What I learned from 100 days of rejection | Jia Jiang | TED

6,281,539 views ・ 2017-01-06

TED


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Translator: Fanny Skriver Reviewer: Sune Vilsted Østergaard
00:12
When I was six years old,
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Da jeg var seks år gammel,
00:14
I received my gifts.
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modtog jeg mine gaver.
00:16
My first grade teacher had this brilliant idea.
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Min lærer i første klasse havde en strålende idé.
00:19
She wanted us to experience receiving gifts
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Hun ville have, at vi modtog gaver,
00:23
but also learning the virtue of complimenting each other.
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men også at vi skulle lære dyden at komplimentere hinanden.
00:27
So she had all of us come to the front of the classroom,
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Så hun fik os alle sammen til at stå foran klasseværelset,
00:30
and she bought all of us gifts and stacked them in the corner.
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og hun kom med gaver til os alle, som hun stablede i hjørnet.
00:33
And she said,
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Og hun sagde,
00:34
"Why don't we just stand here and compliment each other?
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"Skal vi ikke bare stå her og komplimentere hinanden?
00:37
If you hear your name called,
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Hvis dit navn bliver kaldt,
må du gå over og hente din gave og sætte dig ned."
00:39
go and pick up your gift and sit down."
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00:42
What a wonderful idea, right?
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Sikke en vidunderlig idé, ikke?
00:44
What could go wrong?
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Hvad kunne gå galt?
(Latter)
00:46
(Laughter)
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00:48
Well, there were 40 of us to start with,
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Der var 40 af os til at starte med,
00:50
and every time I heard someone's name called,
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og hver gang jeg hørte nogen blive kaldt på,
00:52
I would give out the heartiest cheer.
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kom jeg med den mest hjertelige jubel.
00:55
And then there were 20 people left,
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Og så var der 20 personer tilbage,
00:57
and 10 people left,
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og 10 personer tilbage,
00:59
and five left ...
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og fem tilbage...
01:01
and three left.
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og tre tilbage.
01:02
And I was one of them.
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Og jeg var en af dem.
01:04
And the compliments stopped.
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Og komplimenterne stoppede.
01:07
Well, at that moment, I was crying.
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I det øjeblik græd jeg.
01:10
And the teacher was freaking out.
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Og læreren var ved at flippe ud.
01:12
She was like, "Hey, would anyone say anything nice about these people?"
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Hun sagde, "Hey, er der nogen, der vil sige noget sødt om disse personer?"
01:16
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
01:17
"No one? OK, why don't you go get your gift and sit down.
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"Ingen? Okay, hvorfor tager I ikke jeres gave og sætter jer ned?
01:20
So behave next year --
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Opfør jer pænt næste år --
01:21
someone might say something nice about you."
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og nogen vil måske sige noget sødt om jer."
01:23
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
01:26
Well, as I'm describing this you,
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Siden jeg beskriver dette for jer,
01:28
you probably know I remember this really well.
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ved I sikkert, at jeg kan huske det her ret godt.
01:30
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
01:32
But I don't know who felt worse that day.
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Jeg ved ikke hvem, det var værst for den dag.
01:34
Was it me or the teacher?
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Var det mig eller læreren?
01:37
She must have realized that she turned a team-building event
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Hun må have indset, at hun gjorde en team-building øvelse
01:40
into a public roast for three six-year-olds.
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til en offentlig udhængning af tre seks-årige.
01:43
And without the humor.
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Og uden humoren.
01:45
You know, when you see people get roasted on TV,
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Når man ser folk blive hængt ud på TV,
01:47
it was funny.
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er det sjovt.
01:48
There was nothing funny about that day.
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Der var ikke noget sjovt ved den dag.
01:51
So that was one version of me,
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Så det var en version af mig,
01:54
and I would die to avoid being in that situation again --
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og jeg ville dø for at undgå at komme i sådan en situation igen --
01:57
to get rejected in public again.
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at blive afvist offentligt.
02:00
That's one version.
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Det er en version.
02:01
Then fast-forward eight years.
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Spol nu otte år frem i tiden.
02:04
Bill Gates came to my hometown --
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Bill Gates besøgte min hjemby --
02:06
Beijing, China --
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Beijing, Kina --
02:07
to speak,
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for at tale,
02:08
and I saw his message.
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og jeg fangede hans budskab.
02:10
I fell in love with that guy.
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Jeg blev forelsket i den fyr.
