Don't suffer from your depression in silence | Nikki Webber Allen

Translator: Nelson Simfukwe Reviewer: Sophia Mwema

What are you doing on this stage

Unafanya nini katika jukwaa hili

in front of all these people?

mbele ya watu wote hawa?

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

Run!

Kimbia!

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

Run now.

Kimbia sasa.

That's the voice of my anxiety talking.

Hii ni sauti ya hofu yangu inaongea.

Even when there's absolutely nothing wrong,

Hata kama hakuna tatizo lolote,

I sometimes get this overwhelming sense of doom,

Kuna wakati huwa napata hisia za mahangaiko,

like danger is lurking just around the corner.

kama hatari inaninyemelea kwenye kona.

You see, a few years ago,

Unaona, miaka michache iliyopita,

I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety

Niligundulika na ugonjwa wa msongo wa hofu

and depression --

na mawazo --

two conditions that often go hand in hand.

hali mbili ambazo huenda pamoja.

Now, there was a time I wouldn't have told anybody,

Sasa, kuna wakati nisingemuambia mtu yoyote,

especially not in front of a big audience.

hususani mbele ya umati mkubwa.

As a black woman,

Kama mwanamke mwenye ngozi nyeusi,

I've had to develop extraordinary resilience to succeed.

Nimetakiwa kujijengea ustahimilivu wa hali ya juu ili kufanikiwa.

And like most people in my community,

Na kama watu wengi katika jamii yangu,

I had the misconception that depression was a sign of weakness,

Nilikuwa na imani potofu kwamba msongo wa mawazo ni kiashiria cha udhaifu,

a character flaw.

udhaifu wa tabia.

But I wasn't weak;

Lakini sikuwa dhaifu;

I was a high achiever.

Nilikuwa nimefanikiwa kwa hali ya juu.

I'd earned a Master's degree in Media Studies

Nilipata Shahada ya Uzamili kwenye masomo ya vyombo vya habari

and had a string of high-profile jobs in the film and television industries.

na kuwa na kazi za hadhi ya juu katika tasnia ya filamu na televisheni.

I'd even won two Emmy Awards for my hard work.

Nimeshinda hata tuzo mbili za Emmy kwa uchapakazi kazi wangu.

Sure, I was totally spent,

Hakika, Nilitumika sana,

I lacked interest in things I used to enjoy,

Nilikosa hamu katika vitu nilivyozoea kuvifurahia,

barely ate,

nilikula mara chache,

struggled with insomnia

nilisumbuka kupata usingizi

and felt isolated and depleted.

na nilijihisi kutengwa na kushuka thamani.

But depressed?

Lakini kuwa na masononeko?

No, not me.

Hapana, sio mimi.

It took weeks before I could admit it,

Ilinichukua wiki kadhaa kabla ya kukubaliana na hali yangu,

but the doctor was right:

lakini daktari alikuwa sahihi:

I was depressed.

Nilikumbwa na msongo wa mawazo.

Still, I didn't tell anybody about my diagnosis.

Bado, sikumwambia mtu yoyote kuhusu majibu ya uchunguzi.

I was too ashamed.

Nilihisi aibu.

I didn't think I had the right to be depressed.

Sikudhani nilipaswa kusongwa na mawazo.

I had a privileged life

Nilikuwa na maisha yenye kipaumbele

with a loving family and a successful career.

yenye familia iliyo na upendo na kazi iliyo na mafanikio.

And when I thought about the unspeakable horrors

Na nilipowaza kuhusu maafa yasiyofikirika

that my ancestors had been through in this country

ambayo mababu zangu walipitia katika nchi hii

so that I could have it better,

ili niwe na maisha bora,

my shame grew even deeper.

aibu yangu iliongezeka zaidi.

I was standing on their shoulders.

Nilikuwa nimesimama kwenye mabega yao.

How could I let them down?

Ningewezaje kuwaangusha?

