Tan Le: My immigration story

Prevodilac: Radina Matic Lektor: Jelena Nedjic

How can I speak in 10 minutes

Kako da vam ispričam u 10 minuta

about the bonds of women over three generations,

o vezama žena 3 različite generacije,

about how the astonishing strength of those bonds

i kako je neverovatna snaga tih veza

took hold in the life of a four-year-old girl

obeležila život

četvorogodišnje devojčice

huddled with her young sister, her mother and her grandmother

koja je u grčevitom zagrljaju sa svojom sestrom,

majkom i bakom

provela pet dana i noći

for five days and nights in a small boat in the China Sea

u jednom brodiću usred Kineskog mora

pre više od 30 godina.

more than 30 years ago.

Bonds that took hold in the life of that small girl

Veze koje su obeležile život te devojčice

nisu je nikada više napustile.

and never let go --

that small girl now living in San Francisco

Ta devojčica danas živi u San Francisku

i priča vam ovu priču.

and speaking to you today.

Ova priča još uvek nema kraj.

This is not a finished story.

It is a jigsaw puzzle still being put together.

Ona je kao još nedovršen mozaik.

Volela bih da vam opišem neke delove mozaika.

Let me tell you about some of the pieces.

Zamislite prvi deo:

Imagine the first piece: a man burning his life's work.

čoveka koji spaljuje svoje životno delo.

He is a poet, a playwright,

On je pesnik i dramski pisac,

čovek čiji je ceo život bio

a man whose whole life

had been balanced on the single hope of his country's unity and freedom.

zasnovan na želji za slobodom i

ujedinjenjem njegove domovine.

Imagine him as the communists enter Saigon --

Zamislite ga dok komunisti ulaze u Sajgon,

confronting the fact that his life had been a complete waste.

suočenog sa činjenicom da je

ceo njegov životni trud bio uzaludan.

Words, for so long his friends, now mocked him.

Reči koje su mu tako dugo bile bliske, postadoše tuđe.

Povukao se u tišinu.

He retreated into silence.

He died broken by history.

Umro je slomljen istorijom.

He is my grandfather.

To je bio moj deda.

Nisam ga upoznala za života.

I never knew him in real life.

Ali naši životi su mnogo više nego zbir sećanja.

But our lives are much more than our memories.

My grandmother never let me forget his life.

Baka nije dozvolila da zaboravim njegov život.

My duty was not to allow it to have been in vain,

Dužnost mi je bila da ne prihvatim uzaludnost

i da naučim lekciju da

and my lesson was to learn that, yes, history tried to crush us,

iako je istorija pokušala da nas slomi,

but we endured.

mi smo izdržali.

Drugi deo mozaika

The next piece of the jigsaw is of a boat in the early dawn

je brodić koji u ranu zoru

slipping silently out to sea.

tiho klizi u more.

Moja majka, Mai, je imala 18 godina

My mother, Mai, was 18 when her father died --

kad joj je umro otac.

already in an arranged marriage,

Već je bila u ugovorenom braku,

already with two small girls.

i gajila dve male devojčice.

For her, life had distilled itself into one task:

Ceo njen život se sveo na jedan zadatak:

izbeći sa ostatkom porodice

the escape of her family and a new life in Australia.

i početi novi život u Australiji.

It was inconceivable to her that she would not succeed.

Ona nije ni pojmila

mogućnost neuspeha.

So after a four-year saga that defies fiction,

Posle četiri godine života nalik romanu,

a boat slipped out to sea disguised as a fishing vessel.

brodić je skliznuo u more

kamufliran kao za ribolov.

All the adults knew the risks.

Svi odrasli su bili svesni rizika.

The greatest fear was of pirates, rape and death.

Najveća opasnost su bili gusari,

silovanje i smrt.

Kao i ostali odrasli na brodu

Like most adults on the boat,

moja majka je nosila bočicu otrova.

my mother carried a small bottle of poison.

If we were captured, first my sister and I,

Da su nas zarobili, prvo bismo ga popile

sestra i ja, a onda ona i moja baka.

then she and my grandmother would drink.

My first memories are from the boat --

Moja prva sećanja su sa tog broda -

postojan zvuk motora,

the steady beat of the engine,

pramac koji zaronjava u svaki talas,

the bow dipping into each wave,

ogroman i prazan horizont.

the vast and empty horizon.

Ne sećam se gusara koji su napali više puta,

I don't remember the pirates who came many times,

but were bluffed by the bravado of the men on our boat,

i bili prevareni neustrašivošću

ljudi sa našeg broda.

or the engine dying and failing to start for six hours.

Ne sećam se ni kad je motor zamro

i nije se mogao šest sati pokrenuti.

