Becky Blanton: The year I was homeless

Prevoditelj: Senzos Osijek Recezent: Romana Perković

I'm a writer and a journalist,

Ja sam spisateljica i novinarka,

and I'm also an insanely curious person,

a uz to sam i ludo znatiželjna osoba.

so in 22 years as a journalist,

U 22 godine rada kao novinarka

I've learned how to do a lot of new things.

naučila sam mnogo novih stvari.

And three years ago, one of the things I learned how to do

A prije tri godine jedna od stvari koje sam naučila je

was to become invisible.

kako postati nevidljiv.

I became one of the working homeless.

Postala sam jedna od zaposlenih beskućnika.

I quit my job as a newspaper editor

Dala sam otkaz na mjestu urednika novina

after my father died in February of that same year,

nakon što je moj otac umro u veljači te iste godine

and decided to travel.

i odlučila putovati.

His death hit me pretty hard.

Njegova me je smrt jako pogodila.

And there were a lot of things that I wanted to feel and deal with while I was doing that.

Bilo je mnogo stvari koje sam htjela osjetiti i suočiti se s njima dok sam to radila.

I've camped my whole life. And I decided

Cijeli sam život išla na kampiranja i odlučila sam

that living in a van for a year to do this

da bi živjeti u kombiju godinu dana bilo

would be like one long camping trip.

kao jedan veliki izlet.

So I packed my cat, my Rottweiler

I tako sam ja spakirala svoju mačku, rotvajlera

and my camping gear into a 1975 Chevy van,

i kampersku opremu u Chevrolet-ov kombi iz 1975.

and drove off into the sunset,

i odvezla se u suton,

having fully failed to realize three critical things.

ne pomišljajući na tri kritične stvari.

One: that society equates

Prvo: da društvo poistovjećuje

living in a permanent structure, even a shack,

vrijednost pojedinca sa životom u stalnoj nastambi,

with having value as a person.

pa bila ona i koliba.

Two: I failed to realize how quickly

Drugo: Nisam shvatila koliko brzo

the negative perceptions of other people

negativna opažanja drugih

can impact our reality, if we let it.

mogu utjecati na našu stvarnost, ako to dopustimo.

Three: I failed to realize

Treće: Nisam shvatila

that homelessness is an attitude,

da je beskućništvo stav,

not a lifestyle.

a ne način života.

At first, living in the van was great.

Isprva je život u kombiju bio super.

I showered in campgrounds. I ate out regularly.

Tuširala sam se po kampiralištima, redovito sam jela u restoranima

And I had time to relax and to grieve.

i imala sam vremena i opustiti se i tugovati.

But then the anger and the depression about my father's death set in.

Ali tada su nastupili bijes i depresija zbog očeve smrti.

My freelance job ended. And I had to get a full-time job

Moj je honorarni posao istekao i morala sam pronaći posao sa punim radnim vremenom

to pay the bills.

kako bih platila račune.

What had been a really mild spring

Ugodno proljeće pretvorilo se

turned into a miserably hot summer.

u strahovito vruće ljeto.

And it became impossible to park anywhere --

Postalo je nemoguće parkirati bilo gdje --

(Laughs)

(smijeh)

-- without being very obvious

- da ne bude očito

that I had a cat and a dog with me, and it was really hot.

da imam mačku i psa sa sobom, a bilo je zbilja vruće.

The cat came and went through an open window in the van.

Mačka je skalala unutra-van kroz prozor kombija,

The doggy went into doggy day care.

pas je išao na čuvanje,

And I sweated.

a ja sam se znojila.

Whenever I could, I used

Kad god sam mogla, koristila sam

employee showers in office buildings and truck stops.

tuševe za zaposlenike u uredima i na stajalištima za kamione.

Or I washed up in public rest rooms.

Ili sam se prala u javnim WC-ima.

Nighttime temperatures in the van rarely dropped below 80 degrees Fahrenheit,

Noćne temerature u kombiju rijetko su padale ispod 26 stupnjeva Celzijevih.

making it difficult or impossible to sleep.

