How to spot a liar | Pamela Meyer | TED

Translator: Arber Selmani Reviewer: Amantia Gjikondi

Okay, now I don't want to alarm anybody in this room,

Ok, sa per fillim nuk dua qe asnjeri nga ju ketu ne salle te filloje panikun

but it's just come to my attention that the person to your right is a liar.

por ja qe me ka shkuar neper mendje ideja

qe personi ne te djathten tuaj eshte thjesht nje genjeshtar.

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

Also, the person to your left is a liar.

Gjithashtu, edhe ai ne te majten tuaj eshte nje genjeshtar.

Also the person sitting in your very seats is a liar.

Edhe ai qe eshte ulur ne karrigen tuaj mban nje epitet te tille.

We're all liars.

Ne te gjithe jemi genjeshtare.

What I'm going to do today

Ajo cka une do te bej sot

is I'm going to show you what the research says about why we're all liars,

eshte se do t`ju tregoj se pse studimet e fundit na bejne te gjitheve genjeshtare

how you can become a liespotter

si mund te shnderrohesh ne nje kapes genjeshtrash

and why you might want to go the extra mile

dhe pse ndoshta do ta kerkosh edhe me shume te verteten

and go from liespotting to truth seeking,

duke kaluar nga nje kapes i genjeshtrave ne nje kerkues te vetem te te vertetes

and ultimately to trust building.

dhe ne fund te krijosh ate qe quhet besim.

Now, speaking of trust,

Dhe per te folur rreth besimit,

ever since I wrote this book, "Liespotting,"

qekur e kam shkruar librin "Liespotting,"

no one wants to meet me in person anymore, no, no, no, no, no.

askush sdeshiron te me takoje me personalisht, jo jo jo jo,jo.

They say, "It's okay, we'll email you."

Ata thone "Pa problem, ta dergojme me e-mail".

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

I can't even get a coffee date at Starbucks.

Madje nuk mund as te pij nje kafe ne Starbuck.

My husband's like, "Honey, deception?

Burri im me thote "He zemer, ndonje mashtrim?

Maybe you could have focused on cooking. How about French cooking?"

Ndoshta me mire do kish qene te fokusoheshe tek gatimi. Si mendon rreth gatimit te ushqimit francez?"

So before I get started, what I'm going to do

Keshtu qe para se te filloj, ajo cfare do te bej

is I'm going to clarify my goal for you,

eshte se do te bej te qarte synimin tim

which is not to teach a game of Gotcha.

qe nuk eshte rreth te mesuarit te ndonje loje.

Liespotters aren't those nitpicky kids,

Mashtruesit nuk jane vetem ata femijet e llastuar,

those kids in the back of the room that are shouting, "Gotcha! Gotcha!

qe ne fund te dhomes bertasin "Gotcha,Gotcha"

Your eyebrow twitched. You flared your nostril.

Vetulla jote menjere ngrihet. Je prekur aty ku nuk duhet.

I watch that TV show 'Lie To Me.' I know you're lying."

Une e shikoj ate TV show "Me genje mua" ose "E di qe po me genjen".

No, liespotters are armed

Jo, mashtruesit jane te armatosur

with scientific knowledge of how to spot deception.

me nje dije shkencerisht te madhe si ta qendisin me se miri mashtrimin

They use it to get to the truth,

Ata e perdorin mashtrimin per te arritur shpejt tek e verteta

and they do what mature leaders do everyday;

dhe bejne pikerisht ate qe bejne cdo dite lideret boterore;

they have difficult conversations with difficult people,

ata kane biseda te veshtira me njerez te veshtire

sometimes during very difficult times.

shpesh edhe ne kohera te veshtira.

And they start up that path by accepting a core proposition,

Dhe kshtu ata e fillojne kete udhetim

duke e pranuar nje propozim te rendesishem

and that proposition is the following:

i cili eshte:

Lying is a cooperative act.

Genjeshtra eshte nje akt bashkepunimi.

Mendoje pak, genjeshtra ska asnjehere fuqi, cfaredo qofte menyra e te shprehurit dhe e te folurit.

Think about it, a lie has no power whatsoever by its mere utterance.

Its power emerges

"Fuqia" e saj zbarkon

when someone else agrees to believe the lie.

vetem kur dikush tjeter pranon per ta besuar genjeshtren.

So I know it may sound like tough love,

E di qe mund te tingelloj si nje dashuri e veshtire,

but look, if at some point you got lied to,

por, nese ndonjehere edhe ju keni qene pala e genjyer

it's because you agreed to get lied to.

ka ndodhur sepse keni pranuar te jeni e tille.

Truth number one about lying: Lying's a cooperative act.

Rregulla e pare per genjeshtren: Genjeshtra eshte veprim bashkepunimi.

Now not all lies are harmful.

Tani, jo te gjitha genjeshtrat jane te demshme.

Sometimes we're willing participants in deception

Ndonjehere, pa vetedije, ne jemi te gatshem te marrim pjese tek mashtrimi

for the sake of social dignity,

per interesin e dinjitetit social,

maybe to keep a secret that should be kept secret, secret.

vetem per arsyen qe ta ruajme sekretin, si sekret.

We say, "Nice song."

Ne themi, " Kenge e mire."

