Success, failure and the drive to keep creating | Elizabeth Gilbert

Translator: Polona Ramšak Reviewer: Nika Kotnik

So, a few years ago I was at JFK Airport

Pred nekaj leti sem bila na letališču JFK,

about to get on a flight,

pripravljena za vkrcanje,

when I was approached by two women

ko sta k meni pristopili dve ženski,

who I do not think would be insulted

ki, mislim, ne bi bili užaljeni,

to hear themselves described

če bi slišali, da ju opisujem

as tiny old tough-talking Italian-American broads.

kot majceni stari predrzni italijansko-ameriški babnici.

The taller one, who is like up here,

Višja med njima, nekje do tule mi je bila,

she comes marching up to me, and she goes,

primaršira k meni in mi reče:

"Honey, I gotta ask you something.

"Ljubica, nekaj te moram vprašati.

You got something to do with that whole

Ti imaš nekaj opraviti s tisto

'Eat, Pray, Love' thing that's been going on lately?"

Jej, moli, ljubi stvarjo, ki se dogaja zadnje čase?

And I said, "Yes, I did."

In rekla sem: "Ja, imam."

And she smacks her friend and she goes,

Ona pa udari svojo prijateljico in gre:

"See, I told you, I said, that's that girl.

"Vidiš, sem ti rekla, to je tista punca.

That's that girl who wrote that book

To je tista punca, ki je napisala knjigo,

based on that movie."

ki temelji na tistem filmu."

(Laughter)

(smeh)

So that's who I am.

To sem torej jaz.

And believe me, I'm extremely grateful to be that person,

In verjemite, izredno sem hvaležna, da sem ta oseba,

because that whole "Eat, Pray, Love" thing

ker je bila vsa ta Jej, moli, ljubi stvar

was a huge break for me.

zame velik preboj.

But it also left me in a really tricky position

Me je pa tudi pustila v res kočljivem položaju,

moving forward as an author

ko sem kot pisateljica šla naprej,

trying to figure out how in the world

ugotavljala, kako za božjo voljo

I was ever going to write a book again

bom še kdaj napisala knjigo,

that would ever please anybody,

ki bo kogar koli navdušila,

because I knew well in advance

ker sem že vnaprej vedela,

that all of those people who had adored "Eat, Pray, Love"

da bodo vsi tisti, ki so oboževali Jej, moli, ljubi,

were going to be incredibly disappointed

izjemno razočarani,

in whatever I wrote next

pa naj napišem kar koli,

because it wasn't going to be "Eat, Pray, Love,"

ker pač to ne bo Jej, moli, ljubi.

and all of those people who had hated "Eat, Pray, Love"

Vsi tisti, ki so sovražili knjigo Jej, moli, ljubi,

were going to be incredibly disappointed

bodo prav tako razočarani,

in whatever I wrote next

pa naj napišem kar koli,

because it would provide evidence that I still lived.

ker jim bo to ponudilo dokaz, da sem še vedno živa.

So I knew that I had no way to win,

Torej sem vedela, da ne morem zmagati,

and knowing that I had no way to win

in ker sem vedela, da ne morem zmagati,

made me seriously consider for a while

sem za trenutek resno razmišljala,

just quitting the game

da bi preprosto zapustila igro

and moving to the country to raise corgis.

in se preselila na podeželje in redila korgije.

But if I had done that, if I had given up writing,

Če bi to storila, se odrekla pisanju,

I would have lost my beloved vocation,

bi izgubila svoj ljubi poklic,

so I knew that the task was that I had to find

zato sem vedela, da je moja naloga, da najdem

some way to gin up the inspiration

nek način, da zberem navdih

to write the next book

za pisanje naslednje knjige,

regardless of its inevitable negative outcome.

ne glede na njen neizbežno negativni izid.

In other words, I had to find a way to make sure

Morala sem torej zagotoviti,

that my creativity survived its own success.

da bo moja kreativnost preživela svoj lasten uspeh.

And I did, in the end, find that inspiration,

In na koncu sem našla ta navdih,

but I found it in the most unlikely

in to na najbolj neverjetnem

and unexpected place.

in nepričakovanem mestu.

I found it in lessons that I had learned earlier in life

Našla sem ga v lekcijah, ki sem se jih naučila prej v življenju,

about how creativity can survive its own failure.

o tem, kako lahko kreativnost preživi svoj lastni neuspeh.

So just to back up and explain,

Naj se vrnem in razložim:

the only thing I have ever wanted to be

edina stvar, ki sem si jo kdaj koli želela biti

for my whole life was a writer.

je bila biti pisateljica.

I wrote all through childhood, all through adolescence,

Pisala skozi vse otroštvo, skozi vso adolescenco,

by the time I was a teenager I was sending

ko sem bila najstnica, sem pošiljala

my very bad stories to The New Yorker,

svoje zelo slabe zgodbe New Yorkerju,

hoping to be discovered.

da bi me bo odkrili.

