Embracing otherness, embracing myself | Thandiwe Newton

Prevoditelj: Zlatko Smetisko Recezent: Katarina Smetko

Embracing otherness.

Prihvaćanje drugosti.

When I first heard this theme,

Kada sam prvi puta čula za ovu temu,

I thought, well, embracing otherness

pomislila sam, pa, prihvaćanje drugosti

is embracing myself.

prihvaćanje je sebe.

And the journey to that place

Putovanje do tog mjesta

of understanding and acceptance

razumijevanja i prihvaćanja

has been an interesting one for me,

bilo je zanimljivo

and it's given me an insight

te mi je ujedno dalo uvid

into the whole notion of self,

u značenje pojma jastva (svijesti o sebi)

which I think is worth sharing with you today.

koje smatram vrijednim podijeliti danas s vama.

We each have a self,

Svatko od nas ima jastvo,

but I don't think that we're born with one.

ali ne mislim da smo rođeni s njime.

You know how newborn babies

Znate kako novorođenčad

believe they're part of everything;

vjeruje kako su dio svega;

they're not separate?

nisu odvojeni.

Well that fundamental sense of oneness

Upravo taj osnovni osjećaj jednosti

is lost on us very quickly.

brzo izgubimo.

It's like that initial stage is over --

Kao da je taj početni stupanj razvoja gotov --

oneness: infancy,

jednost: rano djetinjstvo,

unformed, primitive.

nerazvijeno, primitivno.

It's no longer valid or real.

Više nije valjano ili stvarno.

What is real is separateness,

Ono što postane stvarno jest odvojenost.

and at some point in early babyhood,

Negdje tijekom ranog djetinjstva,

the idea of self

ideja jastva

starts to form.

počinje se stvarati.

Our little portion of oneness is given a name,

Naš mali dio jednosti dobije ime,

is told all kinds of things about itself,

i razne mu stvari bivaju rečene o njemu samome.

and these details,

Ti detalji,

opinions and ideas

mišljenja i ideje

become facts,

postanu činjenice,

which go towards building ourselves,

koje zatim počinju stvarati jastvo,

our identity.

naš identitet.

And that self becomes the vehicle

Takvo jastvo postane sredstvo

for navigating our social world.

kretanja društvenim svijetom.

But the self is a projection

Međutim, jastvo je prikaz

based on other people's projections.

koji se temelji na projekcijama drugih ljudi.

Is it who we really are?

Jesmo li to stvarno mi?

Or who we really want to be, or should be?

Ili ono što zapravo želimo biti ili bismo trebali biti?

So this whole interaction

Cijela ta interakcija

with self and identity

jastva i identiteta

was a very difficult one for me growing up.

bila mi je vrlo teška dok sam odrastala.

The self that I attempted to take out into the world

Jastvo koje sam pokušala pokazati svijetu

was rejected over and over again.

neprestano je bilo odbacivano.

And my panic

A moja panika

at not having a self that fit,

i nedostatak zadovoljavajućeg jastva

and the confusion that came

te zbrka koja je nastala

from my self being rejected,

odbijanjem moga jastva,

created anxiety, shame

stvorili su tjeskobu, sram

and hopelessness,

i beznađe,

which kind of defined me for a long time.

koji se me dugo obilježavali.

But in retrospect,

Gledajući unatrag,

the destruction of my self was so repetitive

to uništavanje mog jastva je bilo toliko učestalo

that I started to see a pattern.

da sam počela primjećivati šablonu.

The self changed,

Jastvo se promijenilo

got affected, broken, destroyed,

postalo je povrijeđeno, slomljeno, uništeno,

but another one would evolve --

ali razvilo bi se drugo --

sometimes stronger,

ponekad jače,

sometimes hateful,

ponekad puno mržnje,

sometimes not wanting to be there at all.

ponekad uopće nije željelo biti prisutno.

The self was not constant.

Jastvo nije bilo nepromijenjivo.

And how many times

Koliko će puta

would my self have to die

moje jastvo morati umrijeti

before I realized

prije nego što shvatim

that it was never alive in the first place?

da zapravo nije ni bilo živo?