"Honey, you don't look fat in that, no."

"Zemer, nuk e dukesh e shendosh nen te, jo"

Or we say, favorite of the digiratti,

Ose themi, kjo eshte e preferuara,

"You know, I just fished that email out of my Spam folder.

"E dini cfare, sapo e fshiva ate e-mail nga folderi spam.

So sorry."

Me vjen keq."

But there are times when we are unwilling participants in deception.

Por ka edhe raste, kur ne sduam te jemi pjese ne mashtrim.

And that can have dramatic costs for us.

Dhe kjo mund te na kushtoje ne menyre drastike.

Last year saw 997 billion dollars

Vitin e kaluar u regjistruan 991 bilione dollare deme

in corporate fraud alone in the United States.

vetem nga mashtrimet e korporatave ne Amerike.

That's an eyelash under a trillion dollars.

Kjo eshte vetem nje pjesez e vogel nen nje trilion dollar.

That's seven percent of revenues.

Kjo i bie te jete gati shtate perqind e totalit te te ardhurave.

Deception can cost billions.

Ky eshte shembulli kur mashtrimi mund te kushtoje biliona.

Think Enron, Madoff, the mortgage crisis.

Mendoni rastin Enron, Madoff, krizen e hipotekave.

Or in the case of double agents and traitors,

Ose ne rastin e agjenteve te dyfishte dhe tradhtare,

like Robert Hanssen or Aldrich Ames,

si rastet e Robert Hanssen ose Aldrich Ames,

lies can betray our country,

kur genjeshtra mund edhe ta tradhtoje shtetin tone

they can compromise our security, they can undermine democracy,

mund ta kompromentoje sigurine dhe mund ta minoje zhvillimin e demokracise,

they can cause the deaths of those that defend us.

ato mund te shkaktojne vdekjen e atyre qe na mbrojne

Deception is actually serious business.

Mashtrimi realisht eshte nje teme serioze

This con man, Henry Oberlander, he was such an effective con man,

Ky njeri batakçi, Henry Oberlander,

ishte nje mashtrues efektiv me diplome.

British authorities say

Autoritetet britaneze thone se

he could have undermined the entire banking system of the Western world.

ai mund te jete njeriu i cili ka demtuar gjith sistemin bankar te botes perendimore.

And you can't find this guy on Google; you can't find him anywhere.

Dhe ju nuk mund ta gjeni kete njeri ne Google, nuk mund ta gjeni ne asnje vend.

Ate e kishin intervistuar njehere, dhe kishte thene:

He was interviewed once, and he said the following.

"Shikoni, une e kam nje rregull."

He said, "Look, I've got one rule."

Dhe ky ishte rregulli i Henrit, ai tha,

And this was Henry's rule, he said,

"Look, everyone is willing to give you something.

"Shikoni, cdokush eshte i gatshem t'ju jape juve dicka.

They're ready to give you something for whatever it is they're hungry for."

Ata jane te gatshem per t'ju dhene juve dicka per cfaredolloj gjeje qe ju jeni te etur per ta patur."

Dhe ky eshte thelbi.

And that's the crux of it.

If you don't want to be deceived, you have to know,

Nese nuk doni te jeni te mashtruar, duhet te dini

se per cfare ju jeni te etur?

what is it that you're hungry for?

And we all kind of hate to admit it.

Ky eshte fakti qe na vjen inat ta pranojme.

We wish we were better husbands, better wives,

Ne do te donim te ishim bashkeshort me te mire, gra me te mira,

smarter, more powerful, taller, richer --

me te mencur, me me shume fuqi,

me te gjate, me te pasur

the list goes on.

dhe lista vazhdon pafundesisht.

Lying is an attempt to bridge that gap,

Genjeshtra eshte nje perpjekje per ta mbushur kete zbrazetire

to connect our wishes and our fantasies

nje menyre per ti lidhur deshirat dhe fantazite tona

about who we wish we were, how we wish we could be,

per ate cfare do te deshironim te ishim, dhe si do te deshironim te ishim,

with what we're really like.

me ate qe ne jemi ne te vertete.

And boy are we willing to fill in those gaps in our lives with lies.

Dhe eshte absurde nese keto zbrazetira duam ti mbushim me shtirje e genjeshtra

On a given day, studies show that you may be lied to

Ketyre diteve, disa studime konkluduan se ju mund te genjeheni

anywhere from 10 to 200 times.

ne cdo vend e kohe, nga 10 deri ne 200 here.

Now granted, many of those are white lies.

E keni te sigurt, qe shumica prej ketyre jane genjeshtra te bardha.

But in another study,

Por ne nje studimin tjeter,

it showed that strangers lied three times

thuhet se te huajt genjejne mbi tre here

within the first 10 minutes of meeting each other.

ne 10 minuteshin e pare te takimit te tyre.

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

Now when we first hear this data, we recoil.

Dhe kur i degjojme per here te pare keto te dhena, ne terhiqemi.

We can't believe how prevalent lying is.

Ne smund te besojme se sa mbizoteron kudo genjeshtra.

We're essentially against lying.

Ne esence te gjithe jemi kunder saj.

But if you look more closely, the plot actually thickens.

Por nese shikon pak me thelle

komploti vetem sa shkon e trashet.

