Becky Blanton: The year I was homeless

Translator: andrej hrovat Reviewer: Špela Reher

I'm a writer and a journalist,

Sem pisateljica in novinarka.

and I'm also an insanely curious person,

Sem tudi noro radovedna oseba.

so in 22 years as a journalist,

Tako sem se v 22 letih novinarstva

I've learned how to do a lot of new things.

naučila, kako narediti mnogo novih stvari.

And three years ago, one of the things I learned how to do

Pred tremi leti je bila ena izmed teh stvari,

was to become invisible.

kako postati neviden.

I became one of the working homeless.

Postala sem ena izmed brezdomcev z zaposlitvijo.

I quit my job as a newspaper editor

Pustila sem svojo službo urednice časopisa,

after my father died in February of that same year,

ko mi je februarja istega leta umrl oče,

and decided to travel.

in se odločila potovati.

His death hit me pretty hard.

Njegova smrt me je močno prizadela.

And there were a lot of things that I wanted to feel and deal with while I was doing that.

In bilo je mnogo stvari, ki sem jih želela občutiti in se soočiti z njimi, med tem ko sem potovala.

I've camped my whole life. And I decided

Kampirala sem celo svoje življenje. In odločila sem se,

that living in a van for a year to do this

da bo življenje v kombiju za eno leto, ko to počnem,

would be like one long camping trip.

kot malo daljše kampiranje.

So I packed my cat, my Rottweiler

Spakirala sem svojo kamp opremo in se skupaj s

and my camping gear into a 1975 Chevy van,

svojo mačko in rottweilerjem v Chevy kombiju iz leta 1975

and drove off into the sunset,

odpeljala proti sončnemu zahodu,

having fully failed to realize three critical things.

brez, da bi se zavedala treh ključnih stvari.

One: that society equates

Prvič: da družba enači

living in a permanent structure, even a shack,

življenje v trdno zgrajeni zgradbi, četudi baraki,

with having value as a person.

s tem, da nekaj veljaš kot človek.

Two: I failed to realize how quickly

Drugič: nisem s zavedala kako hitro lahko

the negative perceptions of other people

negativne percepcije drugih ljudi

can impact our reality, if we let it.

vplivajo na našo resničnost, če temu dopustimo.

Three: I failed to realize

Tretjič; Nisem se zavedala,

that homelessness is an attitude,

da je bistvo brezdomstva v drži

not a lifestyle.

in ne v načinu življenja.

At first, living in the van was great.

Sprva je bilo življenje v kombiju krasno.

I showered in campgrounds. I ate out regularly.

Tuširala sem se v kampih. Redno sem jedla v restavracijah.

And I had time to relax and to grieve.

Imela sem čas, da sem se sprostila in da sem žalovala.

But then the anger and the depression about my father's death set in.

Nato pa me je prevzela jeza in depresija zaradi smrti mojega očeta.

My freelance job ended. And I had to get a full-time job

Moja služba kot neodvisno zaposlena se je prekinila. Morala bi si poiskati redno službo,

to pay the bills.

da bi lahko plačala račune.

What had been a really mild spring

Mila pomlad

turned into a miserably hot summer.

se je spremenila v peklensko vroče poletje.

And it became impossible to park anywhere --

Nemogoče je bilo parkirati kar kjerkoli-

(Laughs)

smeh

-- without being very obvious

-- ne da bi bilo očitno,

that I had a cat and a dog with me, and it was really hot.

da s seboj prevažam še psa in mačko, in bilo je res vroče.

The cat came and went through an open window in the van.

Maček je odhajal in se vračal skozi okno kombija.

The doggy went into doggy day care.

Pes je šel v dnevno oskrbo za pse.

And I sweated.

Jaz pa sem sem potila.

Whenever I could, I used

Kadar koli sem lahko,

employee showers in office buildings and truck stops.

sem uporabljala tuše za zaposlene v poslovnih stavbah in parkiriščih za tovornjake.

Or I washed up in public rest rooms.

Ali pa sem se osvežila v javnih straniščih.

