Success, failure and the drive to keep creating | Elizabeth Gilbert

Reviewer: Ilze Garda

So, a few years ago I was at JFK Airport

Pirms pāris gadiem es biju Džona Kenedija lidostā,

about to get on a flight,

grasījos kāpt lidmašīnā,

when I was approached by two women

kad pie manis pienāca divas sievietes,

who I do not think would be insulted

kuras, manuprāt, neapvainotos, ja tiktu aprakstītas

to hear themselves described

as tiny old tough-talking Italian-American broads.

kā mazas, vecas itāļu-amerikāņu kundzītes, kas nav uz mutes kritušas.

The taller one, who is like up here,

Garākā, apmēram tik gara,

piesoļo pie manis piesoļo un saka:

she comes marching up to me, and she goes,

"Honey, I gotta ask you something.

"Dārgā, man tev kas jāpajautā.

You got something to do with that whole

Vai tev ir kāds sakars ar to pēdējā laika Ēd, lūdzies, mīli padarīšanu?"

'Eat, Pray, Love' thing that's been going on lately?"

And I said, "Yes, I did."

Es atbildēju: "Jā, man ir."

And she smacks her friend and she goes,

Un viņa iebaksta draudzenei:

"See, I told you, I said, that's that girl.

"Redzi, es taču tev teicu, tā ir tā meitene!

That's that girl who wrote that book

Tā meitene, kas uzrakstīja to grāmatu

based on that movie."

balstoties uz to filmu!"

(Laughter)

(Smiekli)

So that's who I am.

Tātad tas ir tas, kas es esmu.

And believe me, I'm extremely grateful to be that person,

Un, ticiet man, esmu neizsakāmi pateicīga, ka esmu šis cilvēks,

because that whole "Eat, Pray, Love" thing

jo tā visa Ēd, lūdzies, mīli padarīšana

was a huge break for me.

man bija milzīgs sasniegums.

But it also left me in a really tricky position

Bet kā autore es attapos arī ļoti sarežģītā situācijā –

moving forward as an author

trying to figure out how in the world

es mēģināju saprast, kā gan es varētu uzrakstīt vēl kādu grāmatu,

I was ever going to write a book again

that would ever please anybody,

kas kādam varētu patikt,

because I knew well in advance

jo es jau no sākuma zināju,

that all of those people who had adored "Eat, Pray, Love"

ka visi tie cilvēki, kam patika Ēd, lūdzies, mīli,

were going to be incredibly disappointed

manā nākamajā darbā būs ārkārtīgi vīlušies,

in whatever I wrote next

because it wasn't going to be "Eat, Pray, Love,"

jo tas vairs nebūs Ēd, lūdzies, mīli,

and all of those people who had hated "Eat, Pray, Love"

savukārt visi tie, kam Ēd, lūdzies, mīli nepatika,

were going to be incredibly disappointed

būs ārkārtīgi vīlušies,

in whatever I wrote next

jo mans nākamais darbs būs pierādījums tam, ka es joprojām dzīvoju.

because it would provide evidence that I still lived.

So I knew that I had no way to win,

Es sapratu, ka nekādi nevaru uzvarēt,

and knowing that I had no way to win

un kādu brīdi šī apziņa man lika nopietni apsvērt domu

made me seriously consider for a while

just quitting the game

mest to visu pie malas,

and moving to the country to raise corgis.

pārvākties uz laukiem un audzēt korgijus.

But if I had done that, if I had given up writing,

Bet, pametot rakstīšanu,

I would have lost my beloved vocation,

es zaudētu savu mīļoto nodarbi.

so I knew that the task was that I had to find

Tādēļ es zināju, ka man jāatrod veids,

some way to gin up the inspiration

kā uzkurināt iedvesmu nākamajai grāmatai,

to write the next book

regardless of its inevitable negative outcome.

kaut arī iznākums neizbēgami būs negatīvs.

In other words, I had to find a way to make sure

Citiem vārdiem, man bija jāpārliecinās,

that my creativity survived its own success.

ka mans radošums pārdzīvos pats savus panākumus.

