Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness | TED

Translator: Fazo fazer Reviewer: Enzo Amore

What keeps us healthy and happy

Butun hayotimiz davomida bizni

as we go through life?

nima sog’lom va xursand qiladi?

If you were going to invest now

O’ylab ko’ringchi, yoruq kelajakingiz

uchun o’z kuch va vaqtingizni

in your future best self,

nimalagra sarflagan bo’lar edingiz?

where would you put your time and your energy?

Yaqinda bo’lib o’tgan so’rovlar

There was a recent survey of millennials

asking them what their most important life goals were,

natijasiga qarasak, Millenium avlodining 80 foizi

and over 80 percent said

hayotlaridagi eng asosiy maqsad,

that a major life goal for them was to get rich.

bu hayotlarida boylikkar ega bo’lishdir.

And another 50 percent of those same young adults

Qolgan yoshlarning 50%i uchun esa,

said that another major life goal

hayotdagi eng asosiy maqsad,

was to become famous.

bu mashxur bo’lish ekan.

(Laughter)

(Kulgi)

And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder

Bizga har doim ko’proq ishlash, tirishish va katta etishuvlavga harakat qilish

and achieve more.

kerakligi haqida ta'kidlashadi.

We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after

Bizda shunga harakat qilsak, yaxshiroq hayot kechiramiz,

in order to have a good life.

degan taassurot tu’giladi.

Pictures of entire lives,

Hayotning to’la rasmi

of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them,

inson qilgan qarorlari va ular qilgan qarorlarning oqibatlari

those pictures are almost impossible to get.

taassurotiga esa, amalda yetib ham bo’lmaydi.

Insoniyat hayoti to’g’risidagi aksariyat bilimlar,

Most of what we know about human life

inson o’tmishi haqidagi xotirasiga bog’langan.

we know from asking people to remember the past,

and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20.

Lekin xotiraga 100% ishonish mumkin emasligini hammamiz bilamiz.

We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life,

Biz o’tmishda bo’lgan ko’p narsalarni esdan chiqazamiz

va ba’zan xotiralar boshqacha bo'lib qolishlari mumkin.

and sometimes memory is downright creative.

But what if we could watch entire lives

Agarda bizda, hayotni butunlay qanday o’tyapganini ko’rishga

as they unfold through time?

imkoniyatimiz bo’lgandachi?

Insonlarning o’smirlikdan boshlab, to qariylik chog’igacha

What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers

kuzatish imkoniyatimiz bo’lgandachi,

all the way into old age

to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?

ularni nima rostdan ham sog’lom va baxtli qilishini ko’ra olsakchi?

We did that.

Biz buni qila oldik.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development

Garvardning Kattalar Rivojlanishi bo’yicha

may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done.

o’tkazgan tadqiqotni, eng uzoq muddatli tadqiqot sifatida ko’rib chiqish mumkin.

For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men,

75 yil davomida biz, 724 erkak kishining hayotini kuzatdik.

year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health,

Yildan yilga ularga ish to’g’risida, shaxsiy hayot va so’gliqlari

and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories

haqida savollar berdik, lekin ularning hayoti qanday

were going to turn out.

shakllanishini bilmas edik.

Studies like this are exceedingly rare.

Bunday tadqiqotlar juda kam bo’ladi.

Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade

Deyarli barcha, shunga o’xshash loyihalar o’n yil ham davom etmaydi,

chunki, ishtirokchilarning ko’pchligi ketganligi tufayli,

because too many people drop out of the study,

or funding for the research dries up,

yoki mablag’ bilan ta’minlashning tugashi tufayli,

yoki ishtirokchilar qiziqishi o'zgaradi,

or the researchers get distracted,

or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field.

yoki o’limlari tufayli, izdoshlari yo’qligi paytida tugaydi.

But through a combination of luck

Lekin baxtli tasodiflar va

and the persistence of several generations of researchers,

tadqiqotchilarning bir nechta avlodi tirishqoqligi tufayli,

this study has survived.

bu loyiha oxirgacha ish yuritdi.

About 60 of our original 724 men

Bizning 724 erkak kishidan 60 tasi

haligacha tirik va loyihada

are still alive,

still participating in the study,

qatnashishni davom etishyapti.

most of them in their 90s.

Ko’pchiligi 90 yoshdan oshgan.

And we are now beginning to study

Endi esa biz, shu insonlarning

the more than 2,000 children of these men.

2000 dan ortiq bolalari orqasidan, kuzatishni boshlayapmiz.

And I'm the fourth director of the study.

Men shu loyihaning 4-rahbariman.

Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men.

1938 yildan boshlab, 2 guruhga bo’lingan, erkak kishilarning hayotini kuzatmoqdamiz.

Birinchi guruh ishtirokchilari,

The first group started in the study

when they were sophomores at Harvard College.

loyiha boshida, Garvardning 2 kurs talabalari edilar.

