How I beat stage fright | Joe Kowan

Translator: Rasmus Reidla Reviewer: Karl Hein

Joe Kowan: I have stage fright.

Joe Kowan: Mul on rambipalavik.

I've always had stage fright,

Mul on see alati olnud,

and not just a little bit,

ja see pole vaid väike pabin,

it's a big bit.

see on päris tõsist sorti.

And it didn't even matter until I was 27.

Enne 27 aastaseks saamist polnud sel mingit tähtsust.

That's when I started writing songs, and even then

Sel aastal hakkasin laule kirjutama,

I only played them for myself.

kuid ma mängisin

neid ainult endale.

Just knowing my roommates were in the same house made me uncomfortable.

Isegi mu toakaaslaste kodus olemine tegi mind närviliseks.

Mõne aasta pärast ei piisanud enam laulude kirjutamisest.

But after a couple of years, just writing songs wasn't enough.

I had all these stories and ideas, and I wanted to share them with people,

Mul oli palju lugusi ja ideesi ja tahtsin neid jagada,

but physiologically, I couldn't do it.

aga ma ei saanud

sellega füsioloogilistel põhjustel hakkama.

I had this irrational fear.

Mul oli irratsionaalne hirm.

But the more I wrote, and the more I practiced,

Mida enam laule kirjutasin,

ja mida rohkem harjutasin

the more I wanted to perform.

seda rohkem tahtsin esineda.

So on the week of my 30th birthday,

Oma 30. aasta sünnipäeval otsustasin,

I decided I was going to go to this local open mic,

et võtan osa kohalikust open micist

and put this fear behind me.

ja unustan oma hirmu.

Well, when I got there, it was packed.

Kui ma sinna jõudsin, oli maja inimesi täis.

There were like 20 people there.

Seal oli oma 20 inimest.

(Naer)

(Laughter)

And they all looked angry.

Nad kõik paistsid pahurad välja.

But I took a deep breath, and I signed up to play,

Ma tõmbasin sügavalt hinge ja panin ennast kirja.

Tundsin ennast päris hästi.

and I felt pretty good.

Pretty good, until about 10 minutes before my turn,

Tunne kestis seni,

kuni minu esinemiseni oli jäänud 10 minutit.

when my whole body rebelled, and this wave of anxiety just washed over me.

Mu terve keha hakkas vastu ja paanika laine voogas minust üle.

Now, when you experience fear, your sympathetic nervous system kicks in.

Hirmu tunne tekib inimese sümpaatilises närvisüsteemis.

So you have a rush of adrenaline, your heart rate increases,

Adrenaliin hakkab voolama,

pulss tõuseb

your breathing gets faster.

ja hingamine kiireneb.

Next your non-essential systems start to shut down, like digestion. (Laughter)

Vähem tähtsad elutegevused, nt. seedimine, seiskuvad.

(Naer)

So your mouth gets dry, and blood is routed away from your extremities,

Suu kuivab,

jäsemete vereringe väheneb, ja sõrmed ei kuula enam sõna.

so your fingers don't work anymore.

Pupillid ja lihased tõmbuvad kokku, Ämblikmehe meeled ärkavad,

Your pupils dilate, your muscles contract, your Spidey sense tingles,

basically your whole body is trigger-happy. (Laughter)

ühesõnaga: terve keha on võitlusvalmis.

(Naer)

That condition is not conducive to performing folk music.

Selline olek ei aita folk muusika esitamisele kaasa.

(Laughter)

(Naer)

I mean, your nervous system is an idiot.

Närvisüsteem on täielik idioot.

Really? Two hundred thousand years of human evolution, and it still can't tell the difference

Tõsiselt?

Kaks tuhat aastat evolutsiooni

ja sa ei oska ikka veel mõõkhammastiigrit

between a saber tooth tiger and 20 folksingers

õhtul esinema tulnud folklauljatest eristada?

on a Tuesday night open mic?

(Laughter)

(Naer)

I have never been more terrified -- until now.

Ma ei ole kunagi nii hirmul olnud -- kuni tänaseni.

(Laughter and cheers)

(Publik naerab ja hõiskab)

So then it was my turn,

Minu kord jõudis kätte

and somehow, I get myself onto the stage, I start my song,

ja ma sain ennast kuidagi lavale.

I open my mouth to sing the first line,

Avasin oma suu, et esimest rida laulda,

ja ma kuulsin, kuidas mu suust lainetas

and this completely horrible vibrato --

you know, when your voice wavers -- comes streaming out.

