Embracing otherness, embracing myself | Thandiwe Newton

482,735 views ・ 2011-07-20

TED


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譯者: Yakun Li 審譯者: Ann Lee
00:15
Embracing otherness.
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擁抱相異性
00:18
When I first heard this theme,
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當我第一次聽到這個說法時
00:20
I thought, well, embracing otherness
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我想到,擁抱相異性
00:22
is embracing myself.
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就是擁抱我自己
00:25
And the journey to that place
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我現在有了理解與包容的心態
00:27
of understanding and acceptance
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然而通往這種心態的心路歷程
00:29
has been an interesting one for me,
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我覺得非常有趣
00:32
and it's given me an insight
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並且這個歷程還給了我
00:34
into the whole notion of self,
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對於自我這個概念的一些見解
00:36
which I think is worth sharing with you today.
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我想這個見解值得與在座的每一位分享
00:40
We each have a self,
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我們每個人,都有一個自我
00:42
but I don't think that we're born with one.
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但我認為這個自我不是與生俱來的
00:45
You know how newborn babies
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你知道,新生兒
00:47
believe they're part of everything;
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認為他們與萬物是一體的,自己只是萬物的一部分
00:49
they're not separate?
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而不是分離的
00:51
Well that fundamental sense of oneness
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這種根本的萬物一體的概念
00:54
is lost on us very quickly.
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我們很快就忘記了
00:56
It's like that initial stage is over --
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就像是我們人生的初始階段很快就結束了
00:58
oneness: infancy,
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這種合一的概念:人生初始
01:00
unformed, primitive.
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未成型的,原始的
01:02
It's no longer valid or real.
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這個合一的概念對於我們不再真實有效
01:05
What is real is separateness,
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取而代之的分離的概念
01:07
and at some point in early babyhood,
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在嬰兒時期的早期階段
01:09
the idea of self
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自我的概念
01:11
starts to form.
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開始成型
01:13
Our little portion of oneness is given a name,
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我們個人的這一小部分開始有了一個名字
01:16
is told all kinds of things about itself,
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開始得知各種關於自己的事情
01:19
and these details,
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這些細節
01:21
opinions and ideas
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觀點,見解
01:23
become facts,
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成爲事實
01:25
which go towards building ourselves,
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成爲構築我們的自我
01:27
our identity.
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我們的身份的材料
01:29
And that self becomes the vehicle
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這個自我成爲了在我們
01:31
for navigating our social world.
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這個社會裏行動的承載
01:34
But the self is a projection
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但是這個自我只是一個投影
01:37
based on other people's projections.
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一個建於別人的看法上的投影
01:39
Is it who we really are?
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真實的反映了我們嗎?
01:42
Or who we really want to be, or should be?
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或者真實的反映了我們想要成爲的樣子,或者應該成爲的樣子嗎?
01:45
So this whole interaction
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這一切的自我與身份
01:48
with self and identity
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之間的交流
01:50
was a very difficult one for me growing up.
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在我長大的過程是個很大的難題
01:52
The self that I attempted to take out into the world
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我試圖展現給世界的一個自我身份
01:55
was rejected over and over again.
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收到一次又一次的打擊
01:58
And my panic
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我因爲沒有一個
02:00
at not having a self that fit,
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適合世界的自我身份而帶來的恐慌
02:02
and the confusion that came
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以及由於這種自我身份受到打擊
02:04
from my self being rejected,
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與拒絕而產生的困惑
02:06
created anxiety, shame
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又帶來了焦慮,羞愧
02:09
and hopelessness,
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還有無助感
02:11
which kind of defined me for a long time.
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這些感受在很長的一段時間裏是我生命的主題
02:14
But in retrospect,
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但是回頭看看
02:16
the destruction of my self was so repetitive
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我的自我被摧毀的是如此頻繁
02:19
that I started to see a pattern.
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幫我看到了一個規律的存在
02:21
The self changed,
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我的自我開始起變化
02:24
got affected, broken, destroyed,
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收到了外界影響,被打碎摧毀
02:27
but another one would evolve --
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另一個自我開始逐漸產生 ——
02:30
sometimes stronger,
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有時候很強壯
02:32
sometimes hateful,
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有時候充滿了憤恨
02:34
sometimes not wanting to be there at all.
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有時候根本不想存在
02:36
The self was not constant.
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這個自我不穩定
02:40
And how many times
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就像這樣
02:42
would my self have to die
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我的自我要死去多少次
02:44
before I realized
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我才能醒悟
02:46
that it was never alive in the first place?
