Embracing otherness, embracing myself | Thandiwe Newton

Translator: Amantia Gjikondi Reviewer: Helena Bedalli

Embracing otherness.

Te perqafosh diversitetin.

When I first heard this theme,

Kur e degjova per here te pare kete teme,

I thought, well, embracing otherness

mendova, qe te perqafosh diversitetin

is embracing myself.

do te thote te perqafosh veten

And the journey to that place

Dhe udhetimi drejt rruges

of understanding and acceptance

se te kuptuarit dhe te pranuarit

has been an interesting one for me,

ka qene interesante per mua,

and it's given me an insight

dhe me ka dhene pasqyrimin

into the whole notion of self,

e plote te nocionit te vetes.

which I think is worth sharing with you today.

per te cilen mendoj qe ja vlen ta ndaj me ju sot.

We each have a self,

Secili prej nesh ka individualitetin e tij,

but I don't think that we're born with one.

por une nuk mendoj qe jemi lindur vetem me nje.

You know how newborn babies

Ju e dini sesi bebet e sapolindura

believe they're part of everything;

mendojne se jane pjese e cdogjeje;

they're not separate?

qe ato nuk jane te ndara,

Well that fundamental sense of oneness

Pikerisht ky kuptim themelor i njeshmerise

is lost on us very quickly.

humbet tek ne shume shpejt.

It's like that initial stage is over --

Eshte njelloj sikur faza fillestare ka kaluar

oneness: infancy,

njeshmeria; foshnjëri,

unformed, primitive.

i paformuar, primitiv.

It's no longer valid or real.

Nuk eshte me i vlefshem apo real.

What is real is separateness,

Cfare eshte e vertete eshte e ndashme.

and at some point in early babyhood,

Dhe arrin nje pike ku ne femijerine e hershme

the idea of self

ideja e vetes

starts to form.

fillon te formohet.

Our little portion of oneness is given a name,

Pjeses sone te vogel te njeshmerise i vihet nje emer,

is told all kinds of things about itself,

i thuhet cfaredolloj gjeje rreth vetes se vet.

and these details,

Dhe keto detaje,

opinions and ideas

opinione dhe ide

become facts,

kthehen ne fakte,

which go towards building ourselves,

qe shkojne drejt ndertimit te vetes tone,

our identity.

identitetit tone

And that self becomes the vehicle

Dhe vetja behet automjeti kryesor

for navigating our social world.

qe te drejton rreth jetes sociale.

But the self is a projection

Por, individualiteti eshte nje projektim

based on other people's projections.

bazuar ne projeksionet e njerezve te tjere.

Is it who we really are?

Eshte pikerisht kjo ajo qe jemi ne te vertete?

Or who we really want to be, or should be?

Apo ajo qe ne deshirojme te behemi, apo qe duhet te behemi?

So this whole interaction

Pra, i gjithe ky bashkeveprim

with self and identity

me veten dhe identitetin

was a very difficult one for me growing up.

ishte shume i veshtire per mua gjate rritjes time.

The self that I attempted to take out into the world

Individualiteti qe kam tentuar te paraqes ne boten e jashtme

was rejected over and over again.

eshte refuzuar pa pushim.

And my panic

Dhe frika ime

at not having a self that fit,

per te mos qene e pershtatshme

and the confusion that came

dhe konfuzioni qe erdhi

from my self being rejected,

nga vetja duke qene i refuzuar

created anxiety, shame

krijoi ankth, turp

and hopelessness,

dhe pa shprese,

which kind of defined me for a long time.

qe ne nje fare menyre me kane identifikuar per nje kohe te gjate.

But in retrospect,

Por ne retrospektive,

the destruction of my self was so repetitive

shkaterrimi i vetes ishte aq i perseritur

that I started to see a pattern.

sa fillova te shihja nje lloj motivi

The self changed,

Vetja ndryshoi,

got affected, broken, destroyed,

u prek, ashtu e thyer e shkaterruar,

but another one would evolve --

por dikush tjeter do te zhvillohej

sometimes stronger,

ndonjehere me e forte,

sometimes hateful,

ndonjehere me urryese,

sometimes not wanting to be there at all.

ndonjehere duke mos dashur per te qene atje.

The self was not constant.

Vetja nuk ishte konstante.

And how many times

Dhe sa here

would my self have to die

duhej te vdiste indivdualiteti im

before I realized

perpara se te kuptoja

that it was never alive in the first place?

qe nuk kishte qene kurre gjalle fillimisht?