õudne vibraato - värisev hääl.

And this is not the good kind of vibrato, like an opera singer has,

See polnud ooperilaulja vibraato,

this is my whole body just convulsing with fear.

vaid minu terve keha tõmblemisest tekkinud hääl.

I mean, it's a nightmare.

See oli täielik õudusunenägu.

I'm embarrassed, the audience is clearly uncomfortable,

Mul oli piinlik ja ka publik tundis ennast kehvasti,

they're focused on my discomfort.

kuna pidi minu vaevlemist vaatama.

It was so bad.

See oli nii hirmus.

But that was my first real experience as a solo singer-songwriter.

Aga see oli ka minu esimene tõeline kogemus laulja-laulutegijana.

And something good did happen -- I had the tiniest little glimpse

Sel hetkel juhtus ka midagi head:

ma sain korraks tunda publiku ja artisti vahelisest ühendusest.

of that audience connection that I was hoping for.

And I wanted more. But I knew I had to get past this nervousness.

Ma tahtsin seda uuesti tunda. Ma pidin oma hirmust üle saama.

That night I promised myself: I would go back every week

Sel õhtul lubasin endale, et lähen iga nädal tagasi

until I wasn't nervous anymore.

kuni ma enam ei pabista.

And I did. I went back every single week,

Seda ma ka tegin: läksin iga nädal tagasi.

and sure enough, week after week,

Nagu ma arvasin,

kordus iga kord sama asi.

it didn't get any better. The same thing happened every week. (Laughter)

See ei aidanud mitte põrmugi! (Naer)

I couldn't shake it.

Ma ei saanud sellest lahti.

And that's when I had an epiphany.

Siis kogesin ma ilmutuse.

And I remember it really well, because I don't have a lot of epiphanies. (Laughter)

Mäletan seda hästi, sest seda ei juhtu eriti tihti. (Naer)

All I had to do was write a song that exploits my nervousness.

Ma pean oma

närvilisusest laulu tegema.

That only seems authentic when I have stage fright,

See on usutav vaid siis, kui sul on rambipalavik

and the more nervous I was,

ja teadsin, et mida närvilisem olen,

the better the song would be. Easy.

seda paremini see välja kukub. Lihtne.

So I started writing a song about having stage fright.

Niisiis hakkasin kirjutama laulu rambipalavikust.

First, fessing up to the problem,

Alustasin ülestunnistusega, jätkasin

the physical manifestations, how I would feel,

sümptomitega, kirjeldasin mida tunnen,

how the listener might feel.

ja mida publik võib tunda.

And then accounting for things like my shaky voice,

Mainisin enda värisevat häält, sest teadsin,

and I knew I would be singing about a half-octave higher than normal,

et laulan arvatavasti kõrgemalt kui tavaliselt,

because I was nervous.

sest ma pabistasin.

By having a song that explained what was happening to me,

Laulu abil sain seletada,

mis minuga toimub,

ja publikul oli võimalus kaasa mõelda.

while it was happening,

that gave the audience permission to think about it.

They didn't have to feel bad for me because I was nervous,

Nad ei pidanud mind enam haletsema,

they could experience that with me,

nad said seda koos minuga kogeda,

and we were all one big happy, nervous, uncomfortable family. (Laughter)

ja me olime suur õnnelik, närviline pere.

(Naer)

By thinking about my audience, by embracing and exploiting my problem,

Tänu publikule mõtlemisele,

probleemi möönmisele

ja käikurakendamisele sain muuta

I was able to take something that was blocking my progress,

pidurdava faktori õnnestumise eelduseks.

and turn it into something that was essential for my success.

Laul aitas mind kohe esinemise alguses

And having the stage fright song let me get past that biggest issue

kõige suuremast probleemist üle.

right in the beginning of a performance.

And then I could move on, and play the rest of my songs

Sain ülejäänud laulud

tsipake rahulikumalt ära laulda.

with just a little bit more ease.

And eventually, over time, I didn't have to play the stage fright song at all.

Lõpuks ei olnud mul seda laulu enam üldse vaja.

Välja arvatud siis, kui olin eriti hirmul, nagu nüüd.

Except for when I was really nervous, like now. (Laughter)

(Naer)

Would it be okay if I played the stage fright song for you?

