I got 99 problems... palsy is just one | Maysoon Zayid

Prevodilac: Ivana Korom Lektor: Mile Živković

Hello, TEDWomen, what's up.

Zdravo, TEDWomen, šta ima.

(Cheering)

(Bodrenje)

Not good enough.

Jače to malo.

Hello, TEDWomen, what is up?

Zdravo, TEDWomen, šta ima!

(Loud cheering)

(Bodrenje)

My name is Maysoon Zayid,

Zovem se Mejsun Zajid

i nisam pijana,

and I am not drunk,

but the doctor who delivered me was.

ali doktor koji je porađao mamu, bio je.

He cut my mom six different times

Sekao je moju majku šest puta

in six different directions,

u šest različitih pravaca,

suffocating poor little me in the process.

a sirota mala ja sam se pritom gušila.

As a result, I have cerebral palsy,

Zbog toga imam cerebralnu paralizu,

which means I shake all the time.

što znači da se stalno tresem.

Look.

Pogledajte.

It's exhausting.

Naporno je. Ja sam kao Šakira,

I'm like Shakira, Shakira meets Muhammad Ali.

kao mešavina Šakire i Muhameda Alija.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

CP is not genetic.

CP nije genetska.

It's not a birth defect. You can't catch it.

Nije urođena bolest. Ne možete se zaraziti.

No one put a curse on my mother's uterus,

Niko nije prokleo matericu moje majke,

and I didn't get it because my parents are first cousins,

a ja CP nisam dobila zato što su mi roditelji u krvnom srodstvu,

which they are.

a jesu.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

It only happens from accidents,

To se dešava samo kao nesrećan slučaj,

like what happened to me on my birth day.

kao što se to desilo na dan mog rođenja.

Now, I must warn you,

Moram da vas upozorim, nisam inspirativna,

I'm not inspirational.

(Laughter)

And I don't want anyone in this room to feel bad for me,

i ne želim da me iko ovde

sažaljeva,

because at some point in your life,

jer ste i vi nekad u životu

you have dreamt of being disabled.

sanjali da budete invalid.

Come on a journey with me.

Zamislite sada ovo.

It's Christmas Eve, you're at the mall,

Badnje veče je, vi ste u tržnom centru,

vozikate se unaokolo tražeći parking,

you're driving around in circles looking for parking,

and what do you see?

i šta vidite?

Sixteen empty handicapped spaces.

Šesnaest slobodnih mesta za hendikepirane.

(Laughter)

A vi uzviknete: "Bože, mogu li

And you're like, "God, can't I just be a little disabled?"

bar malo biti invalid?"

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Also, I've got to tell you,

Moram i ovo da vam kažem,

I've got 99 problems, and palsy is just one.

imam 99 problema, a paraliza je samo jedan od njih.

(Laughter)

If there was an Oppression Olympics,

Kada bi postojala Olimpijada ugnjetavanih,

I would win the gold medal.

osvojila bih zlatnu medalju.

I'm Palestinian, Muslim,

Palestinka sam, muslimanka, žensko sam, invalid sam

I'm female, I'm disabled,

and I live in New Jersey.

i živim u Nju Džerziju.

(Laughter)

(Smeh) (Aplauz)

(Applause)

If you don't feel better about yourself, maybe you should.

Ako se do sad niste osećali dobro, sada bi trebalo.

(Laughter)

Cliffside Park, New Jersey is my hometown.

Klifsajd Park u Nju Džersiju je moj rodni grad.

I have always loved the fact

Oduvek sam volela to,

that my hood and my affliction share the same initials.

što moj kraj i moja nedaća

nose iste inicijale.

I also love the fact

A volim i to što sam, ako sam htela da odšetam

that if I wanted to walk from my house to New York City, I could.

od kuće do Njujorka, mogla sam i to.

A lot of people with CP don't walk,

Mnogo osoba sa CP-om ne može da hoda,

but my parents didn't believe in "can't."

ali moji roditelji nisu verovali u "ne može".

My father's mantra was,

Mantra moga oca bila je

"You can do it, yes you can can."

"Možeš ti to, možeš, možeš."

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Ako bi moje tri sestre ribale pod,

So, if my three older sisters were mopping,

I was mopping.

i ja sam ribala.

