Ze Frank: Are you human?

Translator: Liis Oblikas Reviewer: Mailis Laos

(Music) This is the human test,

(Muusika) See on inimlikkuse test.

a test to see if you are a human.

Test selleks, et näha, kas sa oled inimene.

Please raise your hand if something applies to you.

Palun tõsta käsi, kui miski käib ka sinu kohta.

Are we agreed? Yes?

Kas oleme kokku leppinud? Hästi.

Then let's begin.

Siis alustagem.

Have you ever eaten a booger

Oled sa kunagi, tükk aega pärast lapsepõlve,

long past your childhood?

söönud ära kolli?

(Laughter)

(Naer)

It's okay, it's safe here.

Kõik on korras. Siin on turvaline.

Have you ever made a small, weird sound

Oled sa kunagi teinud vaikset ja veidrat häält,

when you remembered something embarrassing?

kui sulle meenus midagi piinlikku?

Have you ever purposely lowercased

Oled sa kunagi meelega

the first letter of a text

alustanud teksti väikse tähega,

in order to come across as sad or disappointed?

et väljendada kurbust või pettumust?

(Laughter)

(Naer)

Okay.

Okei.

Have you ever ended a text with a period

Oled sa kunagi lõpetanud sõnumi sõnaga "punkt",

as a sign of aggression? Okay. Period.

et väljendada viha? Okei. Punkt.

Have you ever laughed or smiled

Oled sa kunagi naernud või naeratanud,

when someone said something shitty to you

kui keegi ütles sulle midagi inetut

and then spent the rest of the day

ja siis mõelnud terve päev,

wondering why you reacted that way?

miks sa nii reageerisid?

Yes.

Jah.

Have you ever seemed to lose your airplane ticket

Oled sa kunagi jõudnud tuhat korda

a thousand times as you walked

ära kaotada oma lennupileti ajal,

from the check-in to the gate?

mil kõndisid check-in-ist väravasse?

Yes.

Jah.

Have you ever put on a pair of pants

Kas sa oled kunagi pannud jalga teksad

and then much later realized that there was

ning alles palju hiljem taibanud,

a loose sock smushed up against your thigh?

et püksisääres on üleliigne sokk.

(Laughter)

(Naer)

Good.

Hästi.

Have you ever tried to guess someone else's password

Oled sa kunagi proovinud kellegi parooli ära arvata

so many times that it locked their account?

nii mitu korda, et oled lukustanud tema konto?

Mmm.

Mmm.

Have you ever had a nagging feeling that one day

On sul kunagi olnud häiriv tunne,

you will be discovered as a fraud?

et ühel päeval avastatakse, et oled petis?

Yes, it's safe here.

Jah. Siin on turvaline.

Have you ever hoped that there was some ability

Oled sa kunagi lootnud,

you hadn't discovered yet

et sinus on peidus mingi loomulik anne,

that you were just naturally great at?

mida sa pole lihtsalt veel avastanud?

Mmm.

Mmm.

Have you ever broken something in real life,

Oled sa kunagi päris elus midagi katki teinud

and then found yourself looking

for an "undo" button in real life?

ning avastanud end siis tagasivõtu nuppu otsimas?

Have you ever misplaced your TED badge

Oled sa kunagi ajutiselt oma TED-i kaardi ära kaotanud

and then immediately started imagining

what a three-day Vancouver vacation might look like?

ja hakanud siis ette kujutama,

milline võiks 3-päevane puhkus Vancouveris välja näha?

Have you ever marveled

Oled sa kunagi imestanud,

at how someone you thought was so ordinary

kuidas keegi väga tavaline

could suddenly become so beautiful?

järsku nii ilus tundub?

Have you ever stared at your phone

Oled sa kunagi kellelegi sõnumit saates

smiling like an idiot while texting with someone?

idiootliku naeratusega oma telefoni vaadanud?

Have you ever subsequently texted that person

Oled sa kunagi seejärel

the phrase "I'm staring at the phone

sellele inimesele kirjutanud,

smiling like an idiot"?

et vaatad idiootliku naeratusega oma telefoni?

Have you ever been tempted to,

Oled sa kunagi tundnud kiusatust

and then gave in to the temptation,

heita pilku kellegi teise telefoni

of looking through someone else's phone?

ning siis sellele kiusatusele järele andnud?

Have you ever had a conversation with yourself

Oled sa kunagi iseendaga vestelnud

and then suddenly realized

ning siis avastanud,

you're a real asshole to yourself?

et su vestluskaaslane on ikka täielik tolvan?

(Laughter)

(Naer)

Has your phone ever run out of battery

On su telefonil kunagi aku keset vaidlust tühjaks saanud,

in the middle of an argument,

and it sort of felt like the phone

nii et on jäänud tunne, nagu oleks telefon teid mõlemat maha jätnud?

was breaking up with both of you?

Have you ever thought

Oled sa kunagi mõelnud,

that working on an issue between you was futile

et seda teievahelist probleemi

because it should just be easier than this,

lahendada on mõttetu,

sest see peaks olema palju lihtsam

or this is supposed to happen just naturally?

või see peaks juhtuma loomulikult?

Have you ever realized that very little, in the long run,

Oled sa kunagi avastanud,

et on üldse väga vähe asju, mis juhtuvad loomulikult?

just happens naturally?

Have you ever woken up blissfully

Oled sa kunagi ärganud täielikus õndsuses

and suddenly been flooded by the awful remembrance

ning siis on meenunud sulle kohutav tõde,

that someone had left you?

et keegi on su maha jätnud?

Have you ever lost the ability to imagine a future

Oled sa kunagi kaotanud võime

without a person

kujutleda tulevikku inimeseta,

that no longer was in your life?

keda su elus enam ei ole?

Have you ever looked back on that event

Oled sa kunagi mõelnud selle minevikusündmuse peale

with the sad smile of autumn

kurva naeratusega ning teadmisega,

and the realization that futures will happen

et nagunii tuleb see, mis tuleb?

regardless?

Congratulations.

Õnnitlused.

You have now completed the test.

Te olete testi läbinud.

You are all human.

Te olete kõik inimesed.

(Applause)

(Aplaus)