Success, failure and the drive to keep creating | Elizabeth Gilbert

Prevodilac: Marija Djukic Lektor: Ivana Korom

So, a few years ago I was at JFK Airport

Pre nekoliko godina, na aerodromu Kenedi

about to get on a flight,

čekala sam ukrcavanje na avion

when I was approached by two women

kada su mi prišle dve žene

who I do not think would be insulted

i mislim da se ne bi uvredile

to hear themselves described

kada bih ih opisala kao dve omalene,

as tiny old tough-talking Italian-American broads.

starije Amerikanke italijanskog porekla i oštrog jezika.

The taller one, who is like up here,

Ona viša rastom, visoka otprilike dovde,

she comes marching up to me, and she goes,

prilazi mi brzim korakom i kaže:

"Honey, I gotta ask you something.

"Draga, moram nešto da te pitam.

You got something to do with that whole

Ti imaš nekakve veze sa onim

'Eat, Pray, Love' thing that's been going on lately?"

"Jedi, moli, voli" o čemu svi pričaju?"

And I said, "Yes, I did."

I ja joj kažem: "Da."

And she smacks her friend and she goes,

A ona tresne svoju drugaricu i kaže:

"See, I told you, I said, that's that girl.

"Vidiš, jesam li ti rekla da je to ona!

That's that girl who wrote that book

To je ta cura što je napisala onu knjigu

based on that movie."

zasnovanu na onom filmu."

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

So that's who I am.

I eto to sam ja.

And believe me, I'm extremely grateful to be that person,

Verujte mi, izuzetno mi je drago što sam to baš ja,

because that whole "Eat, Pray, Love" thing

zato što "Jedi, moli, voli"

was a huge break for me.

za mene predstavlja veliki preokret.

But it also left me in a really tricky position

Osim toga, našla sam se u nezgodnom položaju

moving forward as an author

kao pisac koji treba da nastavi da piše

trying to figure out how in the world

i pokušava da shvati kako, zaboga,

I was ever going to write a book again

da napiše novu knjigu

that would ever please anybody,

koja će zadovoljiti bilo koga

because I knew well in advance

jer sam unapred dobro znala

that all of those people who had adored "Eat, Pray, Love"

da će svi koji su obožavali "Jedi, moli, voli"

were going to be incredibly disappointed

biti užasno razočarani

in whatever I wrote next

bilo čime što napišem posle te knjige

because it wasn't going to be "Eat, Pray, Love,"

jer to neće biti "Jedi, moli, voli"

and all of those people who had hated "Eat, Pray, Love"

i svi oni kojima se knjiga nije dopala

were going to be incredibly disappointed

biće užasno razočarani

in whatever I wrote next

bilo čime što napišem posle te knjige

because it would provide evidence that I still lived.

jer bi to bio dokaz da sam još uvek živa.

So I knew that I had no way to win,

I tako sam znala da sam svakako na gubitku.

and knowing that I had no way to win

I znajući da sam svakako na gubitku,

made me seriously consider for a while

ozbiljno sam razmišljala o tome

just quitting the game

da prosto odustanem od svega

and moving to the country to raise corgis.

i odem da živim na selu i gajim pse.

But if I had done that, if I had given up writing,

Ali, da sam uradila to, da sam odustala od pisanja,

I would have lost my beloved vocation,

izgubila bih svoj voljeni poziv

so I knew that the task was that I had to find

i znala sam da moram

some way to gin up the inspiration

da pronađem inspiraciju

to write the next book

da napišem sledeću knjigu

regardless of its inevitable negative outcome.

bez obzira što će ona doživeti neuspeh.

In other words, I had to find a way to make sure

Drugim rečima, da pronađem način

that my creativity survived its own success.

da moja kreativnost preživi svoj vlastiti uspeh.

And I did, in the end, find that inspiration,

I na kraju sam pronašla inspiraciju,

but I found it in the most unlikely

i to na mestu gde biste je

and unexpected place.

najmanje očekivali.

I found it in lessons that I had learned earlier in life

Pronašla sam je u svom starom iskustvu

about how creativity can survive its own failure.

kada je moja kreativnost opstala uprkos porazima.

So just to back up and explain,

Da se vratimo malo u prošlost,

the only thing I have ever wanted to be

sve što sam oduvek želela da postanem,

for my whole life was a writer.

od kako znam za sebe, je pisac.

I wrote all through childhood, all through adolescence,

Bavila sam se pisanjem kao dete i mlada devojka.

by the time I was a teenager I was sending

Već kao tinejdžerka sam slala

my very bad stories to The New Yorker,

svoje loše priče magazinu Njujorker

hoping to be discovered.

u nadi da će me otkriti kao pisca.

