How to make work-life balance work | Nigel Marsh

Translator: Valbona Bushi Reviewer: Helena Bedalli

What I thought I would do

Mendoj qe te

is I would start with a simple request.

filloj me nje kerkese te vogel.

I'd like all of you

Do te doja qe te gjithe ju

to pause for a moment,

te pushoni per një moment,

you wretched weaklings,

ju te dobesuar nga lodhja,

and take stock of your miserable existence.

dhe te vini re eksistencen tuaj te mjeruar.

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

Now that was the advice

Kjo ishte keshilla

that St. Benedict gave his rather startled followers

qe St. Benedikt i dha ndjekesve te tij

in the fifth century.

ne shekullin e peste.

It was the advice that I decided to follow myself

Ishte keshilla qe vendosa te ndiqja dhe vete

when I turned 40.

kur u bera 40 vjec.

Up until that moment, I had been that classic corporate warrior --

Deri ne ate moment, kisha qene ai luftetari zyrtar klasik ---

I was eating too much, I was drinking too much,

Haja shume, pija shume,

I was working too hard

punoja shume,

and I was neglecting the family.

dhe nuk po kaloja kohe me familjen.

And I decided that I would try

Dhe vendosa qe te provoja

and turn my life around.

ta rregulloja jeten time.

In particular, I decided

Vecanerisht, vendosa

I would try to address the thorny issue

qe te shikoja ceshtjen me te veshtire

of work-life balance.

te ekulibrit te punes dhe jetes.

So I stepped back from the workforce,

Keshtuqe dola nga puna

and I spent a year at home

dhe kalova nje vit ne shtepi

with my wife and four young children.

me gruan dhe 4 femije te vegjel.

But all I learned about work-life balance

Por ato qe mesova per ekuilibrin pune-jete

from that year

nga ai vit

was that I found it quite easy

ishte qe, eshte shume e lehte

to balance work and life

te ekulibrosh punen dhe jeten

when I didn't have any work.

kur nuk kisha asnjë pune.

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

Not a very useful skill,

Jo dicka qe mund te perdoresh,

especially when the money runs out.

sidomos kur mbarojne leket.

So I went back to work,

Keshtu qe ju ktheva punes,

and I've spent these seven years since

dhe kam kaluar shtate vjet qe atehere

struggling with, studying

duke u perpjekur, studjuar

and writing about work-life balance.

dhe duke shkruajtur per ekuilibrin pune-jete.

And I have four observations

Dhe kam kater vezhgime

I'd like to share with you today.

qe dua t'i ndaj me ju sot.

The first is:

E para eshte qe

if society's to make any progress on this issue,

neqoftese shoqeria do te beje progress ne kete ceshtje,

we need an honest debate.

na duhet nje debatim i sinqerte.

But the trouble is

Por problemi eshte

so many people talk so much rubbish

se shume njerez flasin budalleqe

about work-life balance.

per ekuilibrin pune-jete.

All the discussions about flexi-time

Te gjitha keto diskutime per kohe te vetmenaxhueshme ne pune

or dress-down Fridays

ose te veshjes-sport te Premteve

or paternity leave

ose lejes se kujdesit atesor

only serve to mask the core issue,

vetem se fshehin ceshtjen me te thelle

which is

qe eshte

that certain job and career choices

qe disa pune te caktuara dhe zgjedhje te karrierave

are fundamentally incompatible

ne thelb nuk perputhen

with being meaningfully engaged

me te qenit i angazhuar me tere kuptimin

on a day-to-day basis

ne menyre te perditshme

with a young family.

me nje familje te re.

Now the first step in solving any problem

Tani hapi i pare per te zgjidhur cdo problem

is acknowledging the reality of the situation you're in.

eshte pranimi i realitetit te situates qe ndodhemi.

And the reality of the society that we're in

Dhe realiteti i shoqerise ne te cilen jemi

is there are thousands and thousands

eshte qe jane mijra dhe mijra

of people out there

njerez ne bote

leading lives of quiet, screaming desperation,

qe jetojne me thirrje te pazeshme deshperimi,

where they work long, hard hours

qe punojne me ore te gjata dhe te renda

at jobs they hate

ne pune qe i urrejne

to enable them to buy things they don't need

vetem qe te kene mundesine te blejne gjera qe nuk i duhen

to impress people they don't like.

per ti bere pershtypje njerezve qe nuk i kan qejf.

