Success, failure and the drive to keep creating | Elizabeth Gilbert

Translator: Kerttu Tihanov Reviewer: Aari Lemmik

So, a few years ago I was at JFK Airport

Olin mõne aasta eest JFK lennujaamas, just lennukile astumas,

about to get on a flight,

when I was approached by two women

kui mulle lähenesid kaks naist, kelle puhul julgen arvata,

who I do not think would be insulted

to hear themselves described

et nad ei pahandaks, kui kirjeldaksin neid nii:

as tiny old tough-talking Italian-American broads.

pisikesed sõnakad Itaalia päritolu Ameerika mutid.

The taller one, who is like up here,

Neist pikem, kes oli mulle umbes siiani,

she comes marching up to me, and she goes,

marssis minu juurde ja ütles:

"Honey, I gotta ask you something.

"Kullake, ma pean sinult midagi küsima.

You got something to do with that whole

Kas sa oled kuidagi seotud

'Eat, Pray, Love' thing that's been going on lately?"

selle söö-palveta-armasta-värgiga, mis viimasel ajal lahti on läinud?"

And I said, "Yes, I did."

Ma vastasin: "Jah, olen küll."

And she smacks her friend and she goes,

Ta müksas oma sõpra ja ütles:

"See, I told you, I said, that's that girl.

"Näed, ma ütlesin ju, et see on tema.

That's that girl who wrote that book

Tema ongi see tüdruk,

based on that movie."

kes selle filmi põhjal raamatu kirjutas."

(Naer)

(Laughter)

So that's who I am.

Nii et see ma siis olengi.

And believe me, I'm extremely grateful to be that person,

Uskuge mind - olen väga tänulik, et saan olla see inimene,

because that whole "Eat, Pray, Love" thing

sest "Söö. Palveta. Armasta."

was a huge break for me.

oli minu jaoks tohutu läbimurre.

But it also left me in a really tricky position

Samas pani see mu kirjanikuna üsna keerulisse olukorda,

moving forward as an author

sest pidin nüüd välja nuputama,

trying to figure out how in the world

kuidas kirjutada järgmine raamat,

I was ever going to write a book again

that would ever please anybody,

mis vastaks inimeste ootustele.

because I knew well in advance

Ma teadsin seda juba ette,

that all of those people who had adored "Eat, Pray, Love"

et kõik, kes jumaldasid raamatut "Söö. Palveta. Armasta",

were going to be incredibly disappointed

pettuksid igal juhul meeletult,

in whatever I wrote next

ükskõik, mida ma järgmiseks kirjutaksin,

because it wasn't going to be "Eat, Pray, Love,"

sest see poleks enam see raamat.

and all of those people who had hated "Eat, Pray, Love"

Ja kõik need, kes seda raamatut vihkasid,

were going to be incredibly disappointed

pettuksid samamoodi väga,

in whatever I wrote next

mida iganes ma kirjutaksin,

because it would provide evidence that I still lived.

sest see näitaks, et olen ikka veel elus.

So I knew that I had no way to win,

Seega teadsin, et olen igal juhul kaotaja.

and knowing that I had no way to win

Teadmine, et mul pole võimalustki võita,

made me seriously consider for a while

pani mind tõsiselt mõtlema,

just quitting the game

et löön kõigele käega

and moving to the country to raise corgis.

ja kolin hoopis maale korgisid kasvatama.

But if I had done that, if I had given up writing,

Kui oleksin kirjutamisest loobunud,

I would have lost my beloved vocation,

oleksin kaotanud oma armastatud elukutse.

so I knew that the task was that I had to find

Seega teadsin, et pean leidma

some way to gin up the inspiration

mingi viisi inspiratsiooni ammutamiseks,

to write the next book

et kirjutada järgmine teos,

regardless of its inevitable negative outcome.

hoolimata vältimatust negatiivsest tulemusest.

In other words, I had to find a way to make sure

Kuidagimoodi pidin tegema nii,

that my creativity survived its own success.

et mu loovus ei kannataks mu edukuse tõttu.

And I did, in the end, find that inspiration,

Lõpuks ma leidsingi selle inspiratsiooni,

but I found it in the most unlikely

kuid kõige ebatõenäolisemast ja ootamatumast kohast.

and unexpected place.

I found it in lessons that I had learned earlier in life

Leidsin selle õppetundidest, mille elu jooksul saanud olin -

about how creativity can survive its own failure.

selle kohta, kuidas loovus elab üle oma ebaõnnestumised.

So just to back up and explain,

Selgituseks teile -

the only thing I have ever wanted to be

olen terve elu unistanud ainult kirjanikuks saamisest.

for my whole life was a writer.

I wrote all through childhood, all through adolescence,

Kirjutasin terve lapsepõlve ja noorukiea.

by the time I was a teenager I was sending

Teismelisena saatsin ma

my very bad stories to The New Yorker,

oma väga halbu jutte New Yorkerile, lootes silma jääda.

hoping to be discovered.