02:12
I thought, wow, I know what I want to do now.
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Jeg tænkte, wow, jeg ved, hvad jeg vil nu.
02:15
That night I wrote a letter to my family
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Den aften skrev jeg et brev til min familie,
02:18
telling them: "By age 25,
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hvor jeg sagde: "Inden jeg er 25,
02:20
I will build the biggest company in the world,
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vil jeg bygge det største firma i verden,
02:23
and that company will buy Microsoft."
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og det firma vil opkøbe Microsoft."
02:24
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
02:26
I totally embraced this idea of conquering the world --
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Jeg omfavnede hele idéen om at erobre verden --
02:29
domination, right?
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herredømme, ikke?
02:31
And I didn't make this up, I did write that letter.
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Jeg fandt ikke på det her, jeg skrev faktisk det brev.
02:34
And here it is --
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Her er det --
02:35
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
02:37
You don't have to read this through --
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I behøver ikke læse det igennem --
02:39
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
Det er en dårlig håndskrift, men jeg har fremhævet nogle nøgleord.
02:41
This is also bad handwriting, but I did highlight some key words.
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02:45
You get the idea.
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I forstår, hvad jeg mener.
02:46
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
02:48
So ...
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Så ...
02:51
that was another version of me:
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det var en anden version af mig:
02:53
one who will conquer the world.
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en, som ville erobre verden.
02:55
Well, then two years later,
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To år senere fik jeg muligheden for at komme til USA.
02:57
I was presented with the opportunity to come to the United States.
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03:01
I jumped on it,
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Jeg skyndte mig afsted,
03:02
because that was where Bill Gates lived, right?
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fordi det var der, Bill Gates boede, ikke?
03:05
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
03:06
I thought that was the start of my entrepreneur journey.
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Jeg tænkte, at det var starten på min entreprenør-rejse.
03:09
Then, fast-forward another 14 years.
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Spol nu endnu 14 år frem i tiden.
03:11
I was 30.
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Jeg var 30.
03:13
Nope, I didn't build that company.
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Nej, jeg havde ikke bygget mit firma.
03:15
I didn't even start.
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Jeg var ikke engang begyndt.
03:17
I was actually a marketing manager for a Fortune 500 company.
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Jeg var faktisk marketing manager for et Fortune 500 firma.
03:21
And I felt I was stuck;
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Og jeg følte, at jeg sad fast.
03:22
I was stagnant.
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Jeg var stillestående.
03:25
Why is that?
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Hvorfor?
03:26
Where is that 14-year-old who wrote that letter?
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Hvor var den 14-årige, der skrev det brev?
03:29
It's not because he didn't try.
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Det var ikke fordi, han ikke prøvede.
03:31
It's because every time I had a new idea,
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Det var fordi, hver gang jeg havde en ny ide,
03:34
every time I wanted to try something new,
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hver gang jeg ville prøve noget nyt,
03:36
even at work --
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selv på jobbet --
03:37
I wanted to make a proposal,
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når jeg ville fremsætte et forslag,
03:39
I wanted to speak up in front of people in a group --
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eller snakke foran en gruppe mennesker --
03:43
I felt there was this constant battle
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følte jeg, at der var en konstant kamp
03:44
between the 14-year-old and the six-year-old.
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mellem den 14-årige og den seksårige.
03:47
One wanted to conquer the world --
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Den ene ville erobre verden --
03:49
make a difference --
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gøre en forskel --
03:51
another was afraid of rejection.
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den anden var bange for at blive afvist.
03:53
And every time that six-year-old won.
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Og hver gang vandt den seksårige.
03:57
And this fear even persisted after I started my own company.
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Og denne frygt blev hos mig, selv efter jeg startede mit eget firma.
04:01
I mean, I started my own company when I was 30 --
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Jeg startede mit eget firma, da jeg var 30 --
04:04
if you want to be Bill Gates,
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Vil man være Bill Gates, skal man starte før eller senere, ikke?
04:06
you've got to start sooner or later, right?
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04:09
When I was an entrepreneur,
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Da jeg var entreprenør,
04:11
I was presented with an investment opportunity,
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præsenterede jeg en investeringsmulighed,
04:14
and then I was turned down.
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men jeg blev afvist.
04:17
And that rejection hurt me.
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Og den afvisning sårede mig.
04:18
It hurt me so bad that I wanted to quit right there.
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Den sårede mig så slemt, at jeg ville stoppe lige der.
