Ze Frank: Are you human?

翻译人员: Zilan Huang 校对人员: Yuanqing Edberg

(Music) This is the human test,

（音乐）这是一个关于人的测验

a test to see if you are a human.

来检验你是否是人类

Please raise your hand if something applies to you.

如果你曾经做过这些就你请举起手

Are we agreed? Yes?

我们都一致同意，对吧？

Then let's begin.

那我们就开始吧。

Have you ever eaten a booger

你们曾经吃过鼻屎吗？

long past your childhood?

在很久以前的童年？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

It's okay, it's safe here.

没关系，在这儿说很安全。

Have you ever made a small, weird sound

当你记起某件尴尬事儿的时候，

when you remembered something embarrassing?

你曾经发出过很小的又很奇怪的声音吗？

Have you ever purposely lowercased

你曾经有意地

the first letter of a text

把正文的第一字母小写

in order to come across as sad or disappointed?

为了去表现出伤心或者是失望吗？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Okay.

好吧。

Have you ever ended a text with a period

你曾经用过“句号”去结束一个短信以示一种强势感？

as a sign of aggression? Okay. Period.

好吧。(句号)

Have you ever laughed or smiled

你曾经用过大笑或微笑

when someone said something shitty to you

去回应有些人对你说过的侮辱的话

and then spent the rest of the day

然后在那一天接下来的时间内

wondering why you reacted that way?

都在想为什么自己会那样表现？

Yes.

是的。

Have you ever seemed to lose your airplane ticket

你有没有好像

a thousand times as you walked

觉得从办理登记手续到登机前

from the check-in to the gate?

机票丢失了千万遍

Yes.

是的。

Have you ever put on a pair of pants

你有没有曾经穿上一条裤子

and then much later realized that there was

之后才发现有一只

a loose sock smushed up against your thigh?

袜子松团地贴着你的大腿

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Good.

很好。

Have you ever tried to guess someone else's password

你曾经有试着去猜测别人的密码吗？

so many times that it locked their account?

你试了太多次以至于把别人的账户给锁住了。

Mmm.

嗯

Have you ever had a nagging feeling that one day

你曾经有没有一种很不安的感觉

you will be discovered as a fraud?

觉得某一天人们会发现你是一个骗子？

Yes, it's safe here.

当然，这里很安全。

Have you ever hoped that there was some ability

你是否希望自己

you hadn't discovered yet

有着一种尚未被发现的才能

that you were just naturally great at?

是你特有的天赋

Mmm.

嗯。

Have you ever broken something in real life,

你有没有曾经在现实生活中搞砸了什么

and then found yourself looking

然后发现你自己

for an "undo" button in real life?

在现实现实生活中寻找复原 的按钮？

Have you ever misplaced your TED badge

你有没有曾经放错了你的TED标牌

and then immediately started imagining

然后马上开始想象

what a three-day Vancouver vacation might look like?

一次三天的温哥华度假是什么样的？

你有没有感到过很吃惊

Have you ever marveled

at how someone you thought was so ordinary

当看到某个你认为长相很普通人

could suddenly become so beautiful?

可以突然变得很漂亮？

Have you ever stared at your phone

你有没有曾经盯着你的手机

smiling like an idiot while texting with someone?

像一个傻瓜一样地笑着给某人发短信？

Have you ever subsequently texted that person

随后你给那人发短信的

the phrase "I'm staring at the phone

句子是“我像个傻瓜一样，

smiling like an idiot"?

盯着手机微笑”。

Have you ever been tempted to,

你有过曾经受到诱惑去做什么，

and then gave in to the temptation,

而结果就是被诱惑了，

of looking through someone else's phone?

比如偷窥别人的手机？

Have you ever had a conversation with yourself

你曾经有没有自己跟自己对话

and then suddenly realized

然后突然发现

you're a real asshole to yourself?

你对自己来说简直像一个混蛋？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Has your phone ever run out of battery

你的手机是否曾经在

in the middle of an argument,

你跟人激辩时没了电

and it sort of felt like the phone

感觉好像这个手机决定

was breaking up with both of you?

跟你们两个都要断绝关系一样

Have you ever thought

你有没有曾经想过

that working on an issue between you was futile

努力去解决你们之间的问题但是并无效果

because it should just be easier than this,

因为它应该比这要简单，

or this is supposed to happen just naturally?

或者说它本应该顺其自然地发生？

Have you ever realized that very little, in the long run,

你有没有意识到从长远来看，很小的事情

just happens naturally?

都是自然而然发生的？

Have you ever woken up blissfully

你有没有曾经特别幸福地醒来

and suddenly been flooded by the awful remembrance

却突然被悲伤的记忆给淹没

that someone had left you?

某个人已经离你远去了？

Have you ever lost the ability to imagine a future

你有没有曾经失去了某种能力

without a person

去想象未来如果没有这个人

that no longer was in your life?

在你的人生中会怎样？

你有没有曾经回头去看某件事

Have you ever looked back on that event

with the sad smile of autumn

带着一种疲惫的伤感的笑容

and the realization that futures will happen

然后发现不管怎样

regardless?

该来的依然会来？

Congratulations.

恭喜你。

You have now completed the test.

你现在已经完成这个测试

You are all human.

你是一个完完全全的人。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）