Success, failure and the drive to keep creating | Elizabeth Gilbert

Prevoditelj: Ivan Stamenković Recezent: Senzos Osijek

So, a few years ago I was at JFK Airport

Prije nekoliko godina bila sam na JFK aerodromu

about to get on a flight,

upravo se ukrcavajući na let,

when I was approached by two women

kada su mi prišle dvije žene

who I do not think would be insulted

za koje mislim da se neće uvrijediti

to hear themselves described

ako čuju da sam ih opisala

as tiny old tough-talking Italian-American broads.

kao malene stare Talijansko-Američke ženske jake na riječima.

The taller one, who is like up here,

Viša, koja je otprilike ovdje,

she comes marching up to me, and she goes,

domaršira do mene, i kaže,

"Honey, I gotta ask you something.

"Dušo moram te nešto pitati.

You got something to do with that whole

Ti imaš veze sa svim onim

'Eat, Pray, Love' thing that's been going on lately?"

'Jedi, Moli, Voli' koje je posvuda u zadnje vrijeme?"

And I said, "Yes, I did."

I rekla sam, "Da, imam."

And she smacks her friend and she goes,

I ona udari svoju prijateljicu i kaže,

"See, I told you, I said, that's that girl.

"Vidiš, rekla sam ti. Rekla sam ti da je to ta djevojka.

That's that girl who wrote that book

To je ta djevojka koja je napisala tu knjigu

based on that movie."

koja je temeljena na onom filmu."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

So that's who I am.

Dakle, to sam ja.

And believe me, I'm extremely grateful to be that person,

I vjerujte mi, iznimno sam zahvalna što sam ta osoba,

because that whole "Eat, Pray, Love" thing

jer cijela ta stvar sa "Jedi, Moli, Voli"

was a huge break for me.

bila je velika prilika za mene.

But it also left me in a really tricky position

Ali me ostavila u dosta nezgodnom položaju

moving forward as an author

kada se radi o mom napretku kao autora

trying to figure out how in the world

koji pokušava shvatiti kako uopće

I was ever going to write a book again

ponovno napisati knjigu

that would ever please anybody,

koja će zadovoljiti bilo koga

because I knew well in advance

jer sam unaprijed znala

that all of those people who had adored "Eat, Pray, Love"

da svi ti ljudi koji su obožavali "Jedi, Moli, Voli"

were going to be incredibly disappointed

će biti izuzetno razočarani

in whatever I wrote next

što god sljedeće da napišem

because it wasn't going to be "Eat, Pray, Love,"

jer to neće biti "Jedi, Moli, Voli",

and all of those people who had hated "Eat, Pray, Love"

i svi ljudi koji su mrzili "Jedi, Moli, Voli"

were going to be incredibly disappointed

će biti izuzetno razočarani

in whatever I wrote next

što god sljedeće da napišem

because it would provide evidence that I still lived.

jer će im to pružiti dokaz da sam i dalje živa.

So I knew that I had no way to win,

Tako da sam znala da nema načina da pobijedim,

and knowing that I had no way to win

i znanje da nemam načina da pobijedim

made me seriously consider for a while

me natjeralo da ozbiljno neko vrijeme razmišljam

just quitting the game

da samo odustanem od igre

and moving to the country to raise corgis.

i da se odselim na selo da uzgajam korgije.

But if I had done that, if I had given up writing,

Ali da sam to učinila, da sam odustala od pisanja,

I would have lost my beloved vocation,

znam da bih izgubila svoj voljeni poziv,

so I knew that the task was that I had to find

tako da sam znala da je zadatak bio taj da moram pronaći

some way to gin up the inspiration

neki način da skupim inspiraciju

to write the next book

da napišem sljedeću knjigu

regardless of its inevitable negative outcome.

bez obzira na njen neupitno negativni ishod.

In other words, I had to find a way to make sure

Drugim riječima, morala sam naći način

that my creativity survived its own success.

da moja kreativnost nadživi vlastiti uspjeh.

And I did, in the end, find that inspiration,

I jesam, na kraju, pronašla tu inspiraciju,

but I found it in the most unlikely

ali sam ju našla na najnevjerojatnijem

and unexpected place.

i neočekivanijem mjestu.

I found it in lessons that I had learned earlier in life

Našla sam ju u lekcijama koje sam naučila prije u životu

about how creativity can survive its own failure.

o tome kako kreativnost može preživjeti vlastiti neuspjeh.

So just to back up and explain,

Samo da se malo vratim natrag i objasnim,

the only thing I have ever wanted to be

jedina stvar koja sam ikad željela biti

for my whole life was a writer.

cijeli moj život je pisac.

I wrote all through childhood, all through adolescence,

Pisala sam kroz cijelo djetinjstvo, i kroz adolescenciju,

by the time I was a teenager I was sending

kada sam bila tinejdžer slala sam

my very bad stories to The New Yorker,

svoje vrlo loše priče u New Yorker,

hoping to be discovered.

nadajući se da ću biti otkrivena.