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

(Applause)

(Duartrokitje)

It's my contention that going to work on Friday in jeans and [a] T-shirt

Po pohoj qe puna te Premteve thjesht ne xhinse dhe bluza

isn't really getting to the nub of the issue.

nuk futet ne thelbin e ceshtjes.

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

The second observation I'd like to make

Vëzhgimi i dyte qe dua te bej

is we need to face the truth

eshte qe na duhet te shikojme te verteten

that governments and corporations

qe qeverite dhe korporatat

aren't going to solve this issue for us.

nuk do ta zgjidhin kete problem per ne.

We should stop looking outside.

Duhet te ndalim se pari jashte;

It's up to us as individuals

varet nga ne si individe

to take control and responsibility

ta marrim kontrollin dhe pergjegjesine

for the type of lives that we want to lead.

per jeten qe duam te jetojme.

If you don't design your life,

Neqoftese nuk e nderton jeten tende,

someone else will design it for you,

dikush tjeter do ta beje per ty,

and you may just not like

dhe mbase nuk do tju pelqeje

their idea of balance.

idea e tyre e ekuilibrit.

It's particularly important --

Eshte ne vecanti e rendesishme --

this isn't on the World Wide Web, is it? I'm about to get fired --

kjo nuk do jete ne internet apo jo, ndryshe do me heqin nga puna ---

it's particularly important

eshte ne vecanti e rendesishme

that you never put the quality of your life

qe asnjehere mos ta vesh cilesine e jetes tende

in the hands of a commercial corporation.

ne duart e korporates tregtare.

Now I'm not talking here just about the bad companies --

Tani nuk po flas thjesht per ato kompani te keqija --

the "abattoirs of the human soul," as I call them.

thertoret e shpirtit te njeriut sic i therras une.

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

I'm talking about all companies.

Po flas per te gjitha kompanite.

Because commercial companies

Sepse kompanite tregtare

are inherently designed

në thelb jane te ndertuara

to get as much out of you [as]

qe te marrin sa me shume

they can get away with.

qe mund te marrin nga ty.

It's in their nature; it's in their DNA;

Eshte ne natyren e tyre, ne ADN,

it's what they do --

eshte ajo që ata bejne ---

even the good, well-intentioned companies.

edhe ato kompani me qellime te mira.

On the one hand,

Ne nje ane,

putting childcare facilities in the workplace

vene kopshte femijesh ne vendet e punes

is wonderful and enlightened.

qe eshte e bukur dhe e menduar mire.

On the other hand, it's a nightmare --

Ne anen tjeter, eshte nje ender e keqe;

it just means you spend more time at the bloody office.

thjesht do te thote qe kalon me shume kohe ne zyre.

We have to be responsible

Duhet te jemi pergjegjes

for setting and enforcing

per venien dhe zbatimin

the boundaries that we want in our life.

e kufive qe duam ne jeten tone.

The third observation is

Vezhgimi i trete eshte

we have to be careful

qe duhet te kemi kujdes

with the time frame that we choose

me kohen qe zgjedhim

upon which to judge our balance.

mbi te cilen gjykojme balancen qe punon per ne.

Before I went back to work

Perpara se ti kthehesha punes

after my year at home,

pas vitit tim ne shtepi,

I sat down

u ula

and I wrote out

dhe shkrujata

a detailed, step-by-step description

nje pershkrim te detajuar ne cdo hap

of the ideal balanced day

te nje dite ideale te ekuilibruar

that I aspired to.

drejt se ciles do punoja.

And it went like this:

Dhe fillonte keshtu:

wake up well rested

Te zgjohem i clodhur

after a good night's sleep.

pas nje nate te mire gjumi.

Have sex.

Bej seks.

Walk the dog.

Te eci me qenin.

Have breakfast with my wife and children.

Te ha mengjes me gruan dhe femijet.

Have sex again.