After college, I got a job as a diner waitress,

Pärast ülikooli läksin tööle ettekandjana.

kept working, kept writing,

Ma muudkui töötasin ja kirjutasin.

kept trying really hard to get published,

Nägin palju vaeva, et mu töid avaldataks,

and failing at it.

kuid see ei õnnestunud.

I failed at getting published

Mu töid ei avaldatud

for almost six years.

peaaegu kuus aastat.

So for almost six years, every single day,

Peaaegu kuus aastat iga päev

I had nothing but rejection letters

leidsin oma postkastist ainult äraütlevaid kirju.

waiting for me in my mailbox.

And it was devastating every single time,

Olin iga kord väga löödud

and every single time, I had to ask myself

ja küsisin endalt alatihti,

if I should just quit while I was behind

äkki oleks targem lõpetada,

and give up and spare myself this pain.

anda alla ja säästa end haiget saamisest.

But then I would find my resolve,

Ent siis leidsin taas jõu, iga kord samamoodi.

and always in the same way,

by saying, "I'm not going to quit,

Ütlesin endale: "Ma ei anna alla. Ma lähen koju!"

I'm going home."

And you have to understand that for me,

going home did not mean returning to my family's farm.

Selgituseks, et minu jaoks ei tähendanud see mitte kodufarmi naasmist.

For me, going home

Minu jaoks tähendas kojuminek

meant returning to the work of writing

naasmist kirjutamistöö juurde,

because writing was my home,

sest kirjutamine oligi mu kodu.

because I loved writing more than I hated failing at writing,

Ma armastasin seda rohkem, kui vihkasin ebaõnnestumisi.

which is to say that I loved writing

See tähendab, et armastasin kirjutamist rohkem kui iseenda ego,

more than I loved my own ego,

which is ultimately to say

millest võib järeldada,

that I loved writing more than I loved myself.

et armastasin kirjutamist rohkem kui iseennast.

And that's how I pushed through it.

Ja nii ma läbi murdsingi.

But the weird thing is that 20 years later,

Imelik on see, et 20 aastat hiljem,

during the crazy ride of "Eat, Pray, Love,"

"Söö. Palveta. Armasta" möllus,

I found myself identifying all over again

leidsin end taas samastumas

with that unpublished young diner waitress

selle kirjanikuhakatisest ettekandjaga,

who I used to be, thinking about her constantly,

kes ma kunagi olin. Ma mõtlesin talle aina

and feeling like I was her again,

ja tundsin, et olen jälle tema,

which made no rational sense whatsoever

mis polnud üldse mõistuspärane,

because our lives could not have been more different.

sest meie elud olid täiesti erinevad.

She had failed constantly.

Tema kukkus pidevalt läbi.

I had succeeded beyond my wildest expectation.

Mina olin uskumatult edukas.

We had nothing in common.

Meil polnud midagi ühist.

Why did I suddenly feel like I was her all over again?

Miks ma siis järsku tundsin, et olen jälle tema?

And it was only when I was trying to unthread that

Alles seda mõistatust lahti harutades

that I finally began to comprehend

hakkasin lõpuks aduma

the strange and unlikely psychological connection

hämmastavat psühholoogilist seost selle vahel,

in our lives between the way we experience great failure

kuidas me kogeme suurt läbikukkumist

and the way we experience great success.

ja kuidas me kogeme suurt edu.

So think of it like this:

Mõelge sellele niimoodi,

For most of your life, you live out your existence

et suure osa elust me lihtsalt oleme

here in the middle of the chain of human experience

selles inimlike kogemuste ahelas,

where everything is normal and reassuring and regular,

kus kõik on normaalne, kindel ja regulaarne.

but failure catapults you abruptly way out over here

Ebaõnnestumine viskab meid sealt järsku välja,

into the blinding darkness of disappointment.

pimestavasse pettumusse.

Success catapults you just as abruptly but just as far

Edu heidab meid sama järsku ja sama kaugele,

way out over here

kaugele siia,

into the equally blinding glare

samamoodi pimestavasse hiilgusesse,

of fame and recognition and praise.

mida põhjustab kuulsus, tunnustus ja kiitus.

And one of these fates

Üht neist variantidest

is objectively seen by the world as bad,

näeb maailm objektiivselt halvana.

and the other one is objectively seen by the world as good,

Teist näeb maailm objektiivselt heana.

but your subconscious is completely incapable

Alateadvus ei suuda aga kohe üldse

of discerning the difference between bad and good.

halval ja heal vahet teha.

The only thing that it is capable of feeling

See suudab ainult tunda

is the absolute value of this emotional equation,

selle emotsionaalse võrdluse absoluutset väärtust,

the exact distance that you have been flung

sedasama kaugust, kuhu sa oma tavaolekust lennutatud oled.

from yourself.

And there's a real equal danger in both cases

Mõlemal juhul varitseb reaalne oht

of getting lost out there

et seal, oma hinge ääremaal,

in the hinterlands of the psyche.

end täielikult kaotada.

