How to make work-life balance work | Nigel Marsh

翻译人员: Siyi Shao 校对人员: Yichao Zhang

What I thought I would do

我原本想

is I would start with a simple request.

以一个简单的请求开场。

I'd like all of you

我请求在座的各位

to pause for a moment,

思考片刻，

you wretched weaklings,

你们这群可悲的懦夫，

and take stock of your miserable existence.

扪心自问，审视一下自身可怜的存在。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Now that was the advice

其实这正是

that St. Benedict gave his rather startled followers

5世纪时圣本笃给信众的建议，

in the fifth century.

可以想见，当时他们必定相当惊诧。

It was the advice that I decided to follow myself

而在我40岁的时候

when I turned 40.

我也决定采纳并实施这个建议。

Up until that moment, I had been that classic corporate warrior --

在那之前，我绝对是个典型的业务精英——

I was eating too much, I was drinking too much,

我吃的太多，喝得太多，

I was working too hard

工作太努力，

and I was neglecting the family.

我忽视了自己的家庭。

And I decided that I would try

于是我决定

and turn my life around.

试着改变我的生活。

In particular, I decided

而且我决定

I would try to address the thorny issue

我要尝试处理一个棘手的问题：

of work-life balance.

即工作与生活的平衡。

So I stepped back from the workforce,

于是我递交辞呈，

and I spent a year at home

赋闲在家，

with my wife and four young children.

与妻子和四个儿子相处了一年。

But all I learned about work-life balance

但是在那一年中

from that year

关于工作与生活平衡这个问题，我唯一的收获是：

was that I found it quite easy

如果我不工作，

to balance work and life

这个问题

when I didn't have any work.

就会迎刃而解。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Not a very useful skill,

这的确不怎么管用，

especially when the money runs out.

尤其是缺钱的时候。

So I went back to work,

所以我回到工作岗位，

and I've spent these seven years since

七年以来

struggling with, studying

我的挣扎，学习

and writing about work-life balance.

与写作都围绕着工作与生活的平衡这个主题。

And I have four observations

今天我想跟各位分享

I'd like to share with you today.

四点心得。

The first is:

第一，

if society's to make any progress on this issue,

如果在这一问题上想要获得实质性的进展，

we need an honest debate.

那么我们需要一个诚恳的探讨。

But the trouble is

但问题是

so many people talk so much rubbish

在这一问题上，

about work-life balance.

人们大多沉浸在毫无意义的争论之中。

All the discussions about flexi-time

无论是弹性时间

or dress-down Fridays

还是星期五的休闲装政策

or paternity leave

亦或是育儿假，

only serve to mask the core issue,

这些都只是进一步掩盖了核心问题，

which is

即

that certain job and career choices

某些职业和某些职业选择

are fundamentally incompatible

从根本上讲就与

with being meaningfully engaged

每天与自己的家庭

on a day-to-day basis

亲密相处

with a young family.

这一生活方式水火不容。

Now the first step in solving any problem

要解决任何问题，

is acknowledging the reality of the situation you're in.

都必须首先认清自己所处的境况。

And the reality of the society that we're in

而现实社会中的情况是

is there are thousands and thousands

成千上万的

of people out there

人们

leading lives of quiet, screaming desperation,

都在无声的绝望中煎熬。

where they work long, hard hours

他们夜以继日的

at jobs they hate

从事他们痛恨的职业

to enable them to buy things they don't need

目的只是为了购买无用的商品

to impress people they don't like.

以博得无关痛痒的邻人的艳羡。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

It's my contention that going to work on Friday in jeans and [a] T-shirt

我的观点是，星期五穿牛仔体恤

isn't really getting to the nub of the issue.

并不能解决关键问题。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

The second observation I'd like to make

我想分享的第二点心得是

is we need to face the truth

我们必须面对现实：

that governments and corporations

政府和公司

aren't going to solve this issue for us.

不会为我们解决这一问题。

We should stop looking outside.

我们不能再寻找外援，

It's up to us as individuals

而应该作为个人

to take control and responsibility

承担起掌控

for the type of lives that we want to lead.

自己生活轨迹的重任。

If you don't design your life,

如果你不规划自己的生活，

someone else will design it for you,

那么别人就会为你规划，

and you may just not like

而他们对于平衡的处理

their idea of balance.