After college, I got a job as a diner waitress,

Posle koledža sam dobila posao konobarice,

kept working, kept writing,

nastavila sam da radim i pišem

kept trying really hard to get published,

i zaista se trudila da objavim svoje radove

and failing at it.

i doživljavala neuspehe.

I failed at getting published

Nisam ništa uspela da objavim

for almost six years.

skoro šest godina.

So for almost six years, every single day,

Skoro šest godina, baš svaki dan

I had nothing but rejection letters

nalazila sam samo negativne odgovore

waiting for me in my mailbox.

u svom poštanskom sandučetu.

And it was devastating every single time,

I svaki put je bilo poražavajuće,

and every single time, I had to ask myself

i svaki put sam se zapitala

if I should just quit while I was behind

da li je bolje da odustanem na vreme

and give up and spare myself this pain.

i poštedim sebe ove patnje.

But then I would find my resolve,

Ali onda bih otkrila novu odlučnost i svaki put na isti način,

and always in the same way,

by saying, "I'm not going to quit,

govoreći sebi: "Neću odustati,

I'm going home."

otići ću kući."

And you have to understand that for me,

A za mene odlazak kući

going home did not mean returning to my family's farm.

nije značio povratak na porodičnu farmu.

For me, going home

Za mene je odlazak kući

meant returning to the work of writing

bio povratak pisanju

because writing was my home,

jer pisanje je moj dom zato što ga volim

because I loved writing more than I hated failing at writing,

više nego što mrzim svoje neuspehe,

which is to say that I loved writing

što znači da volim da pišem

more than I loved my own ego,

više nego što volim svoj ego,

which is ultimately to say

i što konačno znači da volim da pišem

that I loved writing more than I loved myself.

više nego što volim sebe.

And that's how I pushed through it.

I tako sam to pregurala.

But the weird thing is that 20 years later,

Ali čudno je to da posle dvadeset godina

during the crazy ride of "Eat, Pray, Love,"

kroz ludnicu sa knjigom "Jedi, moli, voli",

I found myself identifying all over again

shvatila sam da se ponovo osećam

with that unpublished young diner waitress

kao ona mlada neuspešna konobarica

who I used to be, thinking about her constantly,

koja sam nekada bila, stalno sam mislila na nju

and feeling like I was her again,

i činilo mi se da sam ponovo ona,

which made no rational sense whatsoever

što je bilo besmisleno

because our lives could not have been more different.

jer smo bile u potpunosti različite.

She had failed constantly.

Ona je nizala neuspehe.

I had succeeded beyond my wildest expectation.

Ja sam doživela vrtoglavi uspeh.

We had nothing in common.

Nismo imale ništa zajedničko.

Why did I suddenly feel like I was her all over again?

Zašto sam se onda ponovo osećala kao ona?

And it was only when I was trying to unthread that

I tek kada sam pokušavala to da razmrsim,

that I finally began to comprehend

počela sam da razumevam

the strange and unlikely psychological connection

tu neobičnu i neverovatnu psihološku vezu

in our lives between the way we experience great failure

između načina na koji doživljavamo

and the way we experience great success.

veliki poraz i veliki uspeh u životu.

So think of it like this:

Zamislite to ovako:

For most of your life, you live out your existence

najveći deo svog života,

here in the middle of the chain of human experience

živite negde na sredini ljudskog iskustva

where everything is normal and reassuring and regular,

gde je sve normalno, spokojno i obično

but failure catapults you abruptly way out over here

ali neuspeh vas naglo baca čak ovamo

into the blinding darkness of disappointment.

u mrkli mrak razočaranja.

Success catapults you just as abruptly but just as far

Uspeh vas baca isto tako naglo i daleko

way out over here

sve dovde

into the equally blinding glare

u zaslepljujući blesak

of fame and recognition and praise.

slave, priznanja i hvale.

And one of these fates

Jedan od ova dva ishoda

is objectively seen by the world as bad,

svet objektivno sagledava kao loš,

and the other one is objectively seen by the world as good,

a drugi kao dobar,

but your subconscious is completely incapable

ali naša podsvest nije u stanju

of discerning the difference between bad and good.

da oseti tu razliku između dobrog i lošeg.

The only thing that it is capable of feeling

Sve što je ona u stanju da oseti

is the absolute value of this emotional equation,

jeste apsolutna vrednost tih emocija,

the exact distance that you have been flung

daljina do koje ste bačeni

from yourself.

daleko od sebe samog.

And there's a real equal danger in both cases

U oba slučaja postoji jednaka opasnost

of getting lost out there

da se izgubite tamo negde

in the hinterlands of the psyche.

u zaleđu svoje duše.

