Embracing otherness, embracing myself | Thandiwe Newton

翻译人员: Andrea Feng 校对人员: Qian Yue

Embracing otherness.

拥抱他人

When I first heard this theme,

当我第一次听到这个主题时

I thought, well, embracing otherness

我觉得拥抱他人

is embracing myself.

就是拥抱我自己

And the journey to that place

对于我来说

of understanding and acceptance

通往理解和接纳的路

has been an interesting one for me,

是十分有意思的

and it's given me an insight

并且让我对“自我”这一概念

into the whole notion of self,

有了深刻的理解

which I think is worth sharing with you today.

我想这值得在今天和你们分享

We each have a self,

我们都有一个自我

but I don't think that we're born with one.

但我并不认为这是与生俱来的

You know how newborn babies

你看那些刚出生的小婴儿

believe they're part of everything;

他们认为自己属于任何事物

they're not separate?

他们并不是脱离的

Well that fundamental sense of oneness

这种最基本的同一性

is lost on us very quickly.

会很快从我们身上消失

It's like that initial stage is over --

如同最初始的状态已经结束

oneness: infancy,

同一性：婴儿期

unformed, primitive.

未成形的，原始的

It's no longer valid or real.

将不复存在

What is real is separateness,

取而代之的是分离

and at some point in early babyhood,

在婴儿期的某一点

the idea of self

关于自我的意识

starts to form.

开始萌芽

Our little portion of oneness is given a name,

我们同一性的一小部分被赋予了一个名字

is told all kinds of things about itself,

被告知关于它自己的任何事情

and these details,

这些细节

opinions and ideas

观点和想法

become facts,

变成事实

which go towards building ourselves,

这些都帮我们形成自我

our identity.

以及自己的身份

And that self becomes the vehicle

然后这个自我就成为一个工具

for navigating our social world.

用来探索周围的这个世界

But the self is a projection

但是这个自我实际上是一个投影

based on other people's projections.

以其他人的投影为基础

Is it who we really are?

这就是真正的我们吗？

Or who we really want to be, or should be?

是我们真正想成为，或者应该成为的人吗？

So this whole interaction

在我成长过程中

with self and identity

我一直都很难处理

was a very difficult one for me growing up.

自我与身份之间的相互影响

The self that I attempted to take out into the world

那个我尝试着向周围的世界展示的自我

was rejected over and over again.

被一次又一次拒绝

And my panic

因为没有一个合适的自我

at not having a self that fit,

而带来的恐慌

and the confusion that came

以及因为被拒绝

from my self being rejected,

而产生的惶恐

created anxiety, shame

引起了我的焦虑，羞愧

and hopelessness,

还有无望

which kind of defined me for a long time.

这些在很长一段时间里都限制了我

But in retrospect,

但当我回想过去

the destruction of my self was so repetitive

对于自我的毁灭反复出现

that I started to see a pattern.

我开始看出一些规律

The self changed,

一个自我被改变

got affected, broken, destroyed,

被影响，被打击破坏

but another one would evolve --

但有一个新的会形成

sometimes stronger,

有时更强

sometimes hateful,

有时充满仇恨

sometimes not wanting to be there at all.

有时则根本不想出现

The self was not constant.

这个自我并不是恒定的

And how many times

在我还没有意识到

would my self have to die

这个自我曾经从未存在时

before I realized

我的“自我”

that it was never alive in the first place?

会死多少次呢？

I grew up on the coast of England

我于上世纪七十年代

in the '70s.

生长在英格兰的海岸边

My dad is white from Cornwall,

我父亲是来自康沃尔的白人

and my mom is black from Zimbabwe.

我母亲是来自津巴布韦的黑人

Even the idea of us as a family

对于许多人来说

was challenging to most people.

是无论如何也想不到我们是一家人

But nature had its wicked way,

但大自然自有意想不到的一面

and brown babies were born.

棕色的孩子出生了

But from about the age of five,

但自从五岁开始

I was aware that I didn't fit.

我就察觉出我的格格不入

I was the black atheist kid

我是一个信奉无神论的黑人孩子

in the all-white Catholic school run by nuns.

在一个由修女运转的白人天主学校

I was an anomaly,

我是一个另类

and my self was rooting around for definition

我的自我在不断寻找一个定义

and trying to plug in.