We lie more to strangers than we lie to coworkers.

Ne genjejme me shume te huajt sesa koleget tane.

Extroverts lie more than introverts.

Njerezit me te gjalle genjejne me shume se ata qe jane me pak te socializuar.

Men lie eight times more about themselves than they do other people.

Meshkujt genjejne tete here me shume per veten e tyre

sesa per te tjeret.

Women lie more to protect other people.

Ndersa femrat genjejne me shume per te mbrojtur te tjeret.

If you're an average married couple,

Nese ju jeni nje cift i martuar me jete mesatare,

you're going to lie to your spouse in one out of every 10 interactions.

do ta genjeni partnerin

ne nje nga 10 raste te ndryshme.

Now, you may think that's bad.

Tani ju mund ta mendoni se kjo eshte dicka e gabuar.

If you're unmarried, that number drops to three.

E ndersa jeni i pamartuar, numri shkon ne tre.

Lying's complex.

Genjeshtra eshte e kompleksuar.

It's woven into the fabric of our daily and our business lives.

Ajo eshte e fabrikuar ne fabriken e perditshmerise sone, jetes private e personale.

We're deeply ambivalent about the truth.

Ne jemi thellesit te irrituar nga ky realitet.

We parse it out on an as-needed basis,

Genjeshtren madje e kemi futur si nje baze te nevojshme ditore,

sometimes for very good reasons,

ndonjehere per arsye te mira,

other times just because we don't understand the gaps in our lives.

e ndonjehere vetem sepse nuk i kuptojme hapesirat e jetes tone.

That's truth number two about lying.

Kjo eshte e verteta e dyte e hidhur mbi genjeshtren.

We're against lying,

Ne jemi kunder te genjyerit,

but we're covertly for it

por ne menyre te fshehte jemi pro saj

in ways that our society has sanctioned for centuries and centuries and centuries.

ne menyrat te cilat shoqeria jone i ka denuar

per shekuj e shekuj e shekuj me rradhe.

It's as old as breathing.

Genjeshtra eshte aq e vjeter sa edhe frymemarrja e njerezimit.

It's part of our culture, it's part of our history.

Eshte pjese e kultures sone, e historise sone.

Think Dante, Shakespeare, the Bible, News of the World.

Mendoni Danten, Shekspirin,

Biblen, Te rejat e Botes.

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

Lying has evolutionary value to us as a species.

Genjeshtra ka nje vlere shume perparimtare per ne si qenie njerezore.

Researchers have long known that the more intelligent the species,

Kerkuesit kane njohuri te medha

se sa me inteligjente te jene speciet,

the larger the neocortex,

aq me tru te zhvilluar kane,

the more likely it is to be deceptive.

aq me te prirur per te mashtruar e genjyer jane.

Now you might remember Koko.

Tani ju mund te kujtoni Kokon.

Does anybody remember Koko the gorilla who was taught sign language?

A ka ndonjeri qe kujton Kokon, Kokoja, gorilles qe iu mesua gjuha e shenjave?

Koko was taught to communicate via sign language.

Koko ishte trajnuar per te komunikuar me gjuhen e shenjave.

Here's Koko with her kitten.

Ketu eshte Koko me kotelen e saj.

It's her cute little, fluffy pet kitten.

Eshte kotelja e saj simpatike, plot gezof.

Koko once blamed her pet kitten for ripping a sink out of the wall.

Koko njehere ka fajesuar kotelen e saj

per problemet me shkelqimin e lavamanit nga muri i saj.

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

We're hardwired to become leaders of the pack.

Ne jemi te ster-trajnuar per te qene lideret e nje pakete.

It's starts really, really early.

Dhe kjo fillon shume shume heret ne kohe

How early?

Sa heret?

Well babies will fake a cry,

Foshnjet do te shtiren kur qajne,

pause, wait to see who's coming

do te pauzojne, te shohin se kush po shfaqet

and then go right back to crying.

dhe me pas do te kthehen e te qajne perseri.

One-year-olds learn concealment.

Nje vjecaret i mesojne keto fshehje mistrece.

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

Two-year-olds bluff.

Dy vjecaret bejne blof.

Five-year-olds lie outright.

Pese vjecaret genjejne keshtu, plotesisht troç.

They manipulate via flattery.

Ata manipulojne me ane te shakave.

Nine-year-olds, masters of the cover-up.

Nente vjecaret jane eksperte per ti fshehur pasojat e veprimeve.

By the time you enter college,

Ne kohen kur futesh ne shkolle te mesme

you're going to lie to your mom in one out of every five interactions.

do ta genjesh nenen nje nga nenete rastet e mundshme.

By the time we enter this work world and we're breadwinners,

Ndersa ne momentin qe ne i futemi punes se te qenurit mbajtes te familjes

we enter a world that is just cluttered with Spam, fake digital friends,

ne futemi ne botera te ndryshme te shperndara

me miq te shtirur dixhital,

partisan media,

media te animeve partiake,

ingenious identity thieves,

hajdute te zgjuar te identitetit,

world-class Ponzi schemers,

deshtime bankare si ajo Ponzi Schemers,

a deception epidemic --

nje mashtrim epidemik --

in short, what one author calls a post-truth society.

shkurtimisht, siç nje autor e quan

nje shoqeri e post-realitetit.