Kas ma tohiksin teile oma rambipalaviku laulu laulda?

(Applause)

(Publik plaksutab)

Can I have a sip of water?

Kas ma saaksin lonksukese vett?

(Music)

(Muusika)

Thank you.

Aitäh.

♫ I'm not joking, you know, ♫

♫ Kas tead, ma ei tee nalja, ♫

♫ this stage fright is real. ♫

♫ see rambipalavik on tõeline. ♫

♫ And if I'm up here trembling and singing, ♫

♫ Ma värisen siin laval ja laulan, ♫

♫ well, you'll know how I feel. ♫

♫ sa saad teada, mida ma tunnen, ♫

♫ And the mistake I'd be making, ♫

♫ ja näed vigu, mida ma teen, ♫

♫ the tremolo caused by my whole body shaking. ♫

♫ kuuled mu keha värisemise vibraatot. ♫

♫ As you sit there feeling embarrassed for me, ♫

♫ Sa tunned minu pärast piinlikust, ♫

♫ well, you don't have to be. ♫

♫ aga sa ei pea nii tundma ♫

♫ Well, maybe just a little bit. ♫

♫ Või ehk ainult õige natuke ♫

(Naer)

(Laughter)

♫ And maybe I'll try to imagine you all without clothes. ♫

♫ Ehk kujutan ma ette, et olete ihualasti, ♫

♫ But singing in front of all naked strangers scares me more than anyone knows. ♫

♫ aga alasti inimeste ees laulmine on minu arust väga hirmutav. ♫

♫ Not to discuss this at length, ♫

♫ Lühidalt öeldes, ♫

♫ but my body image was never my strength. ♫

♫ pole mu enesehinnang kunagi hea olnud. ♫

♫ So frankly, I wish that you all would get dressed, ♫

♫ Ausalt öeldes sooviksin, et te end riidesse paneksite, ♫

♫ I mean, you're not even really naked. ♫

♫ sest te ei ole ju päriselt alasti. ♫

♫ And I'm the one with the problem. ♫

♫ Ja pealegi on see minu probleem. ♫

♫ And you tell me, don't worry so much, you'll be great. ♫

♫ Te ütlete: "Ära muretse, kõik läheb imeliselt". ♫

♫ But I'm the one living with me ♫

♫ aga ma tunnen ennast hästi ♫

♫ and I know how I get. ♫

♫ ja tean, kuidas ma käituda võin. ♫

♫ Your advice is gentle but late. ♫

♫ Teie soovitus on hea aga hilinenud ♫

♫ If not just a bit patronizing. ♫

♫ ja võib-olla ka tibake üleolev. ♫

♫ And that sarcastic tone doesn't help me when I sing. ♫

♫ Sarkastilisest hääletoonist ei ole lauldes abi. ♫

♫ But we shouldn't talk about these things right now, ♫

♫ Me peaksime praegu rääkima sellest, ♫

♫ really, I'm up on stage, and you're in the crowd. Hi. ♫

♫ et ma olen lava peal ja sina oled publikus. ♫

Tere

♫ And I'm not making fun of unnurtured, irrational fear, ♫

♫ Ma ei tee selle ebaloogilise hirmu üle nalja, ♫

♫ and if I wasn't ready to face this, ♫

♫ ja kui ma ei oleks valmis sellega silmitsi seisma, ♫

♫ I sure as hell wouldn't be here. ♫

♫ ei oleks ma kohe kindlasti praegu siin. ♫

♫ But if I belt one note out clearly, ♫

♫ Aga kui ma suudan ühegi noodi selgelt välja laulda, ♫

♫ you'll know I'm recovering slowly but surely. ♫

♫ võite kindlad olla, et ma paranen aeglaselt aga kindlalt. ♫

♫ And maybe next week, I'll set my guitar ringin' ♫

♫ Ja võib-olla järgmisel nädalal heliseb mu kitarr, ♫

♫ my voice clear as water, and everyone singin'. ♫

♫ mu hääl on selge kui vesi ja kõik laulavad kaasa. ♫

♫ But probably I'll just get up and start groovin', ♫

♫ Aga arvatavasti ma lihtsalt tulen lavale ja hakkan kaifima, ♫

♫ my vocal cords movin', ♫

♫ mu häälepaelad liikumas, ♫

♫ at speeds slightly faster than sound. ♫

♫ veidike kiiremini kui heli. ♫

(Applause)

(Publik plaksutab)