Matthew O'Reilly: "Am I dying?" The honest answer.

譯者: Marssi Draw 審譯者: Justine Bai

I've been a critical care EMT for the past seven years in Suffolk County, New York.

我在紐約蘇福克郡擔任 重症緊急救護技術員至今七年了。

I've been a first responder in a number of incidents

我是各種意外的第一線急救員，

ranging from car accidents to Hurricane Sandy.

從車禍到桑迪颶風都碰過。

If you are like most people, death might be

如果你跟大家一樣，

死亡大概會是你最怕的事之一。

one of your greatest fears.

Some of us will see it coming.

有些人能料到自己將死；

Some of us won't.

有些人不行。

There is a little-known documented medical term

有個醫學名詞鮮為人知，

called impending doom.

稱為瀕臨死亡。

It's almost a symptom.

那幾乎算是種症狀。

As a medical provider, I'm trained to respond

身為醫療人員，訓練讓我 以平常心面對這種症狀。

to this symptom like any other,

so when a patient having a heart attack looks at me

因此當心臟病人看著我說：

and says, "I'm going to die today,"

「我今天就會死。」

we are trained to reevaluate the patient's condition.

訓練要我們重新評估病人的情況。

Throughout my career, I have responded

在我的職涯中，

我去過一些意外現場急救，

to a number of incidents where the patient

當中有些病人還有幾分鐘可以活，

had minutes left to live

and there was nothing I could do for them.

而我卻無能為力。

With this, I was faced with a dilemma:

因此我常面對進退兩難的問題：

Do I tell the dying that they are about to face death,

我要告訴臨終病患，他們快死了嗎？

or do I lie to them to comfort them?

還是我應該說謊來安撫他們？

我還是菜鳥時，

Early in my career, I faced this dilemma

碰到這種問題只會說謊。

by simply lying.

I was afraid.

當時我很害怕。

I was afraid if I told them the truth,

我害怕如果我說了實話，

that they would die in terror, in fear,

他們就會在害怕和恐懼中死去，

just grasping for those last moments of life.

只能緊抓生命的最後時刻。

一場事件改變了我的觀點。

That all changed with one incident.

Five years ago, I responded to a motorcycle accident.

五年前，我到摩托車意外現場急救。

The rider had suffered critical, critical injuries.

騎士受的傷非常嚴重。

As I assessed him, I realized that there was nothing

我評估他的傷勢，

發現完全束手無策，

that could be done for him,

and like so many other cases, he looked me in the eye

就像許多傷患一樣，

他看著我的雙眼問那個問題：

and asked that question: "Am I going to die?"

「我要死了嗎？」

In that moment, I decided to do something different.

在那當下 ，我決定改變作法。

I decided to tell him the truth.

我決定告訴他實情。

I decided to tell him that he was going to die

我決定告訴他，他快死了，

and that there was nothing I could do for him.

而且我完全無能為力。

His reaction shocked me to this day.

他的反應至今仍讓我震驚。

He simply laid back and had a look

他只是躺在那，

of acceptance on his face.

臉上露出接受的表情。

He was not met with that terror or fear

他沒有面臨我想像中

that I thought he would be.

那樣的恐懼和害怕。

He simply laid there, and as I looked into his eyes,

他只是躺在那裡，

我在他的眼裡看見

I saw inner peace and acceptance.

接受與內心的平靜。

From that moment forward, I decided

從那個時刻開始，

it was not my place to comfort the dying with my lies.

我決定自己沒有立場 用謊言安撫垂死的人。

Having responded to many cases since then

自此之後，我回覆許多臨終病患，

where patients were in their last moments

and there was nothing I could do for them,

我無法幫他們做任何事，

in almost every case,

幾乎每一位病患

they have all had the same reaction to the truth,

面對實話的反應都一樣，

of inner peace and acceptance.

接受，以及內心的平靜。

In fact, there are three patterns

其實我在所有案例中

I have observed in all these cases.

觀察到三種模式。

The first pattern always kind of shocked me.

第一種總會讓我吃驚。

Regardless of religious belief or cultural background,

不論哪種宗教信仰或是文化背景，

there's a need for forgiveness.

