Julia Sweeney has "The Talk"

252,756 views ・ 2010-05-14

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譯者: Marie Wu 審譯者: Terry Lin
00:15
I have a daughter, Mulan.
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我有個女兒,她叫木蘭。
00:17
And when she was eight, last year,
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在她八歲的時候,也就是去年,
00:20
she was doing a report for school
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她在做一份作業,
00:22
or she had some homework about frogs.
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一份關於青蛙的作業。
00:24
And we were at this restaurant,
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我們在一家餐廳用餐,
00:26
and she said, "So, basically,
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她說:「基本上,
00:28
frogs lay eggs
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青蛙會先生蛋,
00:30
and the eggs turn into tadpoles,
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蛋變成蝌蚪,
00:32
and tadpoles turn into frogs."
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然後蝌蚪再變成青蛙。」
00:34
And I said, "Yeah. You know, I'm not really up on my frog reproduction that much.
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我說:「嗯,我對青蛙的繁殖並不是真的那麼瞭解。
00:37
It's the females, I think, that lay the eggs,
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我想,是母的青蛙生蛋,
00:39
and then the males fertilize them.
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然後公的青蛙讓這些蛋受精,
00:41
And then they become tadpoles and frogs."
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然後變成蝌蚪和青蛙。」
00:43
And she says, "What? Only the females have eggs?"
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然後她說:「什麼?只有母的會生蛋?」
00:45
And I said, "Yeah."
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我說:「對啊。」
00:47
And she goes, "And what's this fertilizing?"
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然後她說:「那什麼是受精?」
00:49
So I kind of said, "Oh, it's this extra ingredient,
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所以我回答:「噢,就是加入一些其他的材料啊...
00:51
you know, that you need
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就是青蛙媽媽
00:53
to create a new frog
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和青蛙爸爸會一起
00:55
from the mom and dad frog." (Laughter)
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製造出一隻新的青蛙啊...」
00:57
And she said, "Oh, so is that true for humans too?"
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然後她說:「噢,那人類也一樣嗎?」
01:00
And I thought, "Okay, here we go."
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我心裡想,「好吧,總是要面對的。」
01:03
I didn't know it would happen so quick, at eight.
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我不知道孩子還這麼小就會想知道這件事,才八歲耶...
01:05
I was trying to remember all the guidebooks,
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我試著回想我看過的指導手冊,
01:07
and all I could remember was,
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我能想到的只有
01:09
"Only answer the question they're asking.
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「只要回答他們問的問題就好,
01:11
Don't give any more information." (Laughter)
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其他不要多講。」
01:14
So I said, "Yes."
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所以我回答:「是啊。」
01:16
And she said, "And where do, um,
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然後她說:「那,蛋在哪裡?
01:19
where do human women,
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人類女性...
01:21
like, where do women lay their eggs?"
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女人把蛋生在哪裡?」
01:23
And I said, "Well,
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我說:「嗯,
01:25
funny you should ask. (Laughter)
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你問得很有趣,
01:28
We have evolved to have our own pond.
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我們已經進化到有自己的池塘了哦,
01:31
We have our very own pond inside our bodies.
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我們在自己的身體裡有一個池塘,
01:34
And we lay our eggs there,
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我們就把蛋生在那裡,
01:36
we don't have to worry about other eggs or anything like that.
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我們不用擔心有其他人的蛋或是其他什麼的。
01:39
It's our own pond. And that's how it happens."
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那是我們自己的池塘,就是這樣。」
01:42
And she goes, "Then how do they get fertilized?"
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然後她說:「那這些蛋怎麼受精?」
01:44
And I said, "Well,
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我說:「嗯,
01:46
Men, through their penis,
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男人,用他們的小雞雞,
01:49
they fertilize the eggs by the sperm coming out.
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把精子發射出來,讓這些蛋受精,
01:52
And you go through the woman's vagina."
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然後你就從女人的陰道生出來了。」
01:55
And so we're just eating, and her jaw just drops,
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我們那時正在吃飯,她的下巴都快掉下來了,
01:57
and she goes, "Mom!
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然後她問:「媽咪!
01:59
Like, where you go to the bathroom?"
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就像你上廁所一樣?」
02:02
And I said, "I know.
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然後我說:「我知道...
02:04
I know."
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我知道...」
02:06
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
02:12
That's how we evolved. It does seem odd.
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這就是生物啊...看起來確實很怪,
02:14
It is a little bit like having a waste treatment plant
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就有點像是在遊樂場旁邊
02:17
right next to an amusement park ...
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蓋了一個化糞池一樣,
02:20
Bad zoning, but ..." (Laughter)
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地點選得不好,但是...
02:22
She's like, "What?" And she goes, "But Mom,
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她的表情像在說:「什麼?」然後她問:「但是媽咪,
02:25
but men and women can't ever see each other naked, Mom.
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男生和女生不是不能互相偷看對方脫光光嗎?
02:28
So how could that ever happen?"
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那要怎麼受精?」
02:30
And then I go, "Well," and then I put my Margaret Mead hat on.
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我只好把自己裝成瑪格麗特.米格(人類學家):
02:34
"Human males and females
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「人類的社會為男性和女性
02:36
develop a special bond,
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建立了一些規範,
02:39
and when they're much older, much, much older than you,
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當他們長大之後,比你大很多、很多的時候,
02:42
and they have a very special feeling,
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當他們對彼此具有好感之後,
02:44
then they can be naked together."
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就可以脫光光在一起了。」
02:46
