Becky Blanton: The year I was homeless

Prevodilac: Marina Krstovic Lektor: Ana Zivanovic-Nenadovic

I'm a writer and a journalist,

Ja sam pisac i novinar

and I'm also an insanely curious person,

i takođe sam veoma radoznala osoba.

so in 22 years as a journalist,

Tokom 22 godine baveći se novinarstvom,

I've learned how to do a lot of new things.

naučila sam da uradim mnogo novih stvari.

And three years ago, one of the things I learned how to do

A pre 3 godine, jedna od stvari koje sam naučila

was to become invisible.

je kako da postanem nevidljiva.

I became one of the working homeless.

Postala sam jedna od zaposlenih beskućnika.

I quit my job as a newspaper editor

Nakon smrti moga oca u februaru prošle godine

after my father died in February of that same year,

dala sam otkaz sa pozicije novinskog izdavača

and decided to travel.

i odlučila da putujem.

His death hit me pretty hard.

Njegova smrt me je veoma pogodila.

And there were a lot of things that I wanted to feel and deal with while I was doing that.

Bilo je mnogo stvari koje sam htela da osetim i rešim tokom putovanja.

I've camped my whole life. And I decided

Kampovala sam čitav zivot. I odlučila sam

that living in a van for a year to do this

da bi zarad tog cilja živeti u kombiju godinu dana

would be like one long camping trip.

bilo jednako jednom dugačkom kamperskom putovanju.

So I packed my cat, my Rottweiler

Tako da sam spakovala svoju mačku, rotvajlera,

and my camping gear into a 1975 Chevy van,

i opremu za kampovanje u Ševi kombi iz 1975.

and drove off into the sunset,

i odvezla ka zalasku sunca,

having fully failed to realize three critical things.

a potpuno propustila da shvatim tri kritične stvari.

One: that society equates

Prva: društvo podrazumeva

living in a permanent structure, even a shack,

život u istoj zgradi, čak i u baraci,

with having value as a person.

da biste imali vrednost kao osoba.

Two: I failed to realize how quickly

Dva: nisam shvatila koliko brzo

the negative perceptions of other people

negativna opažanja drugih ljudi

can impact our reality, if we let it.

mogu da utiču na našu stvarnost, ako im dozvolimo.

Three: I failed to realize

Tri: nisam shvatila

that homelessness is an attitude,

da je beskucništvo stav,

not a lifestyle.

ne životni stil.

At first, living in the van was great.

Na početku, život u kombiju je bilo super.

I showered in campgrounds. I ate out regularly.

Kupala sam se u kampovima. Uvek sam jela po restoranima.

And I had time to relax and to grieve.

A imala sam vremena da se opustim i da tugujem.

But then the anger and the depression about my father's death set in.

Ali onda su se pojavili bes i depresija zbog smrti mog oca.

My freelance job ended. And I had to get a full-time job

Moj honorarni posao se završio i morala sam da nađem stalni posao

to pay the bills.

kako bih platila račune.

What had been a really mild spring

Blago proleće se

turned into a miserably hot summer.

pretvorilo u nesnosno sparno leto.

And it became impossible to park anywhere --

I postalo je nemoguće parkirati se,

(Laughs)

(smeh)

-- without being very obvious

a da ne bude očigledno

that I had a cat and a dog with me, and it was really hot.

da sam sa sobom imala mačku i psa, a bilo je veoma vruće.

The cat came and went through an open window in the van.

Mačka je ulazila i izlazila kroz otvoren prozor na kombiju.

The doggy went into doggy day care.

Pas je otišao u prihvatilište za pse.

And I sweated.

A ja sam se preznojavala

Whenever I could, I used

Kad god sam mogla, koristila sam tuš kabine u poslovnim zgradama

employee showers in office buildings and truck stops.

i odmarališta za kamiondžije kako bi se okupala.

Or I washed up in public rest rooms.

Ili sam se kupala u javnim kupatilima.