Nighttime temperatures in the van rarely dropped below 80 degrees Fahrenheit,

V kombiju se je temperatura ponoči redko spustila pod 27 stopinj Celzija,

making it difficult or impossible to sleep.

zaradi česar je bilo težko ali pa nemogoče spati.

Food rotted in the heat.

Hrana se je kvarila na vročini.

Ice in my ice chest melted within hours,

Led se je v hladilni skrinji stopil v nekaj urah,

and it was pretty miserable.

kar je bilo precej žalostno.

I couldn't afford to find an apartment,

Nisem si mogla privoščiti, da bi si našla stanovanje,

or couldn't afford an apartment that would allow me

ali pa si nisem mogla najti stanovanja, kjer bi lahko bivala

to have the Rottweiler and the cat.

s psom in mačko.

And I refused to give them up,

Nisem se jima bila pripravljena odpovedati.

so I stayed in the van.

Zato sem ostala v kombiju.

And when the heat made me too sick

In, ko mi je bilo zaradi vročine preslabo,

to walk the 50 feet to the public restroom

da bi se ponoči sprehodila 15 metrov do javnega stranišča

outside my van at night,

nekje blizu kombija,

I used a bucket and a trash bag as a toilet.

sem za stranišče uporabila vrečo za smeti in vedro.

When winter weather set in, the temperatures dropped

Ko je prišla zima, so se temperature spustile

below freezing. And they stayed there.

pod ničlo. In tako je ostalo.

And I faced a whole new set of challenges.

Soočila sem s s celo vrsto novih izzivov.

I parked a different place every night

Vsako noč sem parkirala nekje drugje,

so I would avoid being noticed and hassled by the police.

da me ne bi opazili in bi me odpeljala policija.

I didn't always succeed.

Vsakič mi ni uspelo.

But I felt out of control of my life.

Vendar sem čutila, da svojega življenja nimam več pod kontrolo.

And I don't know when or how it happened,

Ne vem, kako in kdaj se je zgodilo.

but the speed at which I went

Vendar me je hitrost, s katero sem se

from being a talented writer and journalist

iz nadarjene novinarke in pisateljice

to being a homeless woman, living in a van,

spremenila v brezdomko, ki živi v kombiju,

took my breath away.

osupnila.

I hadn't changed. My I.Q. hadn't dropped.

Nisem se spremenila. Moj I.Q. ni padel.

My talent, my integrity, my values,

Moj talent, integriteta, vrednote,

everything about me remained the same.

vse kar sem, je ostalo nespremenjeno.

But I had changed somehow.

Vendar sem se na nek način spremenila.

I spiraled deeper and deeper into a depression.

Vse globlje sem padala v depresijo.

And eventually someone referred me to a homeless health clinic.

In naposled me je nekdo napotil v ordinacijo za brezdomce.

And I went. I hadn't bathed in three days.

In sem šla. Tri dni se že nisem stuširala.

I was as smelly and as depressed as anyone in line.

Smrdela sem in bila depresivna prav tako kot ostali, ki so čakali.

I just wasn't drunk or high.

Le da nisem bila pijana ali zadeta.

And when several of the homeless men realized that,

In ko je nekaj brezdomcev to opazilo,

including a former university professor,

med njimi je bil nekdanji univerzitetni profesor,

they said, "You aren't homeless. Why are you really here?"

so rekli: "Ti nisi brezdomka. Zakaj si pravzaprav tukaj?"

Other homeless people didn't see me as homeless,

Ostali brezdomci me niso videli kot brezdomko,

but I did.

jaz pa sem se.

Then the professor listened to my story and he said,

Nato je moji zgodbi prisluhnil tisti profesor in dejal:

"You have a job. You have hope.

"Ti imaš službo. Imaš upanje.

The real homeless don't have hope."

Pravi brezdomci upanja nimajo."

A reaction to the medication the clinic gave me for my depression

Zdravila, ki so mi jih proti depresijo predpisali na kliniki,

left me suicidal. And I remember thinking,

so me naredili samomorilsko. In spomnim se, da sem si mislila;

"If I killed myself, no one would notice."

"Če bi se ubila, ne bi tega opazil nihče."

