I got 99 problems... palsy is just one | Maysoon Zayid

Translator: Erika Vojtkova Reviewer: Tereza Zeleňáková

Ahoj, TEDWomen, ako to ide?

Hello, TEDWomen, what's up.

(Cheering)

(ovácie)

Not good enough.

To nebolo dosť dobré.

Hello, TEDWomen, what is up?

Ahoj, TEDWomen, ako to ide?

(Loud cheering)

(ovácie)

My name is Maysoon Zayid,

Volám sa Maysoon Zayid

a nie som opitá,

and I am not drunk,

but the doctor who delivered me was.

no doktor, ktorý ma privádzal na svet, bol.

He cut my mom six different times

Rozrezal moju mamu šiestimi rôznymi spôsobmi

in six different directions,

šiestimi rôznymi smermi,

suffocating poor little me in the process.

v priebehu čoho mňa, malú chudinku, pridusil.

As a result, I have cerebral palsy,

Následkom toho mám detskú mozgovú obrnu,

which means I shake all the time.

čo znamená, že sa neustále trasiem.

Look.

Pozrite.

It's exhausting.

Je to vyčerpávajúce. Som ako Shakira, Shakira

I'm like Shakira, Shakira meets Muhammad Ali.

a Muhammad Ali v jednom.

(Laughter)

(smiech)

CP is not genetic.

DMO nie je genetická.

It's not a birth defect. You can't catch it.

Nie je to vrodená vada. Nemôžete to chytiť.

No one put a curse on my mother's uterus,

Niekto nezaklial maternicu mojej mamy

and I didn't get it because my parents are first cousins,

a nemám to preto, že by moji rodičia boli bratranec a sesternica,

which they are.

čo inak sú.

(Laughter)

(smiech)

It only happens from accidents,

Stáva sa to len pri nehodách,

like what happened to me on my birth day.

tak, ako sa to stalo mne pri narodení.

Now, I must warn you,

Musím vás varovať. Nie som zdrojom inšpirácie,

I'm not inspirational.

(Laughter)

And I don't want anyone in this room to feel bad for me,

a nechcem, aby ma niekomu v tejto miestnosti

bolo ľúto,

because at some point in your life,

pretože v istej chvíli vo vašom živote

you have dreamt of being disabled.

ste si i vy priali byť postihnutí.

Come on a journey with me.

Tak si to predstavme.

It's Christmas Eve, you're at the mall,

Je Štedrý Deň, ste v nákupnom centre,

jazdíte dookola a hľadáte miesto na parkovanie,

you're driving around in circles looking for parking,

and what do you see?

a čo nevidíte?

Sixteen empty handicapped spaces.

Šestnásť prázdnych miest pre invalidov.

(Laughter)

A hovoríte si, „Bože, nemohla by som byť

And you're like, "God, can't I just be a little disabled?"

len tak trošku hendikepovaná?“

(Laughter)

(smiech)

Also, I've got to tell you,

Taktiež vám musím povedať,

že mám 99 problémov a obrna je len jeden z nich.

I've got 99 problems, and palsy is just one.

(Laughter)

If there was an Oppression Olympics,

Ak by existovala Olympiáda pre utlačovaných,

I would win the gold medal.

vyhrala by som zlatú medailu.

I'm Palestinian, Muslim,

Som Palestínčanka, Moslimka, som žena, som postihnutá

I'm female, I'm disabled,

and I live in New Jersey.

a žijem v New Jersey.

(Laughter)

(smiech) (potlesk)

(Applause)

If you don't feel better about yourself, maybe you should.

Ak zo seba teraz nemáte lepší pocit, asi by ste mali mať.

(Laughter)

Cliffside Park, New Jersey is my hometown.

Cliffside Park, New Jersey, je moje mesto.

I have always loved the fact

Vždy sa mi páčilo, že moje mesto

that my hood and my affliction share the same initials.

a moje postihnutie majú

rovnaké iniciály. (DMO je anglicky C.P.)

