Your elusive creative genius | Elizabeth Gilbert

Translator: marjorie pepito Reviewer: Polimar Balatbat

I am a writer.

Ako ay isang manunulat

Writing books is my profession but it's more than that, of course.

Ang pagsusulat ng mga libro ang aking hanapbuhay, datapuwa't hindi lang iyan at hindi diyan nagtatapos.

It is also my great lifelong love and fascination.

Ang pagsusulat din ay ang aking habambuhay na pag-ibig at pagkahalina.

And I don't expect that that's ever going to change.

At tingin ko'y iyan ay hindi kailanman magbabago.

But, that said, something kind of peculiar has happened recently

Gayunpaman, may kakaibang pangyayari kamakailan lang

in my life and in my career,

sa aking buhay at sa aking karera,

which has caused me to have to recalibrate my whole relationship with this work.

na nagdulot sa akin na muling usisatin ang kabuuan ng aking relasyon sa aking trabaho.

And the peculiar thing is that I recently wrote this book,

At ang kakaibang pangyayaring ito ay ang pagsulat ko ng libro, kamakailan lang,

this memoir called "Eat, Pray, Love"

isang talambuhay, na may pamagat na "Eat, Pray, Love"

which, decidedly unlike any of my previous books,

na walang kaduda duda, hindi katulad sa mga nauna kong libro

went out in the world for some reason, and became this big,

sapagkat, sa hindi ko mawaring dahilan, ito ay naging isang malaki,

mega-sensation, international bestseller thing.

napakasikat, at lubhang mabiling libro sa buong mundo.

The result of which is that everywhere I go now,

Dahil dito, saan man ako magtungo ngayon,

people treat me like I'm doomed.

tinuturing ako ng mga tao na tila ako ay nasa isang tiyak na na pahamak

Seriously -- doomed, doomed!

tiyak, tiyak na pahamak!

Like, they come up to me now, all worried, and they say,

Heto't lumalapit sila, balisa, at sinasabing

"Hindi ka ba natatakot? -- hindi ka ba natatakot na hindi mo na mahihigitan pa ang librong iyan?

"Aren't you afraid you're never going to be able to top that?

Aren't you afraid you're going to keep writing for your whole life

Hindi ka ba natatakot na mula ngayon hanggang sa natitirang bahagi ng iyong buhay, ikaw ay magsusulat

and you're never again going to create a book

at hindi ka na muli makakagawa ng isang libro

that anybody in the world cares about at all,

na magugustuhan ng kahit isang tao

ever again?"

kailan pa man?"

So that's reassuring, you know.

Tila nakakaluwag ng damdamin, hindi ba.

But it would be worse, except for that I happen to remember

Maaaring mas may masidhi pa nito, liban na nga lang sa isa kong naalalang

that over 20 years ago, when I was a teenager,

pangyayari may 20 taon nang nakalilipas, noong una ko pa lang pinamamahagi sa mga tao - nung ako ay nagdadalaga pa lamang -

when I first started telling people that I wanted to be a writer,

na gusto kong maging isang manunulat.

Sinalubong ako ng reaksyon na natutulad din sa reaksyon ng mga tao ngayon, reaksyon na nababase sa takot.

I was met with this same sort of fear-based reaction.

At sasabihin ng mga tao, "Hindi ka ba natatakot na hindi ka kailanman magtatagumpay?

And people would say, "Aren't you afraid you're never going to have any success?

Aren't you afraid the humiliation of rejection will kill you?

Hindi ka ba natatakot na mamamatay ka sa kahihiyan dahil sa hindi pagtanggap sa iyo?

Aren't you afraid that you're going to work your whole life at this craft

Hindi ka ba natatakot na sa buong buhay mo, patuloy kang maglilikha sa sining na ito

subalit ni kailanman ay hindi ito magbubunga

and nothing's ever going to come of it

at mamamatay ka na lamang sa pira-piraso't santambak na bigong pangarap

and you're going to die on a scrap heap of broken dreams

kung saan ang iyong bibig ay puno ng mapait na abo ng kabiguan?

with your mouth filled with bitter ash of failure?"

(Tawanan)

(Laughter)

Like that, you know.

Parang ganun, alam nyo yun.

The answer -- the short answer to all those questions is, "Yes."

Ang sagot - ang maiksing sagot sa lahat ng mga katanungang iyon ay, "Oo."

Yes, I'm afraid of all those things.

Oo, ako ay natatakot sa lahat ng mga bagay na iyon.

And I always have been.

Noon pa man, ako ay takot na.

And I'm afraid of many, many more things besides

Liban pa doon, ako din ay takot sa marami pang ibang bagay

that people can't even guess at,

na maaring hindi mawari ng ibang mga tao.

like seaweed and other things that are scary.

Tulad ng damong-dagat, at iba pang bagay na nakakatakot.

But, when it comes to writing,

Subalit, kung pagsusulat na ang pag-uusapan

the thing that I've been sort of thinking about lately, and wondering about lately,

ang tanong na tila pinag-iisipan ko kamakailan lang, at pinagtatakhan kamakailan, ay bakit?

is why?

Iyong tipong, eto ba ay makatwiran?

You know, is it rational?

Na makatwiran nga bang asahan ang isang tao

Is it logical that anybody should be expected

to be afraid of the work that they feel they were put on this Earth to do.

na matakot sa trabahong sa tingin nila ay syang itinalaga na gawin nila sa mundong ito.

