Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness | TED

翻译人员: Li Li 校对人员: Hong Li

What keeps us healthy and happy

在我们的人生中

as we go through life?

是什么让我们保持健康且幸福呢？

If you were going to invest now

如果现在你可以

in your future best self,

为未来的自己投资

where would you put your time and your energy?

你会把时间和精力投资在哪里呢？

There was a recent survey of millennials

最近在千禧一代中有这么一个调查

asking them what their most important life goals were,

问他们生活中最重要的目标是什么

and over 80 percent said

超过80%的人说

that a major life goal for them was to get rich.

最大的生活目标就是要有钱

And another 50 percent of those same young adults

还有50%的年轻人说

said that another major life goal

另一个重要的生活目标

was to become famous.

就是要出名

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder

而且我们总是被灌输 要投入工作，要加倍努力

and achieve more.

要成就更多。

We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after

我们被灌输了这样一种观念， 只有做到刚才说的这些

in order to have a good life.

才能有好日子过。

Pictures of entire lives,

要人们纵观整个人生，

of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them,

想象各种选择， 以及这些选择最终导致的结果，

those pictures are almost impossible to get.

几乎是不可能的。

Most of what we know about human life

关于人的一生，我们能了解到的，

we know from asking people to remember the past,

大部分都是通过人的回忆得来，

and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20.

但众所周知，大部分都是事后诸葛。

We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life,

一生中，我们会忘记很多发生过的事情，

and sometimes memory is downright creative.

而且记忆常常不可靠。

But what if we could watch entire lives

但如果我们可以从头到尾地

as they unfold through time?

纵观人的一生呢？

What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers

如果我们可以跟踪研究一个人， 从他少年时代开始

all the way into old age

一直到他步入晚年，

to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?

看看究竟是什么让人们 保持快乐和健康呢？

We did that.

我们做到了。

The Harvard Study of Adult Development

哈佛大学（进行的）这项 关于成人发展的研究，

may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done.

可能是同类研究中耗时最长的。

For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men,

在75年时间里， 我们跟踪了724个人的一生，

year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health,

年复一年，了解他们的工作、 家庭生活、健康状况，

and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories

当然，在这一过程中， 我们完全不知道他们的人生

were going to turn out.

将走向何方。

Studies like this are exceedingly rare.

像这样的研究少之又少。

Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade

像这样的项目几乎都会在10年内终止，

because too many people drop out of the study,

因为有许多人会中途退出，

or funding for the research dries up,

或者是研究资金不足，

or the researchers get distracted,

或者是研究者转换方向，

or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field.

或者去世，然后项目无人接手。

But through a combination of luck

但感谢幸运女神的眷顾

and the persistence of several generations of researchers,

和几代研究人员的坚持不懈，

this study has survived.

这个项目存活下来了。

About 60 of our original 724 men

目前这724人中

are still alive,

仍有60人在世，

still participating in the study,

仍然在参与研究

most of them in their 90s.

大多数人已经90多岁了。

And we are now beginning to study

现在我们已经开始研究

the more than 2,000 children of these men.

他们的子孙后代， 人数多达2000多人。

And I'm the fourth director of the study.

我是这个项目的第四任负责人。

Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men.

从1938年起，我们 开始跟踪两组人的生活。

The first group started in the study

第一组加入这个项目的人，

when they were sophomores at Harvard College.

当年在哈佛大学上大二。

They all finished college during World War II,

他们在二战期间大学毕业，

and then most went off to serve in the war.

大部分人都参军作战了。

And the second group that we've followed

我们追踪的第二组人

was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,

是一群来自波士顿贫民区的小男孩，

boys who were chosen for the study

他们之所以被选中，

specifically because they were from some of the most troubled

主要是因为他们来自 20世纪30年代波士顿

and disadvantaged families

最困难

in the Boston of the 1930s.

最贫困的家庭。

Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.

大部分住在廉价公寓里， 很多都没有冷热水供应。

When they entered the study,

在加入这个项目时，

all of these teenagers were interviewed.

这些年轻人都接受了面试。

They were given medical exams.

接受了身体检查。

We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents.

我们挨家挨户走访了他们的父母。

And then these teenagers grew up into adults

然后这些年轻人长大成人，

who entered all walks of life.

进入到社会各个阶层。

They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors,

成为了工人、律师、砖匠、医生，

one President of the United States.

还有一位成了美国总统。

Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia.