But I do remember the lights on the oil rig off the Malaysian coast

Ali se sećam svetlosti sa naftne platforme

pored obale Malezije

i mladića koji se onesvestio i umro,

and the young man who collapsed and died,

the journey's end too much for him,

za njega je kraj puta stigao prerano.

Sećam se prve jabuke koju sam ikad okusila,

and the first apple I tasted, given to me by the men on the rig.

koju su mi darovali radnici na platformi.

No apple has ever tasted the same.

Nijedna jabuka posle nije imala isti ukus.

Posle tri meseca u izbegličkom kampu,

After three months in a refugee camp, we landed in Melbourne.

stigli smo u Melburn.

Sledeći deo mozaika je o

And the next piece of the jigsaw is about four women

četiri žene iz tri generacije koje zajedno

across three generations shaping a new life together.

zasnivaju novi život.

Smestili smo se u Futskraju,

We settled in Footscray,

radničkom predgrađu

a working-class suburb whose demographic is layers of immigrants.

šarolikog imigrantskog stanovništva.

Unlike the settled middle-class suburbs, whose existence I was oblivious of,

Za razliku od sređenih četvrti srednje klase,

za koje nisam ni znala da postoje,

u Futskraju nije bilo povlašćenih.

there was no sense of entitlement in Footscray.

Širili su se mirisi sa raznih strana sveta.

The smells from shop doors were from the rest of the world.

Ljudi su se sporazumevali nesigurnim

And the snippets of halting English

i isprekidanim engleskim jezikom

were exchanged between people who had one thing in common:

i jedno im je bilo zajedničko:

They were starting again.

svi su počinjali ispočetka.

My mother worked on farms,

Moja majka je prvo radila na farmama,

then on a car assembly line,

a onda u jednom automobilskom pogonu,

working six days, double shifts.

duple smene šest dana nedeljno.

Uspela je da nađe vreme da nauči engleski

Somehow, she found time to study English

and gain IT qualifications.

i savlada rad na kompjuteru.

Bili smo siromašni.

We were poor.

Novac je prebrojavan do poslednje pare,

All the dollars were allocated

ali nikada nije zafalio za dodatne časove

and extra tuition in English and mathematics was budgeted for

engleskog i matematike, iako je to značilo

regardless of what missed out,

da nam je često ponešto nedostajalo,

which was usually new clothes;

najčešće nova odeća -

uvek smo dobijale nešto već nošeno.

they were always secondhand.

Dva para čarapa za školu,

Two pairs of stockings for school,

each to hide the holes in the other.

kako se ne bi videle rupe.

Školska kecelja do članaka,

A school uniform down to the ankles, because it had to last for six years.

jer je morala da istraje šest godina.

I čuli su se retki ali uvredljivi

And there were rare but searing chants of "slit-eye"

komentari o "žutaćima"

i poneki grafit:

and the occasional graffiti:

"Asian, go home."

„Azijati, vratite se kući.“

Go home to where?

Vratiti se... kojoj kući?

Nešto se u meni ledilo,

Something stiffened inside me.

There was a gathering of resolve and a quiet voice saying,

pojavilo se seme jedne odluke i

tihi glas u meni je rekao: "I vas ću prevazići."

"I will bypass you."

Mama, sestra i ja smo

My mother, my sister and I slept in the same bed.

spavale u istom krevetu.

My mother was exhausted each night,

Mama je svako veče dolazila iscrpljena,

ali uvek bismo pričale jedna drugoj kako

but we told one another about our day

nam je prošao dan i slušale

and listened to the movements of my grandmother around the house.

baku kako radi po kući.

Mama je imala noćne more

My mother suffered from nightmares, all about the boat.

uvek o onom putovanju brodom,

And my job was to stay awake until her nightmares came

i ja sam bila zadužena da bdim i

so I could wake her.

probudim je kad započnu.

Uspela je da otvori radnju za računare,

She opened a computer store,

a posle se školovala za kozmetičarku

then studied to be a beautician and opened another business.

i otvorila je još jednu firmu.

And the women came with their stories

Klijentkinje su joj pričale o svojim muževima

about men who could not make the transition,

koji nisu uspeli da se prilagode novom životu,

i postali ogorčeni i nepopustljivi,

angry and inflexible,

and troubled children caught between two worlds.

i o deci razapetoj između dva sveta.

Tražili smo sponzore i zajmove.

Grants and sponsors were sought.

Centers were established.

Osnivali centre za pomoć.

Živela sam u dva paralelna sveta.

I lived in parallel worlds.

U prvom sam bila tipična azijska studentkinja,

In one, I was the classic Asian student,

relentless in the demands that I made on myself.

koja je stalno od sebe zahtevala više.