I also love the fact

Taktiež milujem to, že ak by som chcela ísť peši

that if I wanted to walk from my house to New York City, I could.

z domu do New York City, mohla by som.

A lot of people with CP don't walk,

Mnoho ľudí s DMO nechodí,

but my parents didn't believe in "can't."

ale moji rodičia neverili v „nedokážem“.

My father's mantra was,

Mantrou môjho otca bolo,

"You can do it, yes you can can."

„Ty to dáš, ty tam dohopsáš.“

(Laughter)

(smiech)

Takže, keď moje 3 staršie sestry zmývali podlahu,

So, if my three older sisters were mopping,

I was mopping.

zmývala som aj ja.

If my three older sisters went to public school,

Ak moje 3 staršie sestry chodili do štátnej školy,

moji rodičia by zažalovali školský systém,

my parents would sue the school system

and guarantee that I went too,

aby zaručili, že som tam chodila aj ja,

and if we didn't all get A's,

a ak sme nedostali všetky jednotky,

we all got my mother's slipper.

všetky sme si to od mamy zlízli.

(Laughter)

(smiech)

Otec ma naučil chodiť, keď som mala 5 rokov,

My father taught me how to walk when I was five years old

tak že si položil moje päty na jeho nohy

by placing my heels on his feet

and just walking.

a proste kráčal.

Another tactic that he used

Ďalšiu taktiku, ktorú používal, bolo, že predo mnou mával

is he would dangle a dollar bill in front of me

dolárovou bankovkou a nechal ma ju naháňať.

and have me chase it.

(Laughter)

(smiech)

Moja túžba byť ako striptérka bola veľmi silná

My inner stripper was very strong.

(Laughter)

– (smiech) –

Yeah.

a kým nadišiel prvý deň škôlky,

No, by the first day of kindergarten,

I was walking like a champ

chodila som ako šampión,

ktorého príliš doudierali.

who had been punched one too many times.

(Laughter)

Growing up, there were only six Arabs in my town,

Keď som vyrastala, v meste bolo len 6 Arabov,

and they were all my family.

a všetci boli z mojej rodiny.

(Laughter)

Now there are 20 Arabs in town,

Teraz ich tam je 20

and they are still all my family.

a stále sú všetci z mojej rodiny. (smiech)

(Laughter)

I don't think anyone even noticed we weren't Italian.

Myslím, že si nikto ani nevšimol, že nie sme Taliani.

(Laughter)

(smiech) (potlesk)

(Applause)

This was before 9/11

Toto všetko bolo pred 11. septembrom a predtým, ako politici

and before politicians thought it was appropriate

pokladali za vhodné použiť vetu ako „Nenávidím Moslimov,“

to use "I hate Muslims" as a campaign slogan.

ako volebný slogan.

Ľudia, s ktorými som vyrastala, nemali problém s mojou vierou,

The people that I grew up with had no problem with my faith.

They did, however, seem very concerned

no boli veľmi znepokojení,

that I would starve to death during Ramadan.

keď som počas Ramadánu hladovala.

I would explain to them that I have enough fat

Vysvetľovala som im, že mám dostatok tuku,

to live off of for three whole months,

aby som prežila celé tri mesiace,

so fasting from sunrise to sunset is a piece of cake.

takže postenie sa od východu po západ slnka je hračka.

(Laughter)

I have tap-danced on Broadway.

Stepovala som na Broadwayi.

Yeah, on Broadway. It's crazy.

Áno, na Broadwayi. Šialené. (potlesk)

(Applause)

My parents couldn't afford physical therapy,

Rodičia si nemohli dovoliť rehabilitácie,

so they sent me to dancing school.

takže ma poslali do tanečnej školy.

I learned how to dance in heels,

Naučila som sa tancovať na podpätkoch,

which means I can walk in heels.