It's been very confusing for a long time now.

Ka qene shume konfuze

per nje kohe te gjate.

What do you do?

Cfare ben ti?

Well, there are steps we can take to navigate our way through the morass.

Epo, jane disa masa qe mund ti marrim

per te ndricuar rrugen tone.

Trained liespotters get to the truth 90 percent of the time.

Detektivet e genjeshtareve jane te trajnuar dhe arrijne tek e verteta ne 90 perqind te rasteve.

The rest of us, we're only 54 percent accurate.

Pjesa tjeter e jona, jemi veten 54 perqind te sakte.

Why is it so easy to learn?

Pse eshte kaq e lehte per te mesuar?

There are good liars and bad liars.

Ekzistojne genjeshtare te mire, dhe te keqinj. Por nuk ekzistojne genjeshtare origjinale.

There are no real original liars.

Ne te gjithe bejme te njejtat gabime. Ne te gjithe perdorim te njejtat teknika.

We all make the same mistakes. We all use the same techniques.

Pra, ajo cka une do te bej

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to show you two patterns of deception.

eshte se do tju tregoj dy modele te mashtrimit.

And then we're going to look at the hot spots

Dhe me pas do ti shikojme dhe analizojme ato, dhe ti gjejme vete tiparet.

and see if we can find them ourselves.

Le te fillojme me fjalimin.

We're going to start with speech.

(Video) Bill Clinton: I want you to listen to me.

(Video) Bill Clinton: Dua qe ju te gjithe te me degjoni.

I'm going to say this again.

Dhe do ta them perseri

I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.

Une nuk kam pasur marredhenie seksuale

me ate gruan, Zonjen Lewinsky.

I never told anybody to lie, not a single time, never.

Asnjehere si kam thene dikujt qe te genjej,

asnjehere te vetme, kurre.

And these allegations are false.

Dhe keto akuza jane te gjitha te rreme

And I need to go back to work for the American people.

Mua me duhet ti kthehem punes per popullin amerikan

Thank you.

Faleminderit.

(Applause)

Pamela Meyer: Okay, what were the telltale signs?

Pamela Meyer: Ne rregull, cilat ishin shenjat prej llafazani?

Well first we heard what's known as a non-contracted denial.

Epo se pari degjuam se cka do te thote mohim jo-protokolar.

Studies show that people who are overdetermined in their denial

Studimet tregojne se njerezit qe jane shume parashikues ne mohimet e tyre

will resort to formal rather than informal language.

do te perdorin me shume gjuhen zyrtare sesa informale.

We also heard distancing language: "that woman."

Gjithashtu degjuam pak edhe nga fraza distanciale " ajo grua".

We know that liars will unconsciously distance themselves

Ne e dime se genjeshtaret ne menyre jo te pergjegjshme distancojne veten

from their subject,

nga subjekti i tyre

using language as their tool.

duke perdorur gjuhen si nje arme te forte.

Now if Bill Clinton had said, "Well, to tell you the truth ..."

Tashme, nese Bill Clinton kishte thene " Epo, me ju thene te drejten..."

or Richard Nixon's favorite, "In all candor ..."

ose te famshmit e Richard Nixon, "Me tere sinqeritetin...."

he would have been a dead giveaway

ai do te ishte nje anashkalues i vdekur

for any liespotter that knows

per çdo genjeshtar qe di

that qualifying language, as it's called, qualifying language like that,

se gjuha e kualifikuar, siç quhet, nese kualifikohet ne ate menyre

further discredits the subject.

e diskretiton me tutje temen.

Now if he had repeated the question in its entirety,

Tani ne qoftese ai e kishte perseritur ne teresi pyetjen,

or if he had peppered his account with a little too much detail --

ose ne qoftese ai e kishte mbushur llogarine e tij me nje detaj te vogel --

and we're all really glad he didn't do that --

dhe ne jemi te gjithe te kenaqur qe ai nuk e beri --

he would have further discredited himself.

ai do ta kishte fshehur veten edhe me tutje.

Freud had it right.

Frojdi kishte te drejtat e tij.

Freud said, look, there's much more to it than speech:

Frojdi ka thene, shiko, ketu ka me shume se nje fjalim:

"No mortal can keep a secret.

"Asnje njeri i vdekshem smund te mbaje nje sekret.

If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips."

Nese buzet nuk i flasin, ai flet me ane te gishtave."

And we all do it no matter how powerful you are.

Dhe ne te gjithe e bejme kete, pa marre parasysh fuqine.

We all chatter with our fingertips.

Ne te gjithe merremi vesh me ane te shenjave te gishtave

I'm going to show you Dominique Strauss-Kahn with Obama

Une do tju tregoj Dominique Strauss Kahn me Obamen

who's chattering with his fingertips.

te cilet po merren vesh me ane te shenjave te gishtave.

(Laughter)

(Qeshje)

Now this brings us to our next pattern, which is body language.

Tani kjo na con ne nje model tjeter,

qe eshte gjuha e trupit.

With body language, here's what you've got to do.

Me gjuhen e trupit, ja cfare duhet te bejme.

You've really got to just throw your assumptions out the door.

You vetem duhet te hidhni supozimet tuaj nga dera.

Let the science temper your knowledge a little bit.

