt sjældne.

Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade

Næsten alle projekter af den type falder fra hinanden inden 10 år

because too many people drop out of the study,

fordi alt for mange mennesker dropper ud af undersøgelsen,

or funding for the research dries up,

eller finansieringen stopper,

or the researchers get distracted,

eller forskerne bliver distraheret,

or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field.

eller de dør, og ingen giver bolden videre.

But through a combination of luck

Men med en kombination af held

and the persistence of several generations of researchers,

og udholdenhed hos flere generationers forskere

this study has survived.

har undersøgelsen overlevet.

About 60 of our original 724 men

Cirka 60 af vores oprindelige 724 mænd

are still alive,

er stadig i live,

still participating in the study,

deltager stadig i undersøgelsen,

most of them in their 90s.

de fleste er i 90'erne.

And we are now beginning to study

Og vi begynder nu at forske i

the more than 2,000 children of these men.

de mere end 2000 børn af disse mænd.

And I'm the fourth director of the study.

Jeg er den fjerde direktør af undersøgelsen.

Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men.

Siden 1938 har vi fulgt livet af to grupper med mænd.

The first group started in the study

Den første gruppe startede i undersøgelsen

when they were sophomores at Harvard College.

da de var på andet år, på Harvard Universitet.

They all finished college during World War II,

Alle afsluttede Universitetet i løbet af 2. verdenskrig,

and then most went off to serve in the war.

og de fleste tog afsted for at deltage i krigen.

And the second group that we've followed

Den anden gruppe som vi fulgte

was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,

var en gruppe af drenge fra Bostons fattigste kvarter,

boys who were chosen for the study

drenge som var udvalgt til undersøgelsen,

specifically because they were from some of the most troubled

specifikt, fordi de kom fra nogen af de mest

and disadvantaged families

socialt udsatte familier

in the Boston of the 1930s.

i Boston i 1930'erne.

Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.

De fleste boede i lejeboliger, mange uden rindende vand.

When they entered the study,

Da de som teenagere startede i undersøgelsen

all of these teenagers were interviewed.

blev de alle interviewet.

They were given medical exams.

De undergik helbredstjek.

We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents.

Vi besøgte dem og interviewede deres forældre.

And then these teenagers grew up into adults

Og disse teenagere voksede op

who entered all walks of life.

og landede i alle samfundslag.

They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors,

De blev fabriksarbejdere, advokater, brolæggere og læger,

one President of the United States.

en blev præsident i USA.

Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia.

Nogle blev alkoholikere. Få udviklede skizofreni.

Some climbed the social ladder

Nogle steg op ad den sociale rangstige

from the bottom all the way to the very top,

fra bunden hele vejen til den absolutte top,

and some made that journey in the opposite direction.

og nogle tog rejsen i den modsatte retning.

The founders of this study

Grundlæggerne af denne undersøgelse

would never in their wildest dreams

ville aldrig i deres vildeste fantasi

have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later,

have drømt om at jeg ville stå her idag, 75 år senere,

telling you that the study still continues.

og fortæller Jer at forskningen stadig består.

Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff

Hvert andet år, ringer vores tålmodige og dedikerede forskerhold

calls up our men and asks them if we can send them

til vores mænd og spørger om vi må sende dem

yet one more set of questions about their lives.

endnu et sæt spørgsmål vedrørende deres liv.

Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,

Mange fra Bostons centrum spørger:

"Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn't that interesting."

"Hvorfor vil I fortsat studere mig? Mit liv er ikke så interessant."

The Harvard men never ask that question.

Mændene fra Harvard stiller aldrig det spørgsmål.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

To get the clearest picture of these lives,

For at få det klareste billede af deres liv,

we don't just send them questionnaires.

sender vi dem ikke kun spørgeskemaer.

We interview them in their living rooms.

Vi interviewer dem hjemme hos dem selv.

We get their medical records from their doctors.

Vi får journaler fra deres læger.

We draw their blood, we scan their brains,

Vi tager blodprøver, vi scanner deres hjerner,

we talk to their children.

vi taler med deres børn.

We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns.

Vi filmer dem, mens de taler om deres dybeste bekymringer med ægtefællen.

