Joshua Walters: On being just crazy enough

譯者: Ching-Yuan Chen 審譯者: Te-Hao Chien

My name is Joshua Walters.

我是約書亞•華特斯

I'm a performer.

我是位表演家

(Beatboxing)

【口技表演】

(Laughter)

【笑聲】

(Applause)

【掌聲】

But as far as being a performer,

但身為表演家的同時

I'm also diagnosed

我也被診斷出

bipolar.

患有躁鬱症

I reframe that as a positive

我換個想法把它當成件好事

because the crazier I get onstage,

因為我在舞台上越瘋狂

the more entertaining I become.

我就越有娛樂性

When I was 16 in San Francisco,

我16歲那年在舊金山的時候

I had my breakthrough manic episode

我的躁症發作了

in which I thought I was Jesus Christ.

我以為自己是耶穌基督

Maybe you thought that was scary,

也許你們覺得那挺可怕的

but actually there's no amount of drugs you can take

但老實說 想靠嗑藥

that can get you as high

High到以為自己是耶穌基督

as if you think you're Jesus Christ.

還不容易咧

(Laughter)

【笑聲】

I was sent to a place,

我被送到一個地方

a psych ward,

一間精神病院

and in the psych ward,

在那間精神病院

everyone is doing their own one-man show.

每個人都在唱自己的獨角戲

(Laughter)

【笑聲】

There's no audience like this

那裡不像現在，有觀眾

to justify their rehearsal time.

來讓他們的「排演」看起來正式

They're just practicing.

他們不斷地練習

One day they'll get here.

好像有一天 他們也會站上舞台

Now when I got out,

在我出院後

I was diagnosed

我接受了診斷

and I was given medications

也拿了藥

by a psychiatrist.

精神科醫師開的藥

"Okay, Josh, why don't we give you some --

「好吧 喬許（暱稱） 不如我開個......痾.....

why don't we give you some Zyprexa.

那個......金普薩（常用精神藥物）給你好了

Okay? Mmhmm?

好嗎? 嗯?

At least that's what it says on my pen."

至少藥商送的筆上是這個名字」

(Laughter)

【笑聲】

Some of you are in the field, I can see.

我看得出來你們有人在這個領域工作

I can feel your noise.

我聽到你們的笑聲了

The first half of high school

在我高中的前半段

was the struggle of the manic episode,

我都因為躁症發作而掙扎著

and the second half

後半段

was the overmedications of these drugs,

則是服藥過量

where I was sleeping through high school.

而讓我一路睡到畢業

The second half was just one big nap, pretty much, in class.

後半段差不多就是在學校睡一場很長的午覺

When I got out

畢業後

I had a choice.

我有個機會抉擇

I could either deny

我可以排拒

my mental illness

我的精神病

or embrace

或者是擁抱

my mental skillness.

我精神病症的「優點」

(Bugle sound)

【口技表演喇叭聲】

There's a movement going on right now

現在有一個趨勢

to reframe mental illness as a positive --

要人們正面看待精神疾病

at least the hypomanic edge part of it.

至少正面看待輕躁症的優勢

Now if you don't know what hypomania is,

如果你問我輕躁症是什麼

it's like an engine that's out of control,

它就像是失控的引擎

maybe a Ferrari engine, with no breaks.

可能是法拉利的引擎 但沒有剎車

Many of the speakers here, many of you in the audience,

台下許多講者及聽眾

have that creative edge,

就有這樣的創意優勢

if you know what I'm talking about.

如果你們懂我在說什麼

You're driven to do something

你們被驅使著去做一些

that everyone has told you is impossible.

大家都說不可能的事

And there's a book -- John Gartner.

有一本書 約翰‧嘉納寫的

John Gartner wrote this book called "The Hypomanic Edge"

約翰‧嘉納寫了這本《瀕臨輕躁》

in which Christopher Columbus and Ted Turner and Steve Jobs

在書中 哥倫布 泰德‧透納（CNN創辦人） 和賈伯斯

and all these business minds

這些頭腦精明的人

have this edge to compete.

都有這樣的優勢

A different book was written not too long ago

不久前還有另一本

in the mid-90s

在90年代中期寫的書

called "Touched With Fire" by Kay Redfield Jamison

凱‧傑米森的《為火所染》

in which it was looked at in a creative sense

這本書就創意的角度來探討躁鬱症

in which Mozart and Beethoven and Van Gogh

提到莫札特 貝多芬以及梵谷

all have this manic depression that they were suffering with.

都深受躁鬱症折磨

Some of them committed suicide.

他們之中有幾位自殺了

So it wasn't all

所以 這種病

the good side of the illness.

並不只有好的一面

Now recently,

最近

there's been development in this field.

這個領域有了新的發展

And there was an article written in the New York Times,

紐約時報刊登了一篇文章

September 2010,

2010年9月登的

that stated:

標題是

"Just Manic Enough."

〈瘋得剛剛好〉

Just be manic enough

瘋得剛剛好就好

in which investors who are looking for entrepreneurs

文章談到有些投資人在尋找企業家

that have this kind of spectrum --

有躁鬱症狀的企業家

you know what I'm talking about --

你知道我在說什麼

not maybe full bipolar,

或許不是完全的躁鬱症

but they're in the bipolar spectrum --

而是有一點那樣的症狀

where on one side,

或許一方面

maybe you think you're Jesus,

他們覺得自己是耶穌

and on the other side

也可能同時

maybe they just make you a lot of money.

他們就幫你賺了一堆錢唷

(Laughter)

【笑聲】

Your call. Your call.

完完全全看你怎麼想

And everyone's somewhere in the middle.

每個人其實都介於躁跟鬱之間

Everyone's somewhere in the middle.

都不是在躁鬱的兩極

So maybe, you know,

你們知道嗎 也許

there's no such thing

根本就沒有

as crazy,

發瘋這回事

and being diagnosed with a mental illness

即使被診斷出精神疾病

doesn't mean you're crazy.

也不代表你真的瘋了

But maybe it just means

或許這只意味著

you're more sensitive

你比較敏感

to what most people can't see

對於多數人看不到

or feel.

或感覺不到的事物敏感

Maybe no one's really crazy.

或許沒有人真正瘋

Everyone is just a little bit mad.

而每個人都有那麼點狂

How much

而你有多瘋狂

depends on where you fall in the spectrum.

就要看你離躁鬱的兩極有多遠

How much

而你離躁鬱的兩極有多遠

depends on how lucky you are.

就要看你多幸運了

Thank you.

謝謝

(Applause)

【掌聲】