Lere shkencen qe te kete durim pak me njohurite tuaj.

Because we think liars fidget all the time.

Sepse ne mendojme qe genjeshtaret luajne gjate gjithe kohes.

Well guess what, they're known to freeze their upper bodies when they're lying.

Epo degjojeni kete, ata jane te njohur qe te ngrijne trupat e tyre te siperm kur jane duke genjyer.

Ne mendojme se genjeshtaret nuk na shikojne ne sy.

We think liars won't look you in the eyes.

Well guess what, they look you in the eyes a little too much

Epo degjoni kete, ata ju shikojne ne sy me shume sec duhet

vetem per ta kompensuar per ate mit.

just to compensate for that myth.

We think warmth and smiles convey honesty, sincerity.

Ne gjithmone mendojme se ngrohtesia dhe buzeqeshja

pecjellin sinqeritet dhe besnikeri

But a trained liespotter can spot a fake smile a mile away.

Por nje zbulues i trajnuar genjeshtrash

mund ta dalloje nje buzeqeshje te shtirur me kilometra.

Can you all spot the fake smile here?

A mundeni ju te gjithe ta identifikoni buzeqeshjen e shtirur?

You can consciously contract the muscles in your cheeks.

Ju me vetedije mund ti kontrolloni

muskujt ne faqen tuaj.

But the real smile's in the eyes, the crow's feet of the eyes.

Por buzeqeshja e vertete eshte tek syte, qendron tek syte.

They cannot be consciously contracted,

Ata nuk mund te kontrollohen me vetedije,

especially if you overdid the Botox.

sidomos nese ke mbiperdorur Botoks.

Don't overdo the Botox; nobody will think you're honest.

Mos e mbi-perdor Botoksin, askush sdo te mendoj se je i sinqerte.

Now we're going to look at the hot spots.

Tani do te shikojme disa spote.

Can you tell what's happening in a conversation?

A mund te tregoni cfare po ndodh ne bisede?

Can you start to find the hot spots

A mund te filloni ti shihni genjeshtrat

to see the discrepancies

mosperputhjet

between someone's words and someone's actions?

midis veprimeve dhe fjaleve te njerezve?

Now, I know it seems really obvious,

Tani e di se eshte me te vertete e dukshme

but when you're having a conversation with someone you suspect of deception,

por kur je buke bere bisede

me dike per te cilin dyshon se po te mashtron,

attitude is by far the most overlooked but telling of indicators.

sjellja, deri me sot eshte indikatori me i madh i se vertetes.

An honest person is going to be cooperative.

Nje person i ndershem do te jete bashkepunues.

They're going to show they're on your side.

Ata do tju tregojne qe jane ne anen tuaj.

They're going to be enthusiastic.

Ata do te jene entuziaste.

They're going to be willing and helpful to getting you to the truth.

Ata do te shprehin gatishmeri dhe ndihme per te mberritur tek e verteta.

Ata do te jene te gatshem per ide, emra te dyshimte,

They're going to be willing to brainstorm, name suspects,

dhe te sigurojne detaje.

provide details.

They're going to say,

Ata do te thone,"Hej,

"Hey, maybe it was those guys in payroll that forged those checks."

ndoshta ishin ata djemte e listave te pagave qe kane harruar cekun."

They're going to be infuriated if they sense they're wrongly accused

Ata do te zemerohen nese e ndjejne se po akuzohen padrejtesisht

throughout the entire course of the interview, not just in flashes;

pergjate tere intervistes, jo vetem ne fleshe te ndara;

ata do te jene te irrituar gjate tere intervistes.

they'll be infuriated throughout the entire course of the interview.

Nese pyet dike me sinqeritet

And if you ask someone honest

cfare duhet te bejme me ata djemte e cekut,

what should happen to whomever did forge those checks,

nje person i sinqerte ka shume mundesi

an honest person is much more likely

te rekomandoje nje denim strikt, sesa nje te bute

to recommend strict rather than lenient punishment.

Now let's say you're having that exact same conversation

Le te themi se ju e keni po ate bisede

with someone deceptive.

me nje mashtrues.

That person may be withdrawn,

Ky person mund te terhiqet,

look down, lower their voice,

te shikoje posht, ta ul zerin

pause, be kind of herky-jerky.

te pushoje, te sillet si herky-jerky.

Ask a deceptive person to tell their story,

Pyet nje mashtrues ta tregoje historine e tyre,

they're going to pepper it with way too much detail

ata do ta mbushin ate me plot detaje

in all kinds of irrelevant places.

ne disa vende te panevojshme.

And then they're going to tell their story in strict chronological order.

Dhe pastaj do ta ri-tregojne historine ne nje renditje kronologjike.

And what a trained interrogator does

Dhe ajo cfare ben nje hetues i trajnuar

is they come in and in very subtle ways over the course of several hours,

eshte se futen ne disa skuta dhe menyra te holla

per disa ore te tera,

they will ask that person to tell that story backwards,

dhe do ta pyesin ate person per ta treguar historine edhe njehere

and then they'll watch them squirm,

dhe do te shikojne ato pershperitjet, belbezimet,

and track which questions produce the highest volume of deceptive tells.

dhe do ti bejne disa pyetje nga te cilat del perfundimi se ky eshte mashtrim.

