Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness | TED

25,418,169 views

2016-01-25 ・ TED


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Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness | TED

25,418,169 views ・ 2016-01-25

TED


Videoni ijro etish uchun quyidagi inglizcha subtitrlarga ikki marta bosing.

Translator: Fazo fazer Reviewer: Enzo Amore
00:12
What keeps us healthy and happy
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Butun hayotimiz davomida bizni
00:15
as we go through life?
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nima sog’lom va xursand qiladi?
00:18
If you were going to invest now
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O’ylab ko’ringchi, yoruq kelajakingiz
uchun o’z kuch va vaqtingizni
00:21
in your future best self,
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nimalagra sarflagan bo’lar edingiz?
00:23
where would you put your time and your energy?
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Yaqinda bo’lib o’tgan so’rovlar
00:27
There was a recent survey of millennials
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00:29
asking them what their most important life goals were,
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natijasiga qarasak, Millenium avlodining 80 foizi
00:34
and over 80 percent said
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hayotlaridagi eng asosiy maqsad,
00:36
that a major life goal for them was to get rich.
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bu hayotlarida boylikkar ega bo’lishdir.
00:40
And another 50 percent of those same young adults
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Qolgan yoshlarning 50%i uchun esa,
00:45
said that another major life goal
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hayotdagi eng asosiy maqsad,
00:47
was to become famous.
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bu mashxur bo’lish ekan.
00:50
(Laughter)
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(Kulgi)
00:52
And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder
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Bizga har doim ko’proq ishlash, tirishish va katta etishuvlavga harakat qilish
00:58
and achieve more.
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kerakligi haqida ta'kidlashadi.
01:00
We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after
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Bizda shunga harakat qilsak, yaxshiroq hayot kechiramiz,
01:04
in order to have a good life.
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degan taassurot tu’giladi.
01:06
Pictures of entire lives,
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Hayotning to’la rasmi
01:08
of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them,
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inson qilgan qarorlari va ular qilgan qarorlarning oqibatlari
01:13
those pictures are almost impossible to get.
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taassurotiga esa, amalda yetib ham bo’lmaydi.
Insoniyat hayoti to’g’risidagi aksariyat bilimlar,
01:18
Most of what we know about human life
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inson o’tmishi haqidagi xotirasiga bog’langan.
01:21
we know from asking people to remember the past,
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01:24
and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20.
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Lekin xotiraga 100% ishonish mumkin emasligini hammamiz bilamiz.
01:29
We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life,
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Biz o’tmishda bo’lgan ko’p narsalarni esdan chiqazamiz
va ba’zan xotiralar boshqacha bo'lib qolishlari mumkin.
01:33
and sometimes memory is downright creative.
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01:36
But what if we could watch entire lives
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Agarda bizda, hayotni butunlay qanday o’tyapganini ko’rishga
01:41
as they unfold through time?
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imkoniyatimiz bo’lgandachi?
Insonlarning o’smirlikdan boshlab, to qariylik chog’igacha
01:44
What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers
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kuzatish imkoniyatimiz bo’lgandachi,
01:48
all the way into old age
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01:50
to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?
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ularni nima rostdan ham sog’lom va baxtli qilishini ko’ra olsakchi?
01:55
We did that.
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Biz buni qila oldik.
01:57
The Harvard Study of Adult Development
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Garvardning Kattalar Rivojlanishi bo’yicha
01:59
may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done.
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o’tkazgan tadqiqotni, eng uzoq muddatli tadqiqot sifatida ko’rib chiqish mumkin.
02:05
For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men,
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75 yil davomida biz, 724 erkak kishining hayotini kuzatdik.
02:13
year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health,
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Yildan yilga ularga ish to’g’risida, shaxsiy hayot va so’gliqlari
02:17
and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories
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haqida savollar berdik, lekin ularning hayoti qanday
02:22
were going to turn out.
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shakllanishini bilmas edik.
02:25
Studies like this are exceedingly rare.
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Bunday tadqiqotlar juda kam bo’ladi.
02:28
Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade
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Deyarli barcha, shunga o’xshash loyihalar o’n yil ham davom etmaydi,
chunki, ishtirokchilarning ko’pchligi ketganligi tufayli,
02:33
because too many people drop out of the study,
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02:36
or funding for the research dries up,
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yoki mablag’ bilan ta’minlashning tugashi tufayli,
yoki ishtirokchilar qiziqishi o'zgaradi,
02:39
or the researchers get distracted,
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02:41
or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field.