Nighttime temperatures in the van rarely dropped below 80 degrees Fahrenheit,

Temperatura u kombiju je noću retko padala ispod 27stepeni Celzijusa,

making it difficult or impossible to sleep.

što je pravilo poteškoće za spavanje.

Food rotted in the heat.

Hrana je trulila na vrućini.

Ice in my ice chest melted within hours,

Led se u kutiji gde sam ga držača topio u roku od par sati,

and it was pretty miserable.

bilo je poprilično bedno.

I couldn't afford to find an apartment,

Nisam mogla da priuštim sebi stan,

or couldn't afford an apartment that would allow me

ili nisam uspela da priuštim apartman koji bi mi dozvolio

to have the Rottweiler and the cat.

da imam rotvajlera i mačku.

And I refused to give them up,

Odbijala sam da ih se odreknem.

so I stayed in the van.

Tako da sam ostala u kombiju.

And when the heat made me too sick

I kada sam se od vrućine toliko razbolela

to walk the 50 feet to the public restroom

da nisam mogla da odem 15 metara do javnog kupatila,

outside my van at night,

koristila sam kantu i kesu za smeće kao toalet,

I used a bucket and a trash bag as a toilet.

noću izvan svog kombija.

When winter weather set in, the temperatures dropped

Kad je došla zima, temperatura je pala

below freezing. And they stayed there.

ispod stepena smrzavanja. Ja sam ostala u kombiju.

And I faced a whole new set of challenges.

Suočila sam se sa potpuno novim izazovima.

I parked a different place every night

Parkirala sam se na različitom mestu svake noći

so I would avoid being noticed and hassled by the police.

kako bhi izbegla da me policija primeti i maltretira.

I didn't always succeed.

Nisam uvek u tome uspevala.

But I felt out of control of my life.

Ali, osećala sam da nemam kontrolu nad sopstvenim životom.

And I don't know when or how it happened,

Ne znam kad i kako se dogodilo,

but the speed at which I went

ali brzina kojom sam ja prešla

from being a talented writer and journalist

iz talentovanog pisca i novinara

to being a homeless woman, living in a van,

do beskućnee žene koja živi u kombiju,

took my breath away.

mi je oduzela dah.

I hadn't changed. My I.Q. hadn't dropped.

Nisam se promenila. Moj količnik inteligencije nije opao.

My talent, my integrity, my values,

Moj talenat, moj integritet, moje vrednosti,

everything about me remained the same.

sve o meni je ostalo isto.

But I had changed somehow.

Ali, nekako sam se promenila.

I spiraled deeper and deeper into a depression.

Tonula sam sve dublje i dublje u depresiju.

And eventually someone referred me to a homeless health clinic.

Jednom prilikom me je neko uputio u kliniku za beskućnike.

And I went. I hadn't bathed in three days.

I otišla sam. Nisam se kupala 3 dana.

I was as smelly and as depressed as anyone in line.

Smrdela sam i bila depresivna koliko i svi ostali koji su satajali u redu.

I just wasn't drunk or high.

Ali, nisam bila pijana ili drogirana.

And when several of the homeless men realized that,

I kad je par beskućnika, uključujući nekadašnjeg univerzitetskog profesora,

including a former university professor,

to shvatilo,

they said, "You aren't homeless. Why are you really here?"

rekli su, "Ti nisi beskućnik. Zašto si u stvari ovde?"

Other homeless people didn't see me as homeless,

Drugi beskućnici me nisu gledali kao beskućnika,

but I did.

ali ja jesam.

Then the professor listened to my story and he said,

Zatim je profesor saslušao moju priču i rekao,

"You have a job. You have hope.

"Imas posao. Imas nadu.

The real homeless don't have hope."

Pravi beskućnici nemaju nadu."

A reaction to the medication the clinic gave me for my depression

Reakcija na lek koji su mi u klinici dali za moju depresiju

left me suicidal. And I remember thinking,

me je ostavila na ivici samoubistva. I sećam se kako sam razmišljala,

"If I killed myself, no one would notice."