After college, I got a job as a diner waitress,

Po univerzi sem se zaposlila kot natakarica

kept working, kept writing,

delala sem in pisala,

kept trying really hard to get published,

močno sem se trudila, da bi me objavili,

and failing at it.

in nisem uspela.

I failed at getting published

Ni mi uspelo ničesar objaviti

for almost six years.

skoraj šest let.

So for almost six years, every single day,

Skoraj šest let sem vsak dan

I had nothing but rejection letters

dobivala samo pisma zavrnitve,

waiting for me in my mailbox.

ki so me čakala v nabiralniku.

And it was devastating every single time,

In vsakič je bilo uničujoče

and every single time, I had to ask myself

in vsakič sem se morala vprašati,

if I should just quit while I was behind

če bi kar prenehala, ko še lahko,

and give up and spare myself this pain.

in se predala in si prihranila to bolečino.

But then I would find my resolve,

Potem pa sem našla svojo odločnost

and always in the same way,

in to vedno na isti način:

by saying, "I'm not going to quit,

rekla sem si - ne bom se predala,

I'm going home."

domov grem.

And you have to understand that for me,

Razumite, da zame

going home did not mean returning to my family's farm.

iti domov ni pomenilo, vrniti se na kmetijo moje družine.

For me, going home

Zame iti domov

meant returning to the work of writing

pomeni vrniti se k pisanju,

because writing was my home,

ker je pisanje moj dom,

because I loved writing more than I hated failing at writing,

ker ljubim pisanje bolj kot sovražim neuspeh pisanja.

which is to say that I loved writing

Pisanje sem ljubila

more than I loved my own ego,

bolj kot svoj ego,

which is ultimately to say

kar v bistvu pomeni,

that I loved writing more than I loved myself.

da sem pisanje ljubila bolj kot samo sebe.

And that's how I pushed through it.

In tako se mi je uspelo prebiti.

But the weird thing is that 20 years later,

Čudno je, da sem se 20 let kasneje,

during the crazy ride of "Eat, Pray, Love,"

v norosti uspeha Jej, moli, ljubi,

I found myself identifying all over again

zalotila, da se spet identificiram

with that unpublished young diner waitress

s tisto mlado natakarico, ki ji nič ne objavijo,

who I used to be, thinking about her constantly,

s tem, kdo sem bila, razmišljala sem o njej

and feeling like I was her again,

in se spet počutila kot ona,

which made no rational sense whatsoever

kar ni imelo nobenega smisla,

because our lives could not have been more different.

ker si ne bi mogli biti bolj različni.

She had failed constantly.

Ona je nizala neuspehe,

I had succeeded beyond my wildest expectation.

jaz pa sem presegla svoja najvišja pričakovanja.

We had nothing in common.

Nič skupnega nisva imeli.

Why did I suddenly feel like I was her all over again?

Zakaj sem se nenadoma počutila kot ona?

And it was only when I was trying to unthread that

In šele kot sem poskušala to razvozlati,

that I finally began to comprehend

sem končno začela razumeti

the strange and unlikely psychological connection

čudno in malo verjetno psihološko povezavo

in our lives between the way we experience great failure

med načinom, kako izkusimo velik neuspeh,

and the way we experience great success.

in načinom, kako izkusimo velik uspeh.

So think of it like this:

O tem takole razmišljam:

For most of your life, you live out your existence

večino življenja živiš izven sebe,

here in the middle of the chain of human experience

tu, v sredini verige človeške izkušnje,

where everything is normal and reassuring and regular,

kjer je vse normalno in pomirjajoče in ustaljeno.

but failure catapults you abruptly way out over here

Neuspeh pa te grobo katapultira daleč proč tja

into the blinding darkness of disappointment.

v zaslepljujočo temo razočaranja.

Success catapults you just as abruptly but just as far

Uspeh te prav tako grobo katapultira prav tako daleč,

way out over here

daleč sem,

into the equally blinding glare

v enako zaslepljujoči sij

of fame and recognition and praise.

slave in priznanja in pohvale.

And one of these fates

Eno od teh dveh usod

is objectively seen by the world as bad,

svet nepristransko vidi kot slabo,

and the other one is objectively seen by the world as good,

drugo pa svet nepristransko vidi kot dobro.

but your subconscious is completely incapable

A tvoja podzavest je popolnoma nesposobna

of discerning the difference between bad and good.

razpoznati razliko med slabim in dobrim.

The only thing that it is capable of feeling

Edina stvar, ki jo je sposobna čutiti,

is the absolute value of this emotional equation,

je absolutna vrednost te čustvene enačbe,

the exact distance that you have been flung

natančna distanca, kako daleč

from yourself.

od samega sebe vas je vrglo.

And there's a real equal danger in both cases

V obeh primerih obstaja resnična nevarnost,

of getting lost out there

da se izgubiš

in the hinterlands of the psyche.

v notranjosti psihe.