Why do they do that? Well, we all do the same thing.

Pse e bejne ata kete gje? Epo ne te gjithe e bejme te njejten gje.

We rehearse our words,

Ne i ushtrojme fjalet tona,

but we rarely rehearse our gestures.

por rralle i ushtrojme edhe gjestet.

We say "yes," we shake our heads "no."

Ne themi "Po", ne i shtrengojme duart, "Jo"

We tell very convincing stories, we slightly shrug our shoulders.

Ne tregojme histori shume te bindshme, dhe i levizim krahet tane.

We commit terrible crimes,

Ne pranojme fajin per krime te renda,

and we smile at the delight in getting away with it.

dhe buzeqeshim me kenaqesi kur largohemi prej tyre.

Now, that smile is known in the trade as "duping delight."

Dhe kjo buzeqeshje quhet "kenaqesi hajvanesh".

And we're going to see that in several videos moving forward,

Dhe ne do te shohim te tilla ne disa sekuenca te videove,

but we're going to start -- for those of you who don't know him,

por ne do te fillojme - per ju te cilet nuk e njihni ate,

ky eshte kanditati per president, John Edwards

this is presidential candidate John Edwards

who shocked America by fathering a child out of wedlock.

i cili shokoi Ameriken, kur pranoi nje femije jashte martesor.

We're going to see him talk about getting a paternity test.

Ne do ta shohim ate duke folur per testin e atesise.

See now if you can spot him saying, "yes" while shaking his head "no,"

Shikojeni tani nese mund ta vereni

ai thote "Po" , ndersa e shkund koken per "Jo"

slightly shrugging his shoulders.

duke lekundur pak edhe krahet.

(Video) John Edwards: I'd be happy to participate in one.

(Video) John Edwards: Do te isha i lumtur te merrja pjese.

I know that it's not possible that this child could be mine,

E di qe eshte e pamundur qe ky femije te jete i imi

because of the timing of events.

per shkak te kohes se ngjarjeve qe kane ndodhur

So I know it's not possible.

Keshtu qe, e di qe eshte e pamundur.

Happy to take a paternity test, and would love to see it happen.

Jam i lumtur per te bere testin e atesise,

dhe ta shohe ate duke ndodhur.

Interviewer: Are you going to do that soon? Is there somebody --

Intervistuesi: A do ta beni ate se shpejti? E eshte dikush --

JE: Well, I'm only one side. I'm only one side of the test.

JE: Epo, Une jam vetem njeri, vetem njeri qe eshte pjese e ketij testi.

But I'm happy to participate in one.

Por jam i lumtur te marr pjese ne nje.

PM: Ne rregull, keto levizje te kokes jane me te lehta per ti kapur

PM: Okay, those head shakes are much easier to spot

nese vetem njehere i shikon me kujdes.

once you know to look for them.

Do te jene disa

There are going to be times when someone makes one expression

kur dikush ben nje shprehje

duke e fshehur tjetren qe rrjedh shpejt si nje blic

while masking another that just kind of leaks through in a flash.

Murderers are known to leak sadness.

Vrasesit jane te njohur per shkaktimin e pikellimit.

Your new joint venture partner might shake your hand,

Partneri juaj i ri mund t`ju shtrengoje doren

celebrate, go out to dinner with you and then leak an expression of anger.

te festoje, te shkoje ne dreke me ju

dhe pastaj te shfaqe nje ndjenje te zemerimit.

And we're not all going to become facial expression experts overnight here,

Asnjeri prej nesh nuk do te shnderrohet ne nje ekspert te dallimit te fytyrave, brenda nates

but there's one I can teach you that's very dangerous

por mund tju mesoj dicka qe eshte vertet e rrezikshme, dhe eshte e lehte per tu mesuar

and it's easy to learn,

dhe kjo eshte shprehja e perbuzjes.

and that's the expression of contempt.

Now with anger, you've got two people on an even playing field.

Me zemerimin, keni marre dy njerez ne te njejten fusheloje.

It's still somewhat of a healthy relationship.

Ende kjo eshte nje marredhenie e shendetshme.

But when anger turns to contempt, you've been dismissed.

Por kur zemerimi kthehet ne perbuzje,

ju jeni te mboshtur.

It's associated with moral superiority.

Eshte e lidhur me superioritetin moral.

And for that reason, it's very, very hard to recover from.

Dhe per kete arsye, eshte shume, shume i veshtire sherimi.

Here's what it looks like.

Ja se si duket.

It's marked by one lip corner pulled up and in.

Eshte e shenuar nga nje qoshe

e terhequr brenda dhe jashte.

It's the only asymmetrical expression.

Eshte e vetmja shprehje asimetrike.

And in the presence of contempt, whether or not deception follows --

Dhe ne pranine e perbuzjes,

edhe nese mashtrimi bie poshte --

and it doesn't always follow --

dhe kjo nuk ndodh shpesh --

look the other way, go the other direction,

shikojeni anen tjeter, shkoni ne tjetrin drejtim

reconsider the deal,

rishqyrtojeni marreveshjen,

say, "No thank you. I'm not coming up for just one more nightcap. Thank you."

thoni "Jo faleminderit. Nuk do te vij vetem per nje endje te vogel. Faleminderit"

Science has surfaced many, many more indicators.