I grew up on the coast of England

Odrasla sam 70-ih godina

in the '70s.

na engleskoj obali.

My dad is white from Cornwall,

Moj otac je bijelac iz Cornwalla,

and my mom is black from Zimbabwe.

a moja majka crnkinja iz Zimbabvea.

Even the idea of us as a family

Sama pomisao nas kao obitelji

was challenging to most people.

većini je ljudi bila sporna.

But nature had its wicked way,

No, priroda zna biti zlobna

and brown babies were born.

pa su se rodila smeđa djeca.

But from about the age of five,

Od pete sam godine

I was aware that I didn't fit.

postala svjesna da se ne uklapam.

I was the black atheist kid

Bila sam crno ateističko dijete

in the all-white Catholic school run by nuns.

u katoličkoj školi za bijelce koju su vodile časne sestre.

I was an anomaly,

Predstavljala sam anomaliju.

and my self was rooting around for definition

Moje se jastvo pokušavalo uloviti za neko određenje

and trying to plug in.

i pokušalo se priključiti sredini.

Because the self likes to fit,

Jastvo se voli uklopiti,

to see itself replicated,

voli vidjeti kopije sebe,

to belong.

voli pripadati.

That confirms its existence

Time potvrđuje svoje postojanje

and its importance.

i svoju važnost.

And it is important.

I ono jest važno.

It has an extremely important function.

Ima iznimno važnu ulogu.

Without it, we literally can't interface with others.

Bez njega mi doslovno ne možemo komunicirati s drugima.

We can't hatch plans

Ne možemo kovati planove

and climb that stairway of popularity,

niti se možemo uzdići na ljestvici popularnosti,

of success.

ili uspjeha.

But my skin color wasn't right.

No, boja moje kože bila odgovarajuća.

My hair wasn't right.

Moja kosa nije bila odgovarajuća.

My history wasn't right.

Moja povijest nije bila odgovarajuća.

My self became defined

Moje je jastvo postalo određeno

by otherness,

drugošću,

which meant that, in that social world,

što je značilo, u tom društvenom svijetu,

I didn't really exist.

da zapravo nisam postojala.

And I was "other" before being anything else --

Bila sam drugo prije svega ostalog --

even before being a girl.

čak i prije nego što sam bila djevojčica.

I was a noticeable nobody.

Bila sam vidljiv nitko i ništa.

Another world was opening up

Jedan drugi svijet se

around this time:

otvarao oko mene u to vrijeme:

performance and dancing.

svijet plesa i glume.

That nagging dread of self-hood

Izjedajuća groza sebstva

didn't exist when I was dancing.

nije postojala kada bih plesala.

I'd literally lose myself.

Doslovno bih izgubila sebe.

And I was a really good dancer.

Bila sam stvarno dobra plesačica.

I would put

Sav bih svoj

all my emotional expression

emocionalni izražaj

into my dancing.

pretočila u ples.

I could be in the movement

U pokretu bih bila ono

in a way that I wasn't able to be

što nisam mogla biti

in my real life, in myself.

u stvarnom životu, kakva sama nisam mogla biti.

And at 16,

Sa 16 godina

I stumbled across another opportunity,

otvorila mi se još jedna mogućnost

and I earned my first acting role in a film.

i dobila sam prvu ulogu u filmu.

I can hardly find the words

Jedva da riječima mogu

to describe the peace I felt

izraziti mir koji sam osjećala

when I was acting.

kada sam glumila.

My dysfunctional self

Moje se disfunkcionalno jastvo

could actually plug in

moglo "uključiti"

to another self, not my own,

u drugo jastvo, ono koje nije bilo moje.

and it felt so good.

Osjećaj je bio tako dobar.

It was the first time that I existed

Bilo je to prvi puta da sam postojala

inside a fully-functioning self --

unutar posve zaokruženog jastva --

one that I controlled,

jastva kojim sam vladala,

that I steered,

upravljala,

that I gave life to.

i kojem sam udahnula život.