And what is it specifically about creative ventures

Alam mo yun, ano nga ba ang meron sa pagngangahas na lumikha

that seems to make us really nervous about each other's mental health

na wari baga'y tayo ay nangangamba na sa katinuan ng ating pag-iisip

in a way that other careers kind of don't do, you know?

taliwas sa ibang karera?

Like my dad, for example, was a chemical engineer

Bilang halimbawa, ang aking ama ay isang Chemical Engineer

and I don't recall once in his 40 years of chemical engineering

at sa buong 40 taon na iginugol nya sa Chemical Engineering, 'ni minsan ay 'di ko naalalang

anybody asking him if he was afraid to be a chemical engineer, you know?

may nagtanong sa kanya kung siya ba ay natatakot maging isang Chemical Engineer.

"That chemical-engineering block, John, how's it going?"

Wala akong narinig na - kamusta na ang mga sagabal natin sa Chemical Engineering John?

It just didn't come up like that, you know?

Walang ganuong pangyayari sa kanila.

But to be fair, chemical engineers as a group

Gayunpaman, ang mga Chemical Engineers, bilang isang pangkat

haven't really earned a reputation over the centuries

ay hindi naturingan nitong mga nakaraang siglo

for being alcoholic manic-depressives.

bilang mga lasenggong malimit malumbay.

(Laughter)

(Tawanan)

We writers, we kind of do have that reputation,

Tayong mga manunulat, tila may ganoon tayong reputasyon,

and not just writers, but creative people across all genres,

at hindi lamang manunulat, kundi pati lahat ng mga malikhaing tao sa lahat ng kategorya,

it seems, have this reputation for being enormously mentally unstable.

ay tila may reputasyon sa pagkakaroon ng hindi matatag na katinuan.

And all you have to do is look at the very grim death count

Tingnan na lamang natin ang nakapanghihilakbot na bilang ng mga namatay

in the 20th century alone, of really magnificent creative minds

nitong ika-20 siglo pa lang, ng mga batikang manlilikha

who died young and often at their own hands, you know?

na namatay sa murang edad at kalimitan ay sa kanilang mga sariling kamay.

And even the ones who didn't literally commit suicide

At kahit pa man may iba na hindi pa literal na nagpapakamatay

seem to be really undone by their gifts, you know.

ay tila bagang nawawasak ang katinuan dahil sa kanilang angking talento.

Norman Mailer, just before he died, last interview, he said,

Norman Mailer, sa huling panayam sa kanya bago sya mamatay, ay nagsabi na

"Every one of my books has killed me a little more."

"Bawat isa ng aking mga libro, ay pinatay ako nang paunti-unti."

An extraordinary statement to make about your life's work.

'Di ba't isa itong kakaibang pahayag ukol sa gawaing pinaggugulan mo ng iyong buhay?

But we don't even blink when we hear somebody say this,

Subalit hindi man lang tayo kumukurap 'pag naririnig natin ito

because we've heard that kind of stuff for so long

sapagkat nasanay na tayo dahil sa ilang beses na natin ito narinig

and somehow we've completely internalized and accepted collectively

at tila baga'y naisaloob na natin at natanggap

this notion that creativity and suffering are somehow inherently linked

na ang pagiging malikhain at ang pagdurusa ay tila magkaakibat at magkapatid

and that artistry, in the end, will always ultimately lead to anguish.

at ang pagiging malikhain, sa huli, ay magdudulot ng ibayong sakit at pagdurusa.

And the question that I want to ask everybody here today

At ang katanungan na gusto ko itanong sa mga narito ngayon ay

is are you guys all cool with that idea?

kayo bang lahat ay tanggap ang palaisipan o ideya na ito?

Are you comfortable with that?

komportable ba kayo dito -

Because you look at it even from an inch away and, you know --

dahil kung titingnan nyo ito, kahit lumayo lang kayo ng isang pulgada, alam nyo

I'm not at all comfortable with that assumption.

Hindi ako komportable sa ideyang ito.

I think it's odious.

Tingin ko ito ay nakakasuka at nakakasuklam.

And I also think it's dangerous,

Tingin ko din ito ay delikado,

and I don't want to see it perpetuated into the next century.

At ayoko makitang napanatili ang ideyang ito sa susunod na siglo.

Minumungkahi kong himukin natin ang ating mga dakilang manlilikha na magpunyaging mabuhay.

I think it's better if we encourage our great creative minds to live.

And I definitely know that, in my case -- in my situation --

At tiyak akong alam ko,kung uusisatin ang aking sitwasyon,

it would be very dangerous for me to start sort of leaking down that dark path

na lubhang mapanganib kung uumpisahan kong tumungo sa masalimuot na landas

of assumption,

ng pagpapalagay, lalo na kung isasa-alang alang ang mga bagay-bagay

particularly given the circumstance that I'm in right now in my career.

sa kasalukuyang kalagayan ng aking karera.

Which is -- you know, like check it out,

Kung iisipin nyo at titignan,

I'm pretty young, I'm only about 40 years old.

Ako'y lubhang bata pa lamang, ako'y 40 taong gulang pa lamang.

At ako'y may sa 4 na dekada pa ng trabahong natitira.

I still have maybe another four decades of work left in me.

And it's exceedingly likely that anything I write from this point forward

At higit na lubhang posible na lahat ng aking isulat pamula ngayon

is going to be judged by the world as the work that came after

ay mahahatulan ng buong mundo bilang isang likha pagkatapos

the freakish success of my last book, right?

ng nakakatakot na tagumpay ng huli kong libro, hindi nga ba?