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yoki o’limlari tufayli, izdoshlari yo’qligi paytida tugaydi.
02:46
But through a combination of luck
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Lekin baxtli tasodiflar va
02:48
and the persistence of several generations of researchers,
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tadqiqotchilarning bir nechta avlodi tirishqoqligi tufayli,
02:52
this study has survived.
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bu loyiha oxirgacha ish yuritdi.
02:54
About 60 of our original 724 men
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Bizning 724 erkak kishidan 60 tasi
haligacha tirik va loyihada
02:59
are still alive,
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03:00
still participating in the study,
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qatnashishni davom etishyapti.
03:02
most of them in their 90s.
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Ko’pchiligi 90 yoshdan oshgan.
03:05
And we are now beginning to study
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Endi esa biz, shu insonlarning
03:07
the more than 2,000 children of these men.
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2000 dan ortiq bolalari orqasidan, kuzatishni boshlayapmiz.
03:11
And I'm the fourth director of the study.
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Men shu loyihaning 4-rahbariman.
03:15
Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men.
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1938 yildan boshlab, 2 guruhga bo’lingan, erkak kishilarning hayotini kuzatmoqdamiz.
Birinchi guruh ishtirokchilari,
03:20
The first group started in the study
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03:22
when they were sophomores at Harvard College.
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loyiha boshida, Garvardning 2 kurs talabalari edilar.
Ular o’qishni, Ikkinchi Jahon Urushi paytida bitirishgan
03:25
They all finished college during World War II,
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03:27
and then most went off to serve in the war.
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va ularning ko’pchiligi urushda qatnashishgan.
03:31
And the second group that we've followed
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Ikkinchi guruh ishtirokchilari esa,
03:33
was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,
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Bostonning eng kambag’al tumanlarida tug'ilib-o'sishgan.
03:37
boys who were chosen for the study
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O'rganish uchun tanlangan bolalar
03:39
specifically because they were from some of the most troubled
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asosan Bostonning 1930-yillardagi eng noxush va
e’tibordan chetda qolgan oilalarga
03:43
and disadvantaged families
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03:44
in the Boston of the 1930s.
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mansub ekanligi sababli tanlanishgan.
03:47
Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.
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Ularning aksariyati suvsiz bo’lgan ijaraga olingan xonadonda yashar edilar.
03:54
When they entered the study,
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Loyihani boshlashdan oldin,
03:56
all of these teenagers were interviewed.
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barcha yigitlar bilan suhbat o’tkazildi.
03:59
They were given medical exams.
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Barcha yigitlar tibbiy ko'rikdan o’tishdi.
04:01
We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents.
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Biz ularning uyiga kelib, ota-onalari bilan suhbatlashdik.
04:05
And then these teenagers grew up into adults
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Keyin esa bu yigitlar ulg’ayishdi,
04:07
who entered all walks of life.
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o’zining xilma-xil taqdirlari bilan.
Ular zavod xodimlari, huquqshunoslar, shifokorlar va quruvchilar bo’lishdi,
04:10
They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors,
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bittasi hatto AQSH Prezidenti bo’ldi!
04:16
one President of the United States.
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Kimdir alkogolik bo’ldi. Ba’zilari esa shizofreniya bilan kasal.
04:20
Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia.
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04:25
Some climbed the social ladder
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Ba’zilari ijtimoiy o’sish bo’yicha
04:27
from the bottom all the way to the very top,
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pastdan eng tepaga harakat qilishdi,
04:30
and some made that journey in the opposite direction.
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ba’zilari esa qarama-qarshi yo’nalishda harakat qilishdi.
04:35
The founders of this study
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Loyihaning asoschilari
04:38
would never in their wildest dreams
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hatto eng sirli orzularida ham,
04:40
have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later,
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men bugun 75 yil o'tib, shu yerda turib, loyiha hali ham ish yuritmoqdaligini
haqida aytib berishimni, tasavvur ham qilisha olishmagan.
04:45
telling you that the study still continues.
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04:49
Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff
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Har ikki yil, bizning sabrli va o’z ishiga sodig bo’lgan xodimlarimiz,
04:52
calls up our men and asks them if we can send them
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bizning ishtirokchilarimizga telefon qilib,
hayotlari haqida anketa yuborsak bo'ladimi deb so'rashadi.
04:56
yet one more set of questions about their lives.
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Boston markazida yashuvchi yigitlarning ko’pchiligi so'rashadi:
05:00
Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,
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05:03
"Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn't that interesting."