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這個自我根本不是從一開始就存在的
02:49
I grew up on the coast of England
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我在70年代的英格蘭的
02:51
in the '70s.
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沿海地區長大
02:53
My dad is white from Cornwall,
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我的爸爸是從康維爾地區來的,白人
02:56
and my mom is black from Zimbabwe.
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我媽媽是從津巴部偉來的黑人
03:00
Even the idea of us as a family
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我們這個家庭的組成
03:02
was challenging to most people.
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對於大多數人來說是不好接受的
03:05
But nature had its wicked way,
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但是自然有它自己的方式
03:07
and brown babies were born.
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棕色的孩子誕生了
03:09
But from about the age of five,
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但是自從五歲開始
03:11
I was aware that I didn't fit.
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我就意識到,我與世界格格不入
03:14
I was the black atheist kid
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我是在我們由修女們管理的全是白人的
03:17
in the all-white Catholic school run by nuns.
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天主教學校的無神論的黑人孩子
03:20
I was an anomaly,
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我是個異類
03:22
and my self was rooting around for definition
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我的自我四處找尋定義
03:26
and trying to plug in.
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試圖找到切入點而融入
03:29
Because the self likes to fit,
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因爲自我希望融入
03:31
to see itself replicated,
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看到自己被複製
03:33
to belong.
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找到歸屬
03:35
That confirms its existence
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因爲這樣就肯定了自我的存在
03:37
and its importance.
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以及其重要性
03:39
And it is important.
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這很重要
03:41
It has an extremely important function.
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這有一個很重要的功用
03:43
Without it, we literally can't interface with others.
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沒有這個功用,我們根本無法與他人交往
03:47
We can't hatch plans
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我們就沒辦法想出計劃
03:49
and climb that stairway of popularity,
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不斷的向上爬,變得更加受歡迎
03:52
of success.
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更加成功
03:54
But my skin color wasn't right.
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但是我的膚色不對
03:57
My hair wasn't right.
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我的頭髮也不對
03:59
My history wasn't right.
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我的個人歷史也不對
04:01
My self became defined
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我的自我被相異性
04:03
by otherness,
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所定義
04:05
which meant that, in that social world,
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這就意味着,在這個社會裏
04:07
I didn't really exist.
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我不存在
04:09
And I was "other" before being anything else --
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我首先是一個異類——
04:12
even before being a girl.
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這個身份甚至比作爲一個女孩還要考前
04:15
I was a noticeable nobody.
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我是一個引人注目的無名小卒
04:18
Another world was opening up
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在這個時候,另一個世界
04:21
around this time:
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向我招手
04:23
performance and dancing.
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這就是表演與舞蹈
04:26
That nagging dread of self-hood
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那個無時無刻都存在的對我自我身份的擔心
04:29
didn't exist when I was dancing.
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在我跳舞的時候不復存在
04:32
I'd literally lose myself.
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我真的拋棄了自我
04:35
And I was a really good dancer.
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我是一個很好的舞者
04:38
I would put
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我把我全部的
04:40
all my emotional expression
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感情都在我的舞蹈裏
04:42
into my dancing.
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表現出來
04:44
I could be in the movement
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我舞動的方式
04:47
in a way that I wasn't able to be
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是我在我的現實生活中
04:49
in my real life, in myself.
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無法做到的
04:52
And at 16,
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在16歲的時候
04:54
I stumbled across another opportunity,
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我碰上了另一個機會
04:57
and I earned my first acting role in a film.
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得到了我第一個電影表演角色
05:01
I can hardly find the words
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我在表演是感受道德
05:03
to describe the peace I felt
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平和是我無法
05:06
when I was acting.
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用語言描述的
05:08
My dysfunctional self
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我無法運轉的自我
05:10
could actually plug in
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卻可以融入另一個
05:12
to another self, not my own,
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不屬於我自己的自我
05:14
and it felt so good.
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那種感覺好極了
05:17
It was the first time that I existed
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那是我第一次存在與
05:19
inside a fully-functioning self --
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一個完全正常的自我裏——
05:22
one that I controlled,
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這個自我由我控制
05:25
that I steered,
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我掌握其方向
05:27
that I gave life to.
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我給予其生命
05:30
But the shooting day would end,
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但是拍攝結束後
05:32
and I'd return
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我會回到
05:34
to my gnarly, awkward self.