I should just put it bluntly, because we're all sort of friends here now --

Sa tapatang pananalita, dahil sa tayo'ng lahat ay magkakaibigan na ngayon -

it's exceedingly likely that my greatest success is behind me.

lubhang posible na ang aking kalubus-lubusang tagumpay ay natapos na.

So Jesus, what a thought!

Susmaryosep! Anong klaseng pag-iisip eto!

That's the kind of thought that could lead a person

Alam nyo na eto ang uri ng pag-iisip na maaring mag-udyok sa isang tao

to start drinking gin at nine o'clock in the morning,

na uminom ng hinebra ng alas-9 ng umaga,

and I don't want to go there.

at ayoko ma-udyok nang ganuon.

(Laughter)

(Tawanan)

I would prefer to keep doing this work that I love.

Mas gugustuhin ko pa na patuloy na gawin ang gawaing mahal ko.

Kung kaya, ang tanong ay, paano?

And so, the question becomes, how?

And so, it seems to me, upon a lot of reflection,

At kaya, sa aking palagay, matapos ang maraming pagmumunimuni,

that the way that I have to work now, in order to continue writing,

na ang paraan ng aking pagtatrabaho ngayon, upang magpatuloy sa pagsusulat

is that I have to create some sort of protective psychological construct, right?

ay dapat makalikha ako ng parang isang sikolohikal na pangharang, di kaya?

I have to sort of find some way to have a safe distance

Kailangan ko na makahanap ng paraan na magkaroon ng ligtas na layo

between me, as I am writing, and my very natural anxiety

sa pagitan ko, habang ako ay nagsusulat, at ng aking likas na pag-aagam-agam

about what the reaction to that writing is going to be, from now on.

sa kung ano ang magiging reaksyon sa sinulat ko, mula ngayon.

And, as I've been looking, over the last year,

At, habang naghahagilap ako sa nagdaang taon ng mga modelo kung paano gumawa ng paraan

for models for how to do that,

I've been sort of looking across time,

naghanap ako ng maaring ehemplo sa mga nagdaang panahon

and I've been trying to find other societies

at sinubok kong maghanap sa ibang lipunan

to see if they might have had better and saner ideas than we have

upang matignan na baka sila ay may mas mainam at makatwiran na ideya kaysa sa amin

about how to help creative people

kung paano tulungan ang mga manlilika na pangasiwaan

sort of manage the inherent emotional risks of creativity.

ang angking panganib sa damdamin na kaakibat ng pagkamalikhain.

And that search has led me to ancient Greece and ancient Rome.

At ang pagsisiyasat na iyon ay nagdala sa akin sa sinaunang Griyego at Roma.

So stay with me, because it does circle around and back.

Kaya't maari lamang na samahan nyo ako dito dahil sa babalik din tayo mamya sa usaping eto.

But, ancient Greece and ancient Rome --

Subalit, sa sinaunang Griyego at sinaunang Roma -

people did not happen to believe that creativity

ang mga tao ay tila hindi naniniwala na ang pagkamalikhain

came from human beings back then, OK?

ay galing sa katawang lupa ng tao, OK?

People believed that creativity was this divine attendant spirit

Naniniwala ang mga tao na ang pagkamalikhain ay isang banal na espiritong naglilingkod

that came to human beings from some distant and unknowable source,

na sumapi sa katawang lupa ng tao mula sa malayo at di mawari na pinagmulan

for distant and unknowable reasons.

ayun sa malayo at di mawaring dahilan.

The Greeks famously called these divine attendant spirits of creativity "daemons."

Tinawag ng mga Griyego ang banal na espiritong eto sa bantog na pangalang "daemons".

Socrates, famously, believed that he had a daemon

Si Socrates ay tanyag sa kanyang paniniwala na sya ay mayroong daemon

who spoke wisdom to him from afar.

na nagpapahayag sa kanya ng dunong mula sa kalayuan.

The Romans had the same idea,

Ang mga taga-Roma ay may katulad na ideya

but they called that sort of disembodied creative spirit a genius.

subalit tinatawag nilang "henyo" ang nakabuwag na malikhaing espirito na ito.

Which is great, because the Romans did not actually think

Tingin ko ito ay kahanga-hanga, sapagkat hindi iniisip ng mga taga-Roma

that a genius was a particularly clever individual.

na ang henyo ay isang lubhang matalinong tao.

They believed that a genius was this, sort of magical divine entity,

Naniniwala sila na ang henyo ay tila parang isang mahiwaga at banal na nilalang

who was believed to literally live in the walls of an artist's studio,

na pinaniniwalaang literal na nakatira sa pader

ng estudyo ng manlilikha, parang si Dobby ang bahay-duende,

kind of like Dobby the house elf,

and who would come out

na lumilitaw at tila tumutulong sa manlilikha sa kanilang trabaho nang hindi nakikita

and sort of invisibly assist the artist with their work

na syang magbibigay hugis ng kinalabasan ng sining.

and would shape the outcome of that work.

So brilliant -- there it is, right there, that distance that I'm talking about --

'Di ba't ang galing - ayan, yung puwang na sinasabi ko -

that psychological construct to protect you from the results of your work.

ang sikolohikal na pader na magtatanggol sayo mula sa bunga ng iyong sining.

And everyone knew that this is how it functioned, right?

At alam ng lahat na ganito ang takbo ng mga bagay-bagay.