I grew up on the coast of England

Une u rrita ne brigjet e Anglise

in the '70s.

ne vitet 70.

My dad is white from Cornwall,

Babai im eshte i bardhe nga Cornwall,

and my mom is black from Zimbabwe.

dhe mamaja ime eshte e zeze nga Zimbabwe.

Even the idea of us as a family

Edhe ideja per ne si familje

was challenging to most people.

ishte sfiduese per shumicen e njerezve.

But nature had its wicked way,

Po natyra u tregua mistrece,

and brown babies were born.

dhe femije me ngjyre linden.

But from about the age of five,

Por rreth moshes 5 vjec

I was aware that I didn't fit.

une isha e vetedijshme qe nuk isha e pershtatshme.

I was the black atheist kid

Une isha femija ateist me ngjyre

in the all-white Catholic school run by nuns.

ne te gjithe shkollen katolike per te bardhet, qe drejtohej nga murgeshat.

I was an anomaly,

Une isha nje anomali.

and my self was rooting around for definition

Dhe vetja po kerkonte rrenje per tu percaktuar

and trying to plug in.

dhe duke u perpjekur per tu pershtatur.

Because the self likes to fit,

Sepse vetes i pelqente te pershtatej,

to see itself replicated,

per te pare vetveten te riperseritej,

to belong.

e ti perkiste.

That confirms its existence

Kjo konfirmon ekzistencen

and its importance.

dhe rendesine e saj.

And it is important.

Dhe kjo eshte e rendesishme.

It has an extremely important function.

Ka nje funksion jashtezakonisht te rendesishem.

Without it, we literally can't interface with others.

Pa ate, ne nuk mund te perballemi me te tjeret.

We can't hatch plans

Ne nuk mund te nxjerrim plane

and climb that stairway of popularity,

dhe te ngjisim shkallen e fames,

of success.

te suksesit.

But my skin color wasn't right.

Por ngjyra ime e lekures nuk ishte e pershtatshme.

My hair wasn't right.

Floket e mi nuk ishin te pershtatshem.

My history wasn't right.

Historia ime nuk ishte e pershtatshme.

My self became defined

Individualiteti im filloi te percaktohej

by otherness,

nga diversiteti,

which meant that, in that social world,

qe nenkuptonte qe, ne ate bote sociale

I didn't really exist.

une ne te vertete nuk ekzistoja.

And I was "other" before being anything else --

Dhe une isha dicka tjeter perpara cdogjeje

even before being a girl.

edhe perpara se te isha nje vajze.

I was a noticeable nobody.

Une isha nje askush e dukshme.

Another world was opening up

Nje bote tjeter po hapej

around this time:

perreth ne ate kohe:

performance and dancing.

performanca dhe kercimi.

That nagging dread of self-hood

Ajo frike e bezdisur e vetes

didn't exist when I was dancing.

nuk ekzistonte kur une isha duke kercyer.

I'd literally lose myself.

Une e humbja teresisht veten.

And I was a really good dancer.

Dhe isha me te vertete nje kercimtare e mire.

I would put

Une do te vendosja

all my emotional expression

te gjitha shprehjet e mia emocionale

into my dancing.

ne kercimin tim.

I could be in the movement

Une mund te isha ne levizje

in a way that I wasn't able to be

ne nje menyre qe nuk ishte e mundur

in my real life, in myself.

ne jeten time reale, ne unin tim.

And at 16,

Dhe ne moshen 16 vjecare,

I stumbled across another opportunity,

Une e drejtova veten drejt nje mundesie tjeter,

and I earned my first acting role in a film.

dhe fitova rolin tim te pare ne film.

I can hardly find the words

E kam te veshtire te gjej fjalet

to describe the peace I felt

per te pershkruar qetesine qe ndjeva

when I was acting.

kur isha duke aktruar.

My dysfunctional self

Mosfunksionimi im

could actually plug in

tjetersohej ne nje

to another self, not my own,

person te dyte qe nuk ngjante me me mua.

and it felt so good.

Dhe ndihesha shume mire.

It was the first time that I existed

Ishte hera e pare qe une ekzistoja

inside a fully-functioning self --

brenda nje veteje plotesisht funksionale

one that I controlled,

qe une kontrolloja,

that I steered,

qe une drejtoja

that I gave life to.

e qe dhashe jeten per te.

But the shooting day would end,

Por dita e aktrimit do te perfundonte,

and I'd return

dhe une do te kthehesha perseri

to my gnarly, awkward self.

perseri ne individualitetin tim te paforme, te veshtire.