čo znamená, že dokážem chodiť na podpätkoch

And I'm from Jersey,

a som z Jersey,

and we are really concerned with being chic,

kde si dávame veľmi záležať na tom, aby sme boli štýloví,

takže keď mali moje kamarátky podpätky, mala som ich aj ja.

so if my friends wore heels, so did I.

And when my friends went and spent their summer vacations

A keď moje kamarátky trávili leto

on the Jersey Shore, I did not.

na plážach Jersey Shore, ja nie.

I spent my summers in a war zone,

Letá som strávila vo vojnovej zóne,

because my parents were afraid

pretože rodičia sa obávali,

that if we didn't go back to Palestine every single summer,

že ak by sme sa do Palestíny nevracali

každé jedno leto,

we'd grow up to be Madonna.

vyrástla by z nás Madonna.

(Laughter)

(smiech)

Summer vacations often consisted of my father trying to heal me,

Letné dovolenky často zahŕňali

snahy môjho otca vyliečiť ma,

takže som pila jelenie mlieko,

so I drank deer's milk,

I had hot cups on my back,

podstúpila bankovanie,

I was dunked in the Dead Sea,

bola som ponorená do Mŕtveho mora,

and I remember the water burning my eyes

a pamätám si, ako ma z tej vody pálili oči

and thinking, "It's working! It's working!"

a ja som si myslela, „Funguje to! Funguje to!“

(Laughter)

(smiech)

But one miracle cure we did find was yoga.

Ale našli sme jeden zázračný liek a tým bola joga.

I have to tell you, it's very boring,

Musím vám povedať, je hrozne nudná,

but before I did yoga,

ale predtým, ako som sa jej začala venovať,

I was a stand-up comedian who can't stand up.

som bola stand-up komička, ktorá nedokázala stáť.

And now I can stand on my head.

A teraz viem stáť aj na hlave.

My parents reinforced this notion

Rodičia umocnili túto teóriu

that I could do anything,

o tom, že dokážem čokoľvek,

that no dream was impossible,

že žiaden sen nie je nemožný

and my dream was to be

a mojím snom bolo,

on the daytime soap opera "General Hospital."

hrať v seriáli „General Hospital“.

(Laughter)

Šla som na vysokú školu počas pozitívnej diskriminácie

I went to college during affirmative action

and got a sweet scholarship to ASU,

a získala skvelé štipendium na ASU,

Arizona State University,

Arizonskej štátnej univerzite,

because I fit every single quota.

pretože som splnila každú jednu kvótu.

(Laughter)

Bola som niečo ako maznáčik katedry divadla.

I was like the pet lemur of the theater department.

Everybody loved me.

Všetci ma milovali.

I did all the less-than-intelligent kids' homework,

Robila som domáce úlohy menej inteligentným študentom,

I got A's in all of my classes,

dostala som A-čka zo všetkých mojich predmetov,

A's in all of their classes.

A-čka zo všetkých ich predmetov.

(Laughter)

Zakaždým, keď som zahrala scénu

Every time I did a scene from "The Glass Menagerie,"

z „The Glass Menagerie,“

my professors would weep.

moji profesori ronili slzy.

But I never got cast.

Ale nikdy ma neobsadili.

Napokon, počas môjho posledného roka,

Finally, my senior year,

ASU decided to do a show called "They Dance Real Slow in Jackson."

sa ASU rozhodla urobiť predstavenie s názvom

„They Dance Real Slow in Jackson“.

It's a play about a girl with CP.

Je to hra o dievčati s DMO.

I was a girl with CP.

Ja som bola dievča s DMO.

So I start shouting from the rooftops,

Takže som začala vykrikovať,

"I'm finally going to get a part!

„Konečne dostanem rolu!

I have cerebral palsy!

Mám mozgovú obrnu!

Free at last! Free at last!

Konečne voľná! Konečne voľná!

Thank God almighty, I'm free at last!"

Vďaka ti Bože, konečne som voľná!“

I didn't get the part.

Tú rolu som nedostala. (smiech)

(Laughter)

Sherry Brown got the part.