If my three older sisters went to public school,

Ako su moje tri sestre išle u državnu školu,

moji roditelji bi tužili školski sistem

my parents would sue the school system

and guarantee that I went too,

i pobrinuli se da i ja idem u državnu školu,

and if we didn't all get A's,

i ako ne bismo svi dobili sve petice,

we all got my mother's slipper.

sve bi nas mama gađala papučom.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Otac me je naučio da hodam kada sam imala pet godina

My father taught me how to walk when I was five years old

by placing my heels on his feet

tako što je postavio moje pete na svoja stopala

and just walking.

i tako hodao.

Another tactic that he used

Druga taktika mu je bila da maše

is he would dangle a dollar bill in front of me

novčanicom od jednog dolara ispred mene i tera me da je vijam.

and have me chase it.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Striptizeta u meni je baš bila jaka -

My inner stripper was very strong.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Yeah.

i do prvog dana vrtića

No, by the first day of kindergarten,

I was walking like a champ

hodala sam kao šampionka

koju su malo više pesničili.

who had been punched one too many times.

(Laughter)

Growing up, there were only six Arabs in my town,

Dok sam odrastala, u gradu je bilo samo šest Arapa

and they were all my family.

i svi su oni bili moja porodica.

(Laughter)

Now there are 20 Arabs in town,

Danas u gradu ima 20 Arapa,

and they are still all my family.

i opet su svi moja porodica.

(Laughter)

I don't think anyone even noticed we weren't Italian.

Mislim da niko nije primetio da nismo Italijani.

(Laughter)

(Smeh) (Aplauz)

(Applause)

Ovo je bilo pre 11. septembra i pre nego što su političari

This was before 9/11

and before politicians thought it was appropriate

pomislili da je prikladno upotrebiti "Mrzim muslimane"

to use "I hate Muslims" as a campaign slogan.

kao predizborni slogan.

Ljudima sa kojima sam odrasla nije smetala moja vera.

The people that I grew up with had no problem with my faith.

They did, however, seem very concerned

Bili su, međutim, veoma zabrinuti

that I would starve to death during Ramadan.

kada sam nasmrt gladovala tokom Ramazana.

I would explain to them that I have enough fat

Objasnila bih im da imam dovoljno sala

to live off of for three whole months,

da preživim cela tri meseca,

so fasting from sunrise to sunset is a piece of cake.

i zato je post od svitanja do sumraka mačji kašalj.

(Laughter)

I have tap-danced on Broadway.

Stepovala sam na Brodveju.

Yeah, on Broadway. It's crazy.

Da, da, na Brodveju. Ludilo! (Aplauz)

(Applause)

My parents couldn't afford physical therapy,

Moji roditelji nisu mogli da mi priušte fizioterapiju

so they sent me to dancing school.

pa su me poslali u plesnu školu.

I learned how to dance in heels,

Naučila sam da plešem u štiklama,

which means I can walk in heels.

što znači da mogu i da hodam u štiklama.

And I'm from Jersey,

Uz to sam iz Džerzija,

and we are really concerned with being chic,

i stvarno brinemo da budemo šik,

so if my friends wore heels, so did I.

pa ako su moje prijateljice nosile štikle, i ja sam ih nosila.

And when my friends went and spent their summer vacations

A kad su moje prijateljice odlazile na letnji odmor

on the Jersey Shore, I did not.

na Džerzi Šor, ja nisam.

I spent my summers in a war zone,

Leta sam provodila u ratnoj zoni,

because my parents were afraid

pošto su se moji roditelji plašili da ćemo,

that if we didn't go back to Palestine every single summer,

ako se ne budemo vraćali u Palestinu

svakog leta,

we'd grow up to be Madonna.

kad odrastemo, postati Madona.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Summer vacations often consisted of my father trying to heal me,

Letnji odmori često su se sastojali

od pokušaja mog oca da me izleči,

so I drank deer's milk,

tako da sam pila srneće mleko,

I had hot cups on my back,

vakuumirali su mi leđa vrućim čašama,

I was dunked in the Dead Sea,

potapali su me u Mrtvo more,

and I remember the water burning my eyes

i sećam da su me oči toliko pekle od vode

and thinking, "It's working! It's working!"

da sam pomislila "Deluje, deluje!".

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

But one miracle cure we did find was yoga.

Ali čudotvorni lek koji smo otkrili bila je joga.

I have to tell you, it's very boring,

Da vam kažem samo, joga je veoma dosadna.

but before I did yoga,

Ali pre nego što sam počela da se bavim jogom,

I was a stand-up comedian who can't stand up.

bila sam stendap komičar koji ne može da ustane.

And now I can stand on my head.

A sad mogu da napravim stoj na glavi.