And I did, in the end, find that inspiration,

Un beigās es šo iedvesmu atradu,

but I found it in the most unlikely

bet atradu to visneticamākajā un neparedzamākajā vietā.

and unexpected place.

I found it in lessons that I had learned earlier in life

Es to atradu mācībās, ko biju guvusi savos agrākajos dzīves gados

about how creativity can survive its own failure.

par to, kā radošums var pārdzīvot pats savas neveiksmes.

So just to back up and explain,

Maza piezīme –

the only thing I have ever wanted to be

vienīgais, par ko es jebkad dzīvē esmu vēlējusies kļūt, ir rakstniece.

for my whole life was a writer.

I wrote all through childhood, all through adolescence,

Es rakstīju gan bērnībā, gan pusaudzes gados.

by the time I was a teenager I was sending

Kā padsmitniece es sūtīju

my very bad stories to The New Yorker,

savus ļoti sliktos stāstus žurnālam The New Yorker cerībā, ka mani pamanīs.

hoping to be discovered.

After college, I got a job as a diner waitress,

Pēc koledžas es strādāju par viesmīli –

kept working, kept writing,

turpināju strādāt, turpināju rakstīt,

kept trying really hard to get published,

turpināju censties publicēt savus darbus

and failing at it.

un turpināju ciest neveiksmi.

I failed at getting published

Man neizdevās publicēties gandrīz sešus gadus.

for almost six years.

So for almost six years, every single day,

Gandrīz sešus gadus

I had nothing but rejection letters

katru dienu pastkastē mani gaidīja tikai un vienīgi atteikuma vēstules.

waiting for me in my mailbox.

And it was devastating every single time,

Un katru reizi tas bija mokoši,

and every single time, I had to ask myself

un katru reizi es sev jautāju,

if I should just quit while I was behind

vai nevajadzētu to visu mest pie malas, kamēr vēl varu,

and give up and spare myself this pain.

padoties un aiztaupīt sev šīs sāpes.

But then I would find my resolve,

Bet tad es atguvu apņēmību,

and always in the same way,

turklāt vienmēr vienā un tajā pašā veidā,

by saying, "I'm not going to quit,

atkārtojot sev, ka negrasos padoties, ka es dodos mājās.

I'm going home."

And you have to understand that for me,

Saprotiet, ka man atgriešanās mājās nenozīmēja atgriešanos ģimenes fermā.

going home did not mean returning to my family's farm.

For me, going home

Došanās mājās man nozīmēja atgriešanos pie rakstīšanas,

meant returning to the work of writing

because writing was my home,

jo rakstīšana bija manas mājas,

because I loved writing more than I hated failing at writing,

jo es mīlēju rakstīšanu vairāk, nekā es necietu neveiksmes,

which is to say that I loved writing

kas nozīmē, ka es mīlēju rakstīšanu vairāk nekā pati savu ego,

more than I loved my own ego,

which is ultimately to say

kas galu galā nozīmē,

that I loved writing more than I loved myself.

ka es mīlēju rakstīšanu vairāk nekā pati sevi.

And that's how I pushed through it.

Un tā es tiku tam cauri.

But the weird thing is that 20 years later,

Bet dīvainākais ir tas, ka pēc 20 gadiem,

during the crazy ride of "Eat, Pray, Love,"

trakajā Ēd, lūdzies, mīli piedzīvojumā,

I found myself identifying all over again

es atkal sajutos kā tā jaunā, nepublicētā viesmīle, kāda es reiz biju.

with that unpublished young diner waitress

who I used to be, thinking about her constantly,

Es visu laiku par viņu domāju, un man šķita, ka es atkal esmu viņa;

and feeling like I was her again,

which made no rational sense whatsoever

tam nav nekāda racionāla izskaidrojuma,

because our lives could not have been more different.

jo mūsu dzīves nevarētu būt atšķirīgākas.

She had failed constantly.