So the ancient artist was protected from certain things,

Datapuwa't ang mga sinaunang manlilikha ay tiyak na ligtas sa ilang mga bagay

like, for example, too much narcissism, right?

gaya na lamang ng lubusang pagmamahal sa sarili, hindi ba?

If your work was brilliant, you couldn't take all the credit for it,

Kung ang likha mo ay lubhang magaling hindi mo maaangkin ang buong karangalan nito

everybody knew that you had this disembodied genius who had helped you.

dahil alam ng lahat na may henyong nakabuwag sayo na tumulong sa iyo.

If your work bombed, not entirely your fault, you know?

Kung ang likha mo naman ay malaking palpak, hindi sayo ang bunton ng lahat ng sisi.

Everyone knew your genius was kind of lame.

Alam ng lahat na ang henyo mo ay tila walang kuwenta.

(Laughter)

At eto ang paniniwala ng mga tao sa Kanluran ukol sa pagkamalikhain sa loob ng mahabang panahon.

And this is how people thought about creativity in the West

for a really long time.

Hanggang sa dumating ang Renaissance at ang lahat ay nagbago,

And then the Renaissance came and everything changed,

and we had this big idea, and the big idea was,

at nagkaroon tayo ng malaking ideya, at ang malaking ideyang ito ay

let's put the individual human being at the center of the universe

ang ilagay natin ang bawat indibidwal sa gitna ng sansinukob

angat sa lahat ng mga diyos-diyosan at hiwaga, at wala nang puwang

above all gods and mysteries,

and there's no more room for mystical creatures

para sa mga mahiwagang nilalang na ginagabayan ng banal.

who take dictation from the divine.

And it's the beginning of rational humanism,

At ito'y simula ng makatwirang humanismo,

and people started to believe that creativity

at ang mga tao'y nag-umpisang maniwala na ang pagkamalikhain

ay ganap na mula sa sarili

came completely from the self of the individual.

And for the first time in history,

At sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon sa kasaysayan ng tao,

you start to hear people referring to this or that artist as being a genius,

maririnig mo ang ibang tao na nagsasabing si ganto o ganyang manlilikha ng sining ay isang henyo

rather than having a genius.

sa halip na nagkaroon ng henyo.

And I got to tell you, I think that was a huge error.

At ito ang masasabi ko, tingin ko iyon ay isang lubhang malaking pagkakamali.

You know, I think that allowing somebody, one mere person

Alam nyo, tingin ko na ang pagpapahintulot sa isang tao, sa iisang tao,

to believe that he or she is like, the vessel,

na maniwalang sya ay tila parang isang sisidlan

you know, like the font and the essence and the source

parang balon, at syang pinakabuod at bukal

ng lahat ng banal, mapanlikha, mahiwaga, ng walang hanggang misteryo

of all divine, creative, unknowable, eternal mystery

is just a smidge too much responsibility to put on one fragile, human psyche.

ay tila bahagyang labis na na responsibilidad para sa isang marupok na pag-iisip ng tao.

It's like asking somebody to swallow the sun.

Ito'y nahahalintulad sa kahilingang lamunin ng isang tao ang araw.

It just completely warps and distorts egos,

Lubos nitong nababaluktot at napapasama ang kaakuhan ng tao,

and it creates all these unmanageable expectations about performance.

at dulot nito ang lahat ng hindi na makatwirang ekspektasyon sa likha at gawa.

And I think the pressure of that

At tingin ko na ang panggigipit na ito

has been killing off our artists for the last 500 years.

ay syang pumapatay sa ating mga manlilikha sa nakaraang 500 years.

And, if this is true,

At, kung ito ay totoo,

and I think it is true,

at tingin ko'y ito ay totoo,

the question becomes, what now?

ang tanong ngayon ay, ano na ang mangyayari ngayon?

Can we do this differently?

Maari ba nating baguhin ang mga bagay?

Maybe go back to some more ancient understanding

Marahil bumalik tayo sa sinaunang paniniwala

about the relationship between humans and the creative mystery.

ukol sa kaugnayan ng tao at ng hiwaga ng paglikha.

Maybe not.

Maaring hindi na.

Maybe we can't just erase 500 years of rational humanistic thought

Marahil hindi natin mabubura ang limang siglo ng makatwirang pag-iisip na nakasentro sa kapakanan ng tao

in one 18 minute speech.

sa loob lamang ng isang 18 minuto na talumpati.

And there's probably people in this audience

At maaring may iilan sa mga nandirito

who would raise really legitimate scientific suspicions

na magbabahagi ng kanilang mga lehitimong hinala na nakabase sa agham

about the notion of, basically, fairies

ukol sa mga kuru-kuro sa mga diwata

who follow people around rubbing fairy juice on their projects and stuff.

na bumubuntot sa mga tao sabay pahid ng fairy juice sa kanilang mga proyekto at kagamitan.

I'm not, probably, going to bring you all along with me on this.

Marahil hindi ko kayo lahat mapapasang-ayon sa isiping ito.

But the question that I kind of want to pose is --

Subalit ang tanong na nais ko sana iparating sa inyo ay -

you know, why not?

bakit nga ba hindi?

Why not think about it this way?

Bakit nga ba hindi natin isipin sa ganitong paraan?

Because it makes as much sense as anything else I have ever heard

Dahil sa ito ay syang pinakamakatwiran na sa lahat ng aking narinig

in terms of explaining the utter maddening capriciousness

ukol sa pagpapaliwanag ng tila bagang nakakabaliw na kapritso

of the creative process.

ng proseso ng paglikha.

