I got 99 problems... palsy is just one | Maysoon Zayid

Translator: Klavdija Cernilogar Reviewer: Snežana Stone

Pozdravljene, TEDŽenske, kaj bo dobrega?

Hello, TEDWomen, what's up.

(Cheering)

(Vzkliki)

Not good enough.

Ni dovolj dobro.

Hello, TEDWomen, what is up?

Pozdravljene, TEDŽenske, kaj bo dobrega?

(Loud cheering)

(Vzkliki)

My name is Maysoon Zayid,

Ime mi je Maysoon Zayid,

nisem pijana,

and I am not drunk,

but the doctor who delivered me was.

zdravnik, ki mi je pomagal na svet, pa je bil.

He cut my mom six different times

Mojo mamo je šestkrat prerezal

in six different directions,

v šestih različnih smereh

suffocating poor little me in the process.

in me pri tem dušil.

As a result, I have cerebral palsy,

Zaradi tega imam cerebralno paralizo,

which means I shake all the time.

kar pomeni, da se stalno tresem.

Look.

Poglejte.

It's exhausting.

Hudo utrujajoče je. Sem kot Shakira, Shakira

I'm like Shakira, Shakira meets Muhammad Ali.

in Muhammad Ali obenem.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

CP is not genetic.

Cerebralna paraliza ni genetsko pogojena.

It's not a birth defect. You can't catch it.

Ni okvara ob rojstvu. Ni nalezljiva.

No one put a curse on my mother's uterus,

Nihče ni uročil mamine maternice

and I didn't get it because my parents are first cousins,

in nisem je dobila zato, ker bi bila starša bratranec in sestrična,

which they are.

kar v resnici sta.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

It only happens from accidents,

Povzročijo jo samo nesreče,

like what happened to me on my birth day.

kot se je zgodilo ob mojem rojstvu.

Now, I must warn you,

Opozoriti vas moram, da nisem govornica, ki bi vas navdihnila,

I'm not inspirational.

(Laughter)

And I don't want anyone in this room to feel bad for me,

in nočem, da bi se komurkoli v tem prostoru

smilila,

because at some point in your life,

ker ste nekoč

you have dreamt of being disabled.

tudi vi želeli biti invalid.

Come on a journey with me.

Pojdimo skupaj na potovanje.

It's Christmas Eve, you're at the mall,

Božični večer je, v nakupovalnem centru ste,

vozite se naokrog, iščoč parkirni prostor,

you're driving around in circles looking for parking,

and what do you see?

in kaj zagledate?

Sixteen empty handicapped spaces.

Šestnajst prostih mest, namenjenih invalidom.

(Laughter)

Mislite si: "Bog, ali ne morem biti

And you're like, "God, can't I just be a little disabled?"

samo malo invaliden?"

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Also, I've got to tell you,

Moram vam povedati tudi,

da imam 99 težav, in paraliza je le ena od njih.

I've got 99 problems, and palsy is just one.

(Laughter)

If there was an Oppression Olympics,

Če bi obstajala olimpijada v zatiranju,

I would win the gold medal.

bi jaz dobila zlato medaljo.

I'm Palestinian, Muslim,

Sem Palestinka, muslimanka, ženska, invalidna,

I'm female, I'm disabled,

and I live in New Jersey.

pa še v New Jerseyu živim.

(Laughter)

(Smeh) (Aplavz)

(Applause)

If you don't feel better about yourself, maybe you should.

Če se doslej niste počutili bolje v svoji koži, bi se morda morali.

(Laughter)

Cliffside Park, New Jersey is my hometown.

Moj dom je Cliffside Park v New Jerseyu.

I have always loved the fact

Vedno mi je bilo všeč,

that my hood and my affliction share the same initials.

da imata moj kraj in moja bolezen

isti začetnici.

I also love the fact

Všeč mi je tudi, da bi, če bi hotela iti peš

that if I wanted to walk from my house to New York City, I could.

od doma v New York City, to lahko storila.

A lot of people with CP don't walk,

Veliko ljudi s CP ne hodi,

but my parents didn't believe in "can't."

a moji starši niso verjeli v "ne morem".

My father's mantra was,

Mantra mojega očeta je bila:

"You can do it, yes you can can."

"Zmoreš, da, da, zmoreš zmoreš."

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Kadar so moje tri starejše sestre pomivale tla,

So, if my three older sisters were mopping,

I was mopping.

sem tudi jaz pomivala.