In the other, I was enmeshed in lives that were precarious,

U drugom sam bila upletena u

tragically scarred by violence, drug abuse and isolation.

nesigurne živote obeležene

nasiljem, drogom i izolacijom.

But so many over the years were helped.

Ali mnogima smo vremenom uspeli da pomognemo.

Za taj trud sam, kao apsolventkinja prava

And for that work, when I was a final-year law student,

I was chosen as the Young Australian of the Year.

bila izabrana za mladu Australlijanku godine.

And I was catapulted from one piece of the jigsaw to another,

Nagrada je bila katapult

ka sledećem deliću mozaika

and their edges didn't fit.

koji se nije baš dobro uklapao.

Anonimna Tan Li iz Futskraja je sada

Tan Le, anonymous Footscray resident,

postala Tan Li, aktivistkinja za izbeglice,

was now Tan Le, refugee and social activist,

invited to speak in venues she had never heard of

pozivana da govori na mestima za koje

nikad nije čula i u kuće kakve

and into homes whose existence she could never have imagined.

nije ni sanjala da postoje.

Nisam znala ništa o protokolima.

I didn't know the protocols.

Nisam znala da koristim pribor za jelo.

I didn't know how to use the cutlery.

Nisam znala da razgovaram o vinu.

I didn't know how to talk about wine.

I didn't know how to talk about anything.

Nisam ni o čemu znala da razgovaram.

I wanted to retreat to the routines and comfort

Žudela sam da se vratim u rutinu i udobnost

of life in an unsung suburb --

života u anonimnom predgrađu -

a grandmother, a mother and two daughters

tamo gde bi baka, mama i dve ćerke

ending each day as they had for almost 20 years,

završavale dan kao i prethodnih 20 godina,

pričom o tome kako je im protekao dan

telling one another the story of their day

i odlazile da spavaju

and falling asleep, the three of us still in the same bed.

sve tri još uvek u istom krevetu.

Rekla sam mami da ne mogu više.

I told my mother I couldn't do it.

She reminded me that I was now the same age she had been

Podsetila me je da mi je isto godina kao njoj

kad smo se ukrcale na onaj brod.

when we boarded the boat.

"No" had never been an option.

"Ne mogu" nikad nije bila opcija.

"Stisni zube i uradi to" rekla je,

"Just do it," she said,

"and don't be what you're not."

"i nemoj da budeš ono što nisi."

So I spoke out on youth unemployment and education

Nastavila sam da pričam o nezaposlenosti i obrazovanju,

and the neglect of the marginalized and disenfranchised.

o nebrizi za marginalizovane i obespravljene.

Što sam otvorenije govorila,

And the more candidly I spoke, the more I was asked to speak.

sve češće su me zvali da govorim.

Sretala sam ljude različitih životnih puteva,

I met people from all walks of life,

so many of them doing the thing they loved,

i mnogi od njih su radili ono što vole,

idući do granica mogućnosti.

living on the frontiers of possibility.

And even though I finished my degree,

Iako sam već diplomirala, shvatila sam

I realized I could not settle into a career in law.

da mi pravnička karijera nije dovoljna.

There had to be another piece of the jigsaw.

Morao je da postoji još jedan deo mozaika.

Shvatila sam takođe da

And I realized, at the same time,

that it is OK to be an outsider,

nije problem biti autsajder,

neko ko je tek stigao,

a recent arrival,

new on the scene --

neko nov -

and not just OK,

i ne samo da nije problem,

but something to be thankful for,

nego da može da bude prednost,

perhaps a gift from the boat.

možda je to bio poklon onog broda.

Because being an insider can so easily mean collapsing the horizons,

Zato što biti insajder može lako

da znači prihvatanje granica,

i olako prelaženje preko

can so easily mean accepting the presumptions of your province.

predrasuda sopstvenog zavičaja.

Sad kad sam dovoljno dugo van mog ličnog

I have stepped outside my comfort zone enough now

to know that, yes, the world does fall apart,

udobnog kutka, znam da svet ide nagore,

ali ne onako kako se pribojavamo.

but not in the way that you fear.

Possibilities that would not have been allowed

Mogućnosti kojih do tada nije bilo

su sada dobijale podršku.

were outrageously encouraged.

Postojala je neka nova energija,

There was an energy there,

an implacable optimism,

nezaustavljiv optimizam,

a strange mixture of humility and daring.

čudna mešavina skromnosti i smelosti.

Tako da sam poslušala svoju intuiciju

So I followed my hunches.

i okupila oko sebe malu grupu ljudi

I gathered around me a small team of people

for whom the label "It can't be done" was an irresistible challenge.

za koju je etiketa "nije moguće"

predstavljala neodoljiv izazov.

For a year, we were penniless.

Cele jedne godine nismo ništa zaradili.