Te bej seks prape.

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

Drive the kids to school on the way to the office.

Te coj femijet ne shkolle rruges per ne zyre.

Do three hours' work.

Punoj per tre ore.

Play a sport with a friend at lunchtime.

Te luaj nje sport me shoqeri gjate drekes.

Do another three hours' work.

Punoj prape per 3 ore.

Meet some mates in the pub for an early evening drink.

Te takohem e te pi nje gote me shoket ne bar.

Drive home for dinner

Te kthehem ne shtepi per darke

with my wife and kids.

me gruan dhe femijet.

Meditate for half an hour.

Te meditoj per nje gjysem ore.

Have sex.

Te bej seks.

Walk the dog. Have sex again.

Te eci me qenin. Bej seks prape.

Go to bed.

Te fle.

(Applause)

(Duartrokitje)

How often do you think I have that day?

Tani sa shpesh mendoni qe e bej kete dite?

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

We need to be realistic.

Duhet te jemi realiste.

You can't do it all in one day.

Nuk mund ti besh dot te gjitha ne nje dite.

We need to elongate the time frame

Na duhet te zgjasim kohen

upon which we judge the balance in our life,

ne te cilen te gjykojme balancen e jetes tone,

but we need to elongate it

por na duhet ta zgjasim

without falling into the trap

pa rene ne kurthin

of the "I'll have a life when I retire,

e "oh do kem jete kur te dal ne pension,

when my kids have left home,

kur femijet kane ikur nga shtepia,

when my wife has divorced me, my health is failing,

kur jam divorcuar me gruan, shendeti eshte keq,

I've got no mates or interests left."

nuk me kane me ngelur shoke ose interesa."

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

A day is too short; "after I retire" is too long.

Nje dite eshte shume e shkurter, kurse pas pensionit eshte shume e gjate.

There's got to be a middle way.

Duhet te jete një rrugë e mesme.

A fourth observation:

Vezhgimi i katert:

We need to approach balance

Duhet te arrijme nje ekuiliber

in a balanced way.

ne menyre te balancuar.

A friend came to see me last year --

Vitin e kaluar erdhi nje shoqe per vizite --

and she doesn't mind me telling this story -- a friend came to see me last year

dhe ajo s'e ka problem te them historine e saj -- nje shoqe erdhi vitin e kaluar

and said, "Nigel, I've read your book.

dhe tha "Nigel, e kam lexuar librin tend.

And I realize that my life is completely out of balance.

Dhe e kuptoj qe jeta ime eshte komplet e pa ekuilibruar.

It's totally dominated by work.

Eshte e dominuar komplet nga puna.

I work 10 hours a day; I commute two hours a day.

Punoj 10 ore ne dite, dhe 2 ore te tjera shkoj e vij.

All of my relationships have failed.

Te gjitha marredheniet e mia kane deshtuar.

There's nothing in my life

Nuk kam asgje ne kete jete

apart from my work.

pervecse punes time.

So I've decided to get a grip and sort it out.

Keshtuqe kam vendosur ti rregulloj gjerat.

So I joined a gym."

Dhe u registrova ne palester."

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

Now I don't mean to mock,

Tani nuk dua te tallem,

but being a fit 10-hour-a-day office rat

por te qenit nje zyrtar 10-oresh i shendetshem

isn't more balanced; it's more fit.

nuk eshte me i ekuilibruar, eshte thjesht me i shendetshem.

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

Lovely though physical exercise may be,

Megjithese fiskultura eshte gje e mire,

there are other parts to life --

ka gjera te tjera ne kete jete.

there's the intellectual side; there's the emotional side;

Eshte ana intelektuale, ana emocionale,

there's the spiritual side.

ana shpirterore.

And to be balanced,

Dhe qe te jesh i balancuar,

I believe we have to attend

besoj se duhet ti bejme kujdes

to all of those areas --

te gjithe ketyre aneve ---

not just do 50 stomach crunches.

jo thjesht per te bere 50 pompa.

Now that can be daunting.

Tani mund te jete e veshtire.

Because people say, "Bloody hell mate, I haven't got time to get fit.