And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives

Og da vi for ca. 10 år siden, endelig spurgte deres ægtefæller

if they would join us as members of the study,

om de også ville deltage i undersøgelsen

many of the women said, "You know, it's about time."

svarede mange af kvinderne: "Det var på tide."

(Laughter)

(Latter)

So what have we learned?

Så hvad har vi lært?

What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages

Hvad har vi lært fra disse tusindvis af siders

of information that we've generated

information vi har samlet

on these lives?

om disse liv?

Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder.

Det handler ikke om rigdom, berømmelse eller hårdt arbejde.

The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this:

Det der står lysende klart efter 75 års undersøgelse er:

Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.

Gode relationer gør os gladere og raskere. Punktum.

We've learned three big lessons about relationships.

Vi har lært tre vigtige ting om relationer.

The first is that social connections are really good for us,

For det første, at sociale relationer er gode for os,

and that loneliness kills.

og at ensomhed dræber.

It turns out that people who are more socially connected

Det viser sig at folk som er mere socialt forbundet

to family, to friends, to community,

til familier, venner, fælleskaber,

are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer

er gladere, fysisk sundere og lever længere

than people who are less well connected.

end folk som har mindre gode netværk.

And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic.

Og oplevelsen af ensomhed viser sig at være giftig.

People who are more isolated than they want to be from others

De som er mere isoleret fra andre end de egentlig ønsker

find that they are less happy,

oplever at de er mindre glade,

their health declines earlier in midlife,

deres helbred svækkes tidligere i livet,

their brain functioning declines sooner

hjernefunktioner nedsættes tidligere

and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.

og de lever kortere liv end folk som ikke er ensomme.

And the sad fact is that at any given time,

Og det sørgelige faktum er, at uanset tidspunktet,

more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.

vil flere end én ud af fem amerikanere berette at de er ensomme.

And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd

Vi ved at man kan være ensom i en flok

and you can be lonely in a marriage,

og man kan være ensom i et ægteskab,

so the second big lesson that we learned

så den anden klare erfaring er,

is that it's not just the number of friends you have,

at det ikke bare handler om antal venner,

and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship,

eller hvorvidt du har et fast forhold,

but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters.

det er kvaliteten af de nære relationer der betyder noget.

It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health.

Det viser sig, at et konfliktfyldt liv er rigtig dårligt for helbredet.

High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection,

Ægteskaber med mange konflikter og uden megen kærlighed,

turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced.

viser sig at være dårlig for helbredet og måske endda værre end skilsmisse.

And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.

Og lever man i et godt og varmt forhold, virker det beskyttende.

Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s,

Da vi havde fulgt mændene til de var i deres 80'ere,

we wanted to look back at them at midlife

kiggede vi tilbage på midten af livet

and to see if we could predict

for at se om vi kunne forudse

who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian

hvem der ville blive en lykkelig og sund firsårig

and who wasn't.

og hvem der ikke ville.

And when we gathered together everything we knew about them

Og da vi samlede alt hvad vi vidste om dem

at age 50,

ved en alder på 50,

it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels

var det ikke midtlivets kolesteroltal

that predicted how they were going to grow old.

der viste hvordan de ville blive gamle.

It was how satisfied they were in their relationships.

Det var, hvor tilfredse de var i deres forhold.

The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50

De der var mest tilfredse med deres forhold som 50 årige

were the healthiest at age 80.

var de sundeste 80 årige.

And good, close relationships seem to buffer us

Gode og tætte relationer synes at beskytte os

from some of the slings and arrows of getting old.

mod nogle af de ulemper der er ved at blive gammel.

Our most happily partnered men and women

Vores gladeste samlevende mænd og kvinder

reported, in their 80s,

meddelte, som 80 årige,

that on the days when they had more physical pain,

at på de dage hvor de havde mere fysisk smerte,

their mood stayed just as happy.

var de ikke mindre glade.

But the people who were in unhappy relationships,

Men de som ikke var i lykkelige forhold

on the days when they reported more physical pain,

på dage hvor de havde mere fysisk smerte

it was magnified by more emotional pain.

blev smerten forstærket af yderligere følelsesmæssig smerte.

