Janine di Giovanni: What I saw in the war

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

Prevodilac: Andrea Jovanovic Lektor: Boško Eraković

This is how war starts.

Ovako počinje rat.

One day you're living your ordinary life,

Jedan dan živite vaš svakodnevni život,

you're planning to go to a party,

planirate da idete na zabavu,

you're taking your children to school,

vodite svoju decu u školu,

you're making a dentist appointment.

zakazujete termin kod zubara.

The next thing, the telephones go out,

Sledećeg momenta, telefon ne radi,

the TVs go out, there's armed men on the street,

TV ne radi, na ulici su naoružani muškarci,

there's roadblocks.

putevi su blokirani.

Your life as you know it goes into suspended animation.

Život kakav ste poznavali prestaje.

It stops.

Zaustavlja se.

I'm going to steal a story from a friend of mine,

Ukrašću priču od jedne moje prijateljice,

a Bosnian friend, about what happened to her,

prijateljice iz Bosne, o tome šta joj se desilo,

because I think it will illustrate for you exactly what it feels like.

jer mislim da će vam tačno dočarati kako to izgleda.

She was walking to work one day in April, 1992,

Bila je na putu ka poslu jednog aprilskog dana 1992. godine,

in a miniskirt and high heels. She worked in a bank.

u kratkoj suknji i visokim štiklama. Radila je u banci.

She was a young mother. She was someone who liked to party.

Bila je mlada majka. Bila je neko ko voli da se zabavlja.

Great person.

Izvanredna osoba.

And suddenly she sees a tank

I odjednom ugleda tenk

ambling down the main road of Sarajevo

koji se lagano kreće glavnim putem kroz Sarajevo

knocking everything out of its path.

rušeći sve pred sobom.

She thinks she's dreaming, but she's not.

Mislila je da sanja, ali nije.

And she runs as any of us would have done

I trči kao što bi to bilo ko od nas uradio

and takes cover, and she hides behind a trash bin,

i nalazi sklonište, sakriva se iza kante za smeće,

in her high heels and her miniskirt.

u svojim štiklama i kratkoj suknji.

And as she's hiding there, she's feeling ridiculous,

I skrivajući se tamo, oseća se glupo,

but she's seeing this tank go by with soldiers

ali gleda taj tenk kako prolazi sa vojnicima

and people all over the place and chaos

i ljude na sve strane i haos

and she thinks, "I feel like Alice in Wonderland

i misli: "Osećam se kao Alisa u zemlji čuda

going down the rabbit hole,

koja silazi niz zečju rupu,

down, down, down into chaos,

dole, dole, dole u haos

and my life will never be the same again."

i moj život više nikad neće biti isti."

A few weeks later, my friend was in a crowd of people

Nekoliko nedelja kasnije, moja prijateljica je bila u masi ljudi

pushing with her infant son in her arms

koji su je gurali sa detetom u naručju

to give him to a stranger on a bus,

da bi ga dala neznancu u autobusu,

which was one of the last buses leaving Sarajevo

jednom od zadnjih autobusa koji napuštaju Sarajevo

to take children out so they could be safe.

da bi odveli decu na sigurno.

And she remembers struggling with her mother to the front,

I seća se kako se gurala sa svojom majkom

crowds and crowds of people, "Take my child! Take my child!"

kroz masu i masu ljudi: "Uzmite moje dete! Uzmite moje dete!"

and passing her son to someone through a window.

predajući svoje dete nekome kroz prozor.

And she didn't see him for years.

Nije ga videla godinama.

The siege went on for three and a half years,

Opsada je trajala tri i po godine

and it was a siege without water,

i bila je to opsada bez vode,

without power, without electricity, without heat, without food,

bez struje, bez grejanja, bez hrane,

in the middle of Europe, in the middle of the 20th century.

u središtu Evrope, krajem 20. veka.

I had the honor of being one of those reporters

Imala sam čast da budem jedna od onih reportera

that lived through that siege,

koji su preživeli tu opsadu

and I say I have the honor and the privilege of being there

i kažem da imala sam čast i privilegiju da budem tamo

because it's taught me everything,

jer me je to iskustvo naučilo svemu,

not just about being a reporter, but about being a human being.

ne samo o poslu reportera, nego i kakav čovek treba biti.

I learned about compassion.

Naučila sam o samilosti.

I learned about ordinary people who could be heroes.

Naučila sam o običnim ljudima koji mogu biti heroji.

I learned about sharing. I learned about camaraderie.

