What you don't know about marriage | Jenna McCarthy

Prevodilac: Branislav Ivkovic Lektor: Ivana Korom

Every year in the United States alone,

Svake godine, samo u SAD,

2,077,000 couples make a legal and spiritual decision

2.077.000 parova

donosi pravnu i duhovnu odluku

da provedu ostatak svojih života zajedno...

to spend the rest of their lives together --

(Smeh)

(Laughter)

And not to have sex with anyone else.

i ne spavaju ni sa kim drugim,

ikada.

Ever.

He buys a ring, she buys a dress.

On kupuje prsten, ona venčanicu.

Odlaze u kupovinu

They go shopping for all sorts of things.

najrazličitijih stvari.

She takes him to Arthur Murray for ballroom-dancing lessons.

Vodi ga kod Artura Mareja

na časove plesa.

And the big day comes.

A onda dolazi i veliki dan.

And they'll stand before God and family

Oni će stati pred bogom i porodicom

and some guy her dad once did business with,

i nekim momkom sa kojim je njen otac nekada poslovao,

and they'll vow that nothing --

i zavetovati se da ništa,

ni potpuno siromaštvo,

not abject poverty,

ni smrtonosna bolest,

not life-threatening illness,

not complete and utter misery --

ni potpuna i krajnja mizerija

will ever put the tiniest damper on their eternal love and devotion.

neće nimalo umanjiti

njihovu večnu ljubav i privrženost.

(Smeh)

(Laughter)

Ove optimistične mlade budale

These optimistic young bastards promise to honor and cherish each other

obećavaju da će poštovati i ceniti jedno drugo

kroz "valunge"

through hot flashes and midlife crises

krize srednjih godina,

and a cumulative 50-pound weight gain,

i nagomilanih 20 kg viška

until that far-off day, when one of them is finally able to rest in peace.

sve do onog dalekog dana

kada će jedno od njih konačno biti u stanju

da počiva u miru.

(Laughter)

You know, because they can't hear the snoring anymore.

Znate, zato što više ne može da čuje hrkanje.

And then they'll get stupid drunk

Onda će se užasno napiti,

and smash cake in each other's faces and do the Macarena.

razmazati tortu jedno drugom po licu i odigrati "Makarenu",

And we'll be there,

a mi ćemo biti tu

showering them with towels and toasters and drinking their free booze

da ih obasipamo peškirima i tosterima,

pijemo njihovo besplatno piće

and throwing birdseed at them every single time ...

i posipamo zrnevljem,

i tako svaki put -

even though we know, statistically,

iako znamo da će se,

prema statistici,

half of them will be divorced within a decade.

polovina njih razvesti u toku naredne decenije.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Of course, the other half won't, right?

Naravno, druga polovina neće, zar ne?

Oni će nastaviti da zaboravljaju godišnjice

They'll keep forgetting anniversaries

i raspravljaju o tome gde da provedu praznike

and arguing about where to spend holidays

and debating --

i o tome u kom smeru

(Laughter)

Which way the toilet paper should come off of the roll.

bi toalet papir

trebalo da se skida sa rolne.

A neki od njih

And some of them will even still be enjoying each other's company

će i dalje uživati u društvu partnera

when neither of them can chew solid food anymore.

čak ni kada nijedno ne bude moglo da žvaće čvrstu hranu.

A istraživači žele da znaju zašto.

And researchers want to know why.

I mean, look -- it doesn't take a double-blind, placebo-controlled study

Mislim, pa pogledajte, nije potrebna dupla slepa studija sa placebom

da bismo zaključili zbog čega brak ne funkcioniše.

to figure out what makes a marriage not work:

disrespect, boredom,

Nepoštovanje, dosada,

previše vremena provedenog na Fejsbuku,

too much time on Facebook,

having sex with other people.

spavanje sa drugim ljudima.

But you can have the exact opposite of all of those things --

Ali možete imati potpunu suprotnost tih stvari -

respect, excitement,

poštovanje, uzbuđenje,

a broken Internet connection,

Internet vezu u prekidu,

mind-numbing monogamy --

zatupljujuću monogamiju -

and the thing still can go to hell in a handbasket.

i stvari opet mogu otići dođavola.

So, what's going on when it doesn't?

Dakle, šta se dešava kada se to ne dogodi?

Šta imaju zajedničko ljudi koji stignu

What do the folks who make it all the way to side-by-side burial plots

do toga da leže

jedan pored drugog u zemlji.

have in common?

Šta oni to ispravno rade?

What are they doing right?

What can we learn from them?

Šta možemo da naučimo od njih?