Viņa pastāvīgi cieta neveiksmi,

I had succeeded beyond my wildest expectation.

es biju guvusi neiedomājamus panākumus.

We had nothing in common.

Mums nebija nekā kopīga.

Why did I suddenly feel like I was her all over again?

Kāpēc es atkal jutos, it kā es būtu viņa?

And it was only when I was trying to unthread that

Un tikai tad, kad centos to atšķetināt,

that I finally began to comprehend

es beidzot sāku apjēgt

the strange and unlikely psychological connection

dīvaino un mazticamo psiholoģisko saikni, kas mūs vieno,

in our lives between the way we experience great failure

saikni starp to, kā mēs uztveram milzīgu neveiksmi

and the way we experience great success.

un kā – milzīgus panākumus.

So think of it like this:

Padomājiet par to šādi:

For most of your life, you live out your existence

lielāko daļu dzīves jūs pavadāt

here in the middle of the chain of human experience

cilvēciskas pieredzes ķēdē,

where everything is normal and reassuring and regular,

kur viss ir normāls un nomierinošs, un pazīstams,

but failure catapults you abruptly way out over here

bet neveiksme jūs pēkšņi katapultē tālu prom,

into the blinding darkness of disappointment.

tieši aklajā vilšanās tumsā.

Success catapults you just as abruptly but just as far

Panākumi jūs katapultē tikpat pēkšņi un tikpat tālu

way out over here

tikpat žilbinošajā slavas un atzinības gaismā.

into the equally blinding glare

of fame and recognition and praise.

And one of these fates

Vienu no šiem pavērsieniem pasaulē objektīvi uzskata par sliktu

is objectively seen by the world as bad,

and the other one is objectively seen by the world as good,

un otru – par labu,

but your subconscious is completely incapable

bet jūsu zemapziņa nespēj

of discerning the difference between bad and good.

saredzēt atšķirību starp ļauno un labo.

The only thing that it is capable of feeling

Vienīgais, ko tā spēj sajust,

is the absolute value of this emotional equation,

ir šī emocionālā vienādojuma absolūtā vērtība,

the exact distance that you have been flung

tiešais attālums, cik tālu prom no sevis jūs esat aizlidināti.

from yourself.

And there's a real equal danger in both cases

Un abos gadījumos ir vienlīdz bīstami

of getting lost out there

apmaldīties tur, psihes dziļumos.

in the hinterlands of the psyche.

But in both cases, it turns out that there is

Bet izrādās, ka abos gadījumos

also the same remedy for self-restoration,

ir viens un tas pats pašatjaunošanās veids –

and that is that you have got to find your way back home again

jums ir atkal jāatrod ceļš mājās,

as swiftly and smoothly as you can,

cik vien žigli un veikli iespējams,

and if you're wondering what your home is,

un, ja prātojat, kur gan ir jūsu mājas,

here's a hint:

lūk, norāde:

Your home is whatever in this world you love

jūsu mājas ir tas, ko šajā pasaulē mīlat vairāk nekā paši sevi.

more than you love yourself.

So that might be creativity, it might be family,

Tas var būt radošums, tā var būt ģimene,

it might be invention, adventure,

tie var būt izgudrojumi, piedzīvojumi,

faith, service, it might be raising corgis,

ticība, kalpošana, tā var būt korgiju audzēšana,

I don't know, your home is that thing

es nezinu, bet jūsu mājas ir tā lieta,

to which you can dedicate your energies

kurai varat veltīt savas pūles ar tik pilnīgu atdevi,

with such singular devotion

that the ultimate results become inconsequential.

ka gala iznākumam nav nozīmes.

For me, that home has always been writing.

Man šīs mājas vienmēr ir bijusi rakstīšana.

So after the weird, disorienting success

Tādēļ pēc dīvainajiem, mulsinošajiem Ēd, lūdzies, mīli panākumiem,

that I went through with "Eat, Pray, Love,"

I realized that all I had to do was exactly

es sapratu, ka man jādara, tas pats, ko esmu darījusi vienmēr,

the same thing that I used to have to do all the time

when I was an equally disoriented failure.

kad cietu tikpat mulsinošu neveiksmi.