A process which, as anybody who has ever tried to make something --

Isang proseso, na marahil maipagpapatotoo ng ninuman na sumubok gumawa ng isang bagay -

at maaring, lahat ng nandidito -

which is to say basically everyone here ---

knows does not always behave rationally.

na hindi kailanman palaging makatwiran.

And, in fact, can sometimes feel downright paranormal.

At, sa katunayan, ay minsan tila bagang lubos na paranormal.

I had this encounter recently

Kamakailan lang, nakatagpo ko ang isang kahanga-hangang Amerikanang makata na si Ruth Stone,

where I met the extraordinary American poet Ruth Stone,

who's now in her 90s, but she's been a poet her entire life

na ngayon ay nasa 90 mahigit na, subalit naging isang makata sa buong buhay nya

and she told me that when she was growing up in rural Virginia,

at kinwento nya sa akin na nuong kabataan nya sa lalawigan ng Virginia,

she would be out working in the fields,

minsan ay nasa kabukiran sya, nagtatrabaho,

and she said she would feel and hear a poem

at sabi nya'y minsan, mararamdaman nya at maririnig ang isang tula

coming at her from over the landscape.

na papalapit sa kanya mula sa malayong tanawin.

And she said it was like a thunderous train of air.

At sabi nya'y tila para etong isang dumadagundong na tren ng hangin.

And it would come barreling down at her over the landscape.

At lubhang mabilis syang dadatnan nito mula sa malayo.

At mararamdaman nya itong papalapit, dahil niyayanig nito ang lupang kinatatayuan nya.

And she felt it coming, because it would shake the earth under her feet.

She knew that she had only one thing to do at that point,

Alam nyang iisa lamang ang nararapat nyang gawin sa mga pagkakataon na iyon

and that was to, in her words, "run like hell."

at iyon ay, ayun sa kanya, ang tumakbo na parang hinahabol ng demonyo.

And she would run like hell to the house

At tatakbo sya ng ubod ng bilis papunta sa bahay nya

and she would be getting chased by this poem,

at hahabulin sya ng tulang ito

at ang mahalaga sa lahat ay dapat makakuha sya ng papel at lapis

and the whole deal was that she had to get to a piece of paper and a pencil

nang mabilis upang kung dadatnan man sya nito ay matitipon nya ito

fast enough so that when it thundered through her, she could collect it

at masusunggab nya ito at maisatitik sa papel.

At mayroong minsan na hindi sya ganoon kabilis,

and grab it on the page.

And other times she wouldn't be fast enough,

kung kaya't sya ay tatakbo at tatakbo at tatakbo, at hindi nya aabutin ang bahay nya

so she'd be running and running, and she wouldn't get to the house

at dadaanan lamang sya ng tula at hindi nya na ito mahuhuli pa

and the poem would barrel through her and she would miss it

at sabi nya'y magpapatuloy ito sa ibayong lugar,

and she said it would continue on across the landscape,

maghahanap, ayun sa kanya "ng ibang makata".

looking, as she put it "for another poet."

At mayroon ding mga pagkakataon -

And then there were these times --

this is the piece I never forgot --

ito ang bahaging hindi ko makakalimutan -

she said that there were moments where she would almost miss it, right?

sabi nya, may mga sandaling kamuntik nya nang hindi mahuli ang isang tula.

So, she's running to the house and she's looking for the paper

Kaya, sya ay tatakbo patungo sa bahay nya, at maghahanap sya ng papel

at dadaanan sya ng tula,

and the poem passes through her,

and she grabs a pencil just as it's going through her,

at nakakuha sya ng lapis kasabay ng pagdaan ng tula sa kanyang gunita,

and then she said, it was like she would reach out with her other hand

at ang sabi nya, ay tila parang aabutin ng kanyang isang kamay ang tula

at mahuhuli nya ito.

and she would catch it.

Mahuhuli nya ang tula sa buntot,

She would catch the poem by its tail,

at hihilahin nya itong pabalik sa katawan nya

and she would pull it backwards into her body

as she was transcribing on the page.

habang isinasalin nya ito sa papel.

And in these instances, the poem would come up on the page perfect and intact

At sa mga pagkakataong ito, mag-aanyong ganap at buo ang kanyang tula sa papel

but backwards, from the last word to the first.

subalit pabaliktad, na nagsimula sa huling salita hanggang sa una.

(Laughter)

(Tawanan)

So when I heard that I was like -- that's uncanny,

Kaya nung narinig ko ito, pakiramdam ko, lubhang kataka-taka eto,

that's exactly what my creative process is like.

sapagkat ganitong ganito ang paraan ng aking paglikha.

(Laughter)

(Tawanan)

That's not at all what my creative process is -- I'm not the pipeline!

Hindi iyon ang buod ng proseso ng aking paglikha - hindi ako ang tubo at daan!

I'm a mule, and the way that I have to work

Ako ay parang mula, at ang paraan ng aking paggawa

is I have to get up at the same time every day,

ay kailangan ako gumising sa parehong oras araw-araw,

at maghirap at gumawa at piliting gumawa bagamat saliwa.

and sweat and labor and barrel through it really awkwardly.

Subalit kahit ako, sa aking pagiging mala-mula,

But even I, in my mulishness,

even I have brushed up against that thing, at times.

naranasan at naramdaman ko din ang bagay na iyon, paminsan.

And I would imagine that a lot of you have too.

At palagay ko marami sa inyo ang nakaranas din nito.