A friend told me, shortly after that,

Kmalu za tem, mi je prijatelj dejal,

that she had heard that Tim Russert,

da Tim Russert,

a nationally renowned journalist,

državno priznan novinar,

had been talking about me on national T.V.

o meni govori na nacionalni televiziji.

An essay I'd written about my father,

Esej, ki sem ga napisala o svojem očetu

the year before he died, was in Tim's new book.

leto preden je umrl, je bil v Timovi novi knjigi.

And he was doing the talk show circuit. And he was talking about my writing.

Ustvaril je celo rubriko v svoji pogovorni oddaji, v kateri je govoril o mojem pisanju.

And when I realized that Tim Russert, former moderator of "Meet the Press,"

In, ko sem spoznala, da je Tim Ruddert, nekdanji moderator pri agenciji Meet the Press,

was talking about my writing,

govoril o mojem pisanju,

while I was living in a van in a Wal-Mart parking lot,

med tem, ko sem jaz živela v kombiju na parkirišču trgovine Wal-Mart,

I started laughing.

sem se začela smejati.

You should too.

Tudi vai bi se morali.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

I started laughing

Pričela sem se smejati,

because it got to the point where,

ker sem prišla do točke, ko

was I a writer, or was I a homeless woman?

sem bila pisateljica ali sem bila brezdomka?

So I went in the bookstore. And I found Tim's book.

Odšla sem v knjigarno in našla Timovo knjigo.

And I stood there. And I reread my essay.

Stala sem tam in še enkrat prebrala svoj esej.

And I cried.

Jokala sem.

Because I was a writer.

Ker sem bila pisateljica.

I was a writer.

Bila sem pisateljica.

Shortly after that I moved back to Tennessee.

Kmalu za tem sem se preselila nazaj v Tennessee.

I alternated between living in a van and couch surfing with friends.

Včasih sem spala v kombiju, včasih na kavču pri prijateljih.

And I started writing again.

Spet sem pričela pisati.

By the summer of the following year I was a working journalist.

Do poletja istega leta sem spet pričela delati kot novinarka.

I was winning awards. I was living in my own apartment.

Dodelili so mi številne nagrade. Spet sem živela v svojem stanovanju.

I was no longer homeless.

Nisem bila več brezdomka.

And I was no longer invisible.

Nič več nisem bila nevidna.

Thousands of people work full and part-time jobs,

Tisoče ljudi je redno zaposlenih ali zaposlenih s polovičnim delovnim časom

and live in their cars.

in živijo v svojih avtomobilih.

But society continues to stigmatize and criminalize

Družba pa življenje v avtu ali na ulici

living in your vehicle or on the streets.

še naprej stigmatizira in kaznuje.

So the homeless, the working homeless, primarily remain invisible.

Tako brezdomci, in brezdomci z zaposlitvijo, primarno ostajajo nevidni.

But if you ever meet one,

Vendar, če kdaj katerega izmed njih srečate,

engage them, encourage them, and offer them hope.

se mu posvetite, ga spodbudite in mu ponudite upanje.

The human spirit can overcome anything if it has hope.

Človeška narava lahko premaga karkoli, če le ima upanje.

And I'm not here to be the poster girl for the homeless.

Ampak tu nisem, da bi delala promocijo za brezdomce.

I'm not here to encourage you to give money to the next panhandler you meet.

Tu nisem, da vas nagovorim, da dajte denar naslednjemu beraču, ki ga srečate.

But I am here to tell you that, based on my experience,

Tu sem, da vam na podlagi lastne izkušnje povem,

people are not where they live,

da ljudje niso definirani s tem kje živijo,

where they sleep,

kje spijo

or what their life situation is at any given time.

ali kakšna je njihova trenutna življenjska situacija.

Three years ago I was living in a van

Pred tremi leti sem živela v kombiju

in a Wal-Mart parking lot,

na parkirišču trgovine Wal-Mart.

and today I'm speaking at TED.

Danes pa predavam na TED konferenci.

Hope always, always finds a way. Thank you.

Upanje vedno, vedno najde pot. Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Aplavz)