Becky Blanton: The year I was homeless

譯者: Lai Sze Cheung 審譯者: Dennis Lin

I'm a writer and a journalist,

我是個作家，也是個新聞從業員

and I'm also an insanely curious person,

我也是一個求知慾極強的人

so in 22 years as a journalist,

所以在跑新聞的22年裡

I've learned how to do a lot of new things.

我學習了很多新奇事物

And three years ago, one of the things I learned how to do

三年前，我學懂的其中一件事

was to become invisible.

就是當個隱世人

I became one of the working homeless.

我變成了在職無家者

I quit my job as a newspaper editor

我辭去了報紙編輯的工作

after my father died in February of that same year,

就在我父親同年二月去世之後

and decided to travel.

我決定踏上旅途

His death hit me pretty hard.

父親的去世對我打擊很大

And there were a lot of things that I wanted to feel and deal with while I was doing that.

當時這樣決定，因我有很多情感和事情要處理

I've camped my whole life. And I decided

旅程中我天天露營

that living in a van for a year to do this

我也決定在旅行車中生活一年

would be like one long camping trip.

就像一趟漫長的露營旅行

So I packed my cat, my Rottweiler

然後我帶著貓，我的洛威拿犬

and my camping gear into a 1975 Chevy van,

還有我的露營裝備 都帶上1975年雪佛蘭旅行車

and drove off into the sunset,

直開車去看日落

having fully failed to realize three critical things.

完全沒有想到三件很嚴重的事

One: that society equates

一，社會把「固定住房」

living in a permanent structure, even a shack,

即使只是很狹小的房間

with having value as a person.

與「人的價值」掛勾

Two: I failed to realize how quickly

二，我沒有意識到，很快地，

the negative perceptions of other people

其他人的負面批評

can impact our reality, if we let it.

對我們的實況影響有多大，假如我們容許

Three: I failed to realize

三，我沒有意識到

that homelessness is an attitude,

無家可歸是一種生活態度

not a lifestyle.

不是一種生活方式

At first, living in the van was great.

剛開始，住在旅行車真的不賴

I showered in campgrounds. I ate out regularly.

我在營地洗澡，我按時在外用餐

And I had time to relax and to grieve.

我還有時間休息和哀悼悲痛

But then the anger and the depression about my father's death set in.

但當父親去世產生的悲憤和沮喪開始加劇

My freelance job ended. And I had to get a full-time job

自由撰稿的工作結束了。我必須找全職

to pay the bills.

來支付各種帳單

What had been a really mild spring

本來溫和的春天

turned into a miserably hot summer.

亦漸漸變成酷熱難擋的夏天

And it became impossible to park anywhere --

越來越難找到泊車的地方

(Laughs)

(一笑)

-- without being very obvious

更別提

that I had a cat and a dog with me, and it was really hot.

我那一貓一狗，實在夠熱

The cat came and went through an open window in the van.

我的貓從車窗來回地跑

The doggy went into doggy day care.

我的狗送到日間護理中心

And I sweated.

而我則大汗淋漓

Whenever I could, I used

當情況許可

employee showers in office buildings and truck stops.

我會使用車站職員淋浴間

Or I washed up in public rest rooms.

或在公眾衛生間洗身

Nighttime temperatures in the van rarely dropped below 80 degrees Fahrenheit,

夜間的車廂中 很少在華氏80度以下

making it difficult or impossible to sleep.

讓人幾乎無法入睡

Food rotted in the heat.

食物在高溫下腐壞

Ice in my ice chest melted within hours,

冰箱裡的冰粒，幾小時就融化了

and it was pretty miserable.

那真是難捱的歲月

I couldn't afford to find an apartment,

我沒錢住進准許養貓狗的公寓

or couldn't afford an apartment that would allow me

更沒法找到

to have the Rottweiler and the cat.

准我養貓狗的公寓

And I refused to give them up,

我又不想拋棄牠們

so I stayed in the van.

所以我繼續住在旅行車裡

And when the heat made me too sick

當夜間的高溫讓我連走50米

to walk the 50 feet to the public restroom

到公眾衛生間都懶得走時

outside my van at night,

而那就在我的旅行車外

I used a bucket and a trash bag as a toilet.

我只能用桶和垃圾袋當廁所

When winter weather set in, the temperatures dropped

當冬天來臨時，溫度驟降

below freezing. And they stayed there.

至零度以下，持續寒冷

And I faced a whole new set of challenges.

我又得面對另一番新挑戰

I parked a different place every night

每晚我都將車泊在不同地方

so I would avoid being noticed and hassled by the police.

避免警察發現，惹來爭執

I didn't always succeed.

當然我不是每次都成功避過

But I felt out of control of my life.

但我已無力掌握自己的生活了

And I don't know when or how it happened,

我甚至不明白甚麼時候，為何會這樣

but the speed at which I went

但那過程之快

from being a talented writer and journalist

從我作為一個有才華的作者，一個新聞從業員

to being a homeless woman, living in a van,

變成一個住在車裡的無家者

took my breath away.