You know, even I have had work or ideas come through me from a source

Alam nyo, kahit ako ay nagakaroon din ng mga likha at ideya na tila nanggaling mula sa isang bukal

that I honestly cannot identify.

na sa totoo lang ay hindi ko mawari kung ano.

And what is that thing?

At ano ang bagay na ito?

And how are we to relate to it in a way that will not make us lose our minds,

At paano tayo makikipag-ugnayan sa bagay na ito nang hindi nawawalan ng bait at tamang pag-iisip,

but, in fact, might actually keep us sane?

subalit datapawat makakatulong pa sa atin upang panatiliin ang ating katinuan?

And for me, the best contemporary example that I have of how to do that

At para sa akin, ang pinakamainam na ehemplo sa panahon nating ito kung paano gagawin iyon

is the musician Tom Waits,

ay ang musikerong si Tom Waits,

who I got to interview several years ago on a magazine assignment.

na nakapanayam ko ilang taon ang nakalilipas para sa isang magasin.

And we were talking about this,

At pinag-uusapan namin ito,

and you know, Tom, for most of his life, he was pretty much the embodiment

at alam nyo, si Tom, halos sa buong buhay nya ay syang larawan

of the tormented contemporary modern artist,

ng isang naliligalig na modernong manlilikha,

na nagsusumikap kontrolin at pamahalaan at pangibabawan

trying to control and manage and dominate

these sort of uncontrollable creative impulses

ang mga gantong hindi mapigil na udyok ng paglikha

that were totally internalized.

na higit na lubhang panloob at pansarili.

But then he got older, he got calmer,

Subalit sa pagtanda nya, naging kalmado na sya,

and one day he was driving down the freeway in Los Angeles,

at isang araw habang nagmamaneho sya sa freeway ng Los Angeles, ang kwento nya,

and this is when it all changed for him.

at sa pagkakataon na to nagbago ang lahat para sa kanya.

And he's speeding along, and all of a sudden

Habang humaharurot sya sa daan, bigla na lang

he hears this little fragment of melody,

may narinig syang mumunting kapiraso ng himig

that comes into his head as inspiration often comes, elusive and tantalizing,

na pumasok sa isipin nya pares ng pagdating minsan ng isang inspirasyon, mailap at mapanukso,

and he wants it, it's gorgeous,

at gusto nya ito, alam nyo na, dahil sa ito'y maganda,

and he longs for it, but he has no way to get it.

at inaasam nya ito, subalit wala syang paraan upang kuhanin eto.

He doesn't have a piece of paper, or a pencil, or a tape recorder.

Wala syang papel, wala syang lapis,

wala syang tape rekorder.

So he starts to feel all of that old anxiety start to rise in him

Kung kaya't unti-unti na naman nyang nararamdaman ang dating pagkabalisa

gaya ng, "hindi ko na maaalala ang bagay na ito mamya,

like, "I'm going to lose this thing,

and I'll be be haunted by this song forever.

at habambuhay na akong mumultuhin nito.

I'm not good enough, and I can't do it."

Hindi ako ganun kagaling, at hindi ko kayang gawin ito."

And instead of panicking, he just stopped.

Subalit sa halip na mataranta, ay tumigil lamang sya.

He just stopped that whole mental process and he did something completely novel.

Tinigil nya lamang ang buong proseso ng pag-iisip

at tsaka nya ginawa ang isang kakaibang bagay.

He just looked up at the sky, and he said,

Tumingin sya sa langit, at sabi,

"Excuse me, can you not see that I'm driving?"

"Mawalang galang po, hindi nyo ba nakikita na ako'y nagmamaneho?"

(Laughter)

(Tawanan)

"Do I look like I can write down a song right now?

"Tingin nyo ba nasa kalagayan ako ngayon na makapagsulat ng kanta?

If you really want to exist, come back at a more opportune moment

Kung gusto mo talaga magmeron, bumalik ka sa mas akmang oras

when I can take care of you.

kung kelan mahaharap kita at maasikaso.

Otherwise, go bother somebody else today.

Kung hindi, iba na lang ang istorbohin mo ngayon.

Go bother Leonard Cohen."

Umalis ka't abalahin mo si Leonard Cohen."

And his whole work process changed after that.

At ang buo nyang paraan ng paglikha ay nagbago pagkatapos nun.

Not the work, the work was still oftentimes as dark as ever.

Hindi ang gawang-sining, ang mga likha nya ay minsan singdilim pa din ng dati.

But the process, and the heavy anxiety around it

Kundi ang proseso, at ang mabigat na pagkaligalig na kaakibat nito

was released when he took the genie, the genius out of him

napakawalan nung kinuha nya ang genie, ang henyo palayo sa kanya

where it was causing nothing but trouble, and released it back where it came from,

dahil sa wala nang ginawa ang henyo kundi manggulo, at nung pinakawalan nya bumalik eto mula sa pinanggalingan,

at napagtanto nya na hindi naman kinakailangan na maging isa etong panloob na paghihirap.

and realized that this didn't have to be this internalized, tormented thing.

Maari naman etong maging katangi-tangi, nakakamangha, kakaibang pagtutulungan

It could be this peculiar, wondrous, bizarre collaboration,

kind of conversation between Tom and the strange, external thing

parabagang pakikipag-usap sa pagitan ni Tom at ng kakaibang eksternal na bagay

that was not quite Tom.

na parang si Tom subalit hindi lubos na sya.