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Nima uchun meni kuzatishni davom etyapsiz? Hayotimda qiziqarli hech narsa yo’q.
05:08
The Harvard men never ask that question.
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Garvad bitiruvchilari bu kabi savolni berishmaydi.
(Kulgi)
05:11
(Laughter)
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05:20
To get the clearest picture of these lives,
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Ularning hayotlari haqida aniqlik kiritish uchun,
05:23
we don't just send them questionnaires.
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biz nafaqat ularga anketa yuboramiz.
05:26
We interview them in their living rooms.
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Biz ular bilan ularning uylarida suhbatlashamiz.
05:29
We get their medical records from their doctors.
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Shifokorlardan bemorning tibbiy kitobchalarini olamiz.
05:32
We draw their blood, we scan their brains,
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Ular qon topshirishadi, ularning miyasini tekshiramiz
05:34
we talk to their children.
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bolalari bilan suhbat qilamiz.
05:36
We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns.
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Biz ular xotinlari bilan, eng chuqur tashvishlari suhbatini videoga yozamiz.
05:41
And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives
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Nihoyat, o’n yil oldin biz, ularning xotinlariga, loyihada
05:45
if they would join us as members of the study,
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ishtirok etishni taklif qilganimizda,
05:47
many of the women said, "You know, it's about time."
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ularning ko’pchiligi “Nihoyat taklif qildila!” deyishdi.
05:50
(Laughter)
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(Kulgi)
05:51
So what have we learned?
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Demak, biz nimani o’rgandik?
05:53
What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages
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Ularning hayoti to’g’risidagi, minglab sahifalarda yig’ilgan axborotlardan
05:58
of information that we've generated
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qanday natijalarga
06:01
on these lives?
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biz ega bo’ldik?
06:03
Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder.
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Demak, bu natijalar boylik yoki shuhrat va ko’proq ishlash kerak ekanligida emas.
06:10
The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this:
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Balki 75 yillik tadqiqotlardan so’ng, bizga ma'lum bo'lgan eng yorqin fikr bu:
06:16
Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.
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yaxshi munosabatlar bizni sog’lomroq va baxtliroq qilishadi. Bo’ldi.
Biz munosabatlar haqida uchta asosiy saboqni o’rganib oldik.
06:23
We've learned three big lessons about relationships.
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06:26
The first is that social connections are really good for us,
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Birinchidan – odamlar bilan munosabatlar biz uchun juda foydali,
06:30
and that loneliness kills.
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yolg’izlik esa o’ldiradi.
06:33
It turns out that people who are more socially connected
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Shunisi ma’lum bo’ldiki, oilasi, do’stlari va jamiyat bilan
aloqasi kuchli bo’lgan insonlar,
06:37
to family, to friends, to community,
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06:40
are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer
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yolg’izlikni tanlagan insonlardan, baxtliroq, jismonan sog’lom va
uzoqroq umr ko’rishar ekan.
06:45
than people who are less well connected.
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06:48
And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic.
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Yolg’izlik o’zi esa, insonni zaharlashi mumkinligi aniqlandi.
06:51
People who are more isolated than they want to be from others
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O’zining niyatisiz boshqa insonlardan, ko’proq ajralgan odamlar,
yolg’iz emas insonlarga ko’ra, o’zini baxtsizroq his qilishadi,
06:57
find that they are less happy,
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07:00
their health declines earlier in midlife,
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yosh paytlarida salomatligi tezroq yomonlashadi,
07:03
their brain functioning declines sooner
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miya harakati sekinlashi boshlanadi
07:05
and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.
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va hayoti qisqaroq bo’lishi kuzatildi.
Eng achinarli narsa shundaki, qachon so’rashingizdan qat’iy nazar,
07:10
And the sad fact is that at any given time,
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07:13
more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.
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beshtadan kamida bitta amerikalik sizga, men yolg’izman deb javob beradi.
Biz bilamizki, insonlar olomonda ham,
07:19
And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd
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07:21
and you can be lonely in a marriage,
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turmush hayotda ham yolg’iz bo'lishadi,
07:24
so the second big lesson that we learned
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shunday qilib, biz bilib olgan 2 saboq:
07:26
is that it's not just the number of friends you have,
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bu do'stlaringiz qanchaligida emas,
07:29
and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship,
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yoki doimiy juftungiz borligi haqida emas,
07:33
but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters.