并试图将自己套入定义

Because the self likes to fit,

因为自我都是愿意去融入

to see itself replicated,

看到自己被复制

to belong.

有归属感

That confirms its existence

那能确认自我的存在感

and its importance.

和重要性

And it is important.

这很重要

It has an extremely important function.

这有一个极端重要的功能

Without it, we literally can't interface with others.

没有一个对自我的定义，我们简直不能和其他人交流

We can't hatch plans

我们无法制定计划

and climb that stairway of popularity,

无法爬上潮流和成功

of success.

的阶梯

But my skin color wasn't right.

但我的肤色不对

My hair wasn't right.

我的发色不对

My history wasn't right.

我的来历不对

My self became defined

我的自我

by otherness,

被他人定义

which meant that, in that social world,

这意味着在社会上

I didn't really exist.

我并不存在

And I was "other" before being anything else --

我首先被定义为一个另类

even before being a girl.

甚至先于被定义为一个女孩

I was a noticeable nobody.

我是一个引人注意的没有人

Another world was opening up

在这个时候

around this time:

另一个世界出现了

performance and dancing.

那就是表演和舞蹈

That nagging dread of self-hood

对于自我纠缠不清的恐惧

didn't exist when I was dancing.

在我跳舞时并不存在

I'd literally lose myself.

我像是失去了自己

And I was a really good dancer.

我是一个好的舞蹈演员

I would put

我会把

all my emotional expression

我所有的感情

into my dancing.

投入到舞蹈中去

I could be in the movement

在舞蹈中

in a way that I wasn't able to be

我能完成我在现实中

in my real life, in myself.

自己无法做到的动作

And at 16,

当我16岁时

I stumbled across another opportunity,

我无意中遇到另一个机遇

and I earned my first acting role in a film.

得到了我的第一个电影角色

I can hardly find the words

我难以找到言语

to describe the peace I felt

来形容在表演中

when I was acting.

我感受到的平静

My dysfunctional self

我那残缺的自我

could actually plug in

终于融入了

to another self, not my own,

不是我自己的另一个自我

and it felt so good.

这种感觉真好

It was the first time that I existed

那是我第一次存在于

inside a fully-functioning self --

一个正常运作的自我

one that I controlled,

一个我可以控制的

that I steered,

可以操纵的

that I gave life to.

可以赋予生命的自我

But the shooting day would end,

但是拍摄的日子终会结束

and I'd return

我也会回到

to my gnarly, awkward self.

我那扭曲尴尬的自我

By 19,

当我19岁时

I was a fully-fledged movie actor,

我已经是一个羽翼丰满的电影演员

but still searching for definition.

但却仍在寻找定义

I applied to read anthropology

我在大学里

at university.

申请攻读人类学

Dr. Phyllis Lee gave me my interview,

Phyllis Lee博士对我进行了面试

and she asked me, "How would you define race?"

她问我：“你怎样定义种族？”

Well, I thought I had the answer to that one,

嗯，我觉得我有答案

and I said, "Skin color."

然后我说：“肤色。”

"So biology, genetics?" she said.

她继续问道：“也就是生物学基因上的差异？”

"Because, Thandie, that's not accurate.

“因为，桑迪，肤色并不准确。

Because there's actually more genetic difference

在一个黑皮肤的肯尼亚人

between a black Kenyan

和一个黑皮肤的乌干达人

and a black Ugandan

之间存在的基因差异

than there is between a black Kenyan

实际上超过在一个黑皮肤的肯尼亚人

and, say, a white Norwegian.

和一个，比如说，白皮肤的挪威人之间的差异

Because we all stem from Africa.

因为我们都起源于非洲

So in Africa,

所以在非洲

there's been more time

更有可能产生

to create genetic diversity."

基因多样性。”

In other words,

换句话说

race has no basis

种族这一说法

in biological or scientific fact.

并没有生物学或科学基础

On the one hand, result.

一方面，这是结果

Right?

对吗？

On the other hand, my definition of self

另一方面，我对自我的定义

just lost a huge chunk of its credibility.