I had to get my ass back to work,

Man atkal jāķeras pie darba,

and that's what I did, and that's how, in 2010,

un tieši to es arī darīju, un tā 2010. gadā

I was able to publish the dreaded follow-up

es varēju izdot Ēd, lūdzies, mīli turpinājumu, no kura tā baidījos.

to "Eat, Pray, Love."

And you know what happened with that book?

Un ziniet, kas notika ar šo grāmatu?

It bombed, and I was fine.

Tā izgāzās, un ar mani viss bija kārtībā.

Actually, I kind of felt bulletproof,

Patiesībā es sajutos neuzvarama,

because I knew that I had broken the spell

jo es zināju, ka esmu salauzusi burvestību

and I had found my way back home

un atradusi ceļu atpakaļ mājās

to writing for the sheer devotion of it.

pie rakstīšanas tīra prieka pēc.

And I stayed in my home of writing after that,

Un pēc tam es paliku savās rakstīšanas mājās

and I wrote another book that just came out last year

un pagājušogad izdevu vēl vienu grāmatu,

and that one was really beautifully received,

tā tika brīnišķīgi uzņemta,

which is very nice, but not my point.

kas ir jauki, bet tas nav svarīgi.

My point is that I'm writing another one now,

Svarīgi ir tas, ka tagad rakstu vēl vienu

and I'll write another book after that

un pēcāk rakstīšu vēl vienu

and another and another and another

un tad vēl un vēl, un vēl.

and many of them will fail,

Daudzas no tām neizdosies,

and some of them might succeed,

dažas varbūt gūs panākumus,

but I will always be safe

bet es vienmēr būšu pasargāta

from the random hurricanes of outcome

no neparedzamajām iznākuma vētrām,

as long as I never forget where I rightfully live.

kamēr vien neaizmirsīšu, kur ir manas īstās mājas.

Look, I don't know where you rightfully live,

Es nezinu, kur jūsu mājas,

but I know that there's something in this world

bet zinu, ka šajā pasaulē ir kas tāds,

that you love more than you love yourself.

ko mīlat vairāk nekā sevi pašu.

Something worthy, by the way,

Kaut kas vērtīgs, starp citu,

so addiction and infatuation don't count,

tā ka atkarība un apmātība neskaitās,

because we all know that those are not safe places to live. Right?

jo mēs visi zinām, ka tās nav drošas dzīvesvietas, vai ne?

The only trick is that you've got to identify

Vienīgais āķis ir saprast,

the best, worthiest thing that you love most,

kas ir tas vislabākais, visvērtīgākais, vismīļākais,

and then build your house right on top of it

uz kā celt savu māju,

and don't budge from it.

un tad nekustēties ne no vietas.

And if you should someday, somehow

Un, ja jūs kādreiz

vai nu lielas neveiksmes, vai lielas veiksmes dēļ izmet no šīm mājām,

get vaulted out of your home

by either great failure or great success,

then your job is to fight your way back to that home

jūsu pienākums ir izlauzt ceļu atpakaļ mājup

the only way that it has ever been done,

vienīgajā veidā, kā to var izdarīt, –

by putting your head down and performing

noliecot galvu un ķeroties pie darba ar rūpību un atdevi,

with diligence and devotion

and respect and reverence

ar cieņu un godbijību,

whatever the task is that love

lai kas arī būtu tas, ko mīlestība liek jums darīt tālāk.

is calling forth from you next.

You just do that, and keep doing that

Vienkārši dariet to

un turpiniet to darīt atkal un atkal, un atkal,

again and again and again,

and I can absolutely promise you, from long personal experience

un no savas personīgās pieredzes es jums varu pilnībā apsolīt,

in every direction, I can assure you

es varu apliecināt,

that it's all going to be okay.

ka viss būs kārtībā.

Thank you.

Paldies.

(Applause)

(Aplausi)