Naučila sam o deljenju. Naučila sam šta je drugarstvo.

Most of all, I learned about love.

Pre svega, učila sam o snazi ljubavi.

Even in the midst of terrible destruction and death and chaos,

Čak i usred strašnog razaranja i smrti i haosa,

I learned how ordinary people could help their neighbors,

učila sam o tome kako obični ljudi pomažu svojim komšijama,

share food, raise their children,

dele hranu, odgajaju svoju decu,

drag someone who's being sniped at from the middle of the road

kako odvlače nekog pogođenog snajperom sa sredine puta

even though you yourself were endangering your life,

iako znaju da time ugrožavaju sopstveni život,

helping people get into taxis who were injured

pomažu povređenim ljudima da uđu u taksi

to try to take them to hospitals.

pokušavajući da ih odvezu u bolnice.

I learned so much about myself.

Naučila sam toliko toga o sebi.

Martha Gellhorn, who's one of my heroes, once said,

Marta Gelhorn, jedna od mojih heroina, jednom je rekla:

"You can only love one war. The rest is responsibility."

"Možeš voleti samo jedan rat. Ostalo je odgovornost."

I went on to cover many, many, many wars after that,

Izveštavala sam u mnogim, mnogim, ratovima posle toga,

so many that I lost count,

toliko da sam prestala da brojim,

but there was nothing like Sarajevo.

ali nijedan nije bio kao Sarajevo.

Last April, I went back to a very strange --

Prošlog Aprila, vratila sam se na čudan,

what I called a deranged high school reunion.

kako sam ga nazvala, poremećeni srednjoškolski sastanak.

What it was, was the 20th anniversary of the siege,

Bila je to 20. godišnjica opsade,

the beginning of the siege of Sarajevo,

početka opsade Sarajeva,

and I don't like the word "anniversary," because it sounds like a party,

i ne volim reč "godišnjica", jer zvuči kao neka zabava,

and this was not a party.

a ovo nije bila zabava.

It was a very somber gathering of the reporters

Bilo je to jako tužno okupljanje reportera

that worked there during the war, humanitarian aid workers,

koji su radili tamo za vreme rata, humanitarnih radnika

and of course the brave and courageous people of Sarajevo themselves.

i naravno samih hrabrih i odvažnih ljudi Sarajeva.

And the thing that struck me the most,

Ono što me je najviše pogodilo,

that broke my heart,

što mi je slomilo srce,

was walking down the main street of Sarajevo,

šetajući glavnom ulicom Sarajeva,

where my friend Aida saw the tank coming 20 years ago,

gde je moja prijateljica Aida videla nadolazeći tenk pre 20godina,

and in that road were more than 12,000 red chairs,

na putu sam ugledala više od 12.000 crvenih stolica,

empty,

praznih,

and every single one of them symbolized

i svaka od njih je predstavljala

a person who had died during the siege,

osobu koja je poginula tokom opsade,

just in Sarajevo, not in all of Bosnia,

samo u Sarajevu, ne u celoj Bosni

and it stretched from one end of the city

i širile su se sa jednog kraja grada

to a large part of it,

na veći deo istog

and the saddest for me were the tiny little chairs

i najtužnije su mi bile male stolice

for the children.

za decu.

I now cover Syria,

Sad pokrivam Siriju

and I started reporting it because I believed that

i počela sam da izveštavam jer verujem

it needs to be done.

da to mora biti urađeno.

I believe a story there has to be told.

Verujem u tamošnju priču koja mora biti ispričana.

I see, again, a template of the war in Bosnia.

Vidim, opet, primer rata u Bosni.

And when I first arrived in Damascus,

I kad sam prvi put stigla u Damask,

I saw this strange moment where people

zapazila sam jedan čudan momenat u kome ljudi

didn't seem to believe that war was going to descend,

nisu verovali da će rat iznenada izbiti

and it was exactly the same in Bosnia

i bilo je isto kao u Bosni

and nearly every other country I've seen where war comes.

i u skoro svim drugim državama u kojima sam videla da rat stiže.

People don't want to believe it's coming,

Ljudi ne žele da veruju u to da stiže

so they don't leave, they don't leave before they can.

i zato ne odlaze, ne odlaze ranije kad još mogu.

They don't get their money out.

Ne spašavaju svoj novac.

They stay because you want to stay in your home.

Oni ostaju jer svi žele da ostanu u svojim domovima.

And then war and chaos descend.

I tada rat i haos iznenada nastupaju.

Rwanda is a place that haunts me a lot.