I would hold my head up,

Nilinyanyua kichwa changu na kuangalia juu,

put a smile on my face

na kuweka tabasamu katika uso wangu

and never tell a soul.

na kutoiambia nafsi yoyote.

On July 4, 2013,

Mnamo tarehe 4, Julai mwaka 2013,

my world came crashing in on me.

dunia yangu ilipasuka ndani yangu.

That was the day I got a phone call from my mom

Hiyo ilikuwa siku nilipokea simu kutoka kwa mama yangu

telling me that my 22-year-old nephew, Paul, had ended his life,

akiniambia kwamba mpwa wangu mwenye miaka 22, Paul, amejiua,

after years of battling depression and anxiety.

baada ya miaka kadhaa ya kupambana na msongo wa mawazo na hofu.

There are no words that can describe the devastation I felt.

Hakuna maneno ambayo yanaweza kuelezea namna gani nilijisikia vibaya.

Paul and I were very close,

Mimi na Paul tulikuwa karibu,

but I had no idea he was in so much pain.

lakini sikutambua alikuwa akipitia maumivu makubwa.

Neither one of us had ever talked to the other about our struggles.

Hakuna yeyote kati yetu ambaye aliwahi kumwambia mwenzie kuhusu mahangaiko aliyokuwa akipitia.

The shame and stigma kept us both silent.

Aibu na unyanyapaa ulitufanya wote kuwa kimya.

Now, my way of dealing with adversity is to face it head on,

Sasa, namna yangu ya kupambana na mikosi ni kuitazama bila uoga,

so I spent the next two years researching depression and anxiety,

kwa hiyo nilitumia miaka miwili baadaye kufanyia utafiti msongo wa mawazo na hofu,

and what I found was mind-blowing.

na niligundua jambo la kushangaza.

The World Health Organization reports

Taasisi ya Afya Duniani imetoa ripoti ikisema

that depression is the leading cause of sickness and disability

kwamba msongo wa mawazo ni sababu kuu ya magonjwa na ulemavu

in the world.

duniani.

While the exact cause of depression isn't clear,

Wakati sababu hasa ya msongo wa mawazo haijatambulika,

research suggests that most mental disorders develop,

utafiti unaelezea kwamba magonjwa mengi ya akili hujitokeza,

at least in part,

walau katika sehemu,

because of a chemical imbalance in the brain,

kwa sababu ya kutolingana kwa kemikali katika ubongo,

and/or an underlying genetic predisposition.

na/au katika utengenezaji wa mwanzo wa jenetikia.

So you can't just shake it off.

Kwa hiyo huwezi kuachana nayo tu.

For black Americans,

Kwa Wamarekani weusi,

stressors like racism and socioeconomic disparities

vileta msongo wa mawazo kama ubaguzi wa rangi na utofauti wa hali ya kiuchumi katika jamii

put them at a 20 percent greater risk of developing a mental disorder,

huwaweka katika asilimia 20 zaidi ya kupata ugonjwa wa akili,

yet they seek mental health services

na bado hutafuta huduma za afya ya akili

at about half the rate of white Americans.

katika kiwango sawa na nusu ya Wamarekani weupe.

One reason is the stigma,

Sababu moja ni unyanyapaa,

with 63 percent of black Americans mistaking depression for a weakness.

ikiwa asilimia 63 ya Wamarekani weusi hukosea kwa kuwaza kwamba msongo wa mawazo ni udhaifu.

Sadly, the suicide rate among black children

Cha kusikitisha, kasi ya watoto weusi ambao hujiua

has doubled in the past 20 years.

imeongezeka mara mbili katika miaka 20 iliyopita.

Now, here's the good news:

Sasa, hii ni habari njema:

seventy percent of people struggling with depression will improve

asilimia 70 ya watu ambao wanasumbuka na msongo wa mawazo hali zao zitaboreka

with therapy, treatment and medication.

kwa kupata tiba na dawa.