If my three older sisters went to public school,

Če so moje tri starejše sestre hodile v javno šolo,

bi moji starši tožili šolski sistem,

my parents would sue the school system

and guarantee that I went too,

da bi tudi jaz lahko šla,

and if we didn't all get A's,

in če nismo vse dobivale petic,

we all got my mother's slipper.

smo jih vse dobile z maminim copatom.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Oče me je naučil hoditi, ko sem bila stara pet let,

My father taught me how to walk when I was five years old

tako da je moji peti postavil na svoja narta

by placing my heels on his feet

and just walking.

in hodil.

Another tactic that he used

Druga taktika je bila, da je pred menoj

is he would dangle a dollar bill in front of me

mahal z dolarskim bankovcem, jaz pa sem ga lovila.

and have me chase it.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

V meni skrita striptizeta je bila močna in ...

My inner stripper was very strong.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Yeah.

Ja. Ne, prvi dan vrtca

No, by the first day of kindergarten,

I was walking like a champ

sem hodila kot šimpanz,

ki so ga prevečkrat udarili.

who had been punched one too many times.

(Laughter)

Growing up, there were only six Arabs in my town,

Ko sem odraščala, je bilo v mestu vsega šest Arabcev,

and they were all my family.

pa še to so bili vsi moji sorodniki.

(Laughter)

Now there are 20 Arabs in town,

Zdaj nas je dvajset

and they are still all my family.

in še vedno smo vsi v sorodu. (Smeh)

(Laughter)

I don't think anyone even noticed we weren't Italian.

Mislim, da ni nihče opazil, da nismo Italijani.

(Laughter)

(Smeh) (Aplavz)

(Applause)

This was before 9/11

To je bilo pred 11. septembrom in preden so politiki ocenili,

and before politicians thought it was appropriate

da je "Sovražim muslimane"

to use "I hate Muslims" as a campaign slogan.

primeren slogan za kampanjo.

Ljudje, s katerimi sem odrasla, niso imeli težav z mojo vero.

The people that I grew up with had no problem with my faith.

They did, however, seem very concerned

Jih je pa skrbelo,

that I would starve to death during Ramadan.

da bom med ramadanom umrla od lakote.

I would explain to them that I have enough fat

Pojasnila sem, da imam na sebi dovolj maščobe,

to live off of for three whole months,

da bi z njo lahko preživela cele tri mesece,

so fasting from sunrise to sunset is a piece of cake.

tako da je postenje od sončnega vzhoda do zahoda mala malica.

(Laughter)

I have tap-danced on Broadway.

Plesala sem step na Broadwayu.

Yeah, on Broadway. It's crazy.

Ja, na Broadwayu. To je noro. (Aplavz)

(Applause)

My parents couldn't afford physical therapy,

Starši si niso mogli privoščiti fizioterapije,

so they sent me to dancing school.

zato so me poslali v plesno šolo.

I learned how to dance in heels,

Naučila sem se plesati v visokih petah,

which means I can walk in heels.

in lahko hodim v visokih petah.

In iz Jerseya sem,

And I'm from Jersey,

and we are really concerned with being chic,

kjer vsi hočemo biti šik.

Ker so prijateljice nosile visoke pete, sem jih tudi jaz.

so if my friends wore heels, so did I.

And when my friends went and spent their summer vacations

Ko pa so prijatelji šli na poletne počitnice

on the Jersey Shore, I did not.

na obalo Jerseya, jaz nisem šla.

I spent my summers in a war zone,

Moja poletja so potekala na vojnem območju,

because my parents were afraid

kajti starši so se bali,

that if we didn't go back to Palestine every single summer,

da če ne gremo v Palestino

čisto vsako poletje,

we'd grow up to be Madonna.

bomo odrasle v Madonno.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Summer vacations often consisted of my father trying to heal me,

Poletne počitnice so pogosto pomenile čas,

ko me je oče poskušal ozdraviti,

zato sem pila jelenovo mleko,

so I drank deer's milk,

I had hot cups on my back,

na hrbtu imela vroče skodelice

I was dunked in the Dead Sea,

ali pa so me potapljali v Mrtvo morje.

and I remember the water burning my eyes

Spomnim se, kako so me oči pekle od vode

and thinking, "It's working! It's working!"

in sem mislila: "Deluje! Deluje!"

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

But one miracle cure we did find was yoga.

Smo pa našli eno čudežno zdravilo: jogo.

I have to tell you, it's very boring,

Moram vam povedati, da je zelo dolgočasna,

but before I did yoga,

ampak pred jogo,

I was a stand-up comedian who can't stand up.

sem bila stand up komičarka, ki ni mogla stati.

And now I can stand on my head.

Zdaj pa lahko stojim na glavi.