When I heard that story, it started to shift a little bit

Kung kaya nung narinig ko ang kwentong iyon, nagsimula ring mag-iba ng direksyon

the way that I worked too, and this idea already saved me once.

ang paraan ng aking paglikha, at naligtas na ako nito ng mahigit isang beses.

It saved me when I was in the middle of writing "Eat, Pray, Love,"

Ang ideyang ito ang nagligtas sa akin sa gitna ng pagsusulat ko ng "Eat, Pray, Love"

and I fell into one of those sort of pits of despair

nung naranasan ko ang mawalan ng pag-asa

that we all fall into when we're working on something and it's not coming

na malimit nating nararanasan sa mga panahong may ginagawa tayo at hindi lumalabas ang gusto natin gawin

and you start to think this is going to be a disaster, the worst book ever written.

at nagsisimula kang mag-isip na magiging isa etong disastre,

na ito ang pinakamalalang libro na naisulat sa simulat sapul.

Not just bad, but the worst book ever written.

Hindi lang pangit kundi pinakamalalang librong naisulat.

At nagsimula akong mag-isip na i-abandona na ang proyekting ito.

And I started to think I should just dump this project.

But then I remembered Tom talking to the open air

Subalit naalala ko si Tom, kausap ang hangin

and I tried it.

at sinubukan ko ito.

So I just lifted my face up from the manuscript

Kung kaya't inangat ko ang mukha ko mula sa manuskrito

and I directed my comments to an empty corner of the room.

at itinuon ko ang aking mga puna sa isang bakanteng sulok sa kwarto.

And I said aloud, "Listen you, thing,

At sa malakas na boses, sabi ko, "Makinig ka, ikaw na bagay,

you and I both know that if this book isn't brilliant

alam nating dalawa na kung ang librong ito ay hindi magaling

that is not entirely my fault, right?

ang kasalanan ay hindi pawang akin lamang, hindi ba?

Because you can see that I am putting everything I have into this,

Dahil nakikita mo na ibinibigay ko ang lahat ng meron ako sa librong ito,

I don't have any more than this.

Wala na akong maibibigay pa liban nito.

If you want it to be better, you've got to show up and do your part of the deal.

Kaya kung gusto mo maging mas magaling, kailangan mong magmeron at gawin ang trabaho mo.

Sige. Kung ayaw mo man magpakitang gilas, bahala na nga.

But if you don't do that, you know what, the hell with it.

Ipagpapatuloy ko pa rin ang aking pagsusulat dahil ito naman ang aking trabaho.

I'm going to keep writing anyway because that's my job.

And I would please like the record to reflect today

At pakiusap lang na pakitala sa araw na ito

na nagpakita ako at ginawa ang trabaho ko."

that I showed up for my part of the job."

(Tawanan)

(Laughter)

Because --

Dahil --

(Applause)

(Palakpakan)

Because in the end it's like this, OK --

sa huli, parang ganto, OK -

centuries ago in the deserts of North Africa,

sa desyerto ng North Africa ilang siglo na nakalilipas,

people used to gather for these moonlight dances of sacred dance and music

ang mga tao'y kalimitan nagtitipun-tipon sa gabing bilog ang buwan para sa mga sagradong sayaw at musika

that would go on for hours and hours, until dawn.

na maaring magtuluy-tuloy ng ilang oras, hanggang madaling-araw.

They were always magnificent, because the dancers were professionals

At lahat ng mga ito'y kahanga-hanga, dahil ang mga mananayaw ay propesyonal

and they were terrific, right?

at sila'y lubhang magaling.

Subalit paminsan-minsan, sa mga lubhang bihirang pagkakataon, may nangyayari,

But every once in a while, very rarely, something would happen,

and one of these performers would actually become transcendent.

at isa sa mga mananayaw ay nagiging transendente.

And I know you know what I'm talking about,

At alam nyo kung ano ang gusto ko tukuyin,

because I know you've all seen, at some point in your life,

dahil alam kong kayong lahat ay nakakita, minsan sa inyong buhay, ng isang palabas na ganto.

a performance like this.

It was like time would stop,

Tila bagang huminto ang oras,

and the dancer would sort of step through some kind of portal

at ang mananayaw ay pumasok sa tila isang lagusan

kahit wala naman syang ginawang kakaiba sa karaniwan, isang libong gabi ang nakalilipas,

and he wasn't doing anything different

than he had ever done, 1,000 nights before,

but everything would align.

subalit ang lahat ay humahanay.

And all of a sudden, he would no longer appear to be merely human.

At sa isang kisapmata, tila sya ay hindi na isang karaniwang tao lamang.

Sya ay tila may ilaw sa loob, at sa ilalim

He would be lit from within, and lit from below

and all lit up on fire with divinity.

at ang buo nyang katawang lupa ay tila inilawan ng dibinidad.

And when this happened, back then,

At sa tuwing nangyayari ito nuon,

people knew it for what it was, you know, they called it by its name.

alam ng mga tao kung ano ito, alam nyo, tinatawag nila ito sa pangalan.

They would put their hands together and they would start to chant,

Maghahawak-kamay sila at magsisimula silang padasal na umawit,

"Allah, Allah, Allah, God, God, God."

"Allah, Allah, Allah, Panginoon, Panginoon, Panginoon."

That's God, you know.

Yun ang Panginoon.

