Don't suffer from your depression in silence | Nikki Webber Allen

翻译人员: Hong Li 校对人员: Yolanda Zhang

What are you doing on this stage

你站在这个舞台上做什么？

in front of all these people?

还当着这么多人的面？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Run!

快逃！

(Laughter)

Run now.

（笑声）

马上逃跑！

That's the voice of my anxiety talking.

这是我内心的紧张情绪在说话。

Even when there's absolutely nothing wrong,

即便一切都进行得很顺利，

I sometimes get this overwhelming sense of doom,

我也经常会有这种巨大的挫败感，

like danger is lurking just around the corner.

总觉得危险无处不在。

You see, a few years ago,

几年前，

I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety

我被诊断出患有焦虑症，

and depression --

和抑郁症——

two conditions that often go hand in hand.

这两种疾病经常会同时发生。

Now, there was a time I wouldn't have told anybody,

这段经历我本不愿跟任何人分享，

especially not in front of a big audience.

尤其是当着这么多人的面。

As a black woman,

作为一名黑人女性，

I've had to develop extraordinary resilience to succeed.

我必须有极强的 适应能力才能取得成功。

And like most people in my community,

如同我社区中的大部分人一样，

I had the misconception that depression was a sign of weakness,

我误以为抑郁症是软弱的表现，

a character flaw.

是一种人格缺陷。

But I wasn't weak;

但我并不软弱，

I was a high achiever.

我还蛮成功的。

I'd earned a Master's degree in Media Studies

我获得了媒体研究的硕士学位，

and had a string of high-profile jobs in the film and television industries.

在电影和电视行业 有一系列不错的履历。

I'd even won two Emmy Awards for my hard work.

我的出色表现 还让我获得了两次艾美奖。

Sure, I was totally spent,

没错，我感到精疲力尽，

I lacked interest in things I used to enjoy,

我对之前喜欢的事情丧失了兴趣，

barely ate,

茶饭不思，

struggled with insomnia

被失眠所困扰，

and felt isolated and depleted.

觉得孤单和消沉。

But depressed?

但是抑郁症？

No, not me.

跟我没什么关系吧。

It took weeks before I could admit it,

过了好几周我才承认，

but the doctor was right:

医生是对的，

I was depressed.

我的确抑郁了。

Still, I didn't tell anybody about my diagnosis.

但我仍然没有告诉任何人。

I was too ashamed.

我觉得羞愧难当。

I didn't think I had the right to be depressed.

我从没想过我也有抑郁的权利。

I had a privileged life

我生活条件优越，

with a loving family and a successful career.

家庭幸福，事业有成。

And when I thought about the unspeakable horrors

尤其当我想到， 正因为我的祖先们在这个国家

that my ancestors had been through in this country

遭受到那些无法描述的苦难，

so that I could have it better,

所以我才能过得好一些，

my shame grew even deeper.

我就越发感到愧疚。

I was standing on their shoulders.

我是站在他们肩膀上的。

How could I let them down?

我怎么能让他们失望呢？

I would hold my head up,

我只能昂起头，

put a smile on my face

面带微笑，

and never tell a soul.

不对任何人说。

On July 4, 2013,

2013年7月4日，

my world came crashing in on me.

我的世界彻底崩溃了。

That was the day I got a phone call from my mom

我接到母亲的电话，

说我22岁的侄子，保罗， 在与焦虑症和抑郁症抗争多年之后，

telling me that my 22-year-old nephew, Paul, had ended his life,

after years of battling depression and anxiety.

结束了自己的生命。

There are no words that can describe the devastation I felt.

没有语言足以形容我的绝望。

Paul and I were very close,

我跟保罗很亲密，

but I had no idea he was in so much pain.

但我从来不知道 他遭受着如此大的痛苦。

Neither one of us had ever talked to the other about our struggles.

我们也从未跟对方提起过 自己的挣扎与抗争。

The shame and stigma kept us both silent.

羞愧与耻辱感让我俩都保持沉默。

Now, my way of dealing with adversity is to face it head on,

现在，我应对逆境的方式 就是昂首向前，

so I spent the next two years researching depression and anxiety,

接下来我花了两年时间 来研究抑郁症和焦虑症，

and what I found was mind-blowing.

而结果让我大吃一惊。

The World Health Organization reports

根据世界卫生组织的报告，

that depression is the leading cause of sickness and disability

抑郁症是在世界范围内 导致疾病和伤残

in the world.