By 19,

Rreth moshes 19,

I was a fully-fledged movie actor,

une isha nje aktore ne kuptimin e plote,

but still searching for definition.

por perseri ne kerkim te identifikimit.

I applied to read anthropology

Une aplikova per te lexuar antroplogji

at university.

ne universitet.

Dr. Phyllis Lee gave me my interview,

Dr. Phyllis Lee me beri intervisten,

and she asked me, "How would you define race?"

dhe me pyeti, "Si mund ta perkufizoni racen?"

Well, I thought I had the answer to that one,

E pra, une mendova se kisha nje pergjigje per te.

and I said, "Skin color."

Dhe i thashe, "Ngjyra e lekures".

"So biology, genetics?" she said.

"Pra, biologjia, gjenetika"? tha ajo.

"Because, Thandie, that's not accurate.

"Sepse, Thandie ajo nuk eshte e sakte.

Because there's actually more genetic difference

Sepse ne te vertete ka me shume ndryshime gjenetike

between a black Kenyan

ndermjet nje personi me ngjyre nga Kenia

and a black Ugandan

dhe nje personi me ngjyre nga Uganda

than there is between a black Kenyan

sesa ka ndermjet nje personi me ngjyre nga Kenia

and, say, a white Norwegian.

dhe ndermjet nje te bardhi nga Norvegjia.

Because we all stem from Africa.

Sepse ne te gjithe rrjedhim nga Afrika.

So in Africa,

Keshtu qe ne Afrike,

there's been more time

i eshte kushtuar me shume kohe

to create genetic diversity."

krijimit te diversitetit gjenetik."

In other words,

Me fjale te tjera,

race has no basis

raca nuk ka nje baze

in biological or scientific fact.

ne faktet biologjike apo shkencore.

On the one hand, result.

Nga ana tjeter, rezultton qe ka.

Right?

E drejte?

On the other hand, my definition of self

Nga ana tjeter, perkufizimi im per veten

just lost a huge chunk of its credibility.

sapo humbi nje copez te madhe te kredibilitetit te saj.

But what was credible,

Por cfare eshte e besueshme,

what is biological and scientific fact,

cfare eshte fakt biologjik dhe shkencor,

is that we all stem from Africa --

eshte qe ne te gjithe rrjedhim nga Afrika

in fact, from a woman called Mitochondrial Eve

ne te vertete nga nje grua e quajtur Mitochondrial Eve

who lived 160,000 years ago.

qe ka jetuar 160, 000 vite me pare.

And race is an illegitimate concept

Dhe raca eshte nje koncept i paligjshem

which our selves have created

qe pikerisht ne kemi krijuar

based on fear and ignorance.

bazuar ne frike dhe injorance.

Strangely, these revelations

Cuditerisht keto zbulime

didn't cure my low self-esteem,

nuk kuruan respektin e ulet qe kisha per veten,

that feeling of otherness.

ate ndjenje diversiteti.

My desire to disappear

Deshira ime per tu zhdukur

was still very powerful.

ishte akoma shume e fuqishme.

I had a degree from Cambridge;

Une kisha nje diplome nga Kambrixh;

I had a thriving career,

Une kisha nje karriere ne rritje;

but my self was a car crash,

por une ndihesha si nje makine e perplasur

and I wound up with bulimia

dhe isha e prekur nga bulimia

and on a therapist's couch.

e ndodhesha ne kolltukun e terapistit.

And of course I did.

Dhe normalisht qe ja dola.

I still believed

Une akoma besoja

my self was all I was.

qe une isha ashtu sic isha.

I still valued self-worth

Une akoma i vleresoj vete - vlerat

above all other worth,

mbi te gjtha vlerat e tjera.

and what was there to suggest otherwise?

Dhe cfare ishte aty per tu sugjeruar ndryshe?

We've created entire value systems

Ne kemi krijuar sisteme te tera vlerash

and a physical reality

dhe nje realitet fizik

to support the worth of self.

per te suportuar vlerat e vetes.

Look at the industry for self-image

Shikoni ne industrine e imazhit te vetvetes

and the jobs it creates,

dhe punet qe ato krijojne,

the revenue it turns over.

te ardhurat qe prodhon.

We'd be right in assuming

Do te ishte e drejte per te nenkuptuar

that the self is an actual living thing.

se individualiteti eshte nje menyre aktuale jetese.

But it's not. It's a projection

Por nuk eshte, eshte nje projeksion,

which our clever brains create

qe mendjet tona te zgjuara krijojne

in order to cheat ourselves

ne menyre qe te mashtrojne veten e tyre

from the reality of death.

nga realiteti i vdekjes.