则失去了相当大一部分的可信度

But what was credible,

可以相信的

what is biological and scientific fact,

以及生物学和科学事实

is that we all stem from Africa --

就是我们都起源于非洲

in fact, from a woman called Mitochondrial Eve

实际上，起源于一个叫做线粒体夏娃的女人

who lived 160,000 years ago.

她生活在十六万年前

And race is an illegitimate concept

种族是一个不合法的概念

which our selves have created

是我们自己创造出来的

based on fear and ignorance.

基于恐惧和无知

Strangely, these revelations

奇怪的是，这些启示

didn't cure my low self-esteem,

并没有治愈我那缺少的自尊

that feeling of otherness.

那种被划为另类的感觉

My desire to disappear

我渴望消失的想法

was still very powerful.

依旧十分强烈

I had a degree from Cambridge;

我有一个剑桥的学位

I had a thriving career,

我的事业蒸蒸日上

but my self was a car crash,

但我的自我却如同一场车祸

and I wound up with bulimia

最终我患上贪食症

and on a therapist's couch.

并接受治疗

And of course I did.

我当然会这样

I still believed

我依旧相信

my self was all I was.

我的自我就是我的全部

I still valued self-worth

我依旧认为自我价值

above all other worth,

高于其余任何价值

and what was there to suggest otherwise?

不然还能怎样呢？

We've created entire value systems

我们创造了整个价值系统

and a physical reality

以及一个客观的现实

to support the worth of self.

用以支持自我的价值

Look at the industry for self-image

看看由个人形象带动的产业

and the jobs it creates,

还有它提供的工作

the revenue it turns over.

以及它创造的价值

We'd be right in assuming

我们可能会假设

that the self is an actual living thing.

这个自我是真实存在的

But it's not. It's a projection

但我们错了；这只是一个投影

which our clever brains create

是由我们聪明的大脑创造出来的

in order to cheat ourselves

来欺骗我们自己

from the reality of death.

无需面对死亡的现实

But there is something

但总有一些事

that can give the self

能赋予自我

ultimate and infinite connection --

终极无尽的联系

and that thing is oneness,

那就是同一性

our essence.

我们的本源

The self's struggle

自我对于

for authenticity and definition

真实性和定义的挣扎

will never end

永远不会停止

unless it's connected to its creator --

除非自我能够与创造者相连

to you and to me.

与你，与我

And that can happen with awareness --

这和意识的觉醒一同存在

awareness of the reality of oneness

意识到同一性的现实

and the projection of self-hood.

以及自我的投影

For a start, we can think about

一开始，我们可以想想

all the times when we do lose ourselves.

那些我们失去自我的时候

It happens when I dance,

当我跳舞时

when I'm acting.

表演时

I'm earthed in my essence,

我根植于我的本源

and my self is suspended.

我的自我被抑制了

In those moments,

在那些时刻

I'm connected to everything --

我与万物相连

the ground, the air,

大地，空气

the sounds, the energy from the audience.

声音，观众的能量

All my senses are alert and alive

我的所有感官都是警觉和鲜活的

in much the same way as an infant might feel --

如同一个婴儿感受到的一般

that feeling of oneness.

那种同一性的感觉

And when I'm acting a role,

当我表演一个角色时

I inhabit another self,

我进入了另一个自我

and I give it life for awhile,

我在一段时间内赋予其生命

because when the self is suspended

当自我被抑制时

so is divisiveness

它的多样性

and judgment.

和判断也会一同被抑制

And I've played everything

我出演过许多角色

from a vengeful ghost in the time of slavery

从奴隶时代想要复仇的鬼魂

to Secretary of State in 2004.

到2004年的国务卿

And no matter how other

无论这些角色

these selves might be,

是多么的不同

they're all related in me.

他们全都与我相连

And I honestly believe

我诚恳地认为

the key to my success as an actor

我作为一个演员能够成功的关键

and my progress as a person

以及作为一个不断进步的人

has been the very lack of self

是因为自我的缺失

that used to make me feel

这让我觉得

so anxious and insecure.

非常焦虑和不安

I always wondered

我总是在想

why I could feel others' pain so deeply,

为什么我能如此深切地感受到他人的痛苦

why I could recognize

为什么我能辨认出

the somebody in the nobody.

一个被忽视的人

It's because I didn't have a self to get in the way.