Curious historical footnote:

Isang nakakatuwang talababa sa kasaysayan -

when the Moors invaded southern Spain, they took this custom with them

nuong sinakop ng mga Moors ang timog Espanya, dinala nila ang kanilang kaugalian

and the pronunciation changed over the centuries

at ang pagkabigkas ay nagbago matapos ang ilang mga siglo

from "Allah, Allah, Allah," to "Olé, olé, olé,"

mula sa "Allah, Allah, Allah", eto ay naging "Ole, ole, ole"

which you still hear in bullfights and in flamenco dances.

na hanggang ngayon ay maririnig nyo sa mga labanan ng toro at sa mga sayaw ng plamengko.

In Spain, when a performer has done something impossible and magic,

Sa Espanya, kapagka ang mananayaw ay may nagawang tila impossible at puno ng mahika,

"Allah, olé, olé, Allah, magnificent, bravo,"

"Allah, ole, ole, Allah, lubos na kahanga-hanga, bravo,"

incomprehensible, there it is -- a glimpse of God.

hindi kayang unawain, ito iyon - isang sulyap sa Panginoon.

Which is great, because we need that.

At ito'y kahanga-hanga, dahil kailangan natin ito.

But, the tricky bit comes the next morning,

Subalit ang mahirap na bahagi ay ang pagdating ng kinaumagahan,

for the dancer himself, when he wakes up and discovers

para sa mananayaw, pagkagising nya

that it's Tuesday at 11 a.m., and he's no longer a glimpse of God.

at nadiskubre nyang Martes na at alas-onse ng umaga, at hindi na sya isang banaag ng Panginoon.

He's just an aging mortal with really bad knees,

Na sya ay isa lamang tumatandang mortal na may lubhang nananakit na tuhod,

and maybe he's never going to ascend to that height again.

at maaring hindi na sya muli man aangat pa sa tugatog na iyon.

And maybe nobody will ever chant God's name again as he spins,

At maaring wala na ulit aawit ng padasal, sambit ang ngalan ng Panginoon habang sya'y sumasayaw,

and what is he then to do with the rest of his life?

At ano ngayon ang gagawin nya sa nalalabi ng buhay nya?

This is hard.

Mahirap ito.

This is one of the most painful reconciliations to make

Ito ang isa mga pinakamasakit na pagkakasundong ginagawa

in a creative life.

sa paglikha.

But maybe it doesn't have to be quite so full of anguish

Subalit maari naman na hindi na maging lubhang puno ng dalamhati

if you never happened to believe, in the first place,

kung sa una pa lang, hindi ka naniniwala

that the most extraordinary aspects of your being came from you.

na ang mga higit na kahanga-hangang aspeto ng iyong pagkatao ay hindi nanggagaling sayo.

But maybe if you just believed that they were on loan to you

Subalit, siguro kung nanininiwala ka na ang mga ito ay pinahiram lamang sayo

from some unimaginable source for some exquisite portion of your life

mula sa isang 'di mawaring pinagmulan para sa natatanging parte ng buhay mo

to be passed along when you're finished,

na sa kalaunan ay ipapasa mo din sa ibang tao kapagka ikaw ay tapos na.

with somebody else.

And, you know, if we think about it this way, it starts to change everything.

At, alam nyo, kung sa ganitong paraan tayo mag-iisip, magsisimulang magbago ang lahat.

This is how I've started to think,

Sa ganitong paraan na ako nagsimulang mag-isip,

and this is certainly how I've been thinking in the last few months

at tiyak na sa ganitong paraan ako nag-iisip nitong mga nagdaan na buwan

as I've been working on the book that will soon be published,

habang ginagawa ko ang isang libro na malapit nang ilathala,

as the dangerously, frighteningly over-anticipated follow up

bilang syang peligroso, nakakatakot na lubos na inaabangan na kasunod

to my freakish success.

sa aking nakakatakot na tagumpay.

And what I have to sort of keep telling myself

At ano ang kailangan kong gawing, tila parang palagi kong pinagsasabihan ang sarili ko

when I get really psyched out about that is don't be afraid.

kapagka minsan natotorete na ako sa pag-iisip,

na hindi ako dapat matakot.

Don't be daunted. Just do your job.

Hindi dapat panghinaan ng loob.

Gawin lamang ang trabaho.

Continue to show up for your piece of it, whatever that might be.

Patuloy na magpakita para gawin ang bahagi mo, kahit ano man ito.

If your job is to dance, do your dance.

Kung ang trabaho mo man ay sumayaw, sumayaw ka lang.

If the divine, cockeyed genius assigned to your case

Kung ang banal na henyo na nakatalaga sayo

decides to let some sort of wonderment be glimpsed, for just one moment

ay nagpasya na hayaang ipasulyap ang nakakamangha, kahit sandali lang

through your efforts, then "Olé!"

dahil sa pagsisikap mo, kung gayon man, "Ole!"

Kung hindi man, sumayaw ka pa rin.

And if not, do your dance anyhow.

And "Olé!" to you, nonetheless.

At "Ole!" pa rin sayo, gayunpaman.

I believe this and I feel that we must teach it.

Naniniwala ako dito at nararamdaman ko dapat natin ito ituro.

"Ole!" sayo, kahit ano pa man,

"Olé!" to you, nonetheless,

just for having the sheer human love and stubbornness

kahit man lang sa pagkakaron ng lubos na pag-ibig at kasutilan

to keep showing up.

sa patuloy na pagpapakita.

Thank you.

Maraming salamat.

(Applause)

(Palakpak)

Thank you.

Maraming salamat.

(Applause)

(Palakpak)

June Cohen: Olé!

June Cohen: Ole!

(Applause)

(Palakpak)