Ze Frank: Are you human?

譯者: Adrienne Lin 審譯者: Kuan-Yi Li

(Music) This is the human test,

（音樂）這是個人類測試，

a test to see if you are a human.

測試你是否為人。

Please raise your hand if something applies to you.

如果這些事曾發生在你身上請舉手。

Are we agreed? Yes?

同意嗎？好。

Then let's begin.

我們開始吧。

Have you ever eaten a booger

你是否曾吃過鼻屎，

long past your childhood?

而且是在長大之後？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It's okay, it's safe here.

沒關係，我們不會說出去。

Have you ever made a small, weird sound

你是否曾經在想起尷尬時刻時

when you remembered something embarrassing?

發出微小的怪聲？

Have you ever purposely lowercased

你是否曾經故意

the first letter of a text

將英文首字小寫

in order to come across as sad or disappointed?

以表示傷心或失望？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Okay.

好的。

Have you ever ended a text with a period

你是否曾在句末加上句點，

as a sign of aggression? Okay. Period.

以表示不爽？好。句點。

Have you ever laughed or smiled

你是否曾大笑或微笑

when someone said something shitty to you

應對別人對你說的垃圾話

and then spent the rest of the day

然後花一整天的時間

wondering why you reacted that way?

都在想你為什麼會做出那種反應。

Yes.

有。

Have you ever seemed to lose your airplane ticket

你是否曾把飛機票弄丟

a thousand times as you walked

好幾百遍，

from the check-in to the gate?

就在你從櫃檯走到機門這段路上。

Yes.

有的。

Have you ever put on a pair of pants

你是否曾穿上長褲

and then much later realized that there was

許久後才發現

a loose sock smushed up against your thigh?

大腿處卡了隻襪子？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Good.

很好。

Have you ever tried to guess someone else's password

你是否試圖猜測某人的密碼

so many times that it locked their account?

卻多次猜錯導致那帳號被鎖？

Mmm.

嗯。

Have you ever had a nagging feeling that one day

你是否有種不安感

you will be discovered as a fraud?

怕有天會被發現自己很虛假？

Yes, it's safe here.

沒關係，這裡很安全。

Have you ever hoped that there was some ability

你是否曾希望自己有某些能力，

you hadn't discovered yet

雖然未被發掘，

that you were just naturally great at?

但你在那方面就是天賦異稟？

Mmm.

嗯。

Have you ever broken something in real life,

你是否曾在現實生活中搞壞某樣東西

and then found yourself looking

然後發現自己

for an "undo" button in real life?

在現實生活中找尋復原鍵？

Have you ever misplaced your TED badge

你是否曾把 TED 名牌搞丟

and then immediately started imagining

然後開始想像

what a three-day Vancouver vacation might look like?

這三天可以到會場外的溫哥華市區逛逛？

Have you ever marveled

你是否曾感到驚艷，

at how someone you thought was so ordinary

怎麼你一直認為很平凡的人

could suddenly become so beautiful?

突然間變得這麼美麗？

Have you ever stared at your phone

你是否曾盯著手機

smiling like an idiot while texting with someone?

邊傳簡訊邊笑得跟傻子一樣？

Have you ever subsequently texted that person

你是否曾接著傳簡訊給那人，

the phrase "I'm staring at the phone

告訴他：「我正盯著手機，

smiling like an idiot"?

笑得跟傻子一樣？」

Have you ever been tempted to,

你是否曾經非常非常想，

and then gave in to the temptation,

想到實在忍不住，

of looking through someone else's phone?

就偷看了別人的手機？

Have you ever had a conversation with yourself

你是否曾跟自己對話，

and then suddenly realized

講到後來突然覺得

you're a real asshole to yourself?

你幹嘛對自己那麼兇？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Has your phone ever run out of battery

你是否曾經在吵架時

in the middle of an argument,

突然手機沒電，

and it sort of felt like the phone

感覺好像電話

was breaking up with both of you?

在跟你們兩人分手？

Have you ever thought

你是否想過

that working on an issue between you was futile

解決你們之間的問題毫無意義，

because it should just be easier than this,

因為照理說不應該這麼難，

or this is supposed to happen just naturally?

或是這種問題理應自然解決？

Have you ever realized that very little, in the long run,

但回過頭來，你是否發現

只有極少數問題自然解決？

just happens naturally?

Have you ever woken up blissfully

你是否曾開心的醒來，

and suddenly been flooded by the awful remembrance

卻突然湧入難受的回憶，

that someone had left you?

想起某人已經離開你了？

Have you ever lost the ability to imagine a future

你是否曾無法想像

without a person

你的生命中少了某個人

that no longer was in your life?

未來會是如何？

Have you ever looked back on that event

你是否曾在回顧過去時

with the sad smile of autumn

浮現傷心的一抹微笑，

and the realization that futures will happen

發現未來仍有很長的路

regardless?

在等著你？

Congratulations.

恭喜各位。

You have now completed the test.

你們都完成測試。

You are all human.

大家都是人。

(Applause)

（掌聲）