這簡直是快得難以置信

I hadn't changed. My I.Q. hadn't dropped.

我絲毫未變，我智商沒降

My talent, my integrity, my values,

我的才能、尊嚴、價值觀

everything about me remained the same.

一切關於我的，都沒有改變

But I had changed somehow.

但某程度上我已經不同了

I spiraled deeper and deeper into a depression.

我在沮喪的旋渦裡越鑽越深

And eventually someone referred me to a homeless health clinic.

最後有人介紹我到為無家者開設的健康院

And I went. I hadn't bathed in three days.

我去了。我三天沒洗澡了

I was as smelly and as depressed as anyone in line.

我跟排隊中人一樣沮喪和難聞

I just wasn't drunk or high.

我只是沒有喝醉或神志不清

And when several of the homeless men realized that,

當某些無家者發現

including a former university professor,

包括一個前任大學教授，他們說︰

they said, "You aren't homeless. Why are you really here?"

「你本非無家，你為何落得如此下場？」

Other homeless people didn't see me as homeless,

其他無家者不把我當成無家者

but I did.

但我認為我已無家可歸

Then the professor listened to my story and he said,

那教授聽完我的故事後，他說

"You have a job. You have hope.

「你有工作，你有希望」

The real homeless don't have hope."

「真正的無家者連希望都沒有」

A reaction to the medication the clinic gave me for my depression

診所給我的抗抑鬱藥有副作用

left me suicidal. And I remember thinking,

讓我有自殺傾向，我記得當時在想

"If I killed myself, no one would notice."

「即使我自殺，沒有人在意」

A friend told me, shortly after that,

不久之後，有朋友告訴我

that she had heard that Tim Russert,

她聽說提姆•羅斯

a nationally renowned journalist,

一個知名記者

had been talking about me on national T.V.

在全國廣播的電視節目上談到了我

An essay I'd written about my father,

一篇我寫有關我父親的文章

the year before he died, was in Tim's new book.

在他去世前一年寫的‧文章被收錄到提姆的新書

And he was doing the talk show circuit. And he was talking about my writing.

當時他在巡迴演講，提到我的文章

And when I realized that Tim Russert, former moderator of "Meet the Press,"

當我發現提姆羅斯，《與傳媒會見》前主持™

was talking about my writing,

竟然在談論我的文章

while I was living in a van in a Wal-Mart parking lot,

而我卻在一輛泊在超市外的旅行車裡過活

I started laughing.

我開始失笑

You should too.

你也該笑

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I started laughing

我開始笑了

because it got to the point where,

因為這正是問題的所在

was I a writer, or was I a homeless woman?

我究竟是個作者，還是個無家者？

So I went in the bookstore. And I found Tim's book.

於是我走進書店。 我找到提姆的新書

And I stood there. And I reread my essay.

我站在那，重新讀一次自己的文章

And I cried.

我哭了

Because I was a writer.

因為我是一個作者

I was a writer.

我是一個作者

Shortly after that I moved back to Tennessee.

不久之後我搬回了田納西

I alternated between living in a van and couch surfing with friends.

有時睡旅行車，有時睡朋友家的沙發

And I started writing again.

我又重新開始寫作了

By the summer of the following year I was a working journalist.

接下來的夏天，我又回到新聞從業員的崗位

I was winning awards. I was living in my own apartment.

我是個得獎記者。 我住進自己的公寓

I was no longer homeless.

我不再無家可歸

And I was no longer invisible.

我不再被忽視

Thousands of people work full and part-time jobs,

無數人擁有全職或兼職工作

and live in their cars.

但他們住在車裡

But society continues to stigmatize and criminalize

社會持續歧視他們

living in your vehicle or on the streets.

把住在車上或露宿者視為罪犯

So the homeless, the working homeless, primarily remain invisible.

無家者及在職無家者，大部份還是繼續隱閉

But if you ever meet one,

但如果你遇到他們

engage them, encourage them, and offer them hope.

僱用他們、鼓勵他們、給他們希望

The human spirit can overcome anything if it has hope.

人類的意志可以克服一切困難

And I'm not here to be the poster girl for the homeless.

我不是想在此為無家者宣傳

I'm not here to encourage you to give money to the next panhandler you meet.

我不是想鼓勵你們施捨乞丐

But I am here to tell you that, based on my experience,

我來此告訴你，根據我的經驗

people are not where they live,

人的價值，不是由他們的住處

where they sleep,

不是由他們睡哪裡

or what their life situation is at any given time.

不是由他們某時期的生活狀態來決定

Three years ago I was living in a van

三年前，我住在旅行車上

in a Wal-Mart parking lot,

停在沃瑪超市的停車場內

and today I'm speaking at TED.

而今天我卻在TED演講

Hope always, always finds a way. Thank you.

希望！永遠永遠會找到出路‧謝謝！

(Applause)

(掌聲)