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balki yaqinlaringiz bilan orangizdagi munosabatlaringiz sifatidadir.
07:38
It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health.
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Mojaro holatida yashas, bizning sog’ligimizga juda zararli ekan.
07:43
High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection,
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Masalan, sevgi va muhabbat yetishmaydigan ixtilofli oilalar,
07:47
turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced.
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insonning sog’ligiga juda zararlidir, balki ajralishdan ham ta’siri kattaroq.
Yaxshi ruhiy muhitdagi hayot esa, biz uchun himoya hisoblanadi.
07:53
And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.
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07:57
Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s,
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Bizning ishtirokchilarimizning yoshi 80 dan oshgandan so’ng,
biz orqaga nazar tashlashga qaror qildik,
08:01
we wanted to look back at them at midlife
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kim baxtli va sog’lom
08:04
and to see if we could predict
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08:05
who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian
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80 yasharlik kishi bo’ladi va kim bo’la osmasligini, bashorat qila olarmidik
08:09
and who wasn't.
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degan savol tug’ildi.
08:11
And when we gathered together everything we knew about them
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Biz ishtirokchilarimizning 50 yashar paytlaridagi
08:15
at age 50,
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barcha ma’lumotlarni yig’ib,
ular keksayib qanday bo’lishlari,
08:18
it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels
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08:20
that predicted how they were going to grow old.
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ularning u yoshdagi xolesterin darajasi bog’liq emas.
08:23
It was how satisfied they were in their relationships.
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Balki ularning munosabatlari qanday rivojlanishiga bog’liq.
50 yoshda munosabatlari bilan mamnun bo’lgan insonlar,
08:27
The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50
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08:31
were the healthiest at age 80.
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80 yoshda sog’lomroq bo’lishar ekan.
08:35
And good, close relationships seem to buffer us
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Yaxshi va yaqin munosabatlar, bizni taqdir zarbalari
08:38
from some of the slings and arrows of getting old.
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va keksalikdan himoya qiluvchi qalqon kabi bo’lar ekan.
08:42
Our most happily partnered men and women
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80 yoshdan oshgan eng baxtli juftliklar,
08:46
reported, in their 80s,
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bizga shunday deyishgan,
08:48
that on the days when they had more physical pain,
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hatto eng qattiq jismoniy og’riqlar paytlarida ham,
08:51
their mood stayed just as happy.
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ular yaxshi kayfiyatda qolishar ekan.
08:54
But the people who were in unhappy relationships,
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Lekin, baxtsiz munosabatda bo'lgan insonlar esa,
08:57
on the days when they reported more physical pain,
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jismoniy og’riqlar paytida, hissiy og’riq ularga qo’shilib,
09:00
it was magnified by more emotional pain.
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ularning azobi kuchayar ekan.
09:04
And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health
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Biz munosabatlar va sog’liq haqidagi o’zlashtirib olgan 3-saboqimiz,
09:08
is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies,
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yaxshi munosabatlar nafaqat tanamizni himoyalaydi,
balki miyamizni ham himoyalaydi
09:12
they protect our brains.
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09:14
It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship
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Shu narsa aniqlandiki, 80 yoshdan so’ng,
mustahkam va ishonchli munosabatlarda bo'lish, siz uchun himoya bo'ladi,
09:19
to another person in your 80s is protective,
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boshqa insonga qiyin paytlarda
09:23
that the people who are in relationships
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tayana oladigan munosabatlarda bo'lgan insonlarning
09:25
where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need,
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09:29
those people's memories stay sharper longer.
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xotirasi yaxshiroq saqlanib qolinishi ma'lum bo'ldi.
09:32
And the people in relationships
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Va boshqa insonga
09:34
where they feel they really can't count on the other one,
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qiyin paytlarda tayana olmaydigan munosabatlarda bo'lgan
09:37
those are the people who experience earlier memory decline.
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insonlarda xotira bilan muammolar ancha oldin sodir bo’ladi.
09:42
And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time.
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Shu bilan birga, yaxshi munosabatlar, har doim beg’uborlik degani emas.
80 yoshdan oshgan ba’zi juftliklarimizda, kecha va kunduz
09:46
Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other
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09:49
day in and day out,
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janjal davom etishi mumkin, lekin,
09:51
but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other
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modomiki ular, bir-birlarini qo’llab-quvvatlashni davom etishsa,
09:54
when the going got tough,
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bunday janjallar ularning xotirasiga,
09:56
those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.