And if you're still happily sleeping solo,

A, ako ste i dalje srećni što spavate sami,

why should you stop what you're doing and make it your life's work

zašto bi trebalo da prestanete sa tim

i posvetite život

to find that one special person

traženju te jedne, posebne osobe

that you can annoy for the rest of your life?

koju možete da nervirate do kraja života?

Well, researchers spend billions of your tax dollars

Pa, istraživači su potrošili milijarde vaših poreskih dolara

pokušavajući da to odgonetnu.

trying to figure that out.

They stalk blissful couples

Oni proganjaju srećne parove

and study their every move and mannerism.

i proučavaju svaki njihov pokret i ponašanje.

I pokušavaju da tačno utvrde po čemu

And they try to pinpoint what it is that sets them apart

se oni razlikuju

from their miserable neighbors and friends.

od svojih očajnih komšija i prijatelja.

I tako se ispotavilo,

And it turns out, the success stories share a few similarities,

da uspešne priče,

dele nekoliko sličnosti,

osim onoga da ne spavaju sa drugim ljudima.

beyond that they don't have sex with other people.

Na primer, u najsrećnijim brakovima,

For instance, in the happiest marriages,

žena je mršavija i izgleda bolje od muža.

the wife is thinner and better-looking

than the husband.

(Smeh)

(Laughter)

Obvious. Right?

Očigledno, zar ne?

It's obvious that this leads to marital bliss,

Očigledno je da ovo dovodi do blagostanja u braku

jer mi žene vodimo dosta računa

because women -- we care a great deal about being thin and good-looking,

o svojoj kilaži i izgledu,

whereas men mostly care about sex,

dok muškarce najviše zanima seks...

najčešće sa ženama

ideally, with women who are thinner and better looking than they are.

koje su mršavije i izgledaju bolje od njih.

Međutim, lepota ovog istraživanja

The beauty of this research, though,

je to što niko ne kaže

is that no one is suggesting that women have to be thin to be happy.

da žene moraju da budu mršave da bi bile srećne;

samo treba da budemo mršavije od svojih partnera.

We just have to be thinner than our partners.

So instead of all that laborious dieting and exercising,

Tako da umesto svih onih

napornih dijeta i vežbi,

samo treba da sačekamo da se oni ugoje,

we just need to wait for them to get fat --

(Laughter)

i možda ispečemo po koju pitu.

Maybe bake a few pies.

This is good information to have, and it's not that complicated.

Ovo je dobro znati,

a i nije toliko komplikovano.

(Laughter)

Research also suggests

Istraživanje takođe pretpostavlja

that the happiest couples are the ones that focus on the positives.

da su najsrećniji parovi

oni koji se fokusiraju na pozitivnost.

Na primer, srećna žena.

For example: the happy wife.

Umesto da ističe sve veći stomak supruga

Instead of pointing out her husband's growing gut

or suggesting he go for a run,

ili mu predlaže da ode na trčanje,

ona može reći,

she might say,

"Wow, honey, thank you for going out of your way

"O, dušo, hvala ti što se trudiš

to make me relatively thinner."

da ja izgledam relativno mršavije."

(Laughter)

These are couples who can find good in any situation.

Ima parova koji mogu da pronađu dobro u svakoj situaciji.

"Da, bilo je užasno,

"Yeah, it was devastating when we lost everything in that fire.

kada smo izgubili sve zbog požara,

ali je nekako lepo i spavati ovde pod zvezdama,

But it's kind of nice sleeping out here under the stars.

i super je to što imaš svo to salo

And it's a good thing you've got all that body fat to keep us warm."

da nas ugreje."

(Laughter)

Jedna od mojih omiljenih studija pokazala je

One of my favorite studies found

that the more willing a husband is to do housework,

da što je više suprug spreman da radi kućne poslove,

the more attractive his wife will find him.

to je više privlačniji ženi.

Baš nam je potrebna studija da nam to pokaže.

Because we needed a study to tell us this.

(Laughter)

But here's what's going on here.

Ali evo šta se tu dešava.

The more attractive she finds him, the more sex they have;

Što joj je privlačniji, biće više seksa;

the more sex they have, the nicer he is to her;

što više seksa imaju, on će biti finiji prema njoj;

što je on finiji prema njoj,

the nicer he is to her,

the less she nags him about leaving wet towels on the bed,

to mu ona manje gunđa zbog ostavljanja mokrih peškira po krevetu -

and ultimately, they live happily ever after.

što konačno dovodi do toga da žive srećno do kraja života.

In other words, men, you might want to pick it up a notch

Drugim rečima, muškraci, mogli biste da malo poradite

na kućnim poslovima.

in the domestic department.

Here's an interesting one.

Evo jedne zanimljive.

One study found that people who smile in childhood photographs

Jedna studija je pokazala

da se ljudi koji se smeju na fotografijama iz detinjstva

are less likely to get a divorce.

ređe razvode.