你往往并不认同。

It's particularly important --

最重要的是——

this isn't on the World Wide Web, is it? I'm about to get fired --

这东西不会传到互联网上吧，要不然我可要被解雇了——

it's particularly important

最重要的是

that you never put the quality of your life

你绝不能让商业公司

in the hands of a commercial corporation.

来掌控你生活的质量。

Now I'm not talking here just about the bad companies --

我指的并不仅仅是那些糟糕的公司——

the "abattoirs of the human soul," as I call them.

我把那些公司叫做人类灵魂的屠宰场。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I'm talking about all companies.

我指的是所有的公司。

Because commercial companies

因为商业公司

are inherently designed

本质上就是为了

to get as much out of you [as]

尽可能多的榨取你的价值

they can get away with.

而同时尽量逃避责任。

It's in their nature; it's in their DNA;

这是深植于商业公司之中的基因。

it's what they do --

它们以此立足——

even the good, well-intentioned companies.

包括那些好的，有善心的公司。

On the one hand,

一方面，

putting childcare facilities in the workplace

在工作场所开办儿童保育中心

is wonderful and enlightened.

是个很妙的，具有启发性的好主意。

On the other hand, it's a nightmare --

另一方面，这同时是个噩梦；

it just means you spend more time at the bloody office.

因为这意味着你得在万恶的办公室里耗上更多时间。

We have to be responsible

我们自己得担起责任

for setting and enforcing

去设定并强化

the boundaries that we want in our life.

我们生活中的各种界限。

The third observation is

第三点是

we have to be careful

我们得好好考虑

with the time frame that we choose

以什么样的时间单位

upon which to judge our balance.

来衡量我们试图实现的平衡。

Before I went back to work

在一年赋闲时

after my year at home,

就在我回到工作岗位之前，

I sat down

我坐下来

and I wrote out

细细地

a detailed, step-by-step description

一步一步地勾勒了一幅

of the ideal balanced day

我向往的完美一天的

that I aspired to.

理想蓝图。

And it went like this:

具体如下：

wake up well rested

充足的睡眠之后，

after a good night's sleep.

精神抖擞的醒来。

Have sex.

做爱。

Walk the dog.

遛狗。

Have breakfast with my wife and children.

与妻儿共进早餐。

Have sex again.

做爱。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Drive the kids to school on the way to the office.

上班的途中送孩子去学校。

Do three hours' work.

工作三小时。

Play a sport with a friend at lunchtime.

午休时和朋友玩玩体育。

Do another three hours' work.

再工作三小时。

Meet some mates in the pub for an early evening drink.

下午和老伙计们在酒吧喝两杯。

Drive home for dinner

回家，

with my wife and kids.

与妻儿共进晚餐。

Meditate for half an hour.

花半个小时静修思考。

Have sex.

做爱。

Walk the dog. Have sex again.

遛狗。做爱。

Go to bed.

上床睡觉。

(Applause)

（掌声）

How often do you think I have that day?

你觉得我多久能享受如此的一天？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

We need to be realistic.

我们当然要实际一些。

You can't do it all in one day.

你不可能在一天内实现这一切。

We need to elongate the time frame

我们得把时间单位拉长

upon which we judge the balance in our life,

来衡量我们期望的平衡，

but we need to elongate it

但是这一拉长也不是没有限度的

without falling into the trap

比如，你最好别说：

of the "I'll have a life when I retire,

“我会享受生活的，当我退休了，

when my kids have left home,

当子女也都独立，

when my wife has divorced me, my health is failing,

当妻子已弃我而去，当我的身体大不如前，

I've got no mates or interests left."

当我已没有朋友，也没有任何兴趣爱好。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

A day is too short; "after I retire" is too long.

一天太短，退休又太长。

There's got to be a middle way.

肯定会有折中的办法。

A fourth observation:

第四点心得：

We need to approach balance

要实现平衡，

in a balanced way.

我们得采取“平衡”的办法。

A friend came to see me last year --

去年我有个朋友来找我——

and she doesn't mind me telling this story -- a friend came to see me last year

她不介意我公开这个故事——去年她来我这儿，

and said, "Nigel, I've read your book.

她说：“奈吉尔，我看了你的书。

And I realize that my life is completely out of balance.

我意识到我的生活完全没有平衡可言。

It's totally dominated by work.

它完全被无休止的工作占据。

I work 10 hours a day; I commute two hours a day.

我每天工作10小时，路上就要花2小时。

All of my relationships have failed.

我的人际关系总是失败。

There's nothing in my life

在我生活中

apart from my work.