But in both cases, it turns out that there is

Obakrat se izkaže, da obstaja

also the same remedy for self-restoration,

tudi isto zdravilo za samoobnovo,

and that is that you have got to find your way back home again

in to je, da moraš spet najti pot domov,

as swiftly and smoothly as you can,

tako hitro in gladko, kot le lahko.

and if you're wondering what your home is,

Če te zanima, kaj je tvoj dom,

here's a hint:

je tule namig:

Your home is whatever in this world you love

tvoj dom je to, kar na tem svetu ljubiš

more than you love yourself.

bolj kot samega sebe.

So that might be creativity, it might be family,

To je lahko kreativnost, lahko je družina,

it might be invention, adventure,

lahko je iznajdljivost, avantura,

faith, service, it might be raising corgis,

vera, služba, lahko je vzgajanje korgijev,

I don't know, your home is that thing

ne vem, tvoj dom je tista stvar,

to which you can dedicate your energies

ki ji lahko posvetiš svoje energije

with such singular devotion

s tako edinstveno predanostjo,

that the ultimate results become inconsequential.

da končni rezultati postanejo nepomembni.

For me, that home has always been writing.

Zame je dom vedno bil pisanje.

So after the weird, disorienting success

Tako sem se po čudnem, vznemirljivem uspehu,

that I went through with "Eat, Pray, Love,"

ki sem ga imela z Jej, moli, ljubi,

I realized that all I had to do was exactly

zavedla, da moram storiti

the same thing that I used to have to do all the time

isto stvar, ki sem jo počela ves čas,

when I was an equally disoriented failure.

ko sem bila prav tako dezorientirana izguba.

I had to get my ass back to work,

Morala sem se spraviti na delo

and that's what I did, and that's how, in 2010,

in to sem storila. Tako sem leta 2010

I was able to publish the dreaded follow-up

lahko objavila strah zbujajoče nadaljevanje

to "Eat, Pray, Love."

svojega romana.

And you know what happened with that book?

Veste, kaj se je zgodilo s knjigo?

It bombed, and I was fine.

Bila je polomija in z mano je bilo vse v redu.

Actually, I kind of felt bulletproof,

Pravzaprav sem se počutila neprebojno,

because I knew that I had broken the spell

ker sem vedela, da sem prekinila urok

and I had found my way back home

in našla svojo pot nazaj domov,

to writing for the sheer devotion of it.

k pisanju zaradi samega užitka.

And I stayed in my home of writing after that,

In po tem sem ostala v svojem domu pisanja,

and I wrote another book that just came out last year

napisala še eno knjigo, ki je izšla lani,

and that one was really beautifully received,

in ta je bila res lepo sprejeta,

which is very nice, but not my point.

kar je prijetno, a ne bistveno.

My point is that I'm writing another one now,

Bistveno je, da spet pišem novo

and I'll write another book after that

in potem bom napisala še eno

and another and another and another

in še eno in še eno in še eno

and many of them will fail,

in mnoge bodo polomije

and some of them might succeed,

in nekatere bodo morda uspešnice,

but I will always be safe

a vedno bom varna

from the random hurricanes of outcome

pred nepričakovanimi viharji izida,

as long as I never forget where I rightfully live.

da le nikoli ne pozabim, kje zares živim.

Look, I don't know where you rightfully live,

Glejte, ne vem, kje zares živite vi,

but I know that there's something in this world

vem pa, da je nekaj na tem svetu,

that you love more than you love yourself.

kar ljubite bolj kot sami sebe.

Something worthy, by the way,

Nekaj vrednega, mimogrede,

so addiction and infatuation don't count,

odvisnost in zaljubljenost ne štejeta,

because we all know that those are not safe places to live. Right?

ker vsi vemo, da ti dve nista varen kraj za življenje, kajne?

The only trick is that you've got to identify

Edina zvijača je, da morate identificirati

the best, worthiest thing that you love most,

najboljšo, najvrednejšo stvar, ki jo ljubite,

and then build your house right on top of it

potem pa zgradite svojo hišo prav na njenem vrhu

and don't budge from it.

in se ne premaknite od tam.

And if you should someday, somehow

In če bi bili nekoč nekako

get vaulted out of your home

pregnani iz svojega doma

by either great failure or great success,

zaradi velikega neuspeha ali velikega uspeha,

then your job is to fight your way back to that home

je vaša naloga, da si izborite pot nazaj domov

the only way that it has ever been done,

na edini možen način,

by putting your head down and performing

in to je, da sklonite glavo in počnete

with diligence and devotion

marljivo in predano,

and respect and reverence

s spoštovanjem in čaščenjem,

whatever the task is that love

katero koli stvar že ljubezen

is calling forth from you next.

naslednjo prikliče.

You just do that, and keep doing that

Preprosto storite to in to počnite

again and again and again,

še in še in še

and I can absolutely promise you, from long personal experience

in absolutno vam lahko obljubim iz dolgih osebnih izkušenj

in every direction, I can assure you

v vseh smereh, zagotavljam vam,

that it's all going to be okay.

da bo vse v redu.

Thank you.

Hvala.

(Applause)

(aplavz)