Jane Fonda: Life's third act

Translator: Ingrid Rudi Reviewer: Amantia Gjikondi

Ka patur shume revolucione

There have been many revolutions over the last century,

pergjate shekullit te kaluar,

but perhaps none as significant as the longevity revolution.

dhe mbase asnjeri prej tyre eshte aq i rendesishem

sa revolucioni i jetegjatesise.

We are living on average today 34 years longer

Ne sot jetojme mesatarisht

34 vite me shume seç jetonin stergjysherit tane.

than our great-grandparents did -- think about that.

Mendoni pak mbi kete pike.

That's an entire second adult lifetime

Eshte nje jete e tere per nje te rritur

that's been added to our lifespan.

qe eshte shtuar ne jeten tone.

And yet, for the most part,

Dhe prapeseprape, ne pjesen me te madhe,

our culture has not come to terms with what this means.

kultura jone nuk ka arritur akoma te kuptoje se çfare do te thote kjo.

We're still living with the old paradigm

Ne vazhdojme te jetojme me paradigmin se

of age as an arch.

mosha eshte si nje hark.

That's the metaphor, the old metaphor.

Kjo eshte metafora, metafora e vjeter.

You're born, you peak at midlife

Lindim, arrijme kulmin ne mesin e jetes tone

and decline into decrepitude.

dhe pastaj vijme gjithnje ne renie.

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

Age as pathology.

Mosha si nje patollogji.

Por shume njerez sot --

But many people today -- philosophers, artists, doctors, scientists --

filozofe, artiste, mjeke, shkencetare -

are taking a new look at what I call "the third act" --

po veshtrojne ne menyre te re ate çka une quaj Akti i trere,

tre dekadat e fundit te jetes.

the last three decades of life.

They realize that this is actually a developmental stage of life

Ata e kuptojne se kjo faze eshte nje periudhe e jetes

with its own significance,

qe ka rendesine e vet -

dhe ndryshon nga periudha e mesme e jetes

as different from midlife as adolescence is from childhood.

siç ndryshon adoleshenca nga femijeria.

And they are asking -- we should all be asking:

Dhe pyesin veten - sic ne te gjithe duhet te pyesim veten -

si mund ta perdorim kete kohe?

How do we use this time?

How do we live it successfully?

Si mund ta jetojme ne menyre te sukseshme?

What is the appropriate new metaphor for aging?

Cila eshte metafora e re qe perdorim

per plakjen?

I've spent the last year researching and writing about this subject.

Kam kaluar gjithe vitin e kaluar duke bere kerkime dhe duke shkruar per kete argument.

Dhe arrita ne perfundimin

And I have come to find that a more appropriate metaphor for aging

se metafora me e pershtatshme per plakjen

is a staircase --

eshte shkalla --

ngjitja lart e shpirtit te njeriut,

the upward ascension of the human spirit,

bringing us into wisdom, wholeness, and authenticity.

duke na sjelle me teper mençuri, plotesim

dhe origjinalitet.

Age not at all as pathology.

Pra mosha jo si patologji;

por mosha si potencial.

Age as potential.

And guess what?

Dhe e dini se çfare?

This potential is not for the lucky few.

Ky potencial nuk eshte vetem per disa njerez fatlum.

It turns out, most people over 50

Sepse veme re se,

pjesa me e madhe e njerezve mbi 50 vjeç

feel better, are less stressed, less hostile, less anxious.

ndihen me mire, jane me pak te stresuar,

jane me pak agresiv dhe me pak te shqetesuar.

Ne kemi prirje te shikojme me shume gjerat e perbashketa

We tend to see commonalities more than differences.

sesa ndryshimet.

Some of the studies even say we're happier.

Biles disa nga studimet thone se

jemi me te lumtur.

(Laughter)

This is not what I expected, trust me.

Dhe vertet qe nuk mendoja se do te ishte ky rezultati i studimit tim.

Une vij nga nje rruge e gjate depresivesh.

I come from a long line of depressives.