04:23
But then I thought,
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Men så tænkte jeg,
04:24
hey, would Bill Gates quit after a simple investment rejection?
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ville Bill Gates stoppe efter en enkelt investeringsafvisning?
04:28
Would any successful entrepreneur quit like that?
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Ville en hvilken som helst entreprenør stoppe bare sådan?
04:31
No way.
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Nej.
04:33
And this is where it clicked for me.
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Og det er her, det faldt på plads for mig.
04:35
OK, I can build a better company.
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Okay, jeg kan bygge et bedre firma.
04:37
I can build a better team or better product,
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Jeg kan danne et bedre team eller produkt,
04:39
but one thing for sure:
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men en ting er sikker:
04:40
I've got to be a better leader.
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jeg er nødt til at være en bedre leder.
04:42
I've got to be a better person.
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Jeg er nødt til at være en bedre person.
04:44
I cannot let that six-year-old keep dictating my life anymore.
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Jeg kan ikke lade den seksårige blive ved med at diktere mit liv.
04:48
I have to put him back in his place.
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Jeg bliver nødt til at sætte ham på plads.
04:51
So this is where I went online and looked for help.
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Det er her, jeg gik online for at få hjælp.
04:53
Google was my friend.
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Google var min ven.
04:54
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
04:55
I searched, "How do I overcome the fear of rejection?"
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Jeg googlede, "Hvordan overkommer jeg min frygt for at blive afvist?"
04:58
I came up with a bunch of psychology articles
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Jeg fandt en del psykologiartikler
05:01
about where the fear and pain are coming from.
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omkring hvor frygt og smerte kommer fra.
05:04
Then I came up with a bunch of "rah-rah" inspirational articles
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Så fandt jeg en del "rah-rah" inspirationsartikler
05:08
about "Don't take it personally, just overcome it."
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omkring "tag det ikke personligt, bare overkom det."
05:11
Who doesn't know that?
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Hvem ved ikke det?
05:12
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
05:14
But why was I still so scared?
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Men hvorfor var jeg stadig så bange?
05:16
Then I found this website by luck.
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Så fandt jeg denne hjemmeside ved et held.
05:18
It's called rejectiontherapy.com.
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Den hedder rejectiontherapy.com.
05:21
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
05:23
"Rejection Therapy" was this game invented by this Canadian entrepreneur.
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"Rejection Therapy" var et spil opfundet af en canadisk entreprenør.
05:27
His name is Jason Comely.
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Hans navn var Jason Comely.
05:29
And basically the idea is for 30 days you go out and look for rejection,
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Og grundlæggende er idéen, at man i 30 dage skal lede efter afvisning,
05:34
and every day get rejected at something,
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og hver dag skal man afvises,
05:36
and then by the end, you desensitize yourself from the pain.
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og til sidst skal man desensibilisere sig selv fra smerten.
05:41
And I loved that idea.
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Og jeg elskede idéen.
05:42
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
05:44
I said, "You know what? I'm going to do this.
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Jeg sagde, "Ved du hvad? Jeg vil gøre det.
05:46
And I'll feel myself getting rejected 100 days."
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Og jeg vil mærke mig selv blive afvist 100 dage."
05:49
And I came up with my own rejection ideas,
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Jeg fandt på mine egne afvisningsidéer,
05:52
and I made a video blog out of it.
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og jeg lavede en videoblog ud af det.
05:55
And so here's what I did.
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Så her er, hvad jeg gjorde.
05:57
This is what the blog looked like.
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Det her er sådan, bloggen så ud.
06:00
Day One ...
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Dag 1 ...
06:02
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
06:03
Borrow 100 dollars from a stranger.
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At låne 100 dollar fra en fremmed.
06:07
So this is where I went to where I was working.
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Det var her, jeg tog hen til det sted, hvor jeg arbejdede.
06:10
I came downstairs
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Jeg kom nedenunder,
06:12
and I saw this big guy sitting behind a desk.
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og jeg så en store fyr bag ved et skrivebord.
06:14
He looked like a security guard.
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Han lignede en sikkerhedsvagt.
06:16
So I just approached him.
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Jeg nærmede mig ham.
06:17
And I was just walking
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Jeg gik bare,
06:19
and that was the longest walk of my life --
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og det var den længste tur i mit liv --
06:21
hair on the back of my neck standing up,
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hårene i nakken rejste sig,
06:24
I was sweating and my heart was pounding.
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jeg svedte, og mit hjerte bankede.
