How I beat stage fright | Joe Kowan

Translator: Michelle Gau Reviewer: Boris Mo

Joe Kowan: I have stage fright.

我好驚上台

I've always had stage fright,

and not just a little bit,

唔係少少驚

it's a big bit.

係好驚

And it didn't even matter until I was 27.

27歲以前都唔覺得有咩問題

That's when I started writing songs, and even then

直至我開始寫歌

I only played them for myself.

我都只係彈俾自己聽

Just knowing my roommates were in the same house made me uncomfortable.

如果室友喺度，我就會就身唔自在

But after a couple of years, just writing songs wasn't enough.

但寫咗歌幾年，發覺仲未夠

I had all these stories and ideas, and I wanted to share them with people,

我想將我嘅故事同想法話俾其他人知

but physiologically, I couldn't do it.

但我生理上就係做唔到

I had this irrational fear.

我有呢種唔合理嘅恐懼

But the more I wrote, and the more I practiced,

但係我越寫得多，練習得越多

the more I wanted to perform.

我就越想上台表演

So on the week of my 30th birthday,

就喺30歲生日嗰個禮拜

I decided I was going to go to this local open mic,

我決定去參與呢個表演

and put this fear behind me.

同埋先擺低內心嘅恐懼

Well, when I got there, it was packed.

去到表演場地，見到爆滿

There were like 20 people there.

整整坐咗20人

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

And they all looked angry.

佢哋睇嚟都好嬲

But I took a deep breath, and I signed up to play,

我深呼吸，然後報名上台表演

and I felt pretty good.

我當時仲覺得唔錯

Pretty good, until about 10 minutes before my turn,

直至我上台前十分鐘

when my whole body rebelled, and this wave of anxiety just washed over me.

身體開始唔聽話，焦慮嘅情緒湧埋嚟

Now, when you experience fear, your sympathetic nervous system kicks in.

當你驚嘅時候，交感神經就會活躍

So you have a rush of adrenaline, your heart rate increases,

腎上腺素急速增加，心跳加快

your breathing gets faster.

呼吸變得急促

Next your non-essential systems start to shut down, like digestion. (Laughter)

跟住落黎一啲唔重要嘅器官

好似消化系統，會停止運作

（笑聲）

So your mouth gets dry, and blood is routed away from your extremities,

口會乾，血液由身體盡頭流返去中央

so your fingers don't work anymore.

所以你嘅手指唔聽使

Your pupils dilate, your muscles contract, your Spidey sense tingles,

加上瞳孔放大，肌肉緊張

第六感有啲痛

basically your whole body is trigger-happy. (Laughter)

成個身體隨時可以進入作戰狀態

（笑聲）

That condition is not conducive to performing folk music.

呢種狀態唔適合表演民謠歌曲

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I mean, your nervous system is an idiot.

其實神經系統好蠢

Really? Two hundred thousand years of human evolution, and it still can't tell the difference

你話真係架？

人類進化咗二十萬年

仲分唔到劍齒 定星期二夜晚開咪嘅廿個民謠歌手？

between a saber tooth tiger and 20 folksingers

on a Tuesday night open mic?

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I have never been more terrified -- until now.

自從嗰次之後我都冇再咁驚

(Laughter and cheers)

（笑聲同鼓勵）

So then it was my turn,

然後到我表演

and somehow, I get myself onto the stage, I start my song,

我上台開始唱

I open my mouth to sing the first line,

我唱第一句時

唱出嚟嘅係好多人驚嘅音

and this completely horrible vibrato --

you know, when your voice wavers -- comes streaming out.

當你聲帶嗌

就唔會發出好聽嘅震音

And this is not the good kind of vibrato, like an opera singer has,

就發唔到歌劇院歌手咁嘅聲線

this is my whole body just convulsing with fear.

好驚嘅我成個身都震

I mean, it's a nightmare.

簡直係一場惡夢

I'm embarrassed, the audience is clearly uncomfortable,

我好尷尬，觀眾也唔係好舒服

they're focused on my discomfort.

佢哋留意著我嘅不安

It was so bad.

情況壞到極點

But that was my first real experience as a solo singer-songwriter.

但嗰次係我第一次唱住自已寫嘅歌

And something good did happen -- I had the tiniest little glimpse

好嘅係，我有望到觀眾一眼

of that audience connection that I was hoping for.

令我同觀眾有交流

呢個係我一直想做嘅

And I wanted more. But I knew I had to get past this nervousness.

我仲想要更多

但我知道我一定要刻服緊張先

That night I promised myself: I would go back every week

所以嗰晚我決心要毎個禮拜都返去

until I wasn't nervous anymore.

直到我唔緊張為止

And I did. I went back every single week,

我真嘅每個禮拜都返去表演

and sure enough, week after week,

雖然每個禮拜都有去

it didn't get any better. The same thing happened every week. (Laughter)

但係情況冇改善。每個禮拜都舊態復發

I couldn't shake it.

（笑聲）

我仲係咁驚

And that's when I had an epiphany.

有一日我突然感悟到啲嘢

And I remember it really well, because I don't have a lot of epiphanies. (Laughter)

我好記得呢次感悟，因為我好少會有感悟

（笑聲）

All I had to do was write a song that exploits my nervousness.

其實我只需要寫一首 關於自己恐懼嘅歌就得啦

That only seems authentic when I have stage fright,

當我喺台上驚嗰陣

呢首歌就珍珠都冇咁真

and the more nervous I was,

我愈緊張，首歌就愈精彩，噉就容易啦

the better the song would be. Easy.

So I started writing a song about having stage fright.