Ndersa po i afrohesha te 40tave,

As I was approaching my late 40s,

kur zgjohesha ne mengjes

when I would wake up in the morning,

mendimet e mija te pare ishin te gjitha negative.

my first six thoughts would all be negative.

Dhe kjo me trembi.

And I got scared.

I thought, "Oh my gosh. I'm going to become a crotchety old lady."

Mendova, oh zot i madh.

Do te behem nje plake kapriçoze.

But now that I am actually smack-dab in the middle of my own third act,

Por tani qe une faktikisht jam ne mes te aktit tim te trete,

kam kuptuar se nuk kam qene kurre me e lumtur.

I realize I've never been happier.

Kam nje ndjesi shume te fuqishme te te ndjeri shume te mire.

I have such a powerful feeling of well-being.

And I've discovered

Dhe kam zbuluar

that when you're inside oldness,

se kur je ne brendesi te plakjes,

as opposed to looking at it from the outside,

ndersa kundershton ta shikosh nga jashte,

frika kalon.

fear subsides.

You realize you're still yourself --

Dhe ti e kupton, se je perseri ti - -

maybe even more so.

biles tani me shume se kurre.

Picasso once said, "It takes a long time to become young."

Pikaso dikur ka thene, "Duhet shume kohe per tu rinuar."

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

I don't want to romanticize aging.

Nuk dua te prezantoj plakjen si diçka romantike.

Obviously, there's no guarantee

Se sigurisht nuk ka garanci

that it can be a time of fruition and growth.

qe do te jete nje periudhe rritje dhe perfitimi.

Varet shume dhe nga fati.

Some of it is a matter of luck.

Ndersa, ne disa raste varet nga genet.

Some of it, obviously, is genetic.

One third of it, in fact, is genetic.

Nje e treta e rasteve ne fakt varet nga genet.

Dhe ne kete rast nuk kemi seç bejme ne.

And there isn't much we can do about that.

But that means that two-thirds of how well we do in the third act,

Por kjo do te thote se ne dy te tretat e rasteve

varet nga ne se sa mire e kalojme,

te berit dicka ne aktin e trete.

we can do something about.

Do te diskutojme bashke se çfare mund te bejme

We're going to discuss what we can do

to make these added years really successful,

qe keto vite te jene vertet te suksesshme

and use them to make a difference.

dhe ti perdorim ato per me mire.

Tani me lini t'ju them diçka per shkallen,

Now, let me say something about the staircase,

qe mund t'ju duket si nje metafore e çuditshme per njerezit e moshuar

which may seem like an odd metaphor for seniors,

duke patur parasysh se pjesa me e madhe e pleqve vuajne kur ngjisin shkallet.

given the fact that many seniors are challenged by stairs.

(Qeshje)

(Laughter)

Myself included.

Duke u perfshire dhe une vete ne kete fakt.

Siç mund ta dini,

As you may know, the entire world operates on a universal law:

e gjithe bota funksionon ne baze te nje ligji universal:

entropia, ligji i dyte i termodinamikes.

entropy, the second law of thermodynamics.

Entropy means that everything in the world -- everything --

Entropi do te thote se çdo gje ne bote, çdogje,

is in a state of decline and decay --

eshte ne gjendjen e renies ose te shkaterrimit,

te harkut.

the arch.

There's only one exception to this universal law,

Dhe vetem nje gje ben perjashtim ne kete ligj universal,

dhe kjo gje eshte shpirti i njeriut,

and that is the human spirit,

qe vazhdon te zhvillohet per se larti --

which can continue to evolve upwards, the staircase,

ne shkalle --

bringing us into wholeness, authenticity, and wisdom.

duke arritur ne plotesimin e tij,

origjinalitetin dhe mençurine.

And here's an example of what I mean.

Ja ku eshte nje shembull i asaj çka dua t'ju them.

Kjo ngjitje per lart

This upward ascension

mund te ndodhi dhe ne raste sfidash fizike te medha.

can happen even in the face of extreme physical challenges.