06:26
And I got there and said,
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Jeg kom derhen og sagde,
06:27
"Hey, sir, can I borrow 100 dollars from you?"
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"Hey, herre, kan jeg låne 100 dollars af dig?"
06:30
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
06:31
And he looked up, he's like, "No."
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Han kiggede op og sagde, "Nej."
06:34
"Why?"
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"Hvorfor?"
06:36
And I just said, "No? I'm sorry."
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Og jeg sagde bare, "Nej? Jeg beklager."
06:38
Then I turned around, and I just ran.
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Så vendte jeg mig om og løb.
06:40
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
06:42
I felt so embarrassed.
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Jeg var så pinlig berørt.
06:44
But because I filmed myself --
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Men jeg filmede mig selv,
06:46
so that night I was watching myself getting rejected,
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og den aften så jeg mig selv blive afvist,
06:49
I just saw how scared I was.
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jeg så bare, hvor bange jeg var.
06:51
I looked like this kid in "The Sixth Sense."
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Jeg lignede drengen fra "Den sjette sans."
06:53
I saw dead people.
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Jeg så døde mennesker.
06:55
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
06:57
But then I saw this guy.
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Men så kiggede jeg på fyren.
06:58
You know, he wasn't that menacing.
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Og han var ikke særlig truende.
07:00
He was a chubby, loveable guy,
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Han var en buttet, elskværdig fyr,
07:02
and he even asked me, "Why?"
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og han spurgte mig endda, "Hvorfor?"
07:06
In fact, he invited me to explain myself.
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Han inviterede mig faktisk til at forklare mig selv.
07:08
And I could've said many things.
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Jeg kunne have sagt mange ting.
07:10
I could've explained, I could've negotiated.
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Jeg kunne have forklaret, jeg kunne have forhandlet.
07:12
I didn't do any of that.
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Jeg gjorde ikke noget af det.
07:14
All I did was run.
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Det eneste jeg gjorde var at løbe.
07:17
I felt, wow, this is like a microcosm of my life.
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Jeg følte, at det her var mit livs mikrokosmos.
07:20
Every time I felt the slightest rejection,
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Hver gang jeg følte den mindste smule afvisning,
07:23
I would just run as fast as I could.
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ville jeg løbe så hurtigt, jeg kunne.
07:25
And you know what?
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Og ved I hvad?
07:26
The next day, no matter what happens,
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Den næste dag, uanset hvad der sker,
07:28
I'm not going to run.
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så vil jeg ikke løbe.
07:30
I'll stay engaged.
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Jeg vil blive i situationen.
07:32
Day Two: Request a "burger refill."
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Dag 2: Bede om en "burger refill."
07:34
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
07:36
It's when I went to a burger joint,
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Jeg tog til et burgersted,
07:38
I finished lunch, and I went to the cashier and said,
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spiste min frokost og gik op til ekspedienten og sagde,
"Hej, kan jeg få en burger refill?"
07:41
"Hi, can I get a burger refill?"
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07:42
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
07:44
He was all confused, like, "What's a burger refill?"
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Han var helt forvirret, "Hvad er en burger refill?"
07:47
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
07:48
I said, "Well, it's just like a drink refill but with a burger."
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Jeg sagde, "Det er ligesom en sodavands refill, men med en burger."
07:52
And he said, "Sorry, we don't do burger refill, man."
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Og han sagde, "Beklager, vi har ikke burger refill."
07:54
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
07:56
So this is where rejection happened and I could have run, but I stayed.
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Det var her, afvisningen skete, og jeg kunne være løbet, men jeg blev.
08:00
I said, "Well, I love your burgers,
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Jeg sagde, "Jeg elsker jeres burgere,
08:02
I love your joint,
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og jeg elsker det her sted,
08:03
and if you guys do a burger refill,
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og hvis I havde en burger refill,
08:05
I will love you guys more."
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så elsker jeg jer endnu mere."
08:07
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
08:08
And he said, "Well, OK, I'll tell my manager about it,
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Og han sagde, "Altså, okay, jeg vil sige det til min manager,
08:11
and maybe we'll do it, but sorry, we can't do this today."
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og måske vil vi, men beklager, i dag kan vi ikke gøre det."
08:14
Then I left.
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Så gik jeg.
08:15
And by the way,
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Og forresten,
08:17
I don't think they've ever done burger refill.
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tror jeg ikke, de har lavet burger refill.