Spavanje je bilo teško, pa i nemoguće.

Food rotted in the heat.

Hrana je trunula od topline,

Ice in my ice chest melted within hours,

led se topio u škrinji u samo nekoliko sati.

and it was pretty miserable.

To je bilo poprilično jadno.

I couldn't afford to find an apartment,

Nisam si mogla priuštiti stan,

or couldn't afford an apartment that would allow me

odnosno nisam si mogla priuštiti stan u kojem

to have the Rottweiler and the cat.

bih mogla držati rotvajlera i mačku,

And I refused to give them up,

a nisam ih se htjela odreći.

so I stayed in the van.

I tako sam ostala u kombiju.

And when the heat made me too sick

Kada me toplina učinila previše bolesnom

to walk the 50 feet to the public restroom

da bih hodala 15 metara do javnog WC-a,

outside my van at night,

izvan kombija, po noći,

I used a bucket and a trash bag as a toilet.

nuždu sam obavljala u kantu i vreću za smeće.

When winter weather set in, the temperatures dropped

Kada je nastupila zima, temperature su pale

below freezing. And they stayed there.

ispod nule i ondje su se i zadržale.

And I faced a whole new set of challenges.

Suočila sam se sa čitavim nizom novih izazova.

I parked a different place every night

Parkirala sam svake noći na drugome mjestu

so I would avoid being noticed and hassled by the police.

kako me policija ne bi primjetila i uznemiravala.

I didn't always succeed.

Nisam uvijek uspjevala u tome.

But I felt out of control of my life.

Osjećala sam da gubim kontrolu nad životom.

And I don't know when or how it happened,

Ne znam kada i kako se to dogodilo,

but the speed at which I went

ali brzina kojom sam ja

from being a talented writer and journalist

od talentirane spisateljice i novinarke

to being a homeless woman, living in a van,

postala beskućnica koja živi u kombiju,

took my breath away.

oduzela mi je dah.

I hadn't changed. My I.Q. hadn't dropped.

Nisam se promjenila. Moj I.Q. je ostao isti,

My talent, my integrity, my values,

moj talent, moj integritet, moje vrijednosti,

everything about me remained the same.

sve u vezi mene ostalo je isto.

But I had changed somehow.

No nekako sam se ipak promijenila.

I spiraled deeper and deeper into a depression.

Padala sam sve dublje i dublje u depresiju.

And eventually someone referred me to a homeless health clinic.

I na posljetku netko me uputio u dom zdravlja za beskućnike.

And I went. I hadn't bathed in three days.

Otišla sam. Nisam se bila tuširala tri dana.

I was as smelly and as depressed as anyone in line.

Bila sam jednako smrdljiva i jednako potištena kao svi u redu,

I just wasn't drunk or high.

jedino što ja nisam bila pijana ili nadrogirana.

And when several of the homeless men realized that,

Kada je nekoliko beskućnika to shvatilo,

including a former university professor,

uključujući bivšeg fakultetskog profesora,

they said, "You aren't homeless. Why are you really here?"

rekli su: „Ti nisi beskućnica! Zašto si ovdje?“

Other homeless people didn't see me as homeless,

Drugi me beskućnici nisu vidjeli kao beskućnicu,

but I did.

ali ja jesam.

Then the professor listened to my story and he said,

Onda je profesor poslušao moju priču i rekao:

"You have a job. You have hope.

„Vi imate posao, vi imate nadu,

The real homeless don't have hope."

pravi beskućnici nemaju nadu“.

A reaction to the medication the clinic gave me for my depression

Reakcija na lijekove koje su mi ondje prepisali protiv depresije

left me suicidal. And I remember thinking,

učinila me suicidalnom. Sjećam se da sam razmišljala:

"If I killed myself, no one would notice."