有人成为酒鬼，有人患了精神分裂。

Some climbed the social ladder

有人从社会最底层

from the bottom all the way to the very top,

一路青云直上，

and some made that journey in the opposite direction.

也有人恰相反，掉落云端。

The founders of this study

这个项目的创始人们，

would never in their wildest dreams

可能做梦都不会想到

have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later,

75年后的今天，我会站在这里，

telling you that the study still continues.

告诉你们这个项目还在继续。

Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff

每两年，我们耐心而专注的研究人员

calls up our men and asks them if we can send them

会打电话给我们的研究对象， 问他们是否愿意

yet one more set of questions about their lives.

再做一套关于他们生活的问卷。

Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,

那些来自波士顿的人问我们，

"Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn't that interesting."

“为什么你们一直想研究我？ 我的生活是很无趣的。”

The Harvard men never ask that question.

但哈佛的人从没这样问过。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

To get the clearest picture of these lives,

为了更好地了解这些人的生活，

we don't just send them questionnaires.

我们不光给他们发问卷。

We interview them in their living rooms.

我们还在他们家客厅采访他们。

We get their medical records from their doctors.

从他们医生那儿拿病历。

We draw their blood, we scan their brains,

抽他们的血，扫描他们的大脑，

we talk to their children.

跟他们的孩子聊天。

We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns.

我们拍摄下他们和妻子谈话的场景， 聊的都是他们最关心的问题。

And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives

大约在10年前，我们 终于开口问他们的妻子，

if they would join us as members of the study,

是否愿意加入我们的研究，

many of the women said, "You know, it's about time."

很多女士都说，“是啊， 终于轮到我们了。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So what have we learned?

那么我们得到了什么结论呢？

What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages

那长达几万页的数据记录， 记录了他们的生活，

of information that we've generated

我们从这些记录中间，

on these lives?

到底学到了什么？

Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder.

不是关于财富、名望， 或更加努力工作。

The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this:

从75年的研究中， 我们得到的最明确的结论是：

Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.

良好的人际关系能 让人更加快乐和健康。就这样。

We've learned three big lessons about relationships.

关于人际关系，我们得到三大结论。

The first is that social connections are really good for us,

第一，社会关系对我们是有益的，

and that loneliness kills.

而孤独寂寞有害健康。

It turns out that people who are more socially connected

我们发现，那些跟家庭成员更亲近的人，

to family, to friends, to community,

更爱与朋友、与邻居交往的人，

are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer

会比那些不善交际、离群索居的人，

than people who are less well connected.

更快乐，更健康，更长寿。

And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic.

孤独寂寞是有害健康的。

People who are more isolated than they want to be from others

那些“被孤立”的人， 跟不孤单的人相比，

find that they are less happy,

往往更加不快乐，

their health declines earlier in midlife,

等他们人到中年时，健康状况下降更快，

their brain functioning declines sooner

大脑功能下降得更快，

and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.

也没那么长寿。

And the sad fact is that at any given time,

可惜的是，长久以来，

more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.

每5个美国人中就至少 有1个声称自己是孤独的。

And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd

而且即便你身在人群中， 甚至已经结婚了，

and you can be lonely in a marriage,

你还是可能感到孤独，

so the second big lesson that we learned

因此我们得到的第二大结论是

is that it's not just the number of friends you have,

不是你有多少朋友，

and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship,

也不是你身边有没有伴侣，

but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters.

真正有影响的是这些关系的质量。

It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health.

整天吵吵闹闹，对健康是有害的。

High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection,

比如成天吵架，没有爱的婚姻，

turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced.

对健康的影响或许比离婚还大。

And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.

而关系和睦融洽， 则对我们的健康有益。

Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s,

当我们的研究对象步入80岁时，

we wanted to look back at them at midlife

我们会回顾他们的中年生活

and to see if we could predict

看我们能否预测

who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian

哪些人会在八九十岁时过得快乐健康

and who wasn't.

哪些人不会。

And when we gathered together everything we knew about them

我们把他们50岁时的所有信息

at age 50,

进行汇总分析，

it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels

发现决定他们将如何老去的，

that predicted how they were going to grow old.

并不是他们中年时的胆固醇水平。

It was how satisfied they were in their relationships.

而是他们对婚姻生活的满意度。

The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50

那些在50岁时满意度最高的人，

were the healthiest at age 80.

在80岁时也是最健康的。

And good, close relationships seem to buffer us

另外，良好和亲密的婚姻关系

from some of the slings and arrows of getting old.