Shkenca ka nxjerr ne pah

shume, shume indikatore.

We know, for example,

Ne e dime, pershembull

we know liars will shift their blink rate,

qe genjeshtaret shpesh e nderrojne normen e injorimit

point their feet towards an exit.

dhe kembet i cojne per tek dalja.

They will take barrier objects

Ata do te marrin objekte penguese

and put them between themselves and the person that is interviewing them.

duke i futur ato mes vetes dhe personit me te cilin po bejne interviste

They'll alter their vocal tone,

Ata do te ndryshojne edhe tonin e tyre

often making their vocal tone much lower.

shpesh duke e zvogeluar volumin.

Now here's the deal.

Kjo eshte marreveshja.

These behaviors are just behaviors.

Keto sjellje jane vetem sjellje.

They're not proof of deception.

Ato nuk jane prova te nje mashtrimi.

They're red flags.

Ato jane vetem flamur te kuq.

We're human beings.

Ne jemi qenie njerezore

We make deceptive flailing gestures all over the place all day long.

Ne bejme shpesh xheste mashtruese ne shume vende, tere diten.

They don't mean anything in and of themselves.

Dhe keto xheste nuk kane nje domethenie te madhe.

But when you see clusters of them, that's your signal.

Por kur i sheh se ata po grupohen, atehere kjo eshte shenja.

Look, listen, probe, ask some hard questions,

Shiko, degjo, heto, bej disa pyetje te veshtira,

get out of that very comfortable mode of knowing,

dil pak prej asaj pozites komode te te njohurit,

walk into curiosity mode, ask more questions,

por dil ne ate rrugen e kuriozitetit, bej ende pyetje,

have a little dignity, treat the person you're talking to with rapport.

ki me shume dinjitet, dhe trajtoje personin me te cilin bisedon me nje raport.

Don't try to be like those folks on "Law & Order" and those other TV shows

Mos u mundo te behesh si ata tek "Ligji & Rregulli" ose si ata te programeve tjera

qe rrahin me grushta mendimet e tyre subjektive.

that pummel their subjects into submission.

Mos u bej fort agresiv, sepse nuk funksionon.

Don't be too aggressive, it doesn't work.

Dhe ja biseduam pak

Now, we've talked a little bit about how to talk to someone who's lying

se si te komunikosh me dike qe genjen

and how to spot a lie.

dhe si te zbulosh nje genjeshter.

And as I promised, we're now going to look at what the truth looks like.

Dhe sic kam premtuar, tashme do te shohim se si duket e verteta.

But I'm going to show you two videos,

Por une do tju tregoj dy video,

two mothers -- one is lying, one is telling the truth.

dy nena - njera po genjen, njera thote te verteten.

And these were surfaced by researcher David Matsumoto in California.

Dhe te dyja kane dale ne siperfaqe

nga studiusi David Matsumoto nga Kalifornia.

And I think they're an excellent example of what the truth looks like.

Dhe mendoj se ato jane nje shembull brilant

se si ne realitet zbulohet e verteta.

This mother, Diane Downs,

Kjo nene, Diane Downs

shot her kids at close range,

i qelloi femijet e saj nga disance te afert,

drove them to the hospital while they bled all over the car,

i dergoi ata per ne spital

derisa ata po gjakosnin gjate gjithe rruges,

claimed a scraggy-haired stranger did it.

duke thene se nje njeri i huaj ua kishte bere kete femijeve te saj.

And you'll see when you see the video,

Dhe ju do ta shihni edhe ne video

she can't even pretend to be an agonizing mother.

se ajo as nuk mund te shtiret si nje nene e pikelluar.

What you want to look for here is an incredible discrepancy

Cfare ju deshironi te shikoni ketu

eshte nje mosperputhje e pabesueshme

between horrific events that she describes and her very, very cool demeanor.

midis ngjarjeve te tmerrshme qe ajo pershkruan

dhe sjelljes se saj shume te ftohte.

And if you look closely, you'll see duping delight throughout this video.

Dhe nese shikoni me afer, do te shihni edhe nje kenaqesi dopio ne kete video

(Video) Diane Downs: At night when I close my eyes,

(Video) Diane Downs: Naten kur i mbylla syte,

une pash Christin duke e zgjatur doren nderkohe qe une po i jepja makines,

I can see Christie reaching her hand out to me while I'm driving,

dhe gjaku po fillonte ti dilte nga goja.

and the blood just kept coming out of her mouth.

And that -- maybe it'll fade too with time --

Dhe kjo -- ndoshta do te zhduket me kohen --

but I don't think so.

por une nuk e besoj.

That bothers me the most.

Kjo me pengon mua me se shumti.

PM: Now I'm going to show you a video

PM: Tani do tju tregoj nje video

of an actual grieving mother, Erin Runnion,

te nje nene aktualisht te brengosur, Erin Runnion,

confronting her daughter's murderer and torturer in court.

duke u perballur me vrasesit e vajzes se saj ne gjykate.

Here you're going to see no false emotion,

Ketu ju nuk do te shihni emocione te shtirura,

just the authentic expression of a mother's agony.

por vetem nje shprehje normale te nje nene ne agoni.