After college, I got a job as a diner waitress,

Nakon fakulteta, dobila sam posao kao konobarica u zalogajnici,

kept working, kept writing,

nastavila raditi, nastavila pisati,

kept trying really hard to get published,

nastavila se jako truditi da me objave,

and failing at it.

i bila neuspješna u tome.

I failed at getting published

Nisam uspjela biti objavljena

for almost six years.

gotovo šest godina.

So for almost six years, every single day,

Tako da sam gotovo šest godina, svakog dana,

I had nothing but rejection letters

imala ništa drugo nego odbijenice

waiting for me in my mailbox.

koje su me čekale u sandučiću.

And it was devastating every single time,

I bilo je poražavajuće svakoga puta,

and every single time, I had to ask myself

i svakoga puta morala sam se zapitati

if I should just quit while I was behind

trebam li odustati dok sam iza

and give up and spare myself this pain.

odustati i poštediti se ove boli.

But then I would find my resolve,

Ali onda bih našla svoju odlučnost,

and always in the same way,

uvijek na isti način,

by saying, "I'm not going to quit,

govoreći "Neću odustati,

I'm going home."

idem kući."

And you have to understand that for me,

I morate shvatiti da za mene,

going home did not mean returning to my family's farm.

ići kući ne znači vratiti se na obiteljsku farmu.

For me, going home

Za mene, ići kući

meant returning to the work of writing

značilo je vratiti se poslu pisanja

because writing was my home,

jer pisanje je bilo moj dom,

because I loved writing more than I hated failing at writing,

jer sam voljela pisati više nego što sam mrzila biti neuspješna u pisanju,

which is to say that I loved writing

što će reći da sam voljela pisanje

more than I loved my own ego,

više nego sam voljela svoj ego,

which is ultimately to say

što u konačnici govori

that I loved writing more than I loved myself.

da sam više voljela pisanje nego sam voljela sebe.

And that's how I pushed through it.

I tako sam to izgurala.

But the weird thing is that 20 years later,

Ali čudna stvar je da sam se 20 godina kasnije,

during the crazy ride of "Eat, Pray, Love,"

za vrijeme lude vožnje "Jedi, Moli, Voli"

I found myself identifying all over again

našla kako se identificiram ponovno

with that unpublished young diner waitress

sa onom neobjavljenom mladom konobaricom iz zalogajnice

who I used to be, thinking about her constantly,

koja sam nekad bila, razmišljajući stalno o njoj,

and feeling like I was her again,

i osjećajući da sam ponovno ona,

which made no rational sense whatsoever

što nije imalo baš nikakvog racionalnog smisla

because our lives could not have been more different.

jer naši životi nisu mogli biti više različiti.

She had failed constantly.

Ona stalno nije uspijevala,

I had succeeded beyond my wildest expectation.

ja sam uspjela iznad svih mojih očekivanja.

We had nothing in common.

Nismo imali ništa zajedničko.

Why did I suddenly feel like I was her all over again?

Zašto se ponovno osjećam kao ona?

And it was only when I was trying to unthread that

I tek kada sam to pokušala odgonetnuti

that I finally began to comprehend

napokon sam počela shvaćati

the strange and unlikely psychological connection

neobičnu i neočekivanu psihološku poveznicu

in our lives between the way we experience great failure

u našim životima u načinu na koji doživljavamo veliki neuspjeh

and the way we experience great success.

i načinu na koji doživljavamo veliki uspjeh.

So think of it like this:

Gledajte na to ovako:

For most of your life, you live out your existence

Većinu svog života, živite svoje postojanje

here in the middle of the chain of human experience

ovdje u sred lanca ljudskih iskustava

where everything is normal and reassuring and regular,

gdje je sve normalno, ulijeva sigurnost i uobičajeno je,

but failure catapults you abruptly way out over here

ali neuspjeh vas katapulitra daleko ovdje

into the blinding darkness of disappointment.

u zasljepljujuću tamu razočarenja.

Success catapults you just as abruptly but just as far

Uspjeh vas katapultira, isto tako naglo i isto tako daleko

way out over here

na ovu stranu

into the equally blinding glare

u isto tako zasljepljujući sjaj

of fame and recognition and praise.

slave i priznanja i hvale.

And one of these fates

I jedna od ovih sudbina

is objectively seen by the world as bad,

je objektivno viđena od svijeta kao loša,

and the other one is objectively seen by the world as good,

i druga je objekvitno od svijeta viđena kao dobra,

but your subconscious is completely incapable

ali vaša podsvijest je u potpunosti nesposobna

of discerning the difference between bad and good.

razlikovati između dobrog i lošeg.

The only thing that it is capable of feeling

Jedina stvar koju može osjećati

is the absolute value of this emotional equation,

je apsolutna vrijednost ove emocionalne jednadžbe,

the exact distance that you have been flung

točnu udaljenost na koju ste bačeni

from yourself.

od sebe.

And there's a real equal danger in both cases

I postoji jednaka opasnost u oba slučaja

of getting lost out there

da ćete se izgubiti tamo

in the hinterlands of the psyche.

u bespućima psihe.