Dostala ju Sherry Brown.

Vyrútila som sa k vedúcej katedry divadla

I went racing to the head of the theater department

crying hysterically, like someone shot my cat,

s hysterickým plačom, akoby mi niekto zastrelil mačku,

aby som sa jej spýtala, prečo,

to ask her why,

and she said it was because they didn't think I could do the stunts.

a ona mi povedala, že preto

lebo si mysleli, že by som nezvládla kaskadérske kúsky.

I said, "Excuse me, if I can't do the stunts,

Povedala som, „Prepáčte, ale ak tie kaskadérske kúsky nezvládnem ja,

neither can the character."

tak ich nezvládne ani postava.“

(Laughter)

(smiech) (potlesk)

(Applause)

This was a part that I was literally born to play

Toto bola rola, pre ktorú som sa doslova narodila

they gave it to a non-palsy actress.

a oni ju dali herečke bez obrny.

Vysoká škola imitovala život.

College was imitating life.

Hollywood has a sordid history

Hollywood má škaredú históriu

of casting able-bodied actors to play disabled onscreen.

obsadzovania telesne schopných hercov

do úloh invalidov.

Upon graduating, I moved back home,

Po promóciách som sa presťahovala späť domov

and my first acting gig was as an extra on a daytime soap opera.

a moja prvá herecká úloha bola

ako komparz v telenovele.

My dream was coming true.

Môj sen sa plnil.

And I knew that I would be promoted

A vedela som, že budem veľmi rýchlo povýšená

from "Diner Diner" to "Wacky Best Friend" in no time.

z „nech sa páči, večera“ na „strelenú najlepšiu kamarátku“.

(Laughter)

But instead, I remained a glorified piece of furniture

Ale namiesto toho som zostala velebeným kusom nábytku,

that you could only recognize from the back of my head,

ktorý ste mohli spoznať len podľa zadnej strany mojej hlavy,

and it became clear to me

a začalo mi byť jasné,

that casting directors

že vedúci kastingu

didn't hire fluffy, ethnic, disabled actors.

neobsadzujú kypré, etnické, invalidné herečky.

They only hired perfect people.

Obsadzujú len dokonalých ľudí.

But there were exceptions to the rule.

No našli sa aj výnimky.

I grew up watching Whoopi Goldberg,

Vyrastala som pri sledovaní Whoopi Goldberg,

Roseanne Barr, Ellen,

Roseanne Barr, Ellen,

and all of these women had one thing in common:

a všetky tieto ženy mali jednu vec spoločnú:

they were comedians.

boli to komičky.

So I became a comic.

Takže som sa stala komičkou.

(Laughter)

(smiech) (potlesk)

(Applause)

My first gig was driving famous comics

Mojou prvou prácou bolo voziť slávnych komikov

from New York City to shows in New Jersey,

z New York City na vystúpenia v New Jersey.

and I'll never forget the face of the first comic I ever drove

Nikdy nezabudnem na tvár prvého komika, ktorého

som kedy viezla, keď si uvedomil

when he realized that he was speeding down the New Jersey Turnpike

že sa ženie dolu New Jersey Turnpike v aute,

with a chick with CP driving him.

ktoré šoféruje ženská s DMO.

(Laughter)

I've performed in clubs all over America,

Vystupovala som v kluboch po celej Amerike

and I've also performed in Arabic in the Middle East,

a vystupovala som taktiež na Blízkom východe,

uncensored and uncovered.

bez cenzúry a nezahalená.

(Laughter)

Some people say I'm the first stand-up comic in the Arab world.

Niektorí ľudia hovoria, že som prvý

stand-up komik v arabskom svete.

I never like to claim first,

Nikdy som si nenárokovala na prvého,

but I do know that they never heard

no viem, že nikdy nepočuli

that nasty little rumor that women aren't funny,

tú škaredú klebetu, že ženy nie sú vtipné,

and they find us hysterical.

a prídeme im šialene zábavné.