08:19
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
Jeg tror stadig, de er der.
08:21
I think they're still there.
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08:23
But the life and death feeling I was feeling the first time
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Men den der liv-og-død følelse, som jeg havde den første gang,
08:26
was no longer there,
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var der ikke længere,
08:27
just because I stayed engaged --
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bare fordi jeg blev i situationen --
08:29
because I didn't run.
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fordi jeg ikke løb.
08:31
I said, "Wow, great, I'm already learning things.
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Jeg sagde, "Wow, fedt, jeg lærer allerede noget.
08:34
Great."
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Fedt. Og så dag 3: At få en olympisk donut.
08:35
And then Day Three: Getting Olympic Doughnuts.
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08:38
This is where my life was turned upside down.
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Det er her, mit liv blev vendt op og ned.
08:42
I went to a Krispy Kreme.
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Jeg tog hen til en Krispy Kreme.
08:43
It's a doughnut shop
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Det er en donutbutik,
der hovedsageligt findes i det sydøstlige USA.
08:45
in mainly the Southeastern part of the United States.
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08:47
I'm sure they have some here, too.
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Jeg er sikker på, der også er nogen her.
08:49
And I went in,
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Og jeg gik ind,
08:50
I said, "Can you make me doughnuts that look like Olympic symbols?
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jeg sagde, "Kan I lave donuts, der ligner det olympiske symbol?
08:53
Basically, you interlink five doughnuts together ... "
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Det er grundlæggende fem donuts, der hænger sammen ..."
08:56
I mean there's no way they could say yes, right?
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Jeg mener, de ville på ingen måde sige ja, vel?
08:59
The doughnut maker took me so seriously.
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Hende, der lavede donuts, tog mig så alvorligt.
09:02
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
09:03
So she put out paper,
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Så hun fandt papir frem
09:04
started jotting down the colors and the rings,
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og begyndte at tegne farverne og ringene,
09:06
and is like, "How can I make this?"
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og var sådan, "Hvordan kan jeg lave dette?"
09:08
And then 15 minutes later,
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Og 15 minutter senere,
09:10
she came out with a box that looked like Olympic rings.
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kom hun ud med en æske, der lignede de olympiske ringe.
09:14
And I was so touched.
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Jeg blev så rørt.
09:15
I just couldn't believe it.
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Jeg kunne simpelthen ikke tro det.
09:17
And that video got over five million views on Youtube.
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Den video fik over fem millioner views på Youtube.
09:22
The world couldn't believe that either.
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Verden kunne heller ikke tro det.
09:24
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
09:27
You know, because of that I was in newspapers,
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På grund af det kom jeg i aviserne,
09:30
in talk shows, in everything.
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jeg var i talkshows, i alt.
09:32
And I became famous.
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Og jeg blev berømt.
09:33
A lot of people started writing emails to me
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Mange mennesker begyndte at skrive til mig
09:35
and saying, "What you're doing is awesome."
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og sagde, "Det, du gør, er sejt."
09:38
But you know, fame and notoriety did not do anything to me.
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Men berømmelse gjorde ikke noget for mig.
09:41
What I really wanted to do was learn,
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Det, jeg virkelig ville, var at lære,
09:43
and to change myself.
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og ændre mig selv.
Så jeg gjorde resten af de 100 dages afvisning
09:45
So I turned the rest of my 100 days of rejection
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09:47
into this playground --
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1896
til en legeplads --
09:49
into this research project.
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til et forskningsprojekt.
09:51
I wanted to see what I could learn.
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Jeg ville se, hvad jeg kunne lære.
09:54
And then I learned a lot of things.
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Og jeg lærte en masse ting.
09:56
I discovered so many secrets.
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Jeg fandt så mange hemmeligheder.
09:57
For example, I found if I just don't run,
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For eksempel fandt jeg ud af, at hvis jeg bare ikke løber,
10:00
if I got rejected,
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1256
hvis jeg blev afvist
10:01
I could actually turn a "no" into a "yes,"
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så kunne jeg forvandle et "nej" til et "ja",
10:03
and the magic word is, "why."
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og det magiske ord er "hvorfor."
10:05
So one day I went to a stranger's house, I had this flower in my hand,
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En dag tog jeg hen til en fremmeds hus, jeg havde en blomst i min hånd,
10:09
knocked on the door and said,
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bankede på og sagde,
"Hej, kan jeg plante denne blomst i din baghave?"
10:11
"Hey, can I plant this flower in your backyard?"