Ular o’qishni, Ikkinchi Jahon Urushi paytida bitirishgan

They all finished college during World War II,

and then most went off to serve in the war.

va ularning ko’pchiligi urushda qatnashishgan.

And the second group that we've followed

Ikkinchi guruh ishtirokchilari esa,

was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,

Bostonning eng kambag’al tumanlarida tug'ilib-o'sishgan.

boys who were chosen for the study

O'rganish uchun tanlangan bolalar

specifically because they were from some of the most troubled

asosan Bostonning 1930-yillardagi eng noxush va

e’tibordan chetda qolgan oilalarga

and disadvantaged families

in the Boston of the 1930s.

mansub ekanligi sababli tanlanishgan.

Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.

Ularning aksariyati suvsiz bo’lgan ijaraga olingan xonadonda yashar edilar.

When they entered the study,

Loyihani boshlashdan oldin,

all of these teenagers were interviewed.

barcha yigitlar bilan suhbat o’tkazildi.

They were given medical exams.

Barcha yigitlar tibbiy ko'rikdan o’tishdi.

We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents.

Biz ularning uyiga kelib, ota-onalari bilan suhbatlashdik.

And then these teenagers grew up into adults

Keyin esa bu yigitlar ulg’ayishdi,

who entered all walks of life.

o’zining xilma-xil taqdirlari bilan.

Ular zavod xodimlari, huquqshunoslar, shifokorlar va quruvchilar bo’lishdi,

They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors,

bittasi hatto AQSH Prezidenti bo’ldi!

one President of the United States.

Kimdir alkogolik bo’ldi. Ba’zilari esa shizofreniya bilan kasal.

Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia.

Some climbed the social ladder

Ba’zilari ijtimoiy o’sish bo’yicha

from the bottom all the way to the very top,

pastdan eng tepaga harakat qilishdi,

and some made that journey in the opposite direction.

ba’zilari esa qarama-qarshi yo’nalishda harakat qilishdi.

The founders of this study

Loyihaning asoschilari

would never in their wildest dreams

hatto eng sirli orzularida ham,

have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later,

men bugun 75 yil o'tib, shu yerda turib, loyiha hali ham ish yuritmoqdaligini

haqida aytib berishimni, tasavvur ham qilisha olishmagan.

telling you that the study still continues.

Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff

Har ikki yil, bizning sabrli va o’z ishiga sodig bo’lgan xodimlarimiz,

calls up our men and asks them if we can send them

bizning ishtirokchilarimizga telefon qilib,

hayotlari haqida anketa yuborsak bo'ladimi deb so'rashadi.

yet one more set of questions about their lives.

Boston markazida yashuvchi yigitlarning ko’pchiligi so'rashadi:

Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,

"Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn't that interesting."

Nima uchun meni kuzatishni davom etyapsiz? Hayotimda qiziqarli hech narsa yo’q.

The Harvard men never ask that question.

Garvad bitiruvchilari bu kabi savolni berishmaydi.

(Kulgi)

(Laughter)

To get the clearest picture of these lives,

Ularning hayotlari haqida aniqlik kiritish uchun,

we don't just send them questionnaires.

biz nafaqat ularga anketa yuboramiz.

We interview them in their living rooms.

Biz ular bilan ularning uylarida suhbatlashamiz.

We get their medical records from their doctors.

Shifokorlardan bemorning tibbiy kitobchalarini olamiz.

We draw their blood, we scan their brains,

Ular qon topshirishadi, ularning miyasini tekshiramiz

we talk to their children.

bolalari bilan suhbat qilamiz.

We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns.

Biz ular xotinlari bilan, eng chuqur tashvishlari suhbatini videoga yozamiz.

And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives

Nihoyat, o’n yil oldin biz, ularning xotinlariga, loyihada

if they would join us as members of the study,

ishtirok etishni taklif qilganimizda,

many of the women said, "You know, it's about time."

ularning ko’pchiligi “Nihoyat taklif qildila!” deyishdi.

(Laughter)

(Kulgi)

So what have we learned?

Demak, biz nimani o’rgandik?

What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages

Ularning hayoti to’g’risidagi, minglab sahifalarda yig’ilgan axborotlardan

of information that we've generated

qanday natijalarga

on these lives?

biz ega bo’ldik?

Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder.

Demak, bu natijalar boylik yoki shuhrat va ko’proq ishlash kerak ekanligida emas.

The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this:

Balki 75 yillik tadqiqotlardan so’ng, bizga ma'lum bo'lgan eng yorqin fikr bu:

Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.

yaxshi munosabatlar bizni sog’lomroq va baxtliroq qilishadi. Bo’ldi.

Biz munosabatlar haqida uchta asosiy saboqni o’rganib oldik.

We've learned three big lessons about relationships.