那是因为我没有一个自我挡在中间

I thought I lacked substance,

我想我缺少一种介质

and the fact that I could feel others'

我能够感受他人这个事实

meant that I had nothing of myself to feel.

说明我感受不到我自己

The thing that was a source of shame

这曾经导致了我的羞愧

was actually a source of enlightenment.

其实是给我启蒙的源头

And when I realized

当我意识到

and really understood

并真正明白

that my self is a projection and that it has a function,

自我是一个投影，并有它自己的功能时

a funny thing happened.

一件有意思的事发生了

I stopped giving it so much authority.

我不再给我的自我过多的权利

I give it its due.

我给它应得的回报

I take it to therapy.

我带它去治疗

I've become very familiar

我已经非常熟悉

with its dysfunctional behavior.

自我的不正常运作了

But I'm not ashamed of my self.

但我并不为我的自我感到羞愧

In fact, I respect my self

事实上，我尊重我的自我

and its function.

和它的功能

And over time and with practice,

经过时间和练习

I've tried to live

我不断尝试过一种

more and more from my essence.

顺从我的本源的生活

And if you can do that,

如果你能做到这一点

incredible things happen.

将会发生不可思议的事情

I was in Congo in February,

二月份的时候我在刚果

dancing and celebrating

与那些自我曾遭受

with women who've survived

难以想象的毁灭的

the destruction of their selves

女人们一起

in literally unthinkable ways --

跳舞庆祝

destroyed because other brutalized, psychopathic selves

因为在那片美丽的土地上

all over that beautiful land

那些被残酷对待的心理变态的自我

are fueling our selves' addiction

正不断满足我们对于

to iPods, Pads, and bling,

iPod以及iPad等光鲜事物的瘾

which further disconnect ourselves

这些更进一步阻碍我们

from ever feeling their pain,

去感受她们的痛苦

their suffering,

她们的遭遇

their death.

她们的死亡

Because, hey,

因为

if we're all living in ourselves

当我们都活在自己的世界里

and mistaking it for life,

并以为这就是生活

then we're devaluing

那我们就是在贬低生活的价值

and desensitizing life.

并且变得越来越迟钝

And in that disconnected state,

在那样一个被隔断的状态里

yeah, we can build factory farms with no windows,

我们可以建造没有窗户的工厂

destroy marine life

破坏海洋生命

and use rape as a weapon of war.

把强奸视为战争的一种武器

So here's a note to self:

这有一个对自我的建议

The cracks have started to show

在我们这个被构造的世界里

in our constructed world,

已经开始出现裂缝

and oceans will continue

海水将持续不断

to surge through the cracks,

从裂缝中涌出

and oil and blood,

石油和鲜血

rivers of it.

汇流成河

Crucially, we haven't been figuring out

关键在于我们尚未找出

how to live in oneness

怎样与地球和万物一起

with the Earth and every other living thing.

生活在同一性中

We've just been insanely trying to figure out

我们一直在疯狂地寻找

how to live with each other -- billions of each other.

怎样和数十亿的其他人一起生活

Only we're not living with each other;

只是我们并非和其他人一起生活

our crazy selves are living with each other

我们疯狂的自我们在一起生活

and perpetuating an epidemic

与他人的隔断

of disconnection.

也如同传染病一般蔓延

Let's live with each other

让我们生活在一起

and take it a breath at a time.

歇一口气，慢慢来

If we can get under that heavy self,

如果我们能进入那沉重的自我

light a torch of awareness,

点燃一支觉察的火炬

and find our essence,

寻找我们的本源

our connection to the infinite

我们和永恒

and every other living thing.

以及万物的联系

We knew it from the day we were born.

我们从出生那天就知道的联系

Let's not be freaked out

我们无须因为

by our bountiful nothingness.

大量的空虚而慌张

It's more a reality

相比于我们创造出的那些

than the ones our selves have created.

这空虚更加真实

Imagine what kind of existence we can have

想像我们能有怎样的存在方式

if we honor inevitable death of self,

当我们正视自我不可避免的死亡

appreciate the privilege of life

感恩生命的权利

and marvel at what comes next.

惊异于即将到来的事物

Simple awareness is where it begins.

这些都来自于简单的觉察

Thank you for listening.

感谢聆听

(Applause)

（掌声）