(Video) Erin Runnion: I wrote this statement

(Video) Erin Runnion: E kam shkruar kete deklarate ne pervjetorin e trete

on the third anniversary of the night you took my baby,

te asaj nate qe ti ma more femijen,

dhe e lendove ate,

and you hurt her,

and you crushed her,

e copetove ate,

you terrified her until her heart stopped.

e tmerrove deri ne momentin kur zemra e saj ndaloi.

And she fought, and I know she fought you.

Dhe ajo ka luftuar, e di qe ajo ka luftuar kunder teje.

But I know she looked at you with those amazing brown eyes,

Por e di se ajo te ka shikuar

me syte e saj te kafte dhe te mrekullueshem,

and you still wanted to kill her.

dhe ti prape ke dashur ta vrasesh.

And I don't understand it,

Dhe une nuk e kuptoj

and I never will.

dhe skam per ta kuptuar kurre.

PM: Okay, there's no doubting the veracity of those emotions.

PM: Ne rregull, s`ka asnje pike dyshimi ne vertetesine e ketyre emocioneve.

Now the technology around what the truth looks like

Tani teknologjia rreth te vertetes sesi duket

is progressing on, the science of it.

eshte duke perparuar, sikurse edhe shkenca.

We know, for example,

Ne e dime, per shembull

that we now have specialized eye trackers and infrared brain scans,

se kemi edhe gjurmues te specialuar per sy apo skanera te rrezeve infrared,

MRI's that can decode the signals that our bodies send out

MRI` qe mund te dekodojne sinjalet qe nxjerr trupi yne

when we're trying to be deceptive.

kur ne deshirojme te mashtrojme.

And these technologies are going to be marketed to all of us

Dhe keto teknologji do ti serviren secilit prej nesh

as panaceas for deceit,

sikur zgjidhje per mashtrim,

and they will prove incredibly useful some day.

dhe nje dite do te dalin me rezultate shume interesante.

But you've got to ask yourself in the meantime:

Por gjithashtu ne te njejten kohe ju duhet te pyesni veten:

Who do you want on your side of the meeting,

Ke do te deshironi ne anen tuaj gjate takimit

someone who's trained in getting to the truth

dike qe eshte trajnuar ta gjeje te verteten

or some guy who's going to drag a 400-pound electroencephalogram

apo ndonje person qe do te terheq nje elektroencefalograme 400 kileshe

pergjate deres ?

through the door?

Liespotters rely on human tools.

Zbuluesit e genjeshtrave mbeshteten ne mjetet e njeriut.

They know, as someone once said,

Ata e dine, sic dikush ka thene,

"Character's who you are in the dark."

"Karakteri qe ju jeni ne erresire".

And what's kind of interesting is that today, we have so little darkness.

Dhe cfare eshte shume interesante

eshte se diteve te sotme ne kemi shume pak erresire.

Our world is lit up 24 hours a day.

Bota jone ndricohet 24 ore pa pushim.

It's transparent with blogs and social networks

Eshte transparente

me blogje dhe rrjete sociale

broadcasting the buzz of a whole new generation of people

duke transmetuar levizjet e gjenerates se re te njerezve

that have made a choice to live their lives in public.

qe kane bere zgjidhje te jetojne jeten e tyre ne publik.

It's a much more noisy world.

Eshte nje bote me e zhurmshme.

So one challenge we have is to remember,

Dhe, nje sfide qe ne e kemi

eshte qe te kujtojme

oversharing, that's not honesty.

shperndarjen, qe nuk eshte ndershmeri.

Our manic tweeting and texting can blind us

Mania jone per te twittuar apo shkruar

mund te na verboje ne faktin

to the fact that the subtleties of human decency -- character integrity --

se hollesite e sjelles njerezore, integritetit dhe karakterit

that's still what matters, that's always what's going to matter.

kane shume rendesi, dhe eshte ajo qe do te kete gjithmone rendesi.

So in this much noisier world,

Pra, ne nje bote te tille te zhurmshme,

it might make sense for us

me siguri do te kete kuptim per ne

to be just a little bit more explicit about our moral code.

qe te jemi pak me shume te qarte

rreth kodit tone moral.

When you combine the science of recognizing deception

Kur e kombinon shkencen e te zbuluarit te mashtrimit

with the art of looking, listening,

me artin e shikimit, degjimit,

you exempt yourself from collaborating in a lie.

ti e largon veten nga bashkepunimi ne nje genjeshter.

You start up that path of being just a little bit more explicit,

Ju e nisni kete rruge

duke qene pak me te qarte,

because you signal to everyone around you,

sepse sinalizon te gjithe njerezit rreth teje,

you say, "Hey, my world, our world, it's going to be an honest one.

dhe thua, "Hej, bota ime, bota jone,

duhet te jete e sinqerte.

My world is going to be one where truth is strengthened

Bota ime do te jete ajo ku do te kete shum fuqi

and falsehood is recognized and marginalized."

ku genjeshtra njihet dhe margjinalizohet."

And when you do that,

Dhe kur ju do ta beni kete,

the ground around you starts to shift just a little bit.

terreni perreth vetes suaj do te zhvendoset pak.

And that's the truth. Thank you.

Dhe kjo eshte e verteta. Faleminderit

(Applause)

)Duartrokitje)