Ruanda je mesto koje me stalno proganja.

In 1994, I briefly left Sarajevo to go report the genocide in Rwanda.

1994. godine, na kratko sam napustila Sarajevo da bih izveštavala o genocidu u Ruandi.

Between April and August, 1994,

Između aprila i avgusta, 1994.,

one million people were slaughtered.

milion ljudi je pobijeno.

Now if those 12,000 chairs freaked me out

Ako me je tih 12.000 stolica toliko pogodilo

with the sheer number,

samim brojem,

I want you just for a second to think of a million people.

želela bih da samo na trenutak razmislite o milion ljudi.

And to give you some example, I remember

Daću vam neki primer, sećam se

standing and looking down a road as far as I could see,

kako sam stajala i gledala niz put daleko koliko sam mogla,

at least a mile, and there were bodies piled twice my height

najmanje 1,6 km i tamo je bila gomila tela u visini duplo višoj od mene

of the dead.

mrtvih.

And that was just a small percentage of the dead.

I to je bio samo mali procenat mrtvih.

And there were mothers holding their children

Bilo je majki koje su držale svoju decu

who had been caught in their last death throes.

uhvaćenu u zadnjim smrtnim mukama.

So we learn a lot from war,

Naučili smo mnogo od rata

and I mention Rwanda

i spomenula sam Ruandu

because it is one place, like South Africa,

jer je to mesto, kao i Južna Afrika,

where nearly 20 years on, there is healing.

u kome već blizu 20 godina traje isceljenje.

Fifty-six percent of the parliamentarians are women,

Pedeset šest procenata parlamentaraca su žene,

which is fantastic,

što je fantastično

and there's also within the national constitution now,

i sad je već u okviru ustava,

you're actually not allowed to say Hutu or Tutsi.

da vam nije dozvoljeno da izgovarate Hutu ili Tutsi.

You're not allowed to identify anyone by ethnicity,

Nije vam dozvoljeno da bilo koga identifikujete po etničkoj pripadnosti,

which is, of course, what started the slaughter in the first place.

što je, naravno, prvenstveno i započelo pokolj.

And an aid worker friend of mine told me the most beautiful story,

Jedan moj prijatelj, humanitarni radnik, mi je ispričao prelepu priču

or I find it beautiful.

ili ja mislim da je prelepa.

There was a group of children, mixed Hutus and Tutsis,

Bila je jedna grupa dece, mešana Hutu i Tutsi

and a group of women who were adopting them,

i grupa žena koje su ih usvajale

and they lined up and one was just given to the next.

napravila je red i deca su samo davana sledećoj ženi po redu.

There was no kind of compensation for, you're a Tutsi,

Nije bilo nikakve kompenzacije za, ti si Tutsi,

you're a Hutu, you might have killed my mother,

ti si Hutu, možda si ubio moju majku,

you might have killed my father.

možda si ubio mog oca.

They were just brought together in this kind of reconciliation,

Bili su spojeni u nekoj vrsti pomirenja

and I find this remarkable.

i smatram to izvanrednim.

So when people ask me how I continue to cover war,

Kad me ljudi pitaju kako nastavljam da izveštavam o ratu

and why I continue to do it,

i zašto to i dalje radim,

this is why.

evo zašto.

When I go back to Syria, next week in fact,

Kad se vratim u Siriju, zapravo već sledeće nedelje,

what I see is incredibly heroic people,

ono što vidim su neverovatni heroji,

some of them fighting for democracy,

neki od njih se bore za demokratiju,

for things we take for granted every single day.

za stvari koje mi uzimamo zdravo za gotovo svaki dan.

And that's pretty much why I do it.

I to je razlog zašto to radim.

In 2004, I had a little baby boy,

2004. godine, dobila sam sina

and I call him my miracle child,

i zovem ga moje čudo od deteta,

because after seeing so much death

jer nakon što sam videla toliko smrti

and destruction and chaos and darkness in my life,

i razora i haosa i tame u svom životu,

this ray of hope was born.

ovaj zrak nade se rodio.

And I called him Luca, which means "The bringer of light,"

Nazvala sam ga Luka, što znači "Onaj koji donosi svetlost",

because he does bring light to my life.

jer donosi svetlost u moj život.