But the shooting day would end,

Međutim, snimanje bi se približilo kraju

and I'd return

i ja bih se vratila

to my gnarly, awkward self.

svom mrskom i neugodnom jastvu.

By 19,

S 19 godina

I was a fully-fledged movie actor,

postala sam profesionalna glumica,

but still searching for definition.

ali još uvijek u potrazi za svojim određenjem.

I applied to read anthropology

Prijavila sam se na sveučilišni

at university.

studij antropologije.

Dr. Phyllis Lee gave me my interview,

Intervjuirala me dr. Phyllis Lee

and she asked me, "How would you define race?"

i pitala me "Kako biste definirali pojam rase?"

Well, I thought I had the answer to that one,

Mislila sam kako znam odgovor na to pitanje.

and I said, "Skin color."

Rekla sam, "Bojom kože."

"So biology, genetics?" she said.

"Znači biologijom, genetikom?", pitala je.

"Because, Thandie, that's not accurate.

"Znate, Thandie, to nije točno.

Because there's actually more genetic difference

Zapravo je više genetičke različitosti

between a black Kenyan

između crnog Kenijca

and a black Ugandan

i crnog Uganđanina

than there is between a black Kenyan

nego, recimo, između crnog Kenijca

and, say, a white Norwegian.

i bijelog Norvežanina.

Because we all stem from Africa.

To je zbog toga što svi potječemo iz Afrike.

So in Africa,

U Africi je bilo

there's been more time

više vremena

to create genetic diversity."

za stvaranje genetičke različitosti."

In other words,

Drugim riječima,

race has no basis

rasa nema temelja

in biological or scientific fact.

na biološkim i znanstvenim činjenicama.

On the one hand, result.

S jedne strane - uspjeh.

Right?

Zar ne?

On the other hand, my definition of self

S druge strane, moja je definicija jastva

just lost a huge chunk of its credibility.

izgubila veliki dio svoje vjerodostojnosti.

But what was credible,

Ono što jest vjerodostojno,

what is biological and scientific fact,

upravo je biološka i znanstvena činjenica

is that we all stem from Africa --

da svi potječemo iz Afrike --

in fact, from a woman called Mitochondrial Eve

točnije, od žene koja se zove mitohondrijska Eva

who lived 160,000 years ago.

i koja je živjela prije 160 000 godina.

And race is an illegitimate concept

Rasa je pogrešan koncept

which our selves have created

koji su izmislila naša jastva

based on fear and ignorance.

na temelju straha i neznanja.

Strangely, these revelations

Začudo, ova me saznanja

didn't cure my low self-esteem,

nisu izliječila od niskog samopouzdanja,

that feeling of otherness.

tog osjećaja drugosti.

My desire to disappear

Moja želja da nestanem

was still very powerful.

još uvijek je bila jaka.

I had a degree from Cambridge;

Imala sam diplomu s Cambridgea,

I had a thriving career,

uspješnu karijeru,

but my self was a car crash,

ali moje je jastvo bilo u rasulu

and I wound up with bulimia

te sam završila s bulimijom

and on a therapist's couch.

i na kauču kod psihoterapeuta.

And of course I did.

Naravno da jesam.

I still believed

Još sam uvijek vjerovala

my self was all I was.

kako moje jastvo predstavlja sve što jesam.

I still valued self-worth

Još uvijek sam cijenila vlastitost

above all other worth,

više od bilo kojeg drugog poštovanja.

and what was there to suggest otherwise?

Zar je postojalo nešto što bi mi pokazalo suprotno?

We've created entire value systems

Stvorili smo cijele sustave vrijednosti

and a physical reality

i fizičku stvarnost

to support the worth of self.

kako bismo potpomogli vrijednost jastva.

Look at the industry for self-image

Pogledajte samo industriju samopoimanja,

and the jobs it creates,

poslove koje stvara

the revenue it turns over.

i prihod koji stvara.

We'd be right in assuming

Bili bismo u pravu kada bismo pretpostavili

that the self is an actual living thing.

kako je jastvo stvarno živo biće.