除了工作，没有别的。

So I've decided to get a grip and sort it out.

所以我决定得振作起来改观我的生活。

So I joined a gym."

于是我加入了健身俱乐部。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Now I don't mean to mock,

我不是要嘲笑她，

but being a fit 10-hour-a-day office rat

但是一个“健康”的每天工作10小时的办公室职员

isn't more balanced; it's more fit.

并不会让她更“平衡”，而只能更“健康”。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Lovely though physical exercise may be,

健身运动的确是不错，

there are other parts to life --

但生活的含义其实很丰富。

there's the intellectual side; there's the emotional side;

知性生活，情感生活，

there's the spiritual side.

精神生活。

And to be balanced,

如果想达到平衡，

I believe we have to attend

我觉得我们得

to all of those areas --

关照以上的各个方面——

not just do 50 stomach crunches.

仅仅50个仰卧起坐是不够的。

Now that can be daunting.

这可能看起来相当艰巨。

Because people say, "Bloody hell mate, I haven't got time to get fit.

人们会说：“拜托伙计，我连锻炼的时间都没有，

You want me to go to church and call my mother."

你却要我去教堂、给老妈打电话。”

And I understand.

我很理解。

I truly understand how that can be daunting.

我真的很理解，对人们来说这的确挺艰巨。

But an incident that happened a couple of years ago

但两年前有件小事

gave me a new perspective.

却给了我一个崭新的视角。

My wife, who is somewhere in the audience today,

我妻子就坐在下面

called me up at the office

一天她给我的办公室打电话说

and said, "Nigel, you need to pick our youngest son" --

“奈吉尔，你得去学校

Harry -- "up from school."

接我们的小儿子哈里。”

Because she had to be somewhere else with the other three children for that evening.

因为那天晚上她和其他三个孩子在一起。

So I left work an hour early that afternoon

于是那天下午我提前一小时下班

and picked Harry up at the school gates.

在校门口接到哈里。

We walked down to the local park,

我们去了公园，

messed around on the swings, played some silly games.

在秋千上闹了一阵，做了些傻傻的游戏。

I then walked him up the hill to the local cafe,

然后我带他上了一座小山到了当地的一家咖啡馆，

and we shared a pizza for two,

我们点了茶和比萨，

then walked down the hill to our home,

吃完就下山回家，

and I gave him his bath

我给他洗了个澡，

and put him in his Batman pajamas.

给他穿上蝙蝠侠睡衣。

I then read him a chapter

然后我给他读了一章

of Roald Dahl's "James and the Giant Peach."

Roald Dahl的《詹姆斯与飞天巨桃》。

I then put him to bed, tucked him in,

然后我铺好床，安顿好他，

gave him a kiss on his forehead and said, "Goodnight, mate,"

吻了他的额头，说了声“晚安，伙计。”

and walked out of his bedroom.

然后走出他的卧室。

As I was walking out of his bedroom,

正当我走到门口的时候，

he said, "Dad?" I went, "Yes, mate?"

他叫了声老爸。“什么事，伙计？”

He went, "Dad, this has been the best day

他说，“老爸，这是我一生中

of my life, ever."

最棒的一天，最棒的。”

I hadn't done anything,

其实我什么也没做。

hadn't taken him to Disney World or bought him a Playstation.

我没带他去迪斯尼乐园，也没给他买游戏机。

Now my point is

我想说的是，

the small things matter.

小事并非无关紧要。

Being more balanced

在生活中实现平衡

doesn't mean dramatic upheaval in your life.

并不意味着你要大张旗鼓的颠覆你的生活。

With the smallest investment

在适当的地方

in the right places,

做些小小的投资，

you can radically transform the quality of your relationships

你就能极大地改善你的人际关系

and the quality of your life.

和生活质量。

Moreover, I think,

不仅如此，我认为

it can transform society.

这还能改变整个社会。

Because if enough people do it,

因为，如果很多人都如此生活，

we can change society's definition of success

那么我们就可以重新对社会上的所谓“成功”进行定义：

away from the moronically simplistic notion

成功不再是以死后财产的多少

that the person with the most money when he dies wins,

来愚蠢地衡量；

to a more thoughtful and balanced definition

成功应该有一个更具平衡性和思想性的定义，

of what a life well lived looks like.

即一个美好的生活的实现。

And that, I think,

我认为

is an idea worth spreading.

这的确是一个值得与众人分享的点子。

(Applause)

（掌声）