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我自己的長刺的,蹩腳的自我
05:37
By 19,
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19歲的時候
05:40
I was a fully-fledged movie actor,
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我已經成爲了一個羽翼豐滿的電影演員
05:42
but still searching for definition.
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但是我還是在找尋我自我的定義
05:45
I applied to read anthropology
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我申請上大學
05:47
at university.
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攻讀人類學
05:49
Dr. Phyllis Lee gave me my interview,
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菲莉思 李 博士面試我
05:52
and she asked me, "How would you define race?"
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她問我:“你怎樣來定義種族呢?“
05:56
Well, I thought I had the answer to that one,
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我以爲我知道這一題的答案
05:58
and I said, "Skin color."
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我說,“膚色。”
06:01
"So biology, genetics?" she said.
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“那你就是說,生物,基因了?”她說
06:05
"Because, Thandie, that's not accurate.
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“桑迪,你這樣的定義是不準確的。
06:07
Because there's actually more genetic difference
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因爲一個黑皮膚的肯尼亞人
06:10
between a black Kenyan
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與一個黑皮膚的烏幹達人
06:12
and a black Ugandan
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之間的基因差別要多與
06:14
than there is between a black Kenyan
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一個黑色皮膚的肯尼亞人
06:17
and, say, a white Norwegian.
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與,比如說,一個白色皮膚挪威人之間的區別
06:19
Because we all stem from Africa.
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因爲我們都是從非洲來的
06:21
So in Africa,
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所以在非洲
06:23
there's been more time
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有更長的時間來
06:25
to create genetic diversity."
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實現基因多樣化
06:27
In other words,
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也就是說
06:29
race has no basis
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種族的劃分
06:31
in biological or scientific fact.
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沒有生物或者科學的依據
06:34
On the one hand, result.
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一方面是結果
06:37
Right?
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是不是?
06:39
On the other hand, my definition of self
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另一方面,我對自我這個概念的定義
06:42
just lost a huge chunk of its credibility.
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就這樣失去了一大部分其可信性
06:45
But what was credible,
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可信的是
06:47
what is biological and scientific fact,
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生物學與科學事實
06:50
is that we all stem from Africa --
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那就是我們都是源自非洲
06:53
in fact, from a woman called Mitochondrial Eve
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事實上,我們都是源自於一個叫做 Mitochondrial Eve 的女人
06:56
who lived 160,000 years ago.
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她生活在16萬年前
06:59
And race is an illegitimate concept
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所以說,種族是一個不合理的概念
07:02
which our selves have created
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我們的自我創造出來的
07:04
based on fear and ignorance.
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基於恐懼與無知
07:08
Strangely, these revelations
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奇怪的是,瞭解到這些
07:10
didn't cure my low self-esteem,
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並沒有提高我的自尊
07:13
that feeling of otherness.
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還有那種異類感
07:16
My desire to disappear
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我想要消失的願望
07:18
was still very powerful.
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還是非常強烈
07:20
I had a degree from Cambridge;
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我有一個劍橋的學位
07:22
I had a thriving career,
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我的事業蒸蒸日上
07:24
but my self was a car crash,
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但我自己是一團糟,就像一個災難
07:27
and I wound up with bulimia
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結果我患上了貪食症
07:29
and on a therapist's couch.
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並且開始接受心理治療
07:31
And of course I did.
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我當然會成爲這樣
07:33
I still believed
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我當時依然相信
07:35
my self was all I was.
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我的自我就是我的全部
07:37
I still valued self-worth
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我依然重視自我價值
07:39
above all other worth,
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勝過其他的任何價值
07:41
and what was there to suggest otherwise?
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我還能怎麼想呢
07:44
We've created entire value systems
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我們創造的整個的價值系統
07:46
and a physical reality
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客觀存在
07:48
to support the worth of self.
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都是爲了支撐這個自我的價值
07:50
Look at the industry for self-image
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看看那圍繞個人形象的建立的產業
07:52
and the jobs it creates,
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還有由此帶來的工作
07:54
the revenue it turns over.
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創造的產值
07:57
We'd be right in assuming
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我們最好是去認爲
07:59
that the self is an actual living thing.
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這個自我是個真實存在的東西
08:01
But it's not. It's a projection
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但是答案是否定的;它只是一個投影
08:04
which our clever brains create
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一個我們聰明的大腦創造出來的投影
08:06
in order to cheat ourselves
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來欺騙我們自己
08:08
from the reality of death.