About three years ago, I read an article in the New York Times.

Rreth 3 vjet me pare,

lexova nje artikull ne New York Times.

Fliste per nje burre qe quhej Neil Selinger --

It was about a man named Neil Selinger --

57 vjeç, avokat ne pension --

57 years old, a retired lawyer,

who had joined the writers' group at Sarah Lawrence,

i cili kishte hyre ne grupin e shkrimtareve te Sarah Lawrence

where he found his writer's voice.

ku gjeti zerin e tij te shkrimeve.

Two years later,

Dy vite me pas,

he was diagnosed with ALS, commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease.

u diagnostikua me semundjen e ashtuquajtur Lou Gehrig (ALS).

Eshte nje semundje e tmerrshme. Eshte fatale.

It's a terrible disease. It's fatal.

It wastes the body, but the mind remains intact.

Shkaterron trupin, por truri mbetet i paprekur.

In this article, Mr. Selinger wrote the following

Ne kete artikull, Z. Selinger shkroi keto rreshta

per te pershkruar se çfare po i ndodhte.

to describe what was happening to him.

Po i lexoj,

And I quote:

"As my muscles weakened,

"Ndersa muskujt e mi dobesoheshin,

shkrimi im forcohej.

my writing became stronger.

As I slowly lost my speech,

Ndersa dalengadale humba mundesine te flas,

I gained my voice.

fitova zerin tim.

As I diminished, I grew.

Ndersa tkurresha, u rrita.

Ndersa humba shume,

As I lost so much,

fillova me se fundi te gjeja vetveten."

I finally started to find myself."

Neil Selinger per mua,

Neil Selinger, to me,

is the embodiment of mounting the staircase

eshte personifikimi i shkalles qe ngjitet

drejt aktit te tij te trete.

in his third act.

Now we're all born with spirit, all of us,

Tani ne te gjithe kemi lindur me nje shpirt,

por disa here ndodh qe ai te bjere poshte

but sometimes it gets tamped down beneath the challenges of life,

ne sfidat e ndryshme te jetes,

violence, abuse, neglect.

dhunes, abuzimit, neglizhences.

Perhaps our parents suffered from depression.

Ndoshta prinderit tane vuanin nga depresioni.

Ndoshta ata nuk ishin ne gjendje te na donin

Perhaps they weren't able to love us beyond how we performed in the world.

me teper se ajo çka ne vlenim ne kete bote.

Mbase ne vuajme perseri

Perhaps we still suffer from a psychic pain, a wound.

nga dhimbja fizike, nje plage.

Mbase e ndjejme qe shume nga relatat tona nuk kane patur nje mbarim real.

Perhaps we feel that many of our relationships

have not had closure.

Dhe ne kete menyre ndihemi te pakompletuar.

And so we can feel unfinished.

Perhaps the task of the third act

Mbase detyra e aktit te trete

eshte pikerisht permbyllja e detyres se kompletimit tone.

is to finish up the task of finishing ourselves.

For me, it began as I was approaching my third act, my 60th birthday.

Per mua, filloi ndersa po i afrohesha aktit tim te trete,

ne 60 vjetorin tim.

How was I supposed to live it?

Si duhet ta jetoja ate?

What was I supposed to accomplish in this final act?

Cfare duhet te realizoja ne kete akt final?

And I realized that, in order to know where I was going,

Atehere kuptova se ne menyre qe te dija se ku po shkoja,

I had to know where I'd been.

duhet te dija mire se ku kisha qene me pare.

Keshtu qe u ktheva prapsht

And so I went back and I studied my first two acts,

dhe studiova aktet e mia te para,

dhe u perpoqa te shikoja se kush kisha qene atehere,

trying to see who I was then,

who I really was, not who my parents or other people told me I was,

kush isha vertete ---

jo ate ç'ka me thonin familjaret e miqte e mi se isha,

ose si me konsideronin ata.

or treated me like I was.

Kush isha une? Cilet ishin prinderit e mi --

But who was I?