他們都需要饒恕。

Whether they call it sin

不管他們自認犯了罪

or they simply say they have a regret,

或只是有個遺憾，

their guilt is universal.

他們全都感到內疚。

I had once cared for an elderly gentleman

我照顧過一位年長紳士，

who was having a massive heart attack.

他的心臟病發，非常嚴重。

As I prepared myself and my equipment

我做好心理準備，打點好器材，

for his imminent cardiac arrest,

因為他的心跳就快停止了。

I began to tell the patient of his imminent demise.

我開始告訴他，死亡即將降臨。

He already knew by my tone of voice and body language.

他從我的聲調和動作中 已經預知了這件事。

As I placed the defibrillator pads on his chest,

我把電擊器放在他胸前，

prepping for what was going to happen,

準備好面對即將發生的事。

he looked me in the eye and said,

他直視著我的雙眼說：

"I wish I had spent more time with my children and grandchildren

「我好希望過去 能多花點時間陪陪兒孫，

instead of being selfish with my time."

而不是自私地享受獨處時光。」

Faced with imminent death,

面對即將來臨的死亡，

all he wanted was forgiveness.

他只想要得到原諒。

The second pattern I observe

我觀察到的第二種模式

is the need for remembrance.

就是被緬懷的需要。

不論是在我或是

Whether it was to be remembered in my thoughts

他的愛人記憶中被緬懷。

or their loved ones', they needed to feel

他們都需要感到生命能延續。

that they would be living on.

There's a need for immortality

他們需要永恆不朽地

within the hearts and thoughts of their loved ones,

存在愛人的心裡和腦海中，

myself, my crew, or anyone around.

或是在我、同仁或任何人的心上。

Countless times, I have had a patient look me in the eyes

有無數次，病人看著我的雙眼問：

and say, "Will you remember me?"

「你會記得我嗎？」

The final pattern I observe

我觀察到的最後一種模式

always touched me the deepest, to the soul.

總會觸動我的內心深處， 觸動我的靈魂。

The dying need to know that their life had meaning.

他們渴望知道自己的生命有意義。

They need to know that they did not waste their life

他們需要知道自己沒有浪費生命

on meaningless tasks.

在無意義的事情上。

This came to me very, very early in my career.

這種情況在我入行沒多久就出現了。

I had responded to a call.

我曾接過一個急救任務，

There was a female in her late 50s

有位快 60 歲的女性，

severely pinned within a vehicle.

被卡在車裡動彈不得。

She had been t-boned at a high rate of speed,

她的車子從側邊被高速撞上，

critical, critical condition.

情況非常危急。

As the fire department worked to remove her from the car,

消防隊要從車子裡救出她的同時，

I climbed in to begin to render care.

我爬進去開始急救。

As we talked, she had said to me,

我們對話時，她對我說：

"There was so much more I wanted to do with my life."

「我這輩子還有好多事情想做。」

She had felt she had not left her mark on this Earth.

她覺得還沒在這世上留下印記。

As we talked further, it would turn out

我們談得更深入後，

that she was a mother of two adopted children

我才知道她領養了兩個小孩，

who were both on their way to medical school.

而且他們都準備要唸醫學院。

Because of her, two children

因為她，這兩個小孩

had a chance they never would have had otherwise

擁有本來不可能得到的機會。

and would go on to save lives in the medical field

而且還能從醫，拯救許多生命，

as medical doctors.

It would end up taking 45 minutes

結果花了 45 分鐘， 才將她從車子裡救出來。

to free her from the vehicle.

However, she perished prior to freeing her.

但是她在那之前就已經死了。

I believed what you saw in the movies:

我過去相信電影上演的：

when you're in those last moments

你在臨終前

that it's strictly terror, fear.

會感到非常恐懼、 害怕。

I have come to realize, regardless of the circumstance,

後來我才了解，不論在什麼情況下，

it's generally met with peace and acceptance,

通常都會變得平靜也能接受。

that it's the littlest things, the littlest moments,

是最微不足道的那些事、那些時刻，

the littlest things you brought into the world

你帶到世上最微不足道的那些事，

that give you peace in those final moments.

讓你在臨終時刻得到平靜。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）