And she said, "Mom,
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然後她問:「媽咪,
02:48
have you done this before?"
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那你以前做過嗎?」
02:50
And I said, "Yes."
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我說:「有啊。」
02:53
And she said, "But Mom, you can't have kids."
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然後她說:「但是媽咪,你不能生小孩啊...」
02:55
Because she knows that I adopted her and that I can't have kids.
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她知道她是被我領養的,而且我不能生育。
02:57
And I said, "Yes."
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我說:「對啊。」
02:59
And she said, "Well, you don't have to do that again."
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然後她說:「嗯,那你以後就不用再做了。」
03:01
And I said, "..."
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然後我說:「...」
03:04
And then she said, "But how does it happen when a man and woman are together?
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然後她說:「那男人和女人在一起的時候是怎麼做的呢?
03:07
Like, how do they know that's the time?
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像他們怎麼知道要什麼時候做?
03:09
Mom, does the man just say,
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媽咪,還是男人會說
03:11
'Is now the time to take off my pants?'"
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『我現在可以脫褲子了嗎?』」
03:13
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
03:15
And I said, "Yes."
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我說:「對啊。」
03:17
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
03:19
"That is exactly right.
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「你說的對,
03:22
That's exactly how it happens."
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就是這樣。」
03:24
So we're driving home and she's looking out the window, and she goes,
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當我們開車回家的時候,她看著車窗外面,突然問說:
03:27
"Mom. What if two just people saw each other on the street,
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「媽咪,會不會有二個人在路上遇到,
03:29
like a man and a woman, they just started doing it. Would that ever happen?"
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剛好是一個男人和一個女人,然後他們就問始做了?會不會這樣?」
03:32
And I said, "Oh, no. Humans are so private.
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我說:「噢,不會。人類是很注重隱私的,
03:35
Oh ..."
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不會這樣。」
03:37
And then she goes, "What if there was like a party,
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她接著問:「那會不會在派對上,
03:39
and there was just like a whole bunch of girls and a whole bunch of boys,
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剛好有一群女孩子和一群男孩子,
03:41
and there was a bunch of men and women and they just started doing it, Mom?
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也有一群男人和一群女人,然後就開始做了?
03:44
Would that ever happen?"
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媽咪,會不會這樣?」
03:46
And I said, "Oh, no, no.
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我說:「噢,不會,不會。
03:49
That's not how we do it."
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人類不是這樣的。」
03:52
Then we got home and we see the cat. And she goes,
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然後我們回到家看到了貓咪,她就問:
03:54
"Mom, how do cats do it?"
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「媽咪,那貓咪是怎麼做的?」
03:56
And I go, "Oh, it's the same. It's basically the same."
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我說:「噢,一樣啊,基本上都一樣。」
03:58
And then she got all caught up in the legs. "But how would the legs go, Mom?
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然後她開始煩我腳的問題:「那腳要擺哪裡?
04:00
I don't understand the legs."
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媽咪,我不懂腳可以擺哪裡?」
04:02
She goes, "Mom, everyone can't do the splits."
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她說:「媽咪,不是每個人都會劈腿吧?」
04:04
And I go, "I know, but the legs ..."
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我說:「我知道...但是腳...」
04:06
and I'm probably like, "The legs get worked out."
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我回答:「腳會自己想辦法。」
04:08
And she goes, "But I just can't understand it."
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然後她說:「但是我就是不懂啊...」
04:09
So I go, "You know, why don't we go on the Internet,
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所以我建議:「我們為什麼不上網,
04:11
and maybe we can see ... like on Wikipedia." (Laughter)
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看看能不能找到...像是維基百科之類的。」
04:15
So we go online, and we put in "cats mating."
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然後我們上網,我輸入貓咪交配,
04:17
And, unfortunately, on YouTube, there's many cats mating videos.
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然後,竟然在Youtube上找到了很多貓咪交配的影片。
04:20
And we watched them and I'm so thankful,
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然後我們就看這些影片,我心存感謝,
04:22
because she's just like, "Wow! This is so amazing."
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因為她的表情就像,「哇!太精彩了!」
04:24
She goes, "What about dogs?"
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然後她又說:「那狗是怎麼交配的?」
04:27
So we put in dogs mating, and,
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所以我們又輸入狗的交配,
04:29
you know, we're watching it, and she's totally absorbed.
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然後就又開始看那些影片,她完全專注在那些影片上。
04:31
And then she goes, "Mom,
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最後她問:「媽咪,
04:33
do you think they would have, on the Internet,
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你覺得在網路上,
04:36
any humans mating?"
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會不會有人交配的影片?」
04:39
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
04:41
And then I realized that
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然後我才發覺,
04:43
I had taken my little eight year old's hand,
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我把自己的八歲女兒
04:45
and taken her right into Internet porn. (Laughter)
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帶進了網路色情世界裡去了。
04:47
And I looked into this
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然後我看著這個
04:49
trusting, loving face,
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全心信任我、愛我的小臉蛋,
04:51
and I said,
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我說:
04:53
"Oh, no.
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「噢,不會,
04:55
That would never happen."
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網路上沒有。」
04:57
Thank you.
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謝謝你們。
04:59
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
05:01
Thank you.
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謝謝你們。
05:03
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
05:06
Thank you. I'm so happy to be here.
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謝謝你們。我很高興來到這裡。

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