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10:13
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
10:14
And he said, "No."
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Og han sagde, "Nej."
10:17
But before he could leave I said,
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Men før han gik, sagde jeg,
10:19
"Hey, can I know why?"
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1936
"Hey, må jeg vide hvorfor?"
10:21
And he said, "Well, I have this dog
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Og han sagde, "Altså jeg har en hund,
10:24
that would dig up anything I put in the backyard.
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2336
som graver alt op, jeg planter i baghaven.
10:26
I don't want to waste your flower.
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Jeg vil ikke spilde din blomst.
10:28
If you want to do this, go across the street and talk to Connie.
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Du kan gå over på den anden side af gaden til Connie.
Hun elsker blomster."
10:31
She loves flowers."
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10:32
So that's what I did.
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Så det gjorde jeg.
Jeg gik over og bankede på Connies dør.
10:34
I went across and knocked on Connie's door.
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10:36
And she was so happy to see me.
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1856
Og hun var så glad for at se mig.
10:38
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
10:39
And then half an hour later,
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Og en halv time senere
10:41
there was this flower in Connie's backyard.
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var der en blomst i Connies baghave.
Jeg er sikker på, at den ser bedre ud nu.
10:43
I'm sure it looks better now.
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1416
10:44
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
10:46
But had I left after the initial rejection,
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2936
Hvis jeg var gået efter den første afvisning,
10:49
I would've thought,
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ville jeg have tænkt,
10:50
well, it's because the guy didn't trust me,
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650280
2056
at det var fordi, fyren ikke stolede på mig,
10:52
it's because I was crazy,
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1216
fordi at jeg var skør,
10:53
because I didn't dress up well, I didn't look good.
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2416
fordi jeg ikke så godt nok ud.
Det var ikke derfor.
10:56
It was none of those.
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Det var fordi, det jeg tilbød, ikke passede til det, han manglede.
10:57
It was because what I offered did not fit what he wanted.
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Og han stolede nok på mig til at henvise mig,
11:00
And he trusted me enough to offer me a referral,
286
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11:02
using a sales term.
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for at bruge en salgsterm.
11:03
I converted a referral.
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Jeg benyttede en henvisning.
11:06
Then one day --
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Så, en dag --
11:07
and I also learned that I can actually say certain things
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jeg lærte også, at jeg kan sige visse ting
11:10
and maximize my chance to get a yes.
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1936
og maksimere min chance for at få et ja.
11:12
So for example, one day I went to a Starbucks,
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2216
For eksempel gik jeg en dag ind på en Starbucks
11:14
and asked the manager, "Hey, can I be a Starbucks greeter?"
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3576
og spurgte manageren, "Hej, må jeg være en Starbucks-hilser?"
11:18
He was like, "What's a Starbucks greeter?"
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2376
Han spurgte, "Hvad er en Starbucks-hilser?"
11:20
I said, "Do you know those Walmart greeters?
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Jeg sagde, "Kender du Walmart-hilsnere?
Du ved, dem der siger "hej" til dig, før du går ind i forretningen,
11:23
You know, those people who say 'hi' to you before you walk in the store,
296
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3416
11:26
and make sure you don't steal stuff, basically?
297
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2216
og som sørger for, at du ikke stjæler noget?
11:28
I want to give a Walmart experience to Starbucks customers."
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3136
Jeg vil give en Walmart-oplevelse til Starbucks kunder."
11:31
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
11:33
Well, I'm not sure that's a good thing, actually --
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3000
Jeg er faktisk ikke sikker på, at det var en god ting --
11:37
Actually, I'm pretty sure it's a bad thing.
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Faktisk er jeg sikker på, at det er en dårlig ting.
11:40
And he was like, "Oh" --
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Han sagde, "Åh" --
11:42
yeah, this is how he looked, his name is Eric --
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2256
ja, han ser sådan ud, hans navn er Eric --
11:44
and he was like, "I'm not sure."
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1576
og han sagde, "Jeg ved ikke."
Det var sådan, han hørte mig. "Ikke sikker."
11:46
This is how he was hearing me. "Not sure."
305
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2056
11:48
Then I ask him, "Is that weird?"
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1656
Så spurgte jeg ham, "Er det sært?"
11:49
He's like, "Yeah, it's really weird, man."
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2040
Han sagde, "Ja, det er virkeligt sært."
11:52
But as soon as he said that, his whole demeanor changed.