The first is that social connections are really good for us,

Birinchidan – odamlar bilan munosabatlar biz uchun juda foydali,

and that loneliness kills.

yolg’izlik esa o’ldiradi.

It turns out that people who are more socially connected

Shunisi ma’lum bo’ldiki, oilasi, do’stlari va jamiyat bilan

aloqasi kuchli bo’lgan insonlar,

to family, to friends, to community,

are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer

yolg’izlikni tanlagan insonlardan, baxtliroq, jismonan sog’lom va

uzoqroq umr ko’rishar ekan.

than people who are less well connected.

And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic.

Yolg’izlik o’zi esa, insonni zaharlashi mumkinligi aniqlandi.

People who are more isolated than they want to be from others

O’zining niyatisiz boshqa insonlardan, ko’proq ajralgan odamlar,

yolg’iz emas insonlarga ko’ra, o’zini baxtsizroq his qilishadi,

find that they are less happy,

their health declines earlier in midlife,

yosh paytlarida salomatligi tezroq yomonlashadi,

their brain functioning declines sooner

miya harakati sekinlashi boshlanadi

and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.

va hayoti qisqaroq bo’lishi kuzatildi.

Eng achinarli narsa shundaki, qachon so’rashingizdan qat’iy nazar,

And the sad fact is that at any given time,

more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.

beshtadan kamida bitta amerikalik sizga, men yolg’izman deb javob beradi.

Biz bilamizki, insonlar olomonda ham,

And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd

and you can be lonely in a marriage,

turmush hayotda ham yolg’iz bo'lishadi,

so the second big lesson that we learned

shunday qilib, biz bilib olgan 2 saboq:

is that it's not just the number of friends you have,

bu do'stlaringiz qanchaligida emas,

and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship,

yoki doimiy juftungiz borligi haqida emas,

but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters.

balki yaqinlaringiz bilan orangizdagi munosabatlaringiz sifatidadir.

It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health.

Mojaro holatida yashas, bizning sog’ligimizga juda zararli ekan.

High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection,

Masalan, sevgi va muhabbat yetishmaydigan ixtilofli oilalar,

turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced.

insonning sog’ligiga juda zararlidir, balki ajralishdan ham ta’siri kattaroq.

Yaxshi ruhiy muhitdagi hayot esa, biz uchun himoya hisoblanadi.

And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.

Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s,

Bizning ishtirokchilarimizning yoshi 80 dan oshgandan so’ng,

biz orqaga nazar tashlashga qaror qildik,

we wanted to look back at them at midlife

kim baxtli va sog’lom

and to see if we could predict

who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian

80 yasharlik kishi bo’ladi va kim bo’la osmasligini, bashorat qila olarmidik

and who wasn't.

degan savol tug’ildi.

And when we gathered together everything we knew about them

Biz ishtirokchilarimizning 50 yashar paytlaridagi

at age 50,

barcha ma’lumotlarni yig’ib,

ular keksayib qanday bo’lishlari,

it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels

that predicted how they were going to grow old.

ularning u yoshdagi xolesterin darajasi bog’liq emas.

It was how satisfied they were in their relationships.

Balki ularning munosabatlari qanday rivojlanishiga bog’liq.

50 yoshda munosabatlari bilan mamnun bo’lgan insonlar,

The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50

were the healthiest at age 80.

80 yoshda sog’lomroq bo’lishar ekan.

And good, close relationships seem to buffer us

Yaxshi va yaqin munosabatlar, bizni taqdir zarbalari

from some of the slings and arrows of getting old.

va keksalikdan himoya qiluvchi qalqon kabi bo’lar ekan.

Our most happily partnered men and women

80 yoshdan oshgan eng baxtli juftliklar,

reported, in their 80s,

bizga shunday deyishgan,

that on the days when they had more physical pain,

hatto eng qattiq jismoniy og’riqlar paytlarida ham,

their mood stayed just as happy.

ular yaxshi kayfiyatda qolishar ekan.

But the people who were in unhappy relationships,

Lekin, baxtsiz munosabatda bo'lgan insonlar esa,

on the days when they reported more physical pain,

jismoniy og’riqlar paytida, hissiy og’riq ularga qo’shilib,

it was magnified by more emotional pain.

ularning azobi kuchayar ekan.

And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health

Biz munosabatlar va sog’liq haqidagi o’zlashtirib olgan 3-saboqimiz,

is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies,

yaxshi munosabatlar nafaqat tanamizni himoyalaydi,

balki miyamizni ham himoyalaydi

they protect our brains.

It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship

Shu narsa aniqlandiki, 80 yoshdan so’ng,

mustahkam va ishonchli munosabatlarda bo'lish, siz uchun himoya bo'ladi,

to another person in your 80s is protective,

boshqa insonga qiyin paytlarda

that the people who are in relationships

tayana oladigan munosabatlarda bo'lgan insonlarning

where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need,

those people's memories stay sharper longer.

xotirasi yaxshiroq saqlanib qolinishi ma'lum bo'ldi.