But I'm talking about him because when he was four months old,

Pričam o njemu jer kad je imao samo četiri meseca

my foreign editor forced me to go back to Baghdad

moj strani urednik prislio me je da se vratim u Bagdad

where I had been reporting all throughout the Saddam regime

odakle sam izveštavala tokom svog vremena Sadamovog režima

and during the fall of Baghdad and afterwards,

i za vreme pada Bagdada i posle toga

and I remember getting on the plane in tears,

i sećam se ulaska u avion u suzama,

crying to be separated from my son,

plačući jer sam odvojena od svog sina

and while I was there,

i dok sam bila tamo,

a quite famous Iraqi politician who was a friend of mine

jedan poznati političar iz Iraka koji mi je bio prijatelj

said to me, "What are you doing here?

pitao me je: "Šta radiš tu?

Why aren't you home with Luca?"

Zašto nisi kod kuće sa Lukom?"

And I said, "Well, I have to see." It was 2004

Rekla sam: "Pa, moram da vidim." Bila je to 2004. godina

which was the beginning of the incredibly bloody time in Iraq,

početak neverovatno krvavog perioda u Iraku.

"I have to see, I have to see what is happening here.

"Moram da vidim šta se dešava ovde.

I have to report it."

Moram da izveštavam o tome."

And he said, "Go home,

Na to mi je on rekao: "Idi kući,

because if you miss his first tooth,

jer ako propustiš njegov prvi zub,

if you miss his first step, you'll never forgive yourself.

ako propustiš njegov prvi korak, nikad nećeš sebi oprostiti.

But there will always be another war."

Ali uvek će biti drugog rata."

And there, sadly, will always be wars.

I nažalost, uvek će biti ratova.

And I am deluding myself if I think, as a journalist,

I zavaravam sebe ako mislim, da kao novinar,

as a reporter, as a writer,

kao reporter, kao pisac,

what I do can stop them. I can't.

to što radim može da ih zaustavi. Ne može.

I'm not Kofi Annan. He can't stop a war.

Nisam Kofi Anan. On ne može zaustaviti rat.

He tried to negotiate Syria and couldn't do it.

Pokušao je da pregovara u vezi sa Sirijom i nije uspeo.

I'm not a U.N. conflict resolution person.

Nisam osoba za rešavanje konflikata UN-a.

I'm not even a humanitarian aid doctor,

Nisam čak ni doktor-humanitarac

and I can't tell you the times of how helpless I've felt

i ne mogu vam opisati koliko puta sam se osećala bespomoćnom

to have people dying in front of me, and I couldn't save them.

gledajući ljude oko mene kako ginu, a ja ih ne mogu spasiti.

All I am is a witness.

Ja sam samo svedok.

My role is to bring a voice to people who are voiceless.

Moja uloga je da budem glas ljudima čiji se glas ne čuje.

A colleague of mine described it as to shine a light

Jedan moj kolega je to opisao kao donošenje svetlosti

in the darkest corners of the world.

u najtamnije kutke sveta.

And that's what I try to do.

I to je ono što pokušavam da uradim.

I'm not always successful,

Nisam uvek uspešna

and sometimes it's incredibly frustrating,

i ponekad je neverovatno frustrirajuće,

because you feel like you're writing into a void,

jer se osećate kao da pišete u prazno

or you feel like no one cares.

ili da to nikog ne zanima.

Who cares about Syria? Who cares about Bosnia?

Koga zanima Sirija? Koga zanima Bosna?

Who cares about the Congo,

Koga zanima Kongo,

the Ivory Coast, Liberia, Sierra Leone,

Obala Slonovače, Liberija, Sijera Leone,

all of these strings of places that

sva ova mesta

I will remember for the rest of my life?

koja ću pamtiti do kraja svog života?

But my métier is to bear witness

Ali moj zadatak je da budem svedok

and that is the crux, the heart of the matter,

i to je srž, suština stvari,

for us reporters who do this.

za nas reportere koji ovo radimo.

And all I can really do is hope,

I sve što zaista mogu da uradim je da se nadam,

not to policymakers or politicians,

ne u stvaraoce politike ili političare

because as much as I'd like to have faith

jer koliko god bi želela da verujem

that they read my words and do something,

da čitaju moje reči i rade nešto povodom toga,

I don't delude myself.

ne zavaravam se.

But what I do hope is that if you remember anything I said

Ali ono čemu se nadam da ako se setite ičega što sam rekla

or any of my stories tomorrow morning over breakfast,

ili bilo koje od mojih priča sutra ujutru za vreme doručka,

if you can remember the story of Sarajevo,

ako se setite priče o Sarajevu

or the story of Rwanda,

ili priče o Ruandi,

then I've done my job.

ja sam odradila svoj posao.

Thank you very much.

Hvala vam puno.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)