My parents reinforced this notion

Starši so še okrepili prepričanje,

that I could do anything,

da lahko naredim karkoli,

that no dream was impossible,

da nobene sanje niso nemogoče,

and my dream was to be

in jaz sem sanjala o nastopu

on the daytime soap opera "General Hospital."

v limonadi "Splošna bolnišnica".

(Laughter)

Na fakulteti sem bila v času pozitivne diskriminacije

I went to college during affirmative action

and got a sweet scholarship to ASU,

in dobila sem štipendijo za univerzo ASU,

Arizona State University,

Arizona State University,

because I fit every single quota.

ker sem spadala v vse kvote.

(Laughter)

Bila sem ljubljenček oddelka za gledališče.

I was like the pet lemur of the theater department.

Everybody loved me.

Vsi so me imeli radi.

I did all the less-than-intelligent kids' homework,

Naredila sem vse domače naloge ne-ravno-pametnih otrok

I got A's in all of my classes,

imela sem odlične ocene,

A's in all of their classes.

pri vseh svojih in njihovih predmetih.

(Laughter)

Vsakič ko sem odigrala sceno

Every time I did a scene from "The Glass Menagerie,"

iz "Steklene menažerije",

my professors would weep.

so moji profesorji jokali.

But I never got cast.

Ampak nikoli nisem dobila prave vloge.

Finally, my senior year,

V zadnjem letniku

ASU decided to do a show called "They Dance Real Slow in Jackson."

se je ASU odločila za predstavo

"V Jacksonu plešejo čisto počasi".

It's a play about a girl with CP.

Gre za igro o dekletu s CP.

I was a girl with CP.

Jaz sem bila dekle s CP.

So I start shouting from the rooftops,

Vsem sem glasno razlagala:

"I'm finally going to get a part!

"Končno bom dobila vlogo!

I have cerebral palsy!

Imam cerebralno paralizo!

Free at last! Free at last!

Končno svobodna! Končno svobodna!

Thank God almighty, I'm free at last!"

Hvala vsemogočnemu bogu, končno sem svobodna!"

I didn't get the part.

Nisem dobila vloge. (Smeh)

(Laughter)

Sherry Brown got the part.

Sherry Brown jo je.

Odvihrala sem k vodji gledališkega oddelka,

I went racing to the head of the theater department

crying hysterically, like someone shot my cat,

histerično sem jokala, kot da so mi ustrelili mačko.

Vprašala sem jo, zakaj,

to ask her why,

and she said it was because they didn't think I could do the stunts.

in dejala je, da zato,

ker so menili, da ne morem opraviti kaskaderskih vložkov.

I said, "Excuse me, if I can't do the stunts,

Odvrnila sem: "Oprostite, če jaz ne tega ne zmorem,

neither can the character."

potem tudi ta junakinja ne zmore."

(Laughter)

(Smeh) (Aplavz)

(Applause)

This was a part that I was literally born to play

Dobesedno rojena sem bila za to vlogo,

they gave it to a non-palsy actress.

pa so jo dali igralki brez cerebralne paralize.

Fakulteta je posnemala življenje.

College was imitating life.

Hollywood has a sordid history

Hollywood ima umazano zgodovino

of casting able-bodied actors to play disabled onscreen.

najemanja igralcev brez telesnih omejitev,

da igrajo vloge ljudi z gibalnimi ovirami.

Upon graduating, I moved back home,

Po diplomi sem se vrnila domov

and my first acting gig was as an extra on a daytime soap opera.

in moja prva igralska vloga

je bila vloga statistke pri neki limonadi.

My dream was coming true.

Sanje so se mi uresničevale.

And I knew that I would be promoted

In vedela sem, da bom v kratkem napredovala

from "Diner Diner" to "Wacky Best Friend" in no time.

od "nekoga, ki večerja v ozadju" do "smešne najboljše prijateljice".

(Laughter)

But instead, I remained a glorified piece of furniture

Namesto tega sem ostala povzdignjen del pohištva,

that you could only recognize from the back of my head,

ki ga lahko prepoznate samo po zadnjem delu glave.

and it became clear to me

Postalo mi je jasno,

that casting directors

da tisti, ki izbirajo igralsko zasedbo,

didn't hire fluffy, ethnic, disabled actors.

ne jemljejo nemirnih, invalidnih igralk iz etničnih manjšin.

They only hired perfect people.

Najemajo samo popolne ljudi.

But there were exceptions to the rule.

So pa obstajale izjeme.

I grew up watching Whoopi Goldberg,

Odraščala sem ob gledanju Whoopi Goldberg,

Roseanne Barr, Ellen,

Roseanne Barr, Ellen.

and all of these women had one thing in common:

Vse te ženske so imele nekaj skupnega:

they were comedians.

bile so komičarke.

