Ze Frank: Are you human?

Translator: Siyun Zhou Reviewer: 杏儀 歐陽

(Music) This is the human test,

（音樂） 呢個係一個人類測試

a test to see if you are a human.

睇下你係唔係人類

Please raise your hand if something applies to you.

如果想玩下，請舉手

Are we agreed? Yes?

大家贊唔贊成？

好？

Then let's begin.

咁我地開始啦

Have you ever eaten a booger

好耐之前嘅童年裡面

long past your childhood?

你有冇試過食鼻屎？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It's okay, it's safe here.

冇所謂，隨便講，呢度好安全

Have you ever made a small, weird sound

你有冇試過諗起某樣尷尬嘅事嘅時候

when you remembered something embarrassing?

細細聲發出怪聲？

Have you ever purposely lowercased

你有冇試過

將一段文字嘅第一個字母轉做細階

the first letter of a text

in order to come across as sad or disappointed?

用嚟表達傷心或者失望？

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

Okay.

好

Have you ever ended a text with a period

你有冇試過將句號用喺段文字嘅結尾

as a sign of aggression? Okay. Period.

用嚟表示敵對抵觸嘅情緒？

嗯。句號

Have you ever laughed or smiled

你有冇試過當人哋同你講衰嘢嘅時候

when someone said something shitty to you

你笑騎騎或者微笑

and then spent the rest of the day

然後果日淨低嘅時間

wondering why you reacted that way?

都喺度諗點解你反應係咁？

Yes.

無錯

Have you ever seemed to lose your airplane ticket

你有冇試過寄存行李之後 一路行去登機口時

a thousand times as you walked

每行一步都驚唔見左張機票？

from the check-in to the gate?

Yes.

啱啦

Have you ever put on a pair of pants

你有冇試過著咗一條褲

and then much later realized that there was

好耐先發現

a loose sock smushed up against your thigh?

原來有一隻襪套咗上個大肶？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Good.

好

Have you ever tried to guess someone else's password

你有冇試過估其他人嘅密碼

so many times that it locked their account?

不斷撞，直至撞到佢哋賬戶被人鎖咗？

Mmm.

嗯

Have you ever had a nagging feeling that one day

你有冇試過有陰魂不散嘅感覺

覺得有朝一日會俾人發現係老千？

you will be discovered as a fraud?

Yes, it's safe here.

係，呢度好安全

Have you ever hoped that there was some ability

你有冇試過期望你擁有一啲 未被發掘嘅天賦？

you hadn't discovered yet

that you were just naturally great at?

Mmm.

嗯

Have you ever broken something in real life,

有冇試過喺現實生活中做錯嘢

and then found yourself looking

然後發現自己想喺現實中

for an "undo" button in real life?

搵一個「重置」鍵？

Have you ever misplaced your TED badge

有冇試過擺錯咗你嘅 TED 徽章

and then immediately started imagining

然後即刻開始想像

what a three-day Vancouver vacation might look like?

三日嘅溫哥華假期會係點樣？

Have you ever marveled

你有冇試過驚歎

at how someone you thought was so ordinary

點解你以前覺得平平無奇嘅人

could suddenly become so beautiful?

會突然之間變得咁靚？

Have you ever stared at your phone

你有冇試過發短信嘅時候

smiling like an idiot while texting with someone?

望住手機 笑到好似個傻瓜咁？

Have you ever subsequently texted that person

有冇試過跟住同發短信嗰個人

the phrase "I'm staring at the phone

講「我睇住手機笑到好似個傻瓜」咁？

smiling like an idiot"?

Have you ever been tempted to,

你有冇好想好想

and then gave in to the temptation,

然後抵擋唔住誘惑

of looking through someone else's phone?

偷睇其他人嘅手機？

Have you ever had a conversation with yourself

有冇試過同自己講嘢

and then suddenly realized

然後突然發現

you're a real asshole to yourself?

自己真係個屎忽鬼？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Has your phone ever run out of battery

你有冇試過

喺你同人哋嘈得火熱時 手機忽然冇電

in the middle of an argument,

and it sort of felt like the phone

令你覺得手機同你兩個分手？

was breaking up with both of you?

Have you ever thought

你有冇諗過

that working on an issue between you was futile

解決你哋之間嘅拗叫係徒氣嘅

because it should just be easier than this,

因為事情本身唔複雜

or this is supposed to happen just naturally?

定係事情容易係理所當然？

Have you ever realized that very little, in the long run,

你有冇發現長遠嚟講

just happens naturally?

好少可會有容易嘅事？

Have you ever woken up blissfully

你有冇試過瞓醒之後覺得好幸福

and suddenly been flooded by the awful remembrance

但之後諗返起有人離開咗你嘅恐佈回憶？

that someone had left you?

Have you ever lost the ability to imagine a future

有冇試過想像唔到失去一個人嘅未來？

without a person

that no longer was in your life?

Have you ever looked back on that event

你有冇試過用秋天一樣嘅苦笑 睇返以前失去咗嘅人

with the sad smile of autumn

and the realization that futures will happen

然後意識到無論點樣

未來總係會嚟到？

regardless?

Congratulations.

恭喜你

You have now completed the test.

你通過咗測試

You are all human.

你哋都係人類

(Applause)

（掌聲）