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好讓我們無需面對死亡這一現實
08:12
But there is something
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但是有一個東西
08:14
that can give the self
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可以給予自我
08:16
ultimate and infinite connection --
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終極的,無限的聯繫
08:19
and that thing is oneness,
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這就是合一性
08:21
our essence.
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我們的本源
08:23
The self's struggle
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自我的掙扎
08:25
for authenticity and definition
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來尋求真實性與定義
08:27
will never end
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永遠不會停止
08:29
unless it's connected to its creator --
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除非自我得以與其創造者鏈接——
08:31
to you and to me.
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與你,與我
08:34
And that can happen with awareness --
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只要意識到這一點——
08:37
awareness of the reality of oneness
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意識到合一性的真實存在
08:40
and the projection of self-hood.
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與自我其實僅僅是一個投影
08:43
For a start, we can think about
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開始的時候我們可以想想
08:45
all the times when we do lose ourselves.
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我們真的忘我的時候
08:48
It happens when I dance,
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對我而言,我在舞蹈的時候就會忘了自己
08:50
when I'm acting.
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還有在我表演的時候
08:52
I'm earthed in my essence,
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我植根與我的本源中
08:54
and my self is suspended.
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我的自我被暫停
08:57
In those moments,
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在那些時段裏
08:59
I'm connected to everything --
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我與萬物相連——
09:01
the ground, the air,
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大地,空氣
09:04
the sounds, the energy from the audience.
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聲音,觀衆羣中的能量
09:06
All my senses are alert and alive
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我所有的感官都警覺而有活力
09:10
in much the same way as an infant might feel --
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就像一個初生嬰兒一樣
09:13
that feeling of oneness.
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感受合一性
09:16
And when I'm acting a role,
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當我表演一個角色的時候
09:19
I inhabit another self,
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我居住在另一個自我裏
09:21
and I give it life for awhile,
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我在一段時間裏給予其生命
09:23
because when the self is suspended
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因爲,當我的自我被暫停了以後
09:26
so is divisiveness
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分離與
09:28
and judgment.
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評判的態度也就暫停了
09:30
And I've played everything
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我表演過各種角色
09:32
from a vengeful ghost in the time of slavery
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從存在與奴隸制時代的復仇心很重的鬼魂
09:34
to Secretary of State in 2004.
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到生活在2004年的國務卿
09:38
And no matter how other
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不管這些別的人物的自我
09:40
these selves might be,
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與我有多麼相異
09:42
they're all related in me.
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我都能理解他們
09:46
And I honestly believe
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而且我真的相信
09:48
the key to my success as an actor
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我做爲演員成功的關鍵
09:50
and my progress as a person
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還有我做爲一個人進步的原因
09:52
has been the very lack of self
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就是我缺乏我的自我
09:55
that used to make me feel
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即使這種缺乏在過去讓我感到
09:57
so anxious and insecure.
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無比焦慮與缺乏安全感
09:59
I always wondered
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我經常想
10:01
why I could feel others' pain so deeply,
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爲什麼我能如此深刻的感受到他人的痛楚
10:05
why I could recognize
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爲什麼我能看到
10:07
the somebody in the nobody.
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無名小卒裏的不平凡的靈魂
10:10
It's because I didn't have a self to get in the way.
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因爲我沒有一個我的自我來擋道
10:14
I thought I lacked substance,
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我本以爲我缺乏實在的存在
10:17
and the fact that I could feel others'
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還有我能夠感受他人
10:19
meant that I had nothing of myself to feel.
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是因爲我沒有一個自我可以感受
10:22
The thing that was a source of shame
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這在過去是我羞愧的來源
10:25
was actually a source of enlightenment.
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現在卻成了我感悟的源泉
10:28
And when I realized
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當我意識到
10:30
and really understood
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並理解
10:32
that my self is a projection and that it has a function,
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我的自我是一個投影,這個自我有自己的功用
10:35
a funny thing happened.
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一個有意思的事情發生了
10:37
I stopped giving it so much authority.
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我不再給我的自我很多的權力
10:39
I give it its due.
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我開始對它進行磨練
10:41
I take it to therapy.
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我帶我的自我去心理諮詢
10:43
I've become very familiar
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我已經對我的自我不運轉不正常
10:45
with its dysfunctional behavior.
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的行爲非常熟悉
10:47
But I'm not ashamed of my self.
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但是我不再對自己感到羞愧
10:50
In fact, I respect my self
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事實上,我尊重我的自我
10:52
and its function.