But there is something

Por aty ka dicka

that can give the self

qe mund ti jape vetes

ultimate and infinite connection --

lidhjen perfundimtare dhe te pafund

and that thing is oneness,

dhe pikerisht ky eshte uniteti,

our essence.

thelbi jone.

The self's struggle

Lufta e vetes

for authenticity and definition

per origjinalitet dhe identifikim

will never end

nuk do te mbaroje kurre

unless it's connected to its creator --

pervec nese eshte e lidhur me krijuesin

to you and to me.

ndermjet meje dhe teje.

And that can happen with awareness --

Dhe kjo mund te ndodhe me vetedije --

awareness of the reality of oneness

me ane te ndergjegjesimit real te unitetit

and the projection of self-hood.

dhe projektimit te vete - individualitetit.

For a start, we can think about

Si fillim, ne mund te mendojme rreth

all the times when we do lose ourselves.

gjithe periudhes kur ne e humbim veten tone.

It happens when I dance,

Kjo ndodh kur une kercej,

when I'm acting.

kur une jam duke aktruar.

I'm earthed in my essence,

Une jam e perqendruar ne thelbin tim

and my self is suspended.

dhe uni im eshte ne gjendje te pezulluar.

In those moments,

Ne keto momente,

I'm connected to everything --

une jam e lidhur me cdo gje --

the ground, the air,

token, ajrin

the sounds, the energy from the audience.

tingujt, energjine qe vjen nga degjuesit.

All my senses are alert and alive

Te gjitha shqisat e mia jane vigjilent dhe te gjalle

in much the same way as an infant might feel --

ne te njejten menyre sesi nje i mitur mund te ndjeje

that feeling of oneness.

ate ndjenje uniteti.

And when I'm acting a role,

Dhe kur une jam duke aktruar

I inhabit another self,

une jetoj ne nje person tjeter

and I give it life for awhile,

dhe i jap jete per pak caste.

because when the self is suspended

Sepse kur uni im eshte i pezulluar

so is divisiveness

ashtu eshte dhe percarja

and judgment.

dhe gjykimi.

And I've played everything

Dhe une kam luajtur gjithcka

from a vengeful ghost in the time of slavery

nga nje fantazme hakmarrese ne kohen e skllaverise

to Secretary of State in 2004.

deri te Sekretarja e Shtetit ne 2004.

And no matter how other

Dhe pa marre parasysh sa individualitete

these selves might be,

te tjera mund te jene,

they're all related in me.

ato jane te gjitha te lidhura me mua.

And I honestly believe

Dhe une sinqerisht besoj

the key to my success as an actor

qe celesi i sukesit tim si aktore

and my progress as a person

dhe rritja ime si person

has been the very lack of self

kane qene nje mungese veteje

that used to make me feel

qe me kane bere te ndihem

so anxious and insecure.

kaq te shqetesuar dhe te pasigurt.

I always wondered

Une gjithmone pyes veten

why I could feel others' pain so deeply,

sesi mund te ndjeja dhimbjen e te tjereve aq thelle,

why I could recognize

pse une mund te njihja

the somebody in the nobody.

dike ne askend.

It's because I didn't have a self to get in the way.

Kjo po me ndodhte sepse une nuk kisha veten per ti dhene nje drejtim.

I thought I lacked substance,

Une mendova se me mungonte nje substance,

and the fact that I could feel others'

dhe fakti qe une mund te ndjeja te tjeret'

meant that I had nothing of myself to feel.

nenkuptonte qe une skisha asgje nga vetja per te ndjere.

The thing that was a source of shame

Ky fakt qe ishte burimi i turpit

was actually a source of enlightenment.

ishte ne te vertete burim i drites.

And when I realized

Dhe kur une zbulova

and really understood

dhe me te vertete kuptova

that my self is a projection and that it has a function,

qe vetja ime ishte nje projeksion dhe qe ka nje funksion,

a funny thing happened.

dicka qesharake ndodhi.

I stopped giving it so much authority.

Une ndalova se dheni asaj aq shume autoritet.

I give it its due.

I dhashe kohen qe meritonte.

I take it to therapy.

E paraqita ate ne terapi.

I've become very familiar

E familjarizova veten

with its dysfunctional behavior.

me sjelljen e saj jofunksionale.

But I'm not ashamed of my self.

Por une nuk kam turp per veten time.

In fact, I respect my self

Ne te vertete, une e respektoj veten time

and its function.

dhe funksionin e saj.