But in both cases, it turns out that there is

Ali u oba slučaja, izgleda da postoji

also the same remedy for self-restoration,

isti lek kojim možete pomoći sebi,

and that is that you have got to find your way back home again

a to je da ponovo pronađete put do svog doma

as swiftly and smoothly as you can,

što je brže i lakše moguće,

and if you're wondering what your home is,

a ako se pitate gde je vaš dom

here's a hint:

možda će vam ovo pomoći:

Your home is whatever in this world you love

vaš dom je tamo gde se nalazi

more than you love yourself.

ono što volite više nego sebe.

So that might be creativity, it might be family,

To je možda vaša kreativnost ili porodica,

it might be invention, adventure,

možda pronalasci ili avanture,

faith, service, it might be raising corgis,

vaša vera, vaš posao ili možda uzgoj pasa

I don't know, your home is that thing

vaš dom je ono

to which you can dedicate your energies

čemu možete da posvetite svoju energiju

with such singular devotion

sa takvom odanošću

that the ultimate results become inconsequential.

da dobar rezultat ne može izostati.

For me, that home has always been writing.

Moj dom je oduvek bilo pisanje.

So after the weird, disorienting success

Tako sam posle čudnog i vrtoglavog uspeha

that I went through with "Eat, Pray, Love,"

knjige "Jedi, moli, voli"

I realized that all I had to do was exactly

shvatila da moram da uradim

the same thing that I used to have to do all the time

isto što sam radila svaki put

when I was an equally disoriented failure.

kada sam bila izgubljena zbog neuspeha.

I had to get my ass back to work,

Moram da prionem na posao,

and that's what I did, and that's how, in 2010,

to sam i uradila, i tako sam 2010. godine

I was able to publish the dreaded follow-up

objavila nastavak knjige "Jedi, moli, voli"

to "Eat, Pray, Love."

koga sam se toliko pribojavala.

And you know what happened with that book?

I znate šta se desilo sa tom knjigom?

It bombed, and I was fine.

Doživela je neuspeh, ali ja sam bila dobro.

Actually, I kind of felt bulletproof,

Zapravo, osećala sam se otpornom

because I knew that I had broken the spell

jer sam znala da sam razbila čini

and I had found my way back home

i da sam se vratila svom domu,

to writing for the sheer devotion of it.

svom pisanju kome sam ostala odana.

And I stayed in my home of writing after that,

I posle toga sam ostala u svom domu

and I wrote another book that just came out last year

i objavila još jednu knjigu prošle godine,

and that one was really beautifully received,

a ona je naišla na topao prijem

which is very nice, but not my point.

što je zaista lepo, ali to nije poenta.

My point is that I'm writing another one now,

Poenta je u tome da trenutno pišem još jednu knjigu

and I'll write another book after that

i da ću posle nje napisati još jednu i još jednu...

and another and another and another

and many of them will fail,

i mnoge od njih neće doživeti uspeh, a neke će možda biti uspešne

and some of them might succeed,

but I will always be safe

ali ja ću uvek biti na sigurnom

from the random hurricanes of outcome

od uragana koje donose uspesi i neuspesi

as long as I never forget where I rightfully live.

sve dok imam na umu gde ja zaista pripadam.

Look, I don't know where you rightfully live,

Ja ne znam gde vi zaista pripadate

but I know that there's something in this world

ali znam da postoji nešto na ovom svetu

that you love more than you love yourself.

što volite više nego sebe.

Something worthy, by the way,

Nešto što je dostojno ljubavi,

so addiction and infatuation don't count,

zavisnost ili zanesenost se ne računaju

because we all know that those are not safe places to live. Right?

jer svi znamo da oni nisu bezbedni za nas.

The only trick is that you've got to identify

Trik je u tome da otkrijete šta je to

the best, worthiest thing that you love most,

najbolje, najvrednije, što najviše volite

and then build your house right on top of it

i na tome sagradite svoj dom

and don't budge from it.

i ne mrdajte iz njega.

And if you should someday, somehow

A ako vas nekada nešto

get vaulted out of your home

istera iz vašeg doma,

by either great failure or great success,

bio to veliki uspeh ili veliki poraz,

then your job is to fight your way back to that home

borite se da nađete svoj put nazad

the only way that it has ever been done,

na jedini mogući način,

by putting your head down and performing

pognite glavu i radite,

with diligence and devotion

radite vredno i istrajno,

and respect and reverence

sa poštovanjem

whatever the task is that love

radite na onome što ta ljubav

is calling forth from you next.

od vas traži.

You just do that, and keep doing that

Samo radite na tome i nastavite tako

again and again and again,

još, još i još

and I can absolutely promise you, from long personal experience

i garantujem vam, iz svog dugog iskustva,

in every direction, I can assure you

uveravam vas

that it's all going to be okay.

da će sve biti dobro.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)