So I became a comic.

Tako sem postala komičarka.

(Laughter)

(Smeh) (Aplavz)

(Applause)

My first gig was driving famous comics

Moje prvo delo je bilo voziti znane komike

from New York City to shows in New Jersey,

iz New Yorka na nastope v New Jersey.

and I'll never forget the face of the first comic I ever drove

Nikoli ne bom pozabila obraza prvega komika,

ki sem ga peljala, ko je ugotovil,

when he realized that he was speeding down the New Jersey Turnpike

da brzi po avtocesti New Jersey Turnpike

with a chick with CP driving him.

s punco s CP za volanom.

(Laughter)

I've performed in clubs all over America,

Nastopala sem po klubih po vsej Ameriki,

and I've also performed in Arabic in the Middle East,

na Bližnjem vzhodu sem imela tudi nastope v arabščini,

uncensored and uncovered.

brez cenzure in brez pokrivala.

(Laughter)

Some people say I'm the first stand-up comic in the Arab world.

Nekateri mi pravijo

prva stand up komičarka v arabskem svetu.

I never like to claim first,

Ne maram trditi, da sem prva,

but I do know that they never heard

vem pa, da niso nikoli slišali

that nasty little rumor that women aren't funny,

grdih govoric o tem, da ženske nismo smešne,

and they find us hysterical.

zdimo se jim smešne za umret.

(Laughter)

In 2003, my brother from another mother and father

Leta 2003 sva z bratom Deanom Obeidallahom,

Dean Obeidallah and I started

ki ima drugo mater in očeta,

the New York Arab-American Comedy Festival,

ustanovila newyorški arabsko-ameriški festival komedije,

now in its 10th year.

ki sedaj šteje že deseto leto.

Želela sva spremeniti negativno podobo

Our goal was to change the negative image of Arab-Americans in media,

arabskih Američanov v medijih

while also reminding casting directors

ter biti opomin tistim, ki izbirajo igralske zasedbe,

that South Asian and Arab are not synonymous.

da južnoazijski in arabski nista sopomenki.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Mainstreaming Arabs was much, much easier

Vključevati Arabce je bilo veliko veliko lažje

kot premagati izziv

than conquering the challenge against the stigma against disability.

stigme proti invalidnosti.

My big break came in 2010.

Veliki preboj sem doživela leta 2010.

I was invited to be a guest on the cable news show

Kot gostjo so me povabili

na oddajo kabelske televizije

"Countdown with Keith Olbermann."

"Odštevanje s Keithom Olbermannom".

I walked in looking like I was going to the prom,

Vstopila sem, kot da grem na maturantski ples,

and they shuffle me into a studio

oni pa so me potisnili v studio

and seat me on a spinning, rolling chair.

in posedli na vrteč se stol na kolesih.

(Laughter)

Pogledala sem scenografko in dejala:

So I looked at the stage manager

and I'm like, "Excuse me, can I have another chair?"

"Oprostite, lahko dobim drug stol?"

And she looked at me and she went,

Pogledala me je in začela:

"Pet, štiri, tri, dve ..."

"Five, four, three, two ..."

And we were live, right?

In že smo šli v živo.

So I had to grip onto the anchor's desk

Morala sem se držati voditeljeve mize,

so that I wouldn't roll off the screen during the segment,

da se med sceno ne bi odpeljala iz kadra.

and when the interview was over, I was livid.

Ko je bilo intervjuja konec, sem bila razkačena.

I had finally gotten my chance and I blew it,

Dobila sem priložnost in uničila sem jo.

and I knew I would never get invited back.

Vedela sem, da me ne bodo nikoli več povabili.

But not only did Mr. Olbermann invite me back,

A ne samo da me je g. Olbermann spet povabil,

he made me a full-time contributor,

postala sem redna sodelavka,

and he taped down my chair.

moj stol pa je prilepil na pod.

(Laughter)

(Smeh) (Aplavz)

(Applause)

One fun fact I learned while on the air with Keith Olbermann

Ena od zabavnih stvari, ki sem se jih naučila

ob delu s Keithom Olbermannom,

was that humans on the Internet are scumbags.

je, da so ljudje na internetu barabe.

(Laughter)

Pravijo, da so otroci kruti,

People say children are cruel,

ampak iz mene se nikoli niso norčevali, ne kot otroka ne kot odrasle.

but I was never made fun of as a child or an adult.

Suddenly, my disability on the world wide web is fair game.

Naenkrat je moja invalidnost na spletu postala poštena igra.

I would look at clips online and see comments like,

Spletni videi so imeli

take komentarje:

"Yo, why's she tweakin'?"