Who were my parents -- not as parents, but as people?

jo si prinder, por si njerez?

Cilet ishin gjysherit e mi?

Who were my grandparents?

How did they treat my parents?

Si i trajtuan ata prinderit e mi?

These kinds of things.

Gjera te tilla.

Dhe pas nja dy vitesh zbulova

I discovered, a couple of years later,

se ky proçes qe kisha pershkuar

that this process that I had gone through

quhet nga psikologet

is called by psychologists "doing a life review."

"te besh nje rishikim te jetes".

And they say it can give new significance and clarity and meaning

Dhe thone se mund ti japi serish rendesi,

qartesi dhe kuptim

to a person's life.

jetes se nje njeriu.

You may discover, as I did,

Dhe mbase do te zbuloni, ashtu siç bera dhe une,

that a lot of things that you used to think were your fault,

se shume gjera qe mendonit me pare jane te gabuara,

shume gjera qe mendonit per veten,

a lot of things you used to think about yourself,

realisht nuk kane fare lidhje me ju.

really had nothing to do with you.

Nuk e keni ju fajin: Ju jeni ne rregull.

It wasn't your fault; you're just fine.

Dhe tani mund te ktheheni prapa

And you're able to go back and forgive them.

dhe ti falni ata

dhe veten tuaj.

And forgive yourself.

Jeni ne gjendje te çlironi veten

You're able to free yourself

nga e kaluara.

from your past.

Mund te ndryshoni

You can work to change your relationship to your past.

lidhjen tuaj me te kaluaren.

Dhe ndersa po shkruaja per kete studim,

Now while I was writing about this,

me ra ne duar libri me titull "Kerkimi i njeriut per Kuptimin"

I came upon a book called "Man's Search for Meaning"

i Viktor Frankl.

by Viktor Frankl.

Viktor Frankl ishte nje psikiater gjerman,

Viktor Frankl was a German psychiatrist

who'd spent five years in a Nazi concentration camp.

qe kishte jetuar 5 vite ne nje kamp perqendrimi nazist.

And he wrote that, while he was in the camp,

Dhe ai ka shkruar se ndersa ishte ne kamp,

he could tell, should they ever be released,

ai ishte ne gjendje te identifikonte,

which of the people would be OK, and which would not.

se cilet njerez do te ishin mire pasi te dilnin nga kampi,

dhe cilet do te vuanin.

Dhe shkroi keto fjali:

And he wrote this:

"Cdo gje qe keni ne jete mund t'jua marrin,

"Everything you have in life can be taken from you

perveç nje gjeje,

except one thing:

lirine tuaj per te zgjedhur

your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.

se si te reagoni

ndaj nje situate.

Kjo eshte ajo çka percakton

This is what determines the quality of the life we've lived --

cilesine e jetes qe keni jetuar --

not whether we've been rich or poor,

jo faktin nese keni qene te pasur apo te varfer,

te famshem apo te panjohur,

famous or unknown,

healthy or suffering.

te shendetshem apo te pervuajtur.

What determines our quality of life is how we relate to these realities,

Ajo çka percakton cilesine e jetes sone

varet nga menyra se si ne lidhemi me keto realitete,

what kind of meaning we assign them,

nga kuptimi qe u japim ne atyre,

what kind of attitude we cling to about them,

nga qendrimi qe mbajme ndaj tyre,

dhe gjendja mendore qe ne u lejojme te na çojne keto realitete."

what state of mind we allow them to trigger."

Mbase qellimi kryesor i aktit te trete

Perhaps the central purpose of the third act

is to go back and to try, if appropriate,

eshte pikerisht qe te kthehemi prapsht, nese eshte e mundur,

to change our relationship to the past.

per te ndryshuar lidhjen

qe kemi me te kaluaren.

It turns out that cognitive research shows

Eshte vene re se kerkimi per te njohur tregon

se kur jemi ne gjendje ta bejme kete gje,

when we are able to do this,

it manifests neurologically --

shfaqet ne menyre neurologjike --

neural pathways are created in the brain.

se ne tru jane krijuar rruge neutrale.