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2856
Men så snart han sagde det, ændrede hele hans attitude sig.
11:55
It's as if he's putting all the doubt on the floor.
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2936
Det var som om, han smed al tvivlen på jorden.
11:58
And he said, "Yeah, you can do this,
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1736
Og han sagde, "Du kan gøre det,
12:00
just don't get too weird."
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men bliv ikke for sær."
12:01
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
12:03
So for the next hour I was the Starbucks greeter.
313
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2376
Så den næste time var jeg Starbucks-hilsneren.
12:05
I said "hi" to every customer that walked in,
314
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2136
Jeg sagde "Hej" til alle dem, der kom ind,
12:07
and gave them holiday cheers.
315
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2376
og gav dem helligdagshilsner.
12:10
By the way, I don't know what your career trajectory is,
316
730080
2656
Forresten, jeg kender kke, jeres karriereplaner,
12:12
don't be a greeter.
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1216
men bliv ikke en hilser.
(Latter)
12:14
(Laughter)
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1216
Det var virkelig kedeligt.
12:15
It was really boring.
319
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1200
12:17
But then I found I could do this because I mentioned, "Is that weird?"
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4936
Men jeg fandt ud af, jeg kunne gøre det, fordi jeg spurgte, "Er det sært?"
12:22
I mentioned the doubt that he was having.
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2136
Jeg omtalte den tvivl, han havde.
12:24
And because I mentioned, "Is that weird?", that means I wasn't weird.
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3536
Og fordi jeg spurgte, "Er det sært?", betød det, at jeg ikke var sær.
12:27
That means I was actually thinking just like him,
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2536
Det betød, at jeg tænkte præcis ligesom ham,
12:30
seeing this as a weird thing.
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jeg betragtede det som en sær ting.
12:32
And again, and again,
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1256
Og igen og igen lærte jeg,
12:34
I learned that if I mention some doubt people might have
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3136
at hvis jeg omtaler den tvivl, nogle mennesker måske har,
12:37
before I ask the question,
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1816
før jeg stiller spørgsmålet,
så vinder jeg deres tillid.
12:39
I gained their trust.
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12:40
People were more likely to say yes to me.
329
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1960
Folk var mere tilbøjelige til at sige ja.
12:42
And then I learned I could fulfill my life dream ...
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3336
Jeg lærte, at jeg kunne opnå min livsdrøm ...
12:46
by asking.
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1416
ved at spørge.
12:47
You know, I came from four generations of teachers,
332
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3096
Jeg kommer fra fire generationer af lærere,
12:50
and my grandma has always told me,
333
770720
2816
og min bedstemor har altid sagt til mig,
12:53
"Hey Jia, you can do anything you want,
334
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2296
"Jia, du kan gøre, lige hvad du vil,
12:55
but it'd be great if you became a teacher."
335
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2056
men det ville være skønt, hvis du blev lærer."
12:57
(Laughter)
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1416
(Latter)
12:59
But I wanted to be an entrepreneur, so I didn't.
337
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2256
Men jeg ville være en entreprenør.
13:01
But it has always been my dream to actually teach something.
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3376
Men det har altid været min drøm rent faktisk at undervise i noget.
13:05
So I said, "What if I just ask
339
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1816
Så jeg sagde, "Hvad hvis jeg spørger
13:06
and teach a college class?"
340
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2616
og underviser en klasse?"
13:09
I lived in Austin at the time,
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1456
Dengang boede jeg i Austin,
så jeg tog til University of Texas,
13:11
so I went to University of Texas at Austin
342
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2056
og bankede på professorernes døre og spurgte, "Må jeg undervise din klasse?"
13:13
and knocked on professors' doors and said, "Can I teach your class?"
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3216
13:16
I didn't get anywhere the first couple of times.
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2496
Jeg kom ikke nogen vegne de første par gange.
13:18
But because I didn't run -- I kept doing it --
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2496
Men jeg løb ikke -- jeg blev ved med at prøve --
13:21
and on the third try the professor was very impressed.
346
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3336
og på tredje forsøg blev professoren meget imponeret.
13:24
He was like, "No one has done this before."
347
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2056
Han sagde, "Ingen har gjort dette før."
13:26
And I came in prepared with powerpoints and my lesson.
348
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4016
Jeg kom ind forberedt med powerpoints og min lektion.
13:30
He said, "Wow, I can use this.
349
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Han sagde, "Wow, jeg kan bruge det her.