Ovo je prava studija,

This is an actual study, and let me clarify:

a dozvolite mi da pojasnim.

the researchers were not looking at documented self-reports

Istraživači nisu tražili

dokumentovane izjave o srećnom detinjstvu,

of childhood happiness,

niti proučavali stare dnevnike.

or even studying old journals.

Podaci su formirani na osnovu

The data were based entirely on whether people looked happy

toga da li su ljudi delovali srećno

in these early pictures.

na tim fotografijama.

Ja ne znam koliko vi imate godina,

Now, I don't know how old all of you are, but when I was a kid,

ali kada sam ja bila dete,

your parents took pictures with a special kind of camera

roditelji su fotografisali specijalnim apratom

u kojem se nalazilo nešto što se zove film,

that held something called "film."

i tako mi Boga, film je bio skup.

And, by God, film was expensive.

They didn't take 300 shots of you in that rapid-fire digital video mode

Nismo mogli da napravimo 300 fotki

u onom brzom digitalnom načinu rada

and then pick out the nicest, smiliest one for the Christmas card.

pa da onda da izaberete najlepšu, sa najvećim osmehom,

za Božićnu čestitku.

Ne, ne.

Oh, no.

Obukli bi vas, poređali,

They dressed you up, they lined you up,

a vi biste se smejali u jebeni aparat kao što su vam rekli,

and you smiled for the fucking camera like they told you to

ili biste mogli da se pozdravite sa rođendanskom žurkom.

or you could kiss your birthday party goodbye.

Ali ipak, imam ogromnu gomilu,

But still, I have a huge pile of fake happy childhood pictures

lažno-srećnih slika iz detinjstva,

and I'm glad they make me less likely than some people to get a divorce.

i drago mi je što, po njima, imam manje šansi

od nekih ljudi da se razvedem.

So, what else can you do to safeguard your marriage?

Dakle, šta još možete učiniti

da biste zaštitili svoj brak?

Do not win an Oscar for best actress.

Nemojte da osvojite Oskara za najbolju glumicu.

(Smeh)

(Laughter)

I'm serious.

Ozbiljna sam.

Bettie Davis, Joan Crawford, Halle Berry, Hilary Swank,

Beti Dejvis, Džoun Kraford, Hali Beri,

Hilari Svonk, Sandra Bulok, Riz Viterspun,

Sandra Bullock, Reese Witherspoon --

sve one ostale su same,

all of them single, soon after taking home that statue.

ubrzo nakon što su odnele kući tu statuu.

They actually call it the Oscar curse.

Zapravo to nazivaju kletva Oskara.

To je poljubac smrti za brak

It is the marriage kiss of death and something that should be avoided.

i nešto što bi trebalo izbegavati.

And it's not just successfully starring in films that's dangerous.

I nije to što su uspešno odigrale

uloge u filmovima što je opasno.

Ispostavilo se, da samo gledanje romantične komedije

It turns out, merely watching a romantic comedy

causes relationship satisfaction to plummet.

dovodi do drastičnog pada zadovoljstva u vezi.

(Smeh)

(Laughter)

Apparently, the bitter realization that maybe it could happen to us,

Očigledno, ogorčeno shvatanje

da bi se možda to moglo dogoditi nama,

but it obviously hasn't and it probably never will,

ali se očigledno nije i verovatno neće,

čini da nam životi u poređenju sa njihovim,

makes our lives seem unbearably grim in comparison.

izgledaju nepodnošljivo tmurno.

I u teoriji,

And theoretically,

I suppose if we opt for a film where someone gets brutally murdered

pretpostavljam da ako izaberemo film u kojem je neko brutalno ubijen

or dies in a fiery car crash,

ili gine u ekplodirajućoj saobraćajnoj nesreći

veće su šanse da izađemo iz bioskopa

we are more likely to walk out of that theater

feeling like we've got it pretty good.

osećajući da je to što imamo prilično dobro.

(Laughter)

Konzumiranje alkohola, čini se,

Drinking alcohol, it seems, is bad for your marriage.

je loše po brak.

Da.

Yeah.

Ne mogu vam reći još mnogo o toj

I can't tell you anymore about that one

jer sam prestala da čitam posle naslova.

because I stopped reading it at the headline.

Ali evo jedne zastrašujuće:

But here's a scary one: divorce is contagious.

Razvod je zarazan.

That's right, when you have a close couple friend split up,

Tako je - kada vaš bliski prijatelj raskine

it increases your chances of getting a divorce by 75 percent.

povećavaju se šanse da se razvedete,

za 75%.

Moram da priznam, da ovu uopšte ne razumem.

Now, I have to say, I don't get this one at all.