You see, if you have, over time,

Me kalimin e kohes, ju jeni ne gjendje te shikoni,

reacted negatively to past events and people,

nese keni reaguar negativisht ne te kaluaren ndaj ngjarjeve ose njerezve,

rruget neutrale percaktohen

neural pathways are laid down

by chemical and electrical signals that are sent through the brain.

nga sinjalet kimike ose elektrike qe dergon truri.

Dhe me kalimin e kohes, keto rruge neutrale behen me te fuqishme,

And over time, these neural pathways become hardwired.

dhe kthehen ne nje rregull --

They become the norm -- even if it's bad for us,

dhe pse e gjithe kjo nuk eshte pozitive per ne

because it causes us stress and anxiety.

sepse na shkakton stres dhe ankth.

Gjithesesi nese,

If, however,

we can go back and alter our relationship,

ne mund te kthehemi prapsht dhe te ndryshojme marredheniet tona

re-vision our relationship to past people and events,

pra ti rishikojme keto marredhenie

me njerezit dhe ngjarjet e se shkuares

neural pathways can change.

keto rruge neutrale mund te ndryshojne.

And if we can maintain the more positive feelings

Dhe nese mund te mbajme

gjithnje nje qendrim pozitiv ndaj te kaluares,

about the past,

that becomes the new norm.

ky behet me kohen rregulli i ri.

It's like resetting a thermostat.

Eshte tamam sikur rregullon nje termostat.

Nuk jane eksperiencat

It's not having experiences

qe na bejne te mençur,

that makes us wise.

por eshte reflektimi mbi keto eksperienca qe kemi patur

It's reflecting on the experiences that we've had that makes us wise

qe na mençuron --

and that helps us become whole,

dhe kjo na ndihmon te gjitheve ne teresi,

brings wisdom and authenticity.

na sjell mençuri e origjinalitet.

It helps us become what we might have been.

Na ndihmon te behemi çka mund te kishim qene.

Women start off whole, don't we?

Ne grate jemi nismetare, apo jo?

I mean, as girls, we're feisty -- "Yeah? Who says?"

Dua te them se ne vajzeri, nisim gjerat me energji --- "Po, kush thote?"

(Laughter)

Ne kemi agjensi.

We have agency.

We are the subjects of our own lives.

Jemi subjektet e jetes sone.

Por shume shpesh,

But very often,

many, if not most of us, when we hit puberty,

shume, mbase pjesa me e madhe e te gjitheve ne, kur kalojme ne pubertet,

we start worrying about fitting in and being popular.

fillojme te shqetesohemi per te qene pjese e grupit dhe per tu bere popullor.

And we become the subjects and objects of other people's lives.

Dhe fillojme te behemi subjekte dhe objekte te jetes se njerezve te tjere.

Por tani, ne aktin e trete te jetes sone,

But now, in our third acts,

mund te jete e mundshme

it may be possible for us to circle back to where we started,

qe ne te kthehemi aty ku e nisem rrugen

dhe ta njohim ate per here te pare.

and know it for the first time.

Dhe nese arrijme te bejme kete,

And if we can do that,

it will not just be for ourselves.

nuk do te jete vetem per veten tone.

Older women are the largest demographic in the world.

Njerezit e vjeter

jane popullata me e madhe ne bote.

Nese ne mund te kthehemi prapsh e te ripercaktojme veten tone

If we can go back and redefine ourselves

dhe te kompletohemi,

and become whole,

kjo do te krijonte nje permiresim kulturor ne te gjithe boten,

this will create a cultural shift in the world,

and it will give an example to younger generations

dhe do te ishte nje shembull i rendesishem dhe per gjeneratat me te reja

ne menyre qe ta rishikojne jeten me sy te tjere.

so that they can reconceive their own lifespan.

Thank you very much.

Shume faleminderit.

(Applause)

(Duartrokitje)