But it's not. It's a projection

No, ono to nije; ono je projekcija,

which our clever brains create

koju su stvorili naši pametni umovi

in order to cheat ourselves

kako bi zavarali sami sebe

from the reality of death.

od stvarnosti smrti.

But there is something

Postoji nešto

that can give the self

što jastvu može dati

ultimate and infinite connection --

krajnju i beskonačnu poveznicu --

and that thing is oneness,

a to je jednost,

our essence.

naša bit.

The self's struggle

Borba jastva

for authenticity and definition

za jedinstvenošću i određenjem

will never end

nikada neće završiti

unless it's connected to its creator --

ako se ne poveže sa svojim tvorcem --

to you and to me.

s vama i sa mnom.

And that can happen with awareness --

To će se dogoditi povezivanjem sa sviješću --

awareness of the reality of oneness

sviješću o realnosti jednosti

and the projection of self-hood.

i projekcijom sebstva.

For a start, we can think about

Za početak, trebamo se prisjetiti

all the times when we do lose ourselves.

svih trenutaka kada smo izgubili sebe.

It happens when I dance,

Meni se to događa kada plešem,

when I'm acting.

kada glumim.

I'm earthed in my essence,

Tada se sjedinim sa svojom biti,

and my self is suspended.

a moje jastvo biva zatomljeno.

In those moments,

U tim sam trenucima

I'm connected to everything --

povezana sa svime --

the ground, the air,

zemljom, zrakom,

the sounds, the energy from the audience.

zvukovima i energijom publike.

All my senses are alert and alive

Sva su moja osjetila budna i živa

in much the same way as an infant might feel --

upravo onako kako bi to osjećalo malo dijete --

that feeling of oneness.

taj osjećaj jednosti.

And when I'm acting a role,

A kada glumim

I inhabit another self,

ispunjavam drugo jastvo

and I give it life for awhile,

i njemu, na kratko vrijeme, udahnjujem život.

because when the self is suspended

Kada je jastvo zatomljeno

so is divisiveness

zatomljen je i razdor

and judgment.

i osuđivanje.

And I've played everything

Glumila sam svašta

from a vengeful ghost in the time of slavery

od osvetničkog duha iz vremena ropstva

to Secretary of State in 2004.

do državne tajnice 2004. godine.

And no matter how other

Bez obzira koliko su drugačija

these selves might be,

bila ta jastva,

they're all related in me.

sva su bila povezana u meni.

And I honestly believe

Iskreno vjerujem

the key to my success as an actor

da je ključ mog glumačkog uspjeha

and my progress as a person

i mojeg razvoja kao osobe

has been the very lack of self

ležao u nedostatku jastva

that used to make me feel

zbog kojeg sam se osjećala

so anxious and insecure.

tjeskobno i nesigurno.

I always wondered

Uvijek sam se pitala

why I could feel others' pain so deeply,

zašto tako intenzivno mogu osjetiti tuđu bol,

why I could recognize

zašto mogu prepoznati

the somebody in the nobody.

ono posebno u nekom nevažnom.

It's because I didn't have a self to get in the way.

Zbog toga što nisam imala svoje jastvo koje bi mi u tome smetalo.

I thought I lacked substance,

Mislila sam kako mi nedostaje suštine,

and the fact that I could feel others'

a to što sam mogla osjetiti tuđu

meant that I had nothing of myself to feel.

značilo je da nemam ništa svojega za osjetiti.

The thing that was a source of shame

Ono što je bilo izvor srama

was actually a source of enlightenment.

zapravo je bilo izvor prosvjetljenja.

And when I realized

Kada sam shvatila

and really understood

i zapravo razumijela

that my self is a projection and that it has a function,

kako je moje jastvo projekcija te da ima svrhu,

a funny thing happened.

dogodilo se nešto čudno.

I stopped giving it so much authority.

Nisam mu više pridavala toliku važnost.

I give it its due.

Dala sam mu što mu pripada.

I take it to therapy.

Odvela sam ga na terapiju.

I've become very familiar

Dobro sam se upoznala

with its dysfunctional behavior.

s njegovim disfunkcionalnim ponašanjem.