And the people in relationships

Va boshqa insonga

where they feel they really can't count on the other one,

qiyin paytlarda tayana olmaydigan munosabatlarda bo'lgan

those are the people who experience earlier memory decline.

insonlarda xotira bilan muammolar ancha oldin sodir bo’ladi.

And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time.

Shu bilan birga, yaxshi munosabatlar, har doim beg’uborlik degani emas.

80 yoshdan oshgan ba’zi juftliklarimizda, kecha va kunduz

Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other

day in and day out,

janjal davom etishi mumkin, lekin,

but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other

modomiki ular, bir-birlarini qo’llab-quvvatlashni davom etishsa,

when the going got tough,

bunday janjallar ularning xotirasiga,

those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.

katta zarar yetkazib bera olmasligi ma'lum bo'ldi.

So this message,

Asosiy fikr shundaki,

that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being,

yaxshi va yaqin munosabatlar, salomatlik va yaxshi kayfiyat garovidir,

ha, bu donolik dunyo kabi eskidir.

this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.

Nima uchun buni o’zlashtirish qiyin, e’tiborsiz qoldirish esa oson?

Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore?

Well, we're human.

Chunki biz oddiy odammiz.

Biz hayotimizni yaxshilaydigan va

What we'd really like is a quick fix,

something we can get

uni shunday qoldiradigan

that'll make our lives good and keep them that way.

qisqa va tez muddatli echimlarni afzal ko’ramiz.

Relationships are messy and they're complicated

Lekin munosabatlarda hech qanday kafolat yo’q,

and the hard work of tending to family and friends,

ular juda murakkab va sizdan har doim oila va do’stlaringiz

it's not sexy or glamorous.

uchun harakatni talab qilashadi.

It's also lifelong. It never ends.

Bu butun umr ishidir. Va buning oxiri yo’q.

The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement

Bizning 75 yillik tadqiqotimizda, o’z hamkasblarini do'st qilgan

were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates.

ishtirokchilarimiz, nafaqaga chiqqan eng baxtli insondirlar.

Just like the millennials in that recent survey,

Huddi Millenium avlodi orasida o’tkazilgan so’rovlarga kabi,

many of our men when they were starting out as young adults

ishtirokchilarimizning yoshlik paytida ko’pchiligi,

ulg’aygan paytlarida, boylik, shuhrat va ulkan muvaffaqiyatlar,

really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement

ularga baxtli hayot uchun eng kerakli narsa deb, chin dildan ishonishar edi.

were what they needed to go after to have a good life.

Lekin 75 yil davomida o’tkazilgan tadqiqotlar natijasida,

But over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown

that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships,

do’stlari, oilasi va yaqin insonlari bilan mustahkam munosabatlar qurish

yaxshiroq ekanligi, bizga qayta-qayta isbot bo’ldi.

with family, with friends, with community.

Siz nima deb o’ylaysiz?

So what about you?

Aytaylik, hozir siz 25, 40 yoki 60 yoshdasiz.

Let's say you're 25, or you're 40, or you're 60.

What might leaning in to relationships even look like?

Siz uchun munosabatlarga kuch sarflamoq nimani anglatadi?

Well, the possibilities are practically endless.

Imkoniyatlar esa deyarli cheksiz.

It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time

Bu ekran yonida o’tirishning o’rniga, boshqa insonlar bilan vaqt o’tkazish,

or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together,

yoki munosabatlarni yangilash uchun qiziq fikrlar o’ylab topish:

long walks or date nights,

ko’chada aylanish yoki kechki uchrashuvdir,

or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years,

yoki uzoq vaqtdan beri gaplashmagan qarindoshga telefon qilish,

because those all-too-common family feuds

chunki hammamizga ma’lumki, bunday narsalar,

take a terrible toll

ko’pincha oilalardagi kelishmovchiliklar

sababi bilan bo’ladi.

on the people who hold the grudges.

Men Mark Tvenning so’zlari bilan yakunlamoqchiman.

I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain.

More than a century ago,

Bir asrdan oldin,

he was looking back on his life,

u o’z o’tgan hayotiga qarab,

and he wrote this:

shunday yozgan edi:

"There isn't time, so brief is life,

“Vaqt yo’q – umr juda qisqa,

for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account.

fitnalikka, avf etishga, safro va javobga da’vad qilishga.

There is only time for loving,

Sevish uchun faqat vaqt bor,

and but an instant, so to speak, for that."

lekin, shunga ham bir zum bor”.

The good life is built with good relationships.

Yaxshi hayot faqat yaxshi munosabatlar orqali quriladi.

Rahmat.

Thank you.

(Applause)

(Qarsaklar).