Armed with this information,

Wakipewa taarifa,

I made a decision:

Nimechukua uamuzi:

I wasn't going to be silent anymore.

Sitakuwa kimya tena.

With my family's blessing,

Na baraka za familia yangu,

I would share our story

Nitasimulia hadithi yetu

in hopes of sparking a national conversation.

katika matumaini ya kuleta mjadala wa kitaifa.

A friend, Kelly Pierre-Louis, said,

Rafiki yangu, Kelly Pierre-Loius, alisema,

"Being strong is killing us."

"Kuwa ngangari hutuua."

She's right.

Alikuwa sahihi.

We have got to retire those tired, old narratives

Tunabidi kuondokana na hizo imani ziilizopitwa na wakati

of the strong black woman

kuhusu mwanamke mweusi jasiri

and the super-masculine black man,

na mwanaume mweusi kuwa mwanaume hasa,

who, no matter how many times they get knocked down,

ambaye, haijalishi mara ngapi wakidondoshwa,

just shake it off and soldier on.

hujifuta na kisha husonga mbele.

Having feelings isn't a sign of weakness.

Kuwa na hisia sio dalili ya udhaifu.

Feelings mean we're human.

Hisia zinamaanisha kwamba sisi ni binadamu.

And when we deny our humanity,

Na pale tunapoukana ubinadamu wetu,

it leaves us feeling empty inside,

hutuacha wapweke ndani,

searching for ways to self-medicate in order to fill the void.

tukitafuta njia za kujiponya ili kuepukana na upweke.

My drug was high achievement.

Dawa yangu ilikuwa mafanikio makubwa.

These days, I share my story openly,

Siku hizi, naweza kusimulia hadithi yangu wazi,

and I ask others to share theirs, too.

na kuwauliza wengine kusimulia zao, pia.

I believe that's what it takes

Naamini hicho ndicho kinachoweza

to help people who may be suffering in silence

kusaidia watu wanaohangaika katika ukimya

to know that they are not alone

ili wajue kwamba hawapo peke yao

and to know that with help,

na kujua kwamba kwa msaada,

they can heal.

wanaweza kupona.

Now, I still have my struggles,

Sasa, bado nina mahangaiko yangu,

particularly with the anxiety,

hasa kutokana na hofu,

but I'm able to manage it

lakini ninaweza kukabiliana na hali hio

through daily mediation, yoga and a relatively healthy diet.

kwa kutafakari kila siku, kufanya yoga na kula vizuri kiasi.

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

If I feel like things are starting to spiral,

Kama nikiona kwamba hali inaanza kuwa mbaya,

I make an appointment to see my therapist,

Huwa nawasiliana na mtoa tiba wangu,

a dynamic black woman named Dawn Armstrong,

mwanamke mweusi anayeitwa Dawn Armstrong,

who has a great sense of humor

ambaye ni mcheshi

and a familiarity that I find comforting.

na mwenye uzoea ambao hunipa faraja.

I will always regret

Daima nitajuta

that I couldn't be there for my nephew.

sikuwepo kumsaidia mpwa wangu.

But my sincerest hope

Lakini tumaini langu la kweli

is that I can inspire others with the lesson that I've learned.

ni kwamba niwahamasishe wengine kutokana na somo nililojifunza.

Life is beautiful.

Maisha ni mazuri.

Sometimes it's messy,

Kuna wakati yanavurugika,

and it's always unpredictable.

na hayatabiriki siku zote.

But it will all be OK

Lakini kila kitu kitakuwa sawa

when you have your support system to help you through it.

unapokuwa na mfumo ambao utakusaidia kuyashinda yote.

I hope that if your burden gets too heavy,

Nina imani kama mzigo wako ukiwa mzito sana,

you'll ask for a hand, too.

utaomba msaada, pia.

Thank you.

Asante.

(Applause)

(Makofi)