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還有它的運轉
10:54
And over time and with practice,
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通過時間跟練習
10:57
I've tried to live
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我不斷試着從我的
10:59
more and more from my essence.
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本源出發來生活
11:01
And if you can do that,
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如果你可以做到這點
11:04
incredible things happen.
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很奇妙的事情就會發生
11:06
I was in Congo in February,
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二月份的時候我在剛果
11:09
dancing and celebrating
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與自我遭到了
11:11
with women who've survived
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真實無法想象的毀滅的
11:13
the destruction of their selves
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婦女們一起
11:15
in literally unthinkable ways --
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跳舞慶祝——
11:18
destroyed because other brutalized, psychopathic selves
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其他有着被摧殘了的變態的自我的人們
11:21
all over that beautiful land
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大舉入侵這篇美麗的土地
11:24
are fueling our selves' addiction
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來保障供應我們的自我
11:27
to iPods, Pads, and bling,
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對於ipods,ipads,與其他光鮮事物的癮
11:30
which further disconnect ourselves
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這個癮讓我們更加無法
11:32
from ever feeling their pain,
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感受她們的苦痛
11:34
their suffering,
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她們的磨難
11:36
their death.
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她們的死亡
11:38
Because, hey,
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因爲,
11:40
if we're all living in ourselves
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如果我們都在我們的自我裏生活
11:42
and mistaking it for life,
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還以爲這就是人生
11:44
then we're devaluing
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那麼我們就在貶低人生的價值
11:46
and desensitizing life.
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對一切都不再敏感
11:48
And in that disconnected state,
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在這樣一個隔離的狀態裏
11:50
yeah, we can build factory farms with no windows,
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沒錯,我們可以建造沒有窗戶的工廠
11:54
destroy marine life
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摧毀海洋生命
11:56
and use rape as a weapon of war.
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用強姦來做爲戰爭的武器
12:00
So here's a note to self:
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所以,我有一個對於自我的建議:
12:03
The cracks have started to show
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我們鋼筋水泥的世界
12:05
in our constructed world,
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已經呈現裂縫了
12:08
and oceans will continue
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大海將會不斷的
12:10
to surge through the cracks,
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沿着裂縫上涌
12:12
and oil and blood,
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還有石油和血
12:15
rivers of it.
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迴流成河
12:18
Crucially, we haven't been figuring out
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關鍵的是,我們還沒有找出
12:20
how to live in oneness
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怎樣與地球以及其他生物
12:22
with the Earth and every other living thing.
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合一而共存
12:25
We've just been insanely trying to figure out
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我們瘋了一樣試圖找到
12:28
how to live with each other -- billions of each other.
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與其他人類共存的方式——幾十億的人類
12:31
Only we're not living with each other;
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只是,並不是我們生活在一起
12:33
our crazy selves are living with each other
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而是我們瘋癲的自我生活在一起
12:36
and perpetuating an epidemic
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不斷的讓這個無法交匯溝通的疫病
12:38
of disconnection.
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蔓延
12:41
Let's live with each other
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讓我們真正的生活在一起
12:44
and take it a breath at a time.
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一步一步的來
12:47
If we can get under that heavy self,
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如果我們可以鑽到自我這個龐然大物下面
12:51
light a torch of awareness,
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點燃一隻自覺的火炬
12:53
and find our essence,
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找到我們的本源
12:55
our connection to the infinite
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那我們得以與無限以及
12:57
and every other living thing.
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其它一起生物相聯繫的紐帶
13:00
We knew it from the day we were born.
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我們從出生之日其就知曉這個紐帶
13:02
Let's not be freaked out
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我們不需要因爲
13:04
by our bountiful nothingness.
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我們大把的空虛性而慌張
13:07
It's more a reality
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我們生存的狀態這個事實
13:09
than the ones our selves have created.
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僅僅是我們自己創造的
13:11
Imagine what kind of existence we can have
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想象一下,我們的生存方式會是怎樣的
13:15
if we honor inevitable death of self,
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如果我們能夠直面自我不可避免的死亡
13:19
appreciate the privilege of life
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珍惜我們可以生存的權利
13:23
and marvel at what comes next.
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對即將發生的事情保持驚喜的心
13:27
Simple awareness is where it begins.
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這些簡單的意識,就是我們回歸的開始
13:30
Thank you for listening.
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感謝你們來聽我的演講
13:32
(Applause)
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