(Laughter)

In 2003, my brother from another mother and father

V roku 2003 sme, môj brat od inej mamy a otca,

Dean Obeidallah and I started

Dean Obeidallah, a ja

the New York Arab-American Comedy Festival,

odštartovali New Yorkský Arabsko-Americký Komediálny Festival,

now in its 10th year.

teraz má 10. výročie.

Naším cieľom bolo zmeniť negatívny pohľad

Our goal was to change the negative image of Arab-Americans in media,

na Arabských Američanov v médiách,

while also reminding casting directors

pričom tiež pripomínať vedúcim kastingu,

that South Asian and Arab are not synonymous.

že Juhoázijčan a Arab nie sú synonymá.

(Laughter)

(smiech)

Mainstreaming Arabs was much, much easier

Dostať Arabov do hlavného prúdu bolo omnoho jednoduchšie,

než zdolať výzvu akú predstavovala

than conquering the challenge against the stigma against disability.

stigma voči postihnutým.

My big break came in 2010.

Veľký prelom pre mňa prišiel v roku 2010.

I was invited to be a guest on the cable news show

Bola som pozvaná ako hosť

na televíznu show

"Countdown with Keith Olbermann."

„Countdown With Keith Olbermann.“

I walked in looking like I was going to the prom,

Napochodovala som tam ako na maturitný ples,

and they shuffle me into a studio

a oni ma dotiahli do štúdia

and seat me on a spinning, rolling chair.

a posadili na kolieskovú, otáčaciu stoličku.

(Laughter)

Takže som sa pozrela na stage manažérku a hovorím,

So I looked at the stage manager

and I'm like, "Excuse me, can I have another chair?"

„Prepáčte, mohla by som dostať inú stoličku?“

And she looked at me and she went,

A ona sa na mňa pozrela a povedala,

„Päť, štyri, tri, dva ...“

"Five, four, three, two ..."

And we were live, right?

A vysielali sme naživo.

So I had to grip onto the anchor's desk

Takže som sa musela zakvačiť o stôl,

so that I wouldn't roll off the screen during the segment,

aby som počas prenosu neušla so stoličkou mimo záber.

and when the interview was over, I was livid.

Po rozhovore som bola strašne rozčúlená.

I had finally gotten my chance and I blew it,

Konečne som dostala šancu a ja som ju premrhala

and I knew I would never get invited back.

a bola som presvedčená, že ma už nikdy nepozvú.

But not only did Mr. Olbermann invite me back,

Ale nielen že ma pán Olbermann pozval znova,

he made me a full-time contributor,

urobil zo mňa trvalého prispievateľa

and he taped down my chair.

a prilepil mi stoličku.

(Laughter)

(smiech) (potlesk)

(Applause)

Počas toho, ako som bola s Ketihom Olbermannom

One fun fact I learned while on the air with Keith Olbermann

na obrazovke, som zistila,

was that humans on the Internet are scumbags.

že ľudia na internete sú svine.

(Laughter)

Hovorí sa, že deti sú kruté,

People say children are cruel,

ale nikdy si zo mňa nerobili srandu, keď som bola dieťa, alebo dospelá.

but I was never made fun of as a child or an adult.

Suddenly, my disability on the world wide web is fair game.

Zrazu sa moje postihnutie rieši na webe.

I would look at clips online and see comments like,

Zvykla som si pozrieť videá

a zbadala komentáre ako,

"Yo, why's she tweakin'?"

„Hej, prečo so sebou hádže?“

"Yo, is she retarded?"

„Hej, čo je retardovaná?“

And my favorite, "Poor Gumby-mouth terrorist.

A môj obľúbený, „Chudinka teroristka s plastelínovou hubou.

What does she suffer from?

Čím trpí?

We should really pray for her."

Mali by sme sa za ňu modliť.“

One commenter even suggested that I add my disability to my credits:

Jeden komentujúci dokonca navrhol,

že by sa moje postihnutie malo pridať k záverečným titulkom:

screenwriter, comedian, palsy.

scenáristka, komička, obrna.