所以我開始寫一首有關怯場嘅歌

First, fessing up to the problem,

首歌開頭講我承認我嘅問題

the physical manifestations, how I would feel,

身體反應點樣、我感覺點樣

how the listener might feel.

觀眾感覺點樣

And then accounting for things like my shaky voice,

跟著描述我顫抖嘅聲音

and I knew I would be singing about a half-octave higher than normal,

同埋我知道我到時會唱高半八度

because I was nervous.

因為我會好緊張

By having a song that explained what was happening to me,

用一首講述自己嘅歌

而歌詞裏面嘅嘢正正係發生梗嘅時候

while it was happening,

that gave the audience permission to think about it.

觀眾就有想像嘅空間

They didn't have to feel bad for me because I was nervous,

佢哋唔需要因為我嘅緊張 而覺得唔係好好

they could experience that with me,

佢哋可以感同身受

and we were all one big happy, nervous, uncomfortable family. (Laughter)

噉大家就可以成為一個快樂 緊張而唔太舒服嘅大家庭

（笑聲）

By thinking about my audience, by embracing and exploiting my problem,

只要顧及觀眾，同擁抱、利用我嘅短處

I was able to take something that was blocking my progress,

我可以將一啲問題化為優勢

and turn it into something that was essential for my success.

And having the stage fright song let me get past that biggest issue

有咗呢首怯場嘅歌令我克服 初時表演最大嘅難題

right in the beginning of a performance.

And then I could move on, and play the rest of my songs

然後就可以容易啲唱之後嘅歌

with just a little bit more ease.

And eventually, over time, I didn't have to play the stage fright song at all.

最後，我連呢首怯場嘅歌都唔使唱啦

Except for when I was really nervous, like now. (Laughter)

但當然非常緊張嘅時候就例外 好似宜家咁

（笑聲）

Would it be okay if I played the stage fright song for you?

你哋想我表演呢首歌嗎？

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Can I have a sip of water?

俾我飲啖水好唔好？

(Music)

（音樂）

Thank you.

唔該

♫ I'm not joking, you know, ♫

♫ 你哋知道嗎，我唔係講笑 ♫

♫ this stage fright is real. ♫

♫ 我上台好驚係真嘅 ♫

♫ And if I'm up here trembling and singing, ♫

♫ 如果我一路震一路唱 ♫

♫ well, you'll know how I feel. ♫

♫ 你就知道我嘅感受 ♫

♫ And the mistake I'd be making, ♫

♫ 我會犯嘅錯 ♫

♫ the tremolo caused by my whole body shaking. ♫

♫ 因身體抖動引致嘅震音 ♫

♫ As you sit there feeling embarrassed for me, ♫

♫ 台下嘅你為我尷尬 ♫

♫ well, you don't have to be. ♫

♫ 但你唔需要 ♫

♫ Well, maybe just a little bit. ♫

♫ 或者少少都得嘅 ♫

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

♫ And maybe I'll try to imagine you all without clothes. ♫

♫ 或者我會想像你哋都冇著衫 ♫

♫ But singing in front of all naked strangers scares me more than anyone knows. ♫

♫ 但係喺赤祼嘅人面前唱歌 會令我更驚 ♫

♫ Not to discuss this at length, ♫

♫ 呢樣就唔使多講 ♫

♫ but my body image was never my strength. ♫

♫ 但我嘅身體形象 永遠都唔係我嘅長處 ♫

♫ So frankly, I wish that you all would get dressed, ♫

♫ 真心，我希望你哋都可以著衫 ♫

♫ I mean, you're not even really naked. ♫

♫ 我嘅意思係，你唔係真係赤祼 ♫

♫ And I'm the one with the problem. ♫

♫ 我係有問題嗰個 ♫

♫ And you tell me, don't worry so much, you'll be great. ♫

♫ 你叫我唔使擔心你會表演得好好 ♫

♫ But I'm the one living with me ♫

♫ 但係我只係最終面對自己嘅人 ♫

♫ and I know how I get. ♫

♫ 我知道我會點 ♫

♫ Your advice is gentle but late. ♫

♫ 你嘅說話好好，可惜太遲啦 ♫

♫ If not just a bit patronizing. ♫

♫ 若果唔係有啲哄騙 ♫

♫ And that sarcastic tone doesn't help me when I sing. ♫

♫ 諷刺嘅語氣對我嘅表演無補於事 ♫

♫ But we shouldn't talk about these things right now, ♫

♫ 不過宜家我哋唔應該討論呢啲嘢 ♫

♫ really, I'm up on stage, and you're in the crowd. Hi. ♫

♫ 因為講真嘅 我喺台上，你喺台下。你好呀 ♫

♫ And I'm not making fun of unnurtured, irrational fear, ♫

♫ 而且我唔係用恐懼感黎開玩笑 ♫

♫ and if I wasn't ready to face this, ♫

♫ 如果我仲未準備好面對佢 ♫

♫ I sure as hell wouldn't be here. ♫

♫ 我今日就唔會喺度 ♫

♫ But if I belt one note out clearly, ♫

♫ 如果我唱到明亮嘅音符 ♫

♫ you'll know I'm recovering slowly but surely. ♫

♫ 你就知道我逐漸喺度復原 ♫

♫ And maybe next week, I'll set my guitar ringin' ♫

♫ 或者下個禮拜，我會彈吉他 ♫

♫ my voice clear as water, and everyone singin'. ♫

♫ 我把聲會好似水咁清 而大家都會一齊唱 ♫

♫ But probably I'll just get up and start groovin', ♫

♫ 但我宜家只想演奏 ♫

♫ my vocal cords movin', ♫

♫ 同唱歌 ♫

♫ at speeds slightly faster than sound. ♫

♫ 要比音速仲快 ♫

（掌聲）

(Applause)