My parents reinforced this notion

Roditelji su me osnažili u ideji

that I could do anything,

da mogu sve da uradim,

that no dream was impossible,

da nema nemogućeg sna,

and my dream was to be

a moj san je bio

on the daytime soap opera "General Hospital."

da budem u sapunici "Opšta bolnica".

(Laughter)

Fakultet sam pohađala za vreme pozitivne diskriminacije

I went to college during affirmative action

and got a sweet scholarship to ASU,

i dobila sam stipendiju za ASU,

Arizona State University,

državni Univerzitet Arizone,

because I fit every single quota.

jer sam upala u svaku moguću kategoriju.

(Laughter)

Na odseku za pozorište bila sam kao lemur-ljubimac.

I was like the pet lemur of the theater department.

Everybody loved me.

Svi su me voleli.

I did all the less-than-intelligent kids' homework,

Uradila sam sav domaći zadatak za ne baš bistru decu,

I got A's in all of my classes,

Imala desetke iz svih predmeta,

A's in all of their classes.

i desetke iz svih njihovih predmeta.

(Laughter)

Kad god bih odglumila nešto

Every time I did a scene from "The Glass Menagerie,"

iz "Staklene menažerije",

my professors would weep.

moji profesori bi plakali.

But I never got cast.

Ali nikad nisam dobila ulogu.

Finally, my senior year,

Konačno, na završnoj godini,

ASU decided to do a show called "They Dance Real Slow in Jackson."

ASU je spremio predstavu koja se zvala

"U Džeksonu baš sporo igraju".

It's a play about a girl with CP.

To je predstava o devojci sa cerebralnom paralizom.

I was a girl with CP.

Ja sam bila ta devojka.

So I start shouting from the rooftops,

Vikala sam od sreće:

"I'm finally going to get a part!

"Konačno ću dobiti ulogu!

I have cerebral palsy!

Imam cerebralnu paralizu!

Free at last! Free at last!

Konačno slobodna! Konačno slobodna!

Thank God almighty, I'm free at last!"

Hvala svemogućem bogu, konačno sam slobodna!"

I didn't get the part.

Nisam dobila ulogu. (Smeh)

(Laughter)

Sherry Brown got the part.

Šeri Braun je dobila ulogu.

Pojurila sam do šefa dramskog odseka

I went racing to the head of the theater department

crying hysterically, like someone shot my cat,

histerično plačući, kao da je kraj sveta,

da je pitam zašto

to ask her why,

and she said it was because they didn't think I could do the stunts.

i ona mi je rekla da je to zato,

što misle da ne mogu izvedem akrobacije.

I said, "Excuse me, if I can't do the stunts,

Rekla sam: "Izvinite, ako ne mogu ja da ih izvedem

neither can the character."

ne može ni lik."

(Laughter)

(Smeh) (Aplauz)

(Applause)

This was a part that I was literally born to play

Ovo je bila uloga za koju sam bukvalno bila rođena,

they gave it to a non-palsy actress.

a oni su je dali glumici bez CP.

Fakultet je oponašao život.

College was imitating life.

Hollywood has a sordid history

Holivud je poznat

of casting able-bodied actors to play disabled onscreen.

po angažovanju glumica bez fizičkih nedostataka

za uloge osoba sa nedostacima.

Upon graduating, I moved back home,

Nakon diplomiranja vratila sam se kući

and my first acting gig was as an extra on a daytime soap opera.

i moja prva uloga je bila

statiranje u jednoj sapunici.

My dream was coming true.

Moj san se ostvario.

And I knew that I would be promoted

Znala sam da će me odmah unaprediti

from "Diner Diner" to "Wacky Best Friend" in no time.

od "gosta u restoranu" do "otkačene najbolje prijateljice".

(Laughter)

But instead, I remained a glorified piece of furniture

Međutim, ostala sam proslavljeni komad nameštaja

that you could only recognize from the back of my head,

koji ste mogli prepoznati samo s leđa

and it became clear to me

i postalo mi je jasno

that casting directors

da direktori za kasting ne biraju glumce

didn't hire fluffy, ethnic, disabled actors.

manjinske pripadnosti sa invaliditetom.

They only hired perfect people.

Angažuju samo savršene ljude.

But there were exceptions to the rule.

Ali bilo je izuzetaka od pravila.

I grew up watching Whoopi Goldberg,

Odrasla sam gledajući Vupi Goldberg,

Roseanne Barr, Ellen,

Rozen Bar, Elen,

and all of these women had one thing in common:

i ove tri žene imale su nešto zajedničko:

they were comedians.

bile su komičarke.