最主要的原因。

While the exact cause of depression isn't clear,

导致抑郁症的准确原因尚不清楚，

research suggests that most mental disorders develop,

研究显示，大部分精神疾病的发生，

at least in part,

至少有一部分原因，

because of a chemical imbalance in the brain,

是因为大脑化学物质的不平衡，

and/or an underlying genetic predisposition.

以及/或者潜在的遗传易感性。

So you can't just shake it off.

因此你无法根除它。

For black Americans,

对于美国黑人而言，

stressors like racism and socioeconomic disparities

来自种族歧视和 社会经济差异上的压力

put them at a 20 percent greater risk of developing a mental disorder,

使他们患上心理疾病的 几率要高20%，

yet they seek mental health services

然而他们寻求心理治疗的比例

at about half the rate of white Americans.

仅仅达到美国白人的一半左右。

One reason is the stigma,

原因之一就是感到羞耻，

with 63 percent of black Americans mistaking depression for a weakness.

有63%的美国黑人将抑郁症 误认为是软弱的表现。

Sadly, the suicide rate among black children

令人悲伤的是，黑人儿童的自杀率

has doubled in the past 20 years.

在过去20年里增加了一倍。

Now, here's the good news:

当然，也有好消息：

seventy percent of people struggling with depression will improve

受到抑郁症困扰的人， 在治疗和药物的帮助下，

with therapy, treatment and medication.

有70%情况会有所好转。

Armed with this information,

掌握了这些信息后，

I made a decision:

我做出了一个决定：

I wasn't going to be silent anymore.

我不会再沉默下去。

With my family's blessing,

有家人的祝福，

I would share our story

我要把我们的故事分享出去，

in hopes of sparking a national conversation.

希望能引发一场全国性的大讨论。

A friend, Kelly Pierre-Louis, said,

我的一个朋友， 凯丽·皮埃尔-露易丝说，

"Being strong is killing us."

“逞强在毁掉我们。”

She's right.

她说的没错。

We have got to retire those tired, old narratives

我们要摈弃那些老旧过时的叙述，

of the strong black woman

比如坚强的黑人女性，

and the super-masculine black man,

无比阳刚的黑人男性，

who, no matter how many times they get knocked down,

他们无论被击倒多少次，

just shake it off and soldier on.

都会爬起来，拍拍灰，继续前进。

Having feelings isn't a sign of weakness.

感情丰富并不是软弱的标志。

Feelings mean we're human.

那意味着我们还有人性。

And when we deny our humanity,

如果我们连自己的人性都否定了，

it leaves us feeling empty inside,

那就成了空心人，

searching for ways to self-medicate in order to fill the void.

终日寻找自我治疗的良药， 填补内心的空白。

My drug was high achievement.

我的良药就是巨大的成功。

These days, I share my story openly,

这些天来，我公开分享自己的故事，

and I ask others to share theirs, too.

我也鼓励大家分享自己的。

I believe that's what it takes

我坚信必须这么做才能

to help people who may be suffering in silence

帮助那些在沉默中忍受痛苦的人们

to know that they are not alone

让他们知道自己并不孤独，

and to know that with help,

让他们相信自己需要帮助，

they can heal.

是可以被治愈的。

Now, I still have my struggles,

现在我依然在遭受痛苦，

particularly with the anxiety,

主要还是焦虑症，

but I'm able to manage it

但我可以控制它，

through daily mediation, yoga and a relatively healthy diet.

通过每天服药，练瑜伽 以及“相对健康的”饮食。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

If I feel like things are starting to spiral,

一旦我感觉自己状态不好了，

I make an appointment to see my therapist,

我就会约我的治疗师见面，

a dynamic black woman named Dawn Armstrong,

她是一位充满活力的黑人女性叫 道恩·阿姆斯特朗，

who has a great sense of humor

她很幽默，

and a familiarity that I find comforting.

很亲切，让我感到安心。

I will always regret

我一直非常后悔

that I couldn't be there for my nephew.

没有能为我侄子做些什么。

But my sincerest hope

但我真诚地希望

is that I can inspire others with the lesson that I've learned.

能让大家吸取我的教训。

Life is beautiful.

生命是美丽的。

Sometimes it's messy,

有时候也会不顺利，

and it's always unpredictable.

永远充满未知。

But it will all be OK

但一切都会好起来的，

when you have your support system to help you through it.

只要拥有能帮助到你的体制。

I hope that if your burden gets too heavy,

希望你们在撑不住的时候，

you'll ask for a hand, too.

也会去寻求帮助。

Thank you.

谢谢大家。

(Applause)

（掌声）