“Ako se sada ubijem, nitko neće primijetiti.“

A friend told me, shortly after that,

Nedugo nakon toga

that she had heard that Tim Russert,

prijateljica mi je rekla kako je čula da je Tim Russert,

a nationally renowned journalist,

nacionalno poznati novinar

had been talking about me on national T.V.

pričao o meni na nacionalnoj televiziji.

An essay I'd written about my father,

Esej koji sam napisala o svome ocu,

the year before he died, was in Tim's new book.

godinu dana prije njegove smrti, nalazio se u Timovoj novoj knjizi.

And he was doing the talk show circuit. And he was talking about my writing.

Tim je vodio emisiju u kojoj je pričao o mom pisanju.

And when I realized that Tim Russert, former moderator of "Meet the Press,"

Kada sam shvatila da je Tim Russert, bivši urednik „Meet the Press-a“

was talking about my writing,

govorio o meni

while I was living in a van in a Wal-Mart parking lot,

dok sam ja živjela u kombiju na parkingu trgovačkog centra,

I started laughing.

počela sam se smijati.

You should too.

Trebali biste se i vi.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

I started laughing

Počela sam se smijati

because it got to the point where,

jer sam došla do pitanja:

was I a writer, or was I a homeless woman?

jesam li ja spisateljica ili beskućnica?

So I went in the bookstore. And I found Tim's book.

I tako sam otišla u knjižaru, pronašla Timovu knjigu

And I stood there. And I reread my essay.

i stajala ondje. Ponovno sam pročitala svoj esej

And I cried.

i zaplakala sam

Because I was a writer.

jer sam bila spisateljica.

I was a writer.

Bila sam spisateljica.

Shortly after that I moved back to Tennessee.

Nedugo nakon toga preselila sam se natrag u Tennessee.

I alternated between living in a van and couch surfing with friends.

Naizmjence sam živjela u kombiju i spavala na kauču kod prijatelja.

And I started writing again.

Počela sam opet pisati.

By the summer of the following year I was a working journalist.

Do ljeta sljedeće godine bila sam zaposlena novinarka,

I was winning awards. I was living in my own apartment.

dobivala sam nagrade, živjela sam u svom vlastitom stanu,

I was no longer homeless.

nisam više bila beskućnica

And I was no longer invisible.

i nisam više bila nevidljiva.

Thousands of people work full and part-time jobs,

Tisuće ljudi rade poslove s punim i polovičnim radnim vremenom

and live in their cars.

i žive u kombijima i automobilima.

But society continues to stigmatize and criminalize

Društvo nastavlja žigosati i kriminalizirati

living in your vehicle or on the streets.

život u vozilu ili na ulici.

So the homeless, the working homeless, primarily remain invisible.

Zato beskućnici, zaposleni beskućnici zapravo ostaju nevidljivi.

But if you ever meet one,

Ukoliko ikada upoznate kojeg,

engage them, encourage them, and offer them hope.

angažirajte ih, ohrabrite, i ponudite im nadu.

The human spirit can overcome anything if it has hope.

Ljudski duh može prebroditi bilo što, ako ima nade.

And I'm not here to be the poster girl for the homeless.

Ja nisam ovdje kao predstavnica beskućnika,

I'm not here to encourage you to give money to the next panhandler you meet.

ja nisam ovdje da vas ohrabrim da date novac prvome prosjaku na kojega naiđete,

But I am here to tell you that, based on my experience,

ali sam ovdje da vam kažem da, temeljeno na mome iskustvu,

people are not where they live,

ljudi nisu ljudi po tome gdje žive,

where they sleep,

spavaju,

or what their life situation is at any given time.

ili po tome u kakvome je stanju njihov život u bilo kojem vremenu.

Three years ago I was living in a van

Prije tri godine živjela sam u kombiju

in a Wal-Mart parking lot,

na parkiralištu trgovačkog centra,

and today I'm speaking at TED.

a danas govorim na TED-u.

Hope always, always finds a way. Thank you.

Nada uvijek, uvijek pronađe svoj put. Hvala Vam!

(Applause)

(Pljesak)