But in both cases, it turns out that there is

Mõlemal juhul aga selgub,

also the same remedy for self-restoration,

et enda taasleidmiseks on sama moodus.

and that is that you have got to find your way back home again

Me peame taas kodutee leidma

as swiftly and smoothly as you can,

ning seda võimalikult ruttu ja sujuvalt.

and if you're wondering what your home is,

Kui mõtlete, mis on teie kodu,

here's a hint:

siis siin väike vihje:

Your home is whatever in this world you love

teie koduks on see, mida armastate rohkem kui iseennast.

more than you love yourself.

So that might be creativity, it might be family,

Selleks võib olla loovus, pere, leiutamine, seiklused,

it might be invention, adventure,

faith, service, it might be raising corgis,

usk, teenimine, korgide kasvatamine - mis iganes!

I don't know, your home is that thing

Teie koduks on see asi,

to which you can dedicate your energies

millele kulutate oma energiat niivõrd suure pühendumusega,

with such singular devotion

that the ultimate results become inconsequential.

et lõpptulemus muutub tähtsusetuks.

For me, that home has always been writing.

Minu jaoks on see kodu alati olnud kirjutamine.

So after the weird, disorienting success

Seega pärast kummalist ja segadusse ajavat edu,

that I went through with "Eat, Pray, Love,"

mille ma oma raamatuga saavutasin,

I realized that all I had to do was exactly

adusin, et pean tegema sama, mida ma tegin alati siis,

the same thing that I used to have to do all the time

kui tundsin samasugust segadust, aga seda ebaõnnestumise tõttu.

when I was an equally disoriented failure.

I had to get my ass back to work,

Pidin end taas tööle vedama.

and that's what I did, and that's how, in 2010,

Ja seda ma tegingi.

Nii suutsin 2010. aastal avaldada palju kardetud järje

I was able to publish the dreaded follow-up

to "Eat, Pray, Love."

oma suurteosele.

And you know what happened with that book?

Kas teate, mis siis sai?

It bombed, and I was fine.

See raamat oli menukas ja minuga oli kõik hästi.

Actually, I kind of felt bulletproof,

Tegelikult tundsin end võitmatuna,

because I knew that I had broken the spell

sest teadsin, et olin murdnud nõiduse

and I had found my way back home

ja taasleidnud kodutee kirjutamise juurde,

to writing for the sheer devotion of it.

seda puhtalt tänu pühendumusele.

And I stayed in my home of writing after that,

Pärast seda jäingi sellesse koju

and I wrote another book that just came out last year

ja andsin mullu välja veel ühe teose.

and that one was really beautifully received,

See võeti ka hästi vastu, mis on tore, aga mitte mu jutu iva.

which is very nice, but not my point.

My point is that I'm writing another one now,

Mu mõte on selles, et kirjutan ka praegu üht raamatut

and I'll write another book after that

ja siis veel ühe

and another and another and another

ja veel ja veel ja veel.

and many of them will fail,

Paljud neist kukuvad läbi ja mõned on edukad,

and some of them might succeed,

but I will always be safe

aga ma olen alati kaitstud, mis iganes see tulemus ka poleks,

from the random hurricanes of outcome

as long as I never forget where I rightfully live.

kui ma lihtsalt hoian meeles, kus on minu päris kodu.

Look, I don't know where you rightfully live,

Vaadake, ma ei tea, kus on teie päris kodu,

but I know that there's something in this world

kuid tean, et maailmas on alati miski,

that you love more than you love yourself.

mida armastate rohkem kui iseennast.

Something worthy, by the way,

Midagi väärtuslikku,

so addiction and infatuation don't count,

seega sõltuvus ja lummus ei loe,

because we all know that those are not safe places to live. Right?

sest me kõik teame, et need ei ole ohutud paigad, on ju nii?

The only trick is that you've got to identify

Saladus seisneb selles, et peate ära tundma

the best, worthiest thing that you love most,

selle parima ja väärtuslikeima asja, mida armastate,

and then build your house right on top of it

ja siis sinna oma kodu ehitama

and don't budge from it.

ning selle juurde pidama jääma.

And if you should someday, somehow

Kui teid kunagi mingil põhjusel

get vaulted out of your home

teie kodust välja visatakse,

by either great failure or great success,

kas suure läbikukkumise või edu tõttu,

then your job is to fight your way back to that home

siis peate iga hinna eest koju tagasi jõudma.

the only way that it has ever been done,

Selleks on ainult üks moodus -

by putting your head down and performing

te peate oma pea langetama,

with diligence and devotion

olema töökad ja pühendunud,

and respect and reverence

näitama austust ja aukartust,

whatever the task is that love

mis iganes see ülesanne on,

is calling forth from you next.

mida armastus teie teele saadab.

You just do that, and keep doing that

Lihtsalt tehke ja jätkake seda.

again and again and again,

Tehke seda üha uuesti ja uuesti

and I can absolutely promise you, from long personal experience

ja ma võin teile kinnitada oma pika kogemuse põhjal,

in every direction, I can assure you

et mis iganes suunda te liikunud olete,

that it's all going to be okay.

kõik läheb hästi!

Thank you.

Tänan teid!

(Applause)