But I'm not ashamed of my self.

Ali ne sramim se svojeg jastva.

In fact, I respect my self

Zapravo, poštujem svoje jastvo

and its function.

i njegovu svrhu.

And over time and with practice,

S vremenom i vježbom,

I've tried to live

pokušala sam sve više živjeti

more and more from my essence.

iz svoje suštine.

And if you can do that,

Ako to možete,

incredible things happen.

nevjerojatne se stvari dogode.

I was in Congo in February,

U veljači sam bila u Kongu,

dancing and celebrating

plesala sam i slavila

with women who've survived

sa ženama koje su preživjele

the destruction of their selves

uništenje svojih jastava

in literally unthinkable ways --

na doslovno nezamislive načine --

destroyed because other brutalized, psychopathic selves

uništena su jer druga surova i psihopatska jastva,

all over that beautiful land

po toj cijeloj prekrasnoj zemlji,

are fueling our selves' addiction

pune naša jastva ovisnošću

to iPods, Pads, and bling,

o iPodima, iPadima i skupim nakitom,

which further disconnect ourselves

čime dodatno odvajaju našu svijest

from ever feeling their pain,

od njihova osjećaja boli,

their suffering,

patnje

their death.

i smrti.

Because, hey,

Jer

if we're all living in ourselves

ako svi živimo u svom jastvu

and mistaking it for life,

i pogrešno ga smatramo životom,

then we're devaluing

umanjujemo vrijednost života

and desensitizing life.

i provodimo desenzibilizaciju života.

And in that disconnected state,

U takvom odvojenom stanju

yeah, we can build factory farms with no windows,

možemo graditi nehumane farme bez prozora,

destroy marine life

uništavati podvodni svijet

and use rape as a weapon of war.

i koristiti silovanje kao ratno oružje.

So here's a note to self:

Evo opaske jastvu:

The cracks have started to show

pukotine su se počele pojavljivati

in our constructed world,

u našem izgrađenom svijetu,

and oceans will continue

oceani će se nastaviti

to surge through the cracks,

izlijevati kroz pukotine,

and oil and blood,

ali i nafta i krv,

rivers of it.

i teći će potocima.

Crucially, we haven't been figuring out

Bitno je sljedeće, nismo pokušavali odgonetnuti

how to live in oneness

kako živjeti u jednosti

with the Earth and every other living thing.

sa Zemljom i drugim živim bićima.

We've just been insanely trying to figure out

Već smo luđački pokušavali odgonetnuti

how to live with each other -- billions of each other.

kako živjeti jedni s drugima -- milijardama drugih.

Only we're not living with each other;

Samo što mi ne živimo jedni s drugima,

our crazy selves are living with each other

već naša luda jastva žive jedna s drugima

and perpetuating an epidemic

i nastavljaju

of disconnection.

epidemiju odvajanja.

Let's live with each other

Pokušajmo živjeti jedni s drugima

and take it a breath at a time.

i radimo to korak po korak.

If we can get under that heavy self,

Trebamo doći ispod tog teškog jastva,

light a torch of awareness,

zapaliti baklju svijesti

and find our essence,

i pronaći svoju suštinu,

our connection to the infinite

našu poveznicu s beskonačnošću

and every other living thing.

i svim drugim živim bićima.

We knew it from the day we were born.

Znamo to od dana kad smo se rodili.

Let's not be freaked out

Neka nas ne preplaši

by our bountiful nothingness.

naše golemo ništavilo.

It's more a reality

Ono je veća stvarnost

than the ones our selves have created.

od one koju su stvorila naša jastva.

Imagine what kind of existence we can have

Zamislite kakvo bismo mogli imati postojanje

if we honor inevitable death of self,

kada bismo cijenili neizbježnu smrt jastva,

appreciate the privilege of life

cijenili privilegij života

and marvel at what comes next.

i divili se onome što slijedi.

Simple awareness is where it begins.

To počinje s osnovnom sviješću.

Thank you for listening.

Hvala vam na pozornosti.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)