Postihnutie je tak očividné ako rasa.

Disability is as visual as race.

Ak vozičkárka nevie zahrať Beyoncé,

If a wheelchair user can't play Beyoncé,

then Beyoncé can't play a wheelchair user.

potom Beyoncé nevie zahrať vozíčkárku.

The disabled are the largest —

Invalidi sú najväčšou –

Yeah, clap for that, man. Come on.

Áno, zatlieskajte tomu, človeče.

(Applause)

(potlesk)

People with disabilities are the largest minority in the world,

Ľudia s postihnutím sú najväčšou menšinou

na svete a máme najmenšie zastúpenie

and we are the most underrepresented in entertainment.

v zábavnom priemysle.

Doktori hovorili, že nebudem chodiť,

The doctors said that I wouldn't walk,

but I am here in front of you.

no som tu pred vami.

No ak by som vyrastala so sociálnymi médiami,

However, if I grew up with social media,

I don't think I would be.

nemyslím si, že by som bola.

I hope that together,

Dúfam, že spolu

we can create more positive images

dokážeme vytvoriť pozitívnejší pohľad

of disability in the media and in everyday life.

na postihnutých v médiách a každodennom živote.

Perhaps if there were more positive images,

Možno ak by existovalo viac pozitívnych pohľadov,

it would foster less hate on the Internet.

podporovalo by to menej nenávisti na internete.

Alebo možno nie.

Or maybe not.

Maybe it still takes a village to teach our children well.

Možno stále treba na výchovu

našich detí celú dedinu.

My crooked journey has taken me to some very spectacular places.

Moja kľukatá cesta ma doviedla

na niekoľko fantastických miest.

I got to walk the red carpet

Kráčala som po červenom koberci

flanked by soap diva Susan Lucci

po boku televíznej divy Susan Lucci

and the iconic Loreen Arbus.

a ikonickej Lorraine Arbus.

I got to act in a movie with Adam Sandler

Hrala som vo filme s Adamom Sandlerom

and work with my idol, the amazing Dave Matthews.

a pracovala s mojím idolom,

skvelým Daveom Matthewsom.

I toured the world as a headliner on Arabs Gone Wild.

Precestovala som svet ako headliner

Arabs Gone Wild.

I was a delegate representing the great state of New Jersey

Bola som delegátkou

reprezentujúcou skvelý štát New Jersey

at the 2008 DNC.

na DNC v roku 2008.

And I founded Maysoon's Kids,

A založila som Maysoon's Kids,

a charity that hopes to give Palestinian refugee children

charitu ktorá sa snaží

dať utečeneckým deťom z Palestíny

kúsok šance, ktorú dali mne moji rodičia.

a sliver of the chance my parents gave me.

But the one moment that stands out the most

Ale moment, ktorý vyniká najviac,

was when I got -- before this moment --

bol ten keď – okrem tohto momentu –

(Laughter)

(smiech) (potlesk)

(Applause)

But the one moment that stands out the most

moment, ktorý vyniká najviac,

was when I got to perform

bol ten, keď som vystupovala

pre muža, ktorý lieta ako motýľ

for the man who floats like a butterfly

and stings like a bee,

a bodá ako včela,

has Parkinson's and shakes just like me,

má Parkinsona a trasie sa tak ako ja,

Muhammad Ali.

Muhammada Aliho.

(Applause)

(potlesk)

(Applause ends)

It was the only time that my father ever saw me perform live,

To bolo jediný krát,

kedy ma môj otec videl vystupovať naživo,

a túto prednášku chcem venovať jeho pamiatke.

and I dedicate this talk to his memory.

(Arabic) Allah yerhamak yaba.

(po arabsky)

(English) My name is Maysoon Zayid,

Volám sa Maysoon Zayid

and if I can can, you can can.

a ak ja dohopsám, vy dohopsáte tiež.

(Cheering)

(potlesk)

(Applause)