能减缓衰老带来的痛苦。

Our most happily partnered men and women

参与者中那些最幸福的夫妻告诉我们，

reported, in their 80s,

在他们80多岁时，

that on the days when they had more physical pain,

哪怕身体出现各种毛病，

their mood stayed just as happy.

他们依旧觉得日子很幸福。

But the people who were in unhappy relationships,

而那些婚姻不快乐的人，

on the days when they reported more physical pain,

身体上会出现更多不适，

it was magnified by more emotional pain.

因为坏情绪把身体的痛苦放大了。

And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health

关于婚姻和健康的关系， 我们得到的第三大结论是，

is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies,

幸福的婚姻不单能保护我们的身体，

they protect our brains.

还能保护我们的大脑。

It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship

研究发现，如果在80多岁时，

to another person in your 80s is protective,

你的婚姻生活还温暖和睦，

that the people who are in relationships

你对自己的另一半

where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need,

依然信任有加， 知道对方在关键时刻能指望得上，

those people's memories stay sharper longer.

那么你的记忆力都不容易衰退。

And the people in relationships

而反过来，

where they feel they really can't count on the other one,

那些觉得无法信任 自己的另一半的人，

those are the people who experience earlier memory decline.

记忆力会更早表现出衰退。

And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time.

幸福的婚姻，并不意味着从不拌嘴。

Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other

有些夫妻，八九十岁了，

day in and day out,

还天天斗嘴，

but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other

但只要他们坚信，在关键时刻，

when the going got tough,

对方能靠得住，

those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.

那这些争吵顶多只是生活的调味剂。

So this message,

所以请记住，

that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being,

幸福和睦的婚姻对健康是有利的，

this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.

这是永恒的真理。

Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore?

但为什么我们总是办不到呢？

Well, we're human.

因为我们是人类。

What we'd really like is a quick fix,

我们总喜欢找捷径，

something we can get

总想一劳永逸，

that'll make our lives good and keep them that way.

找到一种方法，解决所有问题。

Relationships are messy and they're complicated

人际关系麻烦又复杂，

and the hard work of tending to family and friends,

与家人、朋友相处需要努力付出，

it's not sexy or glamorous.

一点也不高大上。

It's also lifelong. It never ends.

而且需要一辈子投入，无穷无尽。

The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement

在我们长达75年的研究中， 那些最享受退休生活的人，

were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates.

是那些主动用玩伴 来替代工作伙伴的人。

Just like the millennials in that recent survey,

就像开头我说过的千禧一代一样，

many of our men when they were starting out as young adults

我们跟踪研究的很多人 在年轻的时候

really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement

坚信名望、财富和成就

were what they needed to go after to have a good life.

是他们过上好日子的保证。

But over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown

但在75年的时间里， 我们的研究一次次地证明，

that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships,

日子过得最好的， 是那些主动与人交往的人，

with family, with friends, with community.

与家人、朋友或者邻居。

So what about you?

那么你们呢？

Let's say you're 25, or you're 40, or you're 60.

也许你现在25岁， 或者40岁，或者60岁。

What might leaning in to relationships even look like?

怎样才算主动与人交往呢？

Well, the possibilities are practically endless.

嗯，我想有很多种方法吧。

It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time

最简单的，别再跟屏幕聊天了， 去跟人聊天，

or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together,

或者一起尝试些新事物， 让关系恢复活力，

long walks or date nights,

一起散个步呀，晚上约个会呀，

or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years,

或者给多年未曾联系的亲戚打个电话，

because those all-too-common family feuds

因为这种家庭不和睦太常见了，

take a terrible toll

但它带来的伤害又很大，

on the people who hold the grudges.

尤其对那些喜欢 生闷气的人来说更是如此。

I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain.

我想引用马克•吐温的一段话来作为结束。

More than a century ago,

一个多世纪前，

he was looking back on his life,

他回首自己的人生，

and he wrote this:

写下这样一段话：

"There isn't time, so brief is life,

“时光荏苒，生命短暂，

for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account.

别将时间浪费在 争吵、道歉、伤心和责备上。

There is only time for loving,

用时间去爱吧，

and but an instant, so to speak, for that."

哪怕只有一瞬间，也不要辜负。”

The good life is built with good relationships.

美好人生，从良好的人际关系开始。

Thank you.

谢谢大家。

(Applause)

（掌声）