So I became a comic.

Tako sam i ja postala komičarka.

(Laughter)

(Smeh) (Aplauz)

(Applause)

My first gig was driving famous comics

Prvi zadatak mi je bio da prevozim poznate komičare

from New York City to shows in New Jersey,

od Njujorka do Nju Džerzija,

and I'll never forget the face of the first comic I ever drove

i nikad neću zaboraviti lice prvog komičara

koga sam vozila, kada je shvatio

when he realized that he was speeding down the New Jersey Turnpike

da juri autoputem u Nju Džerziju,

with a chick with CP driving him.

a vozi ga devojka sa cerebralnom paralizom.

(Laughter)

I've performed in clubs all over America,

Nastupala sam u klubovima širom Amerike.

and I've also performed in Arabic in the Middle East,

Nastupila sam i na arapskom, na Srednjem istoku,

uncensored and uncovered.

necenzurisana i otkrivena.

(Laughter)

Some people say I'm the first stand-up comic in the Arab world.

Neki kažu da sam prva

stendap komičarka u arapskom svetu.

I never like to claim first,

Ne volim da tvrdim da sam prva,

but I do know that they never heard

ali znam da nikad pre nisu čuli

that nasty little rumor that women aren't funny,

za ona ružna govorkanja, da žene nisu zabavne

and they find us hysterical.

i misle da smo urnebesne.

(Laughter)

In 2003, my brother from another mother and father

2003. moj brat od druge majke i oca,

Dean Obeidallah and I started

Din Obejdala i ja, osnovali smo

the New York Arab-American Comedy Festival,

Njujorkško-arapski festival komedije,

now in its 10th year.

koji traje već 10 godina.

Naš cilj je bio da promenimo sliku u medijima

Our goal was to change the negative image of Arab-Americans in media,

o amerikancima arapskog porekla

while also reminding casting directors

i istovremeno i da podsetimo direktore za kasting

that South Asian and Arab are not synonymous.

da južnoazijski i arapski nisu sinonimi.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Mainstreaming Arabs was much, much easier

Pomeriti Arape sa margine bilo je zaista lakše

nego izboriti se sa problemom

than conquering the challenge against the stigma against disability.

stigme prema fizičkim nedostacima.

My big break came in 2010.

Mojih prvih pet minuta desilo se 2010.

I was invited to be a guest on the cable news show

Pozvana sam da budem gost u emisiji

na kablovskoj televiziji,

"Countdown with Keith Olbermann."

"Odbrojavanje sa Kitom Olbermanom".

I walked in looking like I was going to the prom,

Ušetala sam kao da idem na matursku svečanost,

and they shuffle me into a studio

a oni su me smestili u studio

and seat me on a spinning, rolling chair.

na stolicu koja se okreće i ima točkiće.

(Laughter)

Pogledala sam direktorku scene i rekla:

So I looked at the stage manager

and I'm like, "Excuse me, can I have another chair?"

"Izvinite, mogu li dobiti drugu stolicu?"

And she looked at me and she went,

Pogledala me je i počela da odbrojava

"Five, four, three, two ..."

"Pet, četiri, tri, dva...".

And we were live, right?

I to sve uživo, znate.

So I had to grip onto the anchor's desk

Morala sam čvrsto da se držim za sto voditelja

so that I wouldn't roll off the screen during the segment,

da se ne bih otkotrljala sa scene u toku programa,

and when the interview was over, I was livid.

a kada se intervju završio. bila sam besna.

I had finally gotten my chance and I blew it,

Konačno sam dobila priliku, a uprskala je.

and I knew I would never get invited back.

Znala sam da me više neće zvati.

But not only did Mr. Olbermann invite me back,

Ali ne samo da me je gospodin Olberman ponovo pozvao

he made me a full-time contributor,

nego me je i unajmio za stalnog saradnika

and he taped down my chair.

i pričvrstio mi je stolicu.

(Laughter)

(Smeh) (Aplauz)

(Applause)

One fun fact I learned while on the air with Keith Olbermann

Zanimljivost koju sam saznala radeći

sa Kitom Olbermanom jeste,

was that humans on the Internet are scumbags.

da su ljudi na internetu ološ.

(Laughter)

Ljudi kažu da su deca okrutna,

People say children are cruel,

ali meni se nisu rugali ni kao detetu ni kao odrasloj osobi.

but I was never made fun of as a child or an adult.

Suddenly, my disability on the world wide web is fair game.

Odjednom je moj hendikep na netu postao laka meta.