But in both cases, it turns out that there is

Ali u oba slučaja, čini se da je tu

also the same remedy for self-restoration,

isti lijek za samo-oporavak,

and that is that you have got to find your way back home again

i to je da morate ponovno pronaći put kući

as swiftly and smoothly as you can,

što je brže i što je jednostavnije moguće,

and if you're wondering what your home is,

i ako se pitate što je vaš dom,

here's a hint:

evo vam mig:

Your home is whatever in this world you love

Vaš dom je bilo što na ovome svijetu što volite

more than you love yourself.

više nego što volite sebe.

So that might be creativity, it might be family,

Tako da bi to mogla biti kreativnost, mogla bi biti obitelj,

it might be invention, adventure,

mogli bi biti izumi, avanuture,

faith, service, it might be raising corgis,

vjera, služba, može biti uzgajanje korgija,

I don't know, your home is that thing

ne znam, vaš dom je ta stvar

to which you can dedicate your energies

kojoj posvećujete svoju energiju

with such singular devotion

sa takvom jedinstvenom predanošću

that the ultimate results become inconsequential.

da konačni rezultat postaje nevažan.

For me, that home has always been writing.

Za mene je taj dom uvijek bilo pisanje.

So after the weird, disorienting success

Tako da sam nakon čudnog, dezorijentirajućeg uspjeha

that I went through with "Eat, Pray, Love,"

kroz koji sam prošla sa "Jedi, Moli, Voli"

I realized that all I had to do was exactly

shvatila da sve što moram učiniti

the same thing that I used to have to do all the time

je ista stvar koju sam uvijek morala činiti

when I was an equally disoriented failure.

kad sam bila jednako dezorijentirana neuspjehom.

I had to get my ass back to work,

Morala sam se vratiti na posao,

and that's what I did, and that's how, in 2010,

i to je ono što sam učinila, i tako sam 2010.

I was able to publish the dreaded follow-up

izdala zastrašujući nastavak

to "Eat, Pray, Love."

"Jedi, Moli, Voli".

And you know what happened with that book?

I znate što se dogodilo s tom knjigom?

It bombed, and I was fine.

Bila je užasna, i ja sam bila dobro.

Actually, I kind of felt bulletproof,

Zapravo, osjećala sam se otpornom na metke

because I knew that I had broken the spell

jer sam znala da sam razbila čaroliju

and I had found my way back home

i da sam našla svoj put kući

to writing for the sheer devotion of it.

pisanju zbog čiste predanosti tome.

And I stayed in my home of writing after that,

I ostala sam u svome domu pisanja nakon toga,

and I wrote another book that just came out last year

i napisala sam još jednu knjigu koja je izašla prošle godine

and that one was really beautifully received,

i ta knjiga je zaista divno primljena,

which is very nice, but not my point.

što je jako lijepo, no to nije moja poanta.

My point is that I'm writing another one now,

Moja poanta je da sada pišem još jednu,

and I'll write another book after that

i da ću napisati još jednu nakon toga

and another and another and another

i još jednu i još jednu i još jednu

and many of them will fail,

i mnoge od njih neće uspjeti,

and some of them might succeed,

i neke će možda uspjeti,

but I will always be safe

ali ću uvijek biti sigurna

from the random hurricanes of outcome

od nasumičnih uragana ishoda

as long as I never forget where I rightfully live.

dokle god ne zaboravim gdje s pravom živim.

Look, I don't know where you rightfully live,

Slušajte, ne znam gdje vi s pravom živite,

but I know that there's something in this world

ali znam da postoji nešto na ovom svijetu

that you love more than you love yourself.

što volite više nego volite sebe.

Something worthy, by the way,

Nešto što je vrijedno, usput,

so addiction and infatuation don't count,

tako da se ovisnost i zaluđenost ne računaju,

because we all know that those are not safe places to live. Right?

jer svi znamo da to nisu sigurna mjesta za život. Je li tako?

The only trick is that you've got to identify

Jedini trik je da morate identificirati

the best, worthiest thing that you love most,

najbolju, najvrijedniju stvar koju najviše volite

and then build your house right on top of it

i onda izgraditi svoj dom točno na tome

and don't budge from it.

i ne odustajte od toga.

And if you should someday, somehow

I ako ćete jednog dana, nekako

get vaulted out of your home

biti izbačeni iz svog doma

by either great failure or great success,

zbog velikog neuspjeha ili velikog uspjeha,

then your job is to fight your way back to that home

onda je vaš posao boriti se i vratiti u svoj dom

the only way that it has ever been done,

na jedini način kako je to ikad učinjeno,

by putting your head down and performing

trudom i radom, čineći

with diligence and devotion

sa marljivošću i predanoćšu

and respect and reverence

sa poštovanjem i ustrajnošću

whatever the task is that love

bez obzira što je zadatak koji ljubav

is calling forth from you next.

sljedeći priziva iz vas.

You just do that, and keep doing that

Samo činite to, i nastavljajte činiti to

again and again and again,

ponovno i ponovno i ponovno

and I can absolutely promise you, from long personal experience

i mogu vam bezuvjetno obećati, iz dugog osobnog iskustva

in every direction, I can assure you

u svakom smjeru, mogu vas uvjeriti

that it's all going to be okay.

da će sve biti u redu.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)