Moj suprug i ja

My husband and I have watched quite a few friends divide their assets

smo posmatrali kako dosta naših prijatelja deli svoju imovinu,

a onda se muče

and then struggle with being our age and single

da u našim godinama budu sami

in an age of sexting and Viagra and eHarmony.

u eri seksualnog dopisivanja i vijagre

i sajtova za upoznavanje.

Mislim da su oni uradili za moj brak više

And I'm thinking they've done more for my marriage

nego što bi doživotna terapija mogla.

than a lifetime of therapy ever could.

Sada se možda pitate,

So now you may be wondering: Why does anyone get married ever?

zašto iko ikada stupa u brak?

Well, the US federal government counts more than a thousand legal benefits

Pa, savezna vlada Sjedinjenih Država,

nabraja više od hiljadu pravnih dobiti

to being someone's spouse.

kada postanete nečiji supružnik -

A list that includes visitation rights in jail,

lista koja uključuje pravo na posete u zatvoru,

but hopefully, you'll never need that one.

ali, nadajmo se, to vam neće biti potrebno.

But beyond the profound federal perks,

Ali, osim temeljnih federalnih prava,

venčani ljudi zarađuju više novca.

married people make more money.

Mi smo zdraviji,

We're healthier, physically and emotionally.

fizički i emotivno.

We produce happier, more stable and more successful kids.

Mi pravimo srećniju, stabilniju

i uspešniju decu.

Imamo više seksa

We have more sex than our supposedly swinging single friends,

od naših navodno raskalašnih samih prijatelja -

verovali to ili ne.

believe it or not.

Mi čak i živimo duže,

We even live longer,

which is a pretty compelling argument for marrying someone you like a lot

što je prlično privlačan argument

za venčavanje nekoga ko vam se dosta sviđa

sam po sebi.

in the first place.

(Laughter)

Now, if you're not currently experiencing the joy of the joint tax return,

Ako trenutno ne proživljavate

radost zajedničkog plaćanja poreza

I can't tell you how to find a chore-loving person

Ne mogu da vam opišem kako da nađete osobu koja voli kućne poslove

u približno idealnoj veličini i nivou privlačnosti

of the approximately ideal size and attractiveness,

who prefers horror movies

koja više voli horor filmove i nema mnogo prijatelja

and doesn't have a lot of friends hovering on the brink of divorce,

koji lebde na ivici razvoda,

ali vas samo mogu ohrabriti da pokušate,

but I can only encourage you to try,

because the benefits, as I've pointed out,

jer su koristi, kao što sam predočila,

značajne.

are significant.

Ključna stvar je, bilo da ste u braku ili još tražite,

The bottom line is: whether you're in it or you're searching for it,

ja verujem da je brak institucija

I believe marriage is an institution worth pursuing and protecting.

kojoj je vredno stremiti i zaštiti.

So I hope you'll use the information I've given you today

Tako da se nadam da ćete infomacije koje sam vam danas dala

to weigh your personal strengths against your own risk factors.

iskoristiti kako biste izmerili ličnu jačinu

u odnosu na sopstvene faktore rizika.

For instance, in my marriage, I'd say I'm doing OK.

Na primer, moj brak,

rekla bih da mi dobro ide.

U jednu ruku,

One the one hand,

imam muža koje je iritantno pouzdan

I have a husband who's annoyingly lean and incredibly handsome.

i neverovatno zgodan.

So I'm obviously going to need fatten him up.

Dakle, očigledno da ću morati da ga podgojim.

And like I said, we have those divorced friends

I kao što sam rekla, imamo te razvedene prijatelje,

koji možda tajno ili podsvesno

who may secretly or subconsciously be trying to break us up.

pokušavaju da nas razdvoje.

So we have to keep an eye on that.

Moraću da obratim pažnju na do.

Mi volimo po koji koktel.

And we do like a cocktail or two.

U drugu ruku,

On the other hand,

I have the fake happy picture thing.

imam lažno-srećne slike.

And also, my husband does a lot around the house,

Takođe, moj muž radi dosta toga po kući,

i rado ne bi odgledao više

and would happily never see another romantic comedy

nijednu romantičnu komediju do kraja života.

as long as he lives.

Te stvari mi idu u korist.

So I've got all those things going for me.

But just in case,

Ali, za svaki slučaj,

I plan to work extra hard to not win an Oscar anytime soon.

planiram da se dodatno potrudim

da ne osvojim Oskara u skorijoj budućnosti.

And for the good of your relationships,

A za dobrobit vaših veza,

I would encourage you to do the same.

preporučujem vam da učinite isto.

Vidimo se u baru.

I'll see you at the bar.

(Aplauz)

(Laughter)

(Applause)