I would look at clips online and see comments like,

Pogledala bih onlajn klipove

i videla bih komentare kao:

"Yo, why's she tweakin'?"

"Što se ova trza?"

"Yo, is she retarded?"

"Je l' ona retard?"

And my favorite, "Poor Gumby-mouth terrorist.

I moj omiljeni: "Sirota krivousta teroristkinja.

What does she suffer from?

Od čega boluje?

We should really pray for her."

Zaista treba da se pomolimo za nju."

One commenter even suggested that I add my disability to my credits:

Jedan komentator čak predlaže

da invaliditet ubacim u CV:

screenwriter, comedian, palsy.

scenarista, komičarka, paralizovana.

Invaliditet je vidljiv koliko i rasna pripadnost.

Disability is as visual as race.

Ako osoba u kolicima ne može da glumi Bijonse,

If a wheelchair user can't play Beyoncé,

then Beyoncé can't play a wheelchair user.

onda ni Bijonse ne može da glumi osobu u kolicima.

The disabled are the largest —

Osobe sa invaliditetom su najveća -

Yeah, clap for that, man. Come on.

Da, aplaudirajte ljudi.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

People with disabilities are the largest minority in the world,

Ljudi sa invaliditetom su najveća manjina na svetu,

and we are the most underrepresented in entertainment.

a najmanje su predstavljeni

u svetu zabave.

Doktori su rekli da neću prohodati,

The doctors said that I wouldn't walk,

but I am here in front of you.

ali ja sam ovde pred vama.

Međutim, da sam odrasla uz društvene mreže,

However, if I grew up with social media,

I don't think I would be.

mislim da ne bih bila ovde.

I hope that together,

Nadam se da zajedno

we can create more positive images

možemo napraviti pozitivniju sliku

of disability in the media and in everyday life.

invaliditeta u medijima i u svakodnevnom životu.

Perhaps if there were more positive images,

Da ima više pozitivnih slika,

it would foster less hate on the Internet.

bilo bi manje mržnje na internetu.

A možda i ne bi.

Or maybe not.

Maybe it still takes a village to teach our children well.

Možda je još uvek cela zajednica

odgovorna za dobro vaspitanje dece.

My crooked journey has taken me to some very spectacular places.

Moje krivudavo putovanje odvelo me je

na neka spektakularna mesta.

I got to walk the red carpet

Hodala sam crvenim tepihom

flanked by soap diva Susan Lucci

okružena divom sapunica, Suzan Luči,

and the iconic Loreen Arbus.

i legendarnom Loren Arbus.

I got to act in a movie with Adam Sandler

Glumila sam sa Adamom Sandlerom

and work with my idol, the amazing Dave Matthews.

i radila sam sa mojim idolom,

neverovatnim Dejvom Metjuzom.

I toured the world as a headliner on Arabs Gone Wild.

Putovala sam svetom kao zvezda

u "Arapi su poludeli".

I was a delegate representing the great state of New Jersey

Bila sam delegat

koji predstavlja veliku državu Nju Džerzi

at the 2008 DNC.

na nacionalnoj konvenciji Demokratske stranke 2008.

And I founded Maysoon's Kids,

Osnovala sam dobrotvornu organizaciju

a charity that hopes to give Palestinian refugee children

"Mejsunina deca", koja će, nadam se,

dati izbegloj deci Palestine

a sliver of the chance my parents gave me.

bar delić one šanse, koju su meni pružili moji roditelji.

But the one moment that stands out the most

Najistaknutiji momenat mi je bio

was when I got -- before this moment --

kada sam - pre ovog momenta -

(Laughter)

(Smeh) (Aplauz)

(Applause)

But the one moment that stands out the most

najistaknutiji momenat mi je bio

was when I got to perform

kada sam nastupila

za čoveka koji leprša kao leptir,

for the man who floats like a butterfly

and stings like a bee,

a bode kao pčela,

has Parkinson's and shakes just like me,

ima Parkinsonovu bolest i trese se kao ja,

Muhammad Ali.

Muhamed Ali.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

(Applause ends)

It was the only time that my father ever saw me perform live,

To je bio jedini put da me je tata

video na živom nastupu

i ovaj govor posvećujem njemu.

and I dedicate this talk to his memory.

(Arabic) Allah yerhamak yaba.

(Arapski)

(English) My name is Maysoon Zayid,

Ja sam Mejsun Zajid,

and if I can can, you can can.

i ako ja mogu ovo, možete i vi.

(Cheering)

(Aplauz)

(Applause)