At the end of each day, I made a huge pot of soup

Na kraju svakog dana napravila bih veliki

lonac čorbe koju bismo zajedno jeli.

which we all shared.

Radili smo do kasno u noć.

We worked well into each night.

Most of our ideas were crazy,

Većina naših ideja su bile lude,

but a few were brilliant,

ali neke su bile briljantne,

and we broke through.

i uspeli smo da se probijemo.

I made the decision to move to the US after only one trip.

Odlučila sam da se preselim u Ameriku

posle samo jedne posete.

My hunches again.

Opet moja intuicija.

Three months later, I had relocated, and the adventure has continued.

Tri meseca kasnije sam se preselila,

i avantura se nastavila.

Pre nego što završim volela bih

Before I close, though, let me tell you about my grandmother.

da vam kažem nešto o mojoj baki.

Ona je odrasla u vreme kad je

She grew up at a time when Confucianism was the social norm

konfučijanizam bio socijalna norma

and the local mandarin was the person who mattered.

i lokalni mandarin je bio osoba od značaja.

Život se nije menjao vekovima.

Life hadn't changed for centuries.

Otac joj je umro ubrzo nakon njenog rođenja.

Her father died soon after she was born.

Her mother raised her alone.

Majka ju je odgajala sama.

At 17, she became the second wife of a mandarin whose mother beat her.

U sedamnaestoj je postala druga žena

mandarina čija ju je majka tukla.

With no support from her husband,

Nije imala podršku muža,

i izazvalo je senzaciju to što ga je

she caused a sensation by taking him to court

and prosecuting her own case,

izvela pred sud gde je zastupala samu sebe,

and a far greater sensation when she won.

i još veću senzaciju kad je spor i dobila.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

"Nije moguće" se dokazalo kao pogrešno.

"It can't be done" was shown to be wrong.

I was taking a shower in a hotel room in Sydney

Bila sam pod tušem u jednoj hotelskoj sobi u Sidneju

the moment she died,

u momentu kad je umrla

600 miles away, in Melbourne.

u Melburnu, 1000 kilometara daleko.

Pogledala sam kroz staklo kabine

I looked through the shower screen and saw her standing on the other side.

i videla je kako stoji sa druge strane.

I knew she had come to say goodbye.

Znala sam da je došla da se oprosti.

Par minuta kasnije pozvala me je mama.

My mother phoned minutes later.

Nakon nekoliko dana,

A few days later,

we went to a Buddhist temple in Footscray and sat around her casket.

otišle smo u budistički hram u Futskraju

i sedele pored njenog kovčega.

Pričale smo joj priče

We told her stories and assured her that we were still with her.

i uverile je da smo još uvek uz nju.

At midnight, the monk came and told us he had to close the casket.

U ponoć je došao monah i

rekao da mora da zatvori kovčeg.

My mother asked us to feel her hand.

Mama nas je zamolila da joj dodirnemo ruku

She asked the monk,

i upitala monaha:

"Why is it that her hand is so warm and the rest of her is so cold?"

"Kako to da joj je ruka tako topla,

a ostatak tela tako hladan?"

"Because you have been holding it since this morning," he said.

"Zato što ste je držali ceo dan," rekao je.

"You have not let it go."

"Niste je pustili ni za trenutak."

If there is a sinew in our family, it runs through the women.

Ako ima snage u našoj porodici,

nose je žene.

Gledajući odakle smo došle i kako nas je

Given who we were and how life had shaped us,

život oblikovao, sada možemo da vidimo

we can now see that the men that might have come into our lives

da bi nas muškarci koje bismo

would have thwarted us.

eventualno srele, usporili na našem putu.

Defeat would have come too easily.

Olako bismo prihvatile poraz.

Now I would like to have my own children, and I wonder about the boat.

Sada bih volela da imam svoju decu,

i razmišljam o onom brodu.

Ko bi to poželeo nekom svom?

Who could ever wish it on their own?

Ali zazirem od privilegija,

Yet I am afraid of privilege,

od lagodnosti,

of ease,

of entitlement.

od povlastica.

Can I give them a bow in their lives, dipping bravely into each wave,

Da li smem da ih ostavim na pramcu

broda koji hrabro uranja u talase,

the unperturbed and steady beat of the engine,

nošen sigurnim ritmom motora,

ka široko otvorenom horizontu

the vast horizon that guarantees nothing?

u kome, pak, nema garancija?

Ne znam.

I don't know.

Ali kada bih mogla to da im dam,

But if I could give it

and still see them safely through,

a da znam da će to sigurno da prebrode,

svakako bih.

I would.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

Trevor Nilson: Samo da znate, Tanina mama

Trevor Neilson: And also, Tan's mother is here today,

je danas sa nama, sedi u petom redu.

in the fourth or fifth row.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)