Se njerezit thone "me te vertete e ke, nuk kam kohe per fiskulture;

You want me to go to church and call my mother."

ti do qe une te shkoj ne kishe dhe te marr ne telefon mamane."

And I understand.

Dhe une e kuptoj.

I truly understand how that can be daunting.

Me te vertete e kuptoj sa e veshtire qe mund te jete.

But an incident that happened a couple of years ago

Por dicka qe ndodhi disa vite me pare

gave me a new perspective.

me dha nje perspektive te re.

My wife, who is somewhere in the audience today,

Gruaja ime, qe eshte diku ne audience sot,

called me up at the office

me mori ne telefon ne zyre

and said, "Nigel, you need to pick our youngest son" --

dhe tha "Nigel, duhet te shkosh te marresh cunin tone te vogel, "

Harry -- "up from school."

Harry "nga shkolla."

Because she had to be somewhere else with the other three children for that evening.

Sepse asaj i duhej te ishte diku tjeter me tre femijet e tjere ate nate.

So I left work an hour early that afternoon

Keshtu qe ika nga zyra nje ore me perpara ate pasdite

and picked Harry up at the school gates.

dhe e mora Harrin nga shkolla.

We walked down to the local park,

Ecem deri tek parku i lagjes,

messed around on the swings, played some silly games.

u hallakatem ne shilarese dhe lojra te tjera.

I then walked him up the hill to the local cafe,

Pastaj ecem se bashku perpjete tek nje kafene,

and we shared a pizza for two,

dhe ndame nje pica se bashku,

then walked down the hill to our home,

pastaj ecem tatepjete tek shtepia jone,

and I gave him his bath

dhe e lava

and put him in his Batman pajamas.

dhe e vesha me pizhamat me Batman

I then read him a chapter

Pastaj i lexova nje kapitull

of Roald Dahl's "James and the Giant Peach."

te Roald Dahl's "James dhe Pjeshka e Madhe."

I then put him to bed, tucked him in,

pastaj e vura ne krevat, e mbulova,

gave him a kiss on his forehead and said, "Goodnight, mate,"

dhe e putha ne balle dhe thashe 'Naten e mire, o shok,"

and walked out of his bedroom.

dhe dola nga dhoma e tij.

As I was walking out of his bedroom,

Duke ikur nga dhoma e tij,

he said, "Dad?" I went, "Yes, mate?"

ai tha "Ba?" dhe une "Po, o shok?"

He went, "Dad, this has been the best day

Ai tha, "Ba, kjo ka qene dita me e lumtur

of my life, ever."

e jetes sime ndonjehere."

I hadn't done anything,

Une nuk kisha bere asnje gje,

hadn't taken him to Disney World or bought him a Playstation.

nuk e kisha cuar ne Disney World apo blere nje Playstation.

Now my point is

Tani thelbi eshte qe

the small things matter.

gjerat e vogla kane rendesi.

Being more balanced

Te jesh ne ekuiliber

doesn't mean dramatic upheaval in your life.

nuk do te thote te kesh ndryshime dramatike ne jete.

With the smallest investment

Me investimin me te vogel

in the right places,

ne vendet e duhura,

you can radically transform the quality of your relationships

mund te ndryshosh shume cilesine e marredhenjeve te tua

and the quality of your life.

dhe cilesine e jetes suaj.

Moreover, I think,

Per me teper, mendoj,

it can transform society.

qe mund te transformohet shoqeria.

Because if enough people do it,

Sepse, nese e bejne mjaft njerez,

we can change society's definition of success

ne mund te ndryshojme percaktimin e suksesit ne shoqeri

away from the moronically simplistic notion

larg nga ideja e thjeshtuar e budallepsur

that the person with the most money when he dies wins,

qe personi me me shume leke kur vdes fiton,

to a more thoughtful and balanced definition

drejt nje percaktimi me te matur dhe te ekuilibruar

of what a life well lived looks like.

se c'eshte nje jete e balancuar mire.

And that, I think,

Dhe kjo, mendoj,

is an idea worth spreading.

eshte nje ide qe ia vlen te perhapet.

(Applause)

(Duartrokitje)