13:32
Why don't you come back in two months? I'll fit you in my curriculum."
350
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3336
Kan du ikke komme igen om to måneder? Så passer jeg det ind i pensum."
13:36
And two months later I was teaching a class.
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Og to måneder senere underviste jeg en klasse.
13:38
This is me -- you probably can't see, this is a bad picture.
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3256
Det er mig -- det kan være svært at se, det er et dårligt billede.
13:41
You know, sometimes you get rejected by lighting, you know?
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2776
Nogle gange bliver man afvist af belysning.
13:44
(Laughter)
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1200
(Latter)
13:46
But wow --
355
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1216
Men, wow --
13:47
when I finished teaching that class, I walked out crying,
356
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2736
da jeg afsluttede undervisningen, gik jeg grædende ud,
13:50
because I thought
357
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1776
fordi jeg tænkte,
13:52
I could fulfill my life dream just by simply asking.
358
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3296
at jeg kunne opnå min livsdrøm ved simpelthen bare at spørge.
13:55
I used to think I have to accomplish all these things --
359
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2656
Jeg plejede at tænke, jeg skulle opnå alle mulige ting --
13:58
have to be a great entrepreneur, or get a PhD to teach --
360
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3616
være en god entreprenør eller få en PhD for at undervise --
14:02
but no, I just asked,
361
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1536
men nej, jeg spurgte bare,
14:03
and I could teach.
362
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1200
og så underviste jeg.
14:05
And in that picture, which you can't see,
363
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2376
Og på det billede, som I ikke kan se,
14:07
I quoted Martin Luther King, Jr.
364
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3296
citerede jeg Martin Luther King, Jr.
14:11
Why? Because in my research I found that people who really change the world,
365
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4536
Hvorfor? Fordi i min forskning fandt jeg, at de mennesker som ændrer verden,
14:15
who change the way we live and the way we think,
366
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2936
som ændrer vores levemåde, og den måde vi tænker på,
14:18
are the people who were met with initial and often violent rejections.
367
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4096
er de mennesker, som blev mødt af umiddelbar og ofte voldelige afvisninger.
14:22
People like Martin Luther King, Jr.,
368
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2056
Mennesker som Martin Luther King, Jr.,
14:24
like Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela,
369
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2056
Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela,
14:26
or even Jesus Christ.
370
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1536
endda Jesus Kristus.
14:28
These people did not let rejection define them.
371
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3376
De mennesker lod ikke afvisninger definere dem.
14:31
They let their own reaction after rejection define themselves.
372
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4160
De lod deres egen reaktion efter en afvisning definere dem selv.
14:36
And they embraced rejection.
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1560
Og de omfavnede afvisning.
14:39
And we don't have to be those people to learn about rejection,
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3216
Vi behøves ikke være de mennesker for at lære om afvisning,
14:42
and in my case,
375
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1256
og i mit tilfælde
14:43
rejection was my curse,
376
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2016
var afvisning min forbandelse,
14:45
was my boogeyman.
377
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1256
det var mit monster.
14:47
It has bothered me my whole life because I was running away from it.
378
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4176
Det har generet mig hele mit liv, fordi jeg prøvede at løbe væk fra det.
14:51
Then I started embracing it.
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Så begyndte jeg at omfavne det.
14:53
I turned that into the biggest gift in my life.
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2720
Jeg gjorde det til den største gave i mit liv.
14:57
I started teaching people how to turn rejections into opportunities.
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Jeg begyndte at undervise folk i, hvordan afvisninger bliver til muligheder.
15:01
I use my blog, I use my talk,
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2016
Jeg bruger min blog, jeg bruger taler,
15:03
I use the book I just published,
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1896
jeg bruger bogen, jeg lige har udgivet,
15:05
and I'm even building technology to help people overcome their fear of rejection.
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og jeg bygger endda teknologi til at hjælpe folk med at overkomme deres frygt for afvisning.
15:12
When you get rejected in life,
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Når du bliver afvist i livet,
15:13
when you are facing the next obstacle
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når du står over for den næste udfordring
15:16
or next failure,
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eller den næste fiasko,
15:18
consider the possibilities.
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så overvej mulighederne.
15:20
Don't run.
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Løb ikke.
15:21
If you just embrace them,
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Hvis du bare omfavner dem,
15:22
they might become your gifts as well.
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kan de måske også blive dine gaver.
15:25
Thank you.
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Tak.
(Bifald)
15:26
(Applause)
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