"I da se ubijem, niko ne bi primetio."

A friend told me, shortly after that,

Prijateljica mi je, ubrzo posle toga, rekla

that she had heard that Tim Russert,

da je čula da je Tim Rasert,

a nationally renowned journalist,

poznati novinar u celoj državi,

had been talking about me on national T.V.

pričao o meni na nacionalnoj televiziji.

An essay I'd written about my father,

Sastav koji sam napisala o mom ocu,

the year before he died, was in Tim's new book.

godinu dana pre njegove smrti je bio u Timovoj novoj knjizi.

And he was doing the talk show circuit. And he was talking about my writing.

On je radio seriju zivih emisija u kojima je pričao o mojim radovima.

And when I realized that Tim Russert, former moderator of "Meet the Press,"

I kad sam shvatila da je Tim Rasert, bivši voditelj emisije "Upoznaj Štampu",

was talking about my writing,

pričao o mojim radovima,

while I was living in a van in a Wal-Mart parking lot,

dok sam živela u kombiju na parkingu supermarketa,

I started laughing.

počela sam da se smejem.

You should too.

I vi biste trebali.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I started laughing

Počela sam da se smejem

because it got to the point where,

zato što je došlo pitanja o tome

was I a writer, or was I a homeless woman?

da li sam ja pisac ili beskućna žena?

So I went in the bookstore. And I found Tim's book.

Tako da sam otišla u knjižaru i našla Timovu knjigu.

And I stood there. And I reread my essay.

I stajala sam tamo. Ponovo sam pročitala moj esej.

And I cried.

I plakala sam.

Because I was a writer.

Zato što sam bila pisac.

I was a writer.

Bila sam pisac.

Shortly after that I moved back to Tennessee.

Ubrzo nakon toga sam se preselila nazad u Tenesi.

I alternated between living in a van and couch surfing with friends.

Smenjivala sam život u kombiju sa prenoćištima kod prijatelja.

And I started writing again.

I ponovo sam počela da pišem.

By the summer of the following year I was a working journalist.

Već sledećeg leta radila sam kao novinar.

I was winning awards. I was living in my own apartment.

Osvajala sam nagrade. Živela sam u sopstvenom stanu.

I was no longer homeless.

Nisam više bila beskućnik.

And I was no longer invisible.

I nisam više bila nevidljiva.

Thousands of people work full and part-time jobs,

Hiljade ljudi radi puno i skraćeno radno vreme,

and live in their cars.

i živi u svojim kolima.

But society continues to stigmatize and criminalize

Ali društvena sredina i dalje osuđuje i kriminalizuje

living in your vehicle or on the streets.

život u vozillu ili na ulici.

So the homeless, the working homeless, primarily remain invisible.

Tako da zaposleni beskućnici uglavnom ostaju nevidljivi.

But if you ever meet one,

Ali ako ikada upoznate jednog,

engage them, encourage them, and offer them hope.

angažujte ih, ohrabrite ih, i ponudite im nadu.

The human spirit can overcome anything if it has hope.

Ljudski duh moze da prevaziđe sve ako ima nadu.

And I'm not here to be the poster girl for the homeless.

Nisam ovde da budem predstavnik za beskućnike.

I'm not here to encourage you to give money to the next panhandler you meet.

Nisam ovde da vas ohrabrim da date pare sledećem prosjaku koga sretnete.

But I am here to tell you that, based on my experience,

Ovde sam da bih vam rekla da, na osnovu mog iskustva,

people are not where they live,

ljudi nisu ono gde žive,

where they sleep,

gde spavaju,

or what their life situation is at any given time.

ili ono što je njihova životna situacija u datom trenutku.

Three years ago I was living in a van

Pre 3 godine živela sam u kombiju

in a Wal-Mart parking lot,

na parkingu supermarketa.

and today I'm speaking at TED.

Danas govorim za TED.

Hope always, always finds a way. Thank you.

Nada uvek, uvek nadje nacin. Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)