And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health

Og den tredie vigtige lektie vi lærte om sociale relationer og helbred

is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies,

er at gode relationer, ikke bare beskytter vores kroppe

they protect our brains.

men også vores hjerner.

It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship

Det viser sig, at er man som 80 årig

to another person in your 80s is protective,

i et trygt forhold med en anden person, virker det beskyttende,

that the people who are in relationships

og personer med livspartnere

where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need,

de virkelig kan regne med når det brænder på,

those people's memories stay sharper longer.

har bedre og skarpere hukommelse i længere tid.

And the people in relationships

Og dem i forhold

where they feel they really can't count on the other one,

der ikke føler de kan regne med den anden,

those are the people who experience earlier memory decline.

oplever tidligere hukommelsestab.

And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time.

Men de gode forhold behøver ikke være lykkelige hele tiden.

Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other

Nogle af vores 80 årige par kunne småskændes med hinanden

day in and day out,

dag ud og dag ind,

but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other

når bare de følte at de kunne regne med den anden

when the going got tough,

når det virkelig gjaldt,

those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.

havde skænderierne ingen indflydelse på hukommelsen.

So this message,

Så budskabet,

that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being,

at gode, tætte forhold er godt for vores helbred og trivsel,

this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.

det er viden, så gammel som bjergene.

Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore?

Hvorfor er det så svært at forstå og så let at glemme?

Well, we're human.

Vi er kun mennesker.

What we'd really like is a quick fix,

Det vi godt kan lide er et hurtigt fix,

something we can get

noget vi kan få

that'll make our lives good and keep them that way.

som vil gøre vores liv godt og sikre det forbliver sådan.

Relationships are messy and they're complicated

Forhold er rodet og komplicerede

and the hard work of tending to family and friends,

og det hårde arbejde med at vedligeholde familieliv og venner

it's not sexy or glamorous.

er hverken sexet eller glamourøst.

It's also lifelong. It never ends.

Det er også livsvarigt. Det slutter aldrig.

The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement

Deltagerne der efter 75 år var de lykkeligste pensionister

were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates.

var folk som aktivt havde udskiftet kollegaer med legekammerater.

Just like the millennials in that recent survey,

Lige som årgang 00'erne i den nye undersøgelse,

many of our men when they were starting out as young adults

troede også mange af de ældre mænd, da de startede som unge voksne,

really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement

at berømmelse og rigdom

were what they needed to go after to have a good life.

ville hjælpe i jagten på det gode liv

But over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown

Men igen og igen, i løbet af de 75 år, har vores undersøgelse vist

that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships,

at de der klarede sig bedst, var dem der hengav sig til relationer,

with family, with friends, with community.

med familien, venner og fællesskaber.

So what about you?

Så, hvad med dig?

Let's say you're 25, or you're 40, or you're 60.

Lad os sige du er 25, 40 eller 60 år.

What might leaning in to relationships even look like?

Hvordan betyder det at give sig hen til relationer?

Well, the possibilities are practically endless.

Mulighederne er praktisk talt uendelige.

It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time

Det kunne være noget så simpelt, som at udskifte TV-tid med mennesker

or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together,

eller genoplive et forslidt forhold ved at lave noget nyt sammen,

long walks or date nights,

lange gåture eller stævnemøder,

or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years,

eller nå ud til det familiemedlem du ikke har talt med i årevis,

because those all-too-common family feuds

fordi de familierfejder vi alle kender til

take a terrible toll

er opslidende

on the people who hold the grudges.

på de der bærer nag.

I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain.

Jeg vil gerne afslutte med et citat af Mark Twain.

More than a century ago,

Mere end et århundrede siden,

he was looking back on his life,

kiggede han tilbage på sit liv

and he wrote this:

og skrev dette:

"There isn't time, so brief is life,

"Der er ikke tid, så kort er livet,

for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account.

til skænderier, undskyldninger og hjertesorg at bære.

There is only time for loving,

Der er kun tid til kærlighed,

and but an instant, so to speak, for that."

og endda til det, kun et øjeblik."

The good life is built with good relationships.

Det gode liv er bygget på gode relationer.

Thank you.

Tak

(Applause)

(Bifald)