"Hej, zakaj se zvija?"

"Yo, is she retarded?"

"Hej, je zaostala?"

And my favorite, "Poor Gumby-mouth terrorist.

In moj najljubši: "Uboga teroristka krivih ust.

What does she suffer from?

Za čim trpi?

We should really pray for her."

Moliti moramo zanjo."

One commenter even suggested that I add my disability to my credits:

En komentator je celo predlagal,

da svojo invalidnost štejem kot veščino:

screenwriter, comedian, palsy.

scenaristka, komičarka, ima cerebralno paralizo.

Invalidnost je tako opazna kot rasa.

Disability is as visual as race.

Če nekdo v invalidskem vozičku ne more igrati Beyoncé,

If a wheelchair user can't play Beyoncé,

then Beyoncé can't play a wheelchair user.

potem Beyoncé ne more igrati nekoga v invalidskem vozičku.

The disabled are the largest —

Invalidi so največja ...

Yeah, clap for that, man. Come on.

Ja, kar ploskajte temu. Dajte.

(Applause)

(Aplavz)

People with disabilities are the largest minority in the world,

Ljudje z invalidnostjo so največja manjšina

na svetu, hkrati pa najmanj zastopana

and we are the most underrepresented in entertainment.

v svetu zabave.

Zdravniki so dejali, da ne bom hodila,

The doctors said that I wouldn't walk,

but I am here in front of you.

pa sem tu pred vami.

A če bi odrasla s socialnimi mediji,

However, if I grew up with social media,

I don't think I would be.

verjetno ne bi bila.

I hope that together,

Upam, da lahko skupaj

we can create more positive images

ustvarimo bolj pozitivno sliko

of disability in the media and in everyday life.

o invalidnosti, tako v medijih kot v vsakdanjem življenju.

Perhaps if there were more positive images,

Če bi bilo več pozitivnih zgodb,

it would foster less hate on the Internet.

bi to morda vodilo v manj sovraštva na internetu.

Ali pa ne.

Or maybe not.

Maybe it still takes a village to teach our children well.

Morda je še vedno potrebna cela vas,

da nauči svoje otroke manir.

My crooked journey has taken me to some very spectacular places.

Moja vijugasta pot me je vodila

na nekaj zelo spektakularnih krajev.

I got to walk the red carpet

Šla sem po rdeči preprogi

flanked by soap diva Susan Lucci

z zvezdnico limonad Susan Lucci

and the iconic Loreen Arbus.

ter ikono Lorraine Arbus ob sebi.

I got to act in a movie with Adam Sandler

Igrala sem v filmu z Adamom Sandlerjem

and work with my idol, the amazing Dave Matthews.

ter delala s svojim idolom,

čudovitim Davom Matthewsom.

I toured the world as a headliner on Arabs Gone Wild.

Bila sem glavna točka svetovne turneje

pri "Podivjanih Arabcih".

I was a delegate representing the great state of New Jersey

Kot delegatka sem zastopala

državo New Jersey na

at the 2008 DNC.

Demokratskem nacionalnem zborovanju leta 2008.

And I founded Maysoon's Kids,

In ustanovila sem dobrodelno društvo

a charity that hopes to give Palestinian refugee children

Maysoon's Kids, ki želi

palestinskim begunskim otrokom dati

vsaj delček priložnosti, kakršno so meni dali starši.

a sliver of the chance my parents gave me.

But the one moment that stands out the most

Najpomembnejši trenutek od vseh

was when I got -- before this moment --

je bil, ko sem dobila... no, pred tem trenutkom zdaj...

(Laughter)

(Smeh) (Aplavz)

(Applause)

But the one moment that stands out the most

… najpomembnejši trenutek

was when I got to perform

je bil, ko sem dobila priložnost nastopiti

za človeka, ki lebdi kot metulj

for the man who floats like a butterfly

and stings like a bee,

in zbode kot čebela,

has Parkinson's and shakes just like me,

ki ima Parkinsonovo bolezen in se trese kakor jaz,

Muhammad Ali.

za Muhammada Alija.

(Applause)

(Aplavz)

(Applause ends)

It was the only time that my father ever saw me perform live,

To je bilo edinkrat,

ko me je moj oče videl nastopiti v živo,

in ta govor posvečam njegovemu spominu.

and I dedicate this talk to his memory.

(Arabic) Allah yerhamak yaba.

(arabščina)

(English) My name is Maysoon Zayid,

Ime mi je Maysoon Zayid

and if I can can, you can can.

in če jaz zmorem zmorem, zmoreš zmoreš tudi ti.

(Cheering)

(Aplavz)

(Applause)