And over time and with practice,

Dhe me kalimin e kohes e duke u praktikuar,

I've tried to live

une kam provuar te jetoje

more and more from my essence.

gjithnje e me shume ne baze te thelbit tim.

And if you can do that,

Dhe nese edhe ju mund ta beni,

incredible things happen.

gjera te pabesueshme do te ndodhin.

I was in Congo in February,

Une isha ne shkurt ne Kongo

dancing and celebrating

duke kercyer e festuar

with women who've survived

me grate qe i kishin mbijetuar

the destruction of their selves

shkaterrimit te vetes se tyre

in literally unthinkable ways --

ne menyra literale te paimagjinueshme

destroyed because other brutalized, psychopathic selves

shkaterruar per shkak te njerezve te brutalizuar dhe psikopate

all over that beautiful land

perreth gjithe asaj toke te bukur

are fueling our selves' addiction

te cilit po nxitin varesite tona

to iPods, Pads, and bling,

drejt iPod-eve, Pad-eve dhe bizhuve "te ndritshme",

which further disconnect ourselves

e qe me tutje shkepusin veten tone

from ever feeling their pain,

nga cdo menyre te te ndjerit te dhembjes se tyre,

their suffering,

vuajtjes se tyre,

their death.

vdekjes se tyre.

Because, hey,

Sepse, hej

if we're all living in ourselves

nese te gjithe ne jetojme ne veten tone

and mistaking it for life,

dhe e keqkuptojme ate me jeten

then we're devaluing

atehere ne jemi duke zhvleftesuar

and desensitizing life.

dhe duke mos e ndjere jeten.

And in that disconnected state,

Dhe ne ate gjendje te shkeputur,

yeah, we can build factory farms with no windows,

ne mund te ndertojme fabrika pa dritare,

destroy marine life

te shkaterrojme jeten detare

and use rape as a weapon of war.

dhe te perdorim dhunimin si arme lufte.

So here's a note to self:

Keshtu qe ketu eshte nje shenim per veten:

The cracks have started to show

Percarjet kane filluar te shfaqen

in our constructed world,

ne boten tone te ndertuar,

and oceans will continue

dhe oqeanet do te vazhdojne

to surge through the cracks,

te rriten tej te carave,

and oil and blood,

dhe nafta dhe gjaku,

rivers of it.

do te rrjedhin prej tij.

Crucially, we haven't been figuring out

Ceshte me e rendesishmja ne nuk kemi kuptuar

how to live in oneness

sesi te jetojme ne unitet

with the Earth and every other living thing.

me token dhe me cdo krijese tjeter.

We've just been insanely trying to figure out

Ne vetem kemi qene vazhdimisht ne perpjekje per te kuptuar

how to live with each other -- billions of each other.

sesi te jetojme me njeri tjetrin -- me miliarda te tjere.

Only we're not living with each other;

Vetem ne nuk jemi duke jetuar me njeri tjetrin;

our crazy selves are living with each other

vetet tona te cmendura jane duke jetuar me njeri tjetrin

and perpetuating an epidemic

dhe duke perjetesuar nje epidemi

of disconnection.

te shkeputjes.

Let's live with each other

Le te jetojme me njeri tjetrin

and take it a breath at a time.

dhe te marrim fryme ne nje kohe.

If we can get under that heavy self,

Do te mjaftonte te superonim veshtiresite personale

light a torch of awareness,

te ndeznim pishtarin e vetedijes

and find our essence,

dhe te gjenim thelbin tone.

our connection to the infinite

lidhjen tone me te pafundmen

and every other living thing.

dhe cdo gjeje tjeter te gjalle.

We knew it from the day we were born.

Ne e dinimi qe nga dita qe kemi lindur.

Let's not be freaked out

Le te mos trembemi

by our bountiful nothingness.

nga mosqenia jone e ndershme.

It's more a reality

Kjo eshte me shume nje realitet

than the ones our selves have created.

qe unet tona kane krijuar.

Imagine what kind of existence we can have

Imagjinoni cfare menyre jetese mund te kemi

if we honor inevitable death of self,

ne qofte se nderojme pavdekshmerine e vetes tone,

appreciate the privilege of life

vleresojme privilegjin e jetes

and marvel at what comes next.

dhe mahnitemi me ate qe vjen me pas.

Simple awareness is where it begins.

Vetedija e thjeshte, eshte ajo ne te cilen fillojme.

Thank you for listening.

Ju faleminderit qe me degjuat.

(Applause)

(Duartrokitje)