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katta zarar yetkazib bera olmasligi ma'lum bo'ldi.
10:01
So this message,
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Asosiy fikr shundaki,
10:04
that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being,
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yaxshi va yaqin munosabatlar, salomatlik va yaxshi kayfiyat garovidir,
ha, bu donolik dunyo kabi eskidir.
10:10
this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.
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Nima uchun buni o’zlashtirish qiyin, e’tiborsiz qoldirish esa oson?
10:13
Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore?
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10:17
Well, we're human.
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Chunki biz oddiy odammiz.
Biz hayotimizni yaxshilaydigan va
10:19
What we'd really like is a quick fix,
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10:21
something we can get
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uni shunday qoldiradigan
10:23
that'll make our lives good and keep them that way.
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qisqa va tez muddatli echimlarni afzal ko’ramiz.
10:27
Relationships are messy and they're complicated
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Lekin munosabatlarda hech qanday kafolat yo’q,
10:30
and the hard work of tending to family and friends,
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ular juda murakkab va sizdan har doim oila va do’stlaringiz
10:34
it's not sexy or glamorous.
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uchun harakatni talab qilashadi.
10:37
It's also lifelong. It never ends.
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Bu butun umr ishidir. Va buning oxiri yo’q.
10:40
The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement
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Bizning 75 yillik tadqiqotimizda, o’z hamkasblarini do'st qilgan
10:45
were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates.
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ishtirokchilarimiz, nafaqaga chiqqan eng baxtli insondirlar.
10:51
Just like the millennials in that recent survey,
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Huddi Millenium avlodi orasida o’tkazilgan so’rovlarga kabi,
10:54
many of our men when they were starting out as young adults
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ishtirokchilarimizning yoshlik paytida ko’pchiligi,
ulg’aygan paytlarida, boylik, shuhrat va ulkan muvaffaqiyatlar,
10:58
really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement
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ularga baxtli hayot uchun eng kerakli narsa deb, chin dildan ishonishar edi.
11:02
were what they needed to go after to have a good life.
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Lekin 75 yil davomida o’tkazilgan tadqiqotlar natijasida,
11:06
But over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown
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11:10
that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships,
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do’stlari, oilasi va yaqin insonlari bilan mustahkam munosabatlar qurish
yaxshiroq ekanligi, bizga qayta-qayta isbot bo’ldi.
11:16
with family, with friends, with community.
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Siz nima deb o’ylaysiz?
11:21
So what about you?
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Aytaylik, hozir siz 25, 40 yoki 60 yoshdasiz.
11:23
Let's say you're 25, or you're 40, or you're 60.
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11:27
What might leaning in to relationships even look like?
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Siz uchun munosabatlarga kuch sarflamoq nimani anglatadi?
11:31
Well, the possibilities are practically endless.
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Imkoniyatlar esa deyarli cheksiz.
11:35
It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time
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Bu ekran yonida o’tirishning o’rniga, boshqa insonlar bilan vaqt o’tkazish,
11:41
or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together,
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yoki munosabatlarni yangilash uchun qiziq fikrlar o’ylab topish:
11:46
long walks or date nights,
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ko’chada aylanish yoki kechki uchrashuvdir,
11:49
or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years,
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yoki uzoq vaqtdan beri gaplashmagan qarindoshga telefon qilish,
11:54
because those all-too-common family feuds
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chunki hammamizga ma’lumki, bunday narsalar,
11:57
take a terrible toll
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ko’pincha oilalardagi kelishmovchiliklar
sababi bilan bo’ladi.
12:00
on the people who hold the grudges.
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Men Mark Tvenning so’zlari bilan yakunlamoqchiman.
12:04
I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain.
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12:09
More than a century ago,
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Bir asrdan oldin,
12:11
he was looking back on his life,
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u o’z o’tgan hayotiga qarab,
12:14
and he wrote this:
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shunday yozgan edi:
12:16
"There isn't time, so brief is life,
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“Vaqt yo’q – umr juda qisqa,
12:20
for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account.
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fitnalikka, avf etishga, safro va javobga da’vad qilishga.
12:26
There is only time for loving,
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Sevish uchun faqat vaqt bor,
12:29
and but an instant, so to speak, for that."
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lekin, shunga ham bir zum bor”.
12:34
The good life is built with good relationships.
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Yaxshi hayot faqat yaxshi munosabatlar orqali quriladi.
Rahmat.
